Lesley1020

Up and down I go - LOL. I am so damn confused about everything and for some reason just cant stop crying tonight. I had such a good day yesterday but after a few glasses of wine last night I decided to call M (I know he said he needed some time, but I figured a quick hello wouldn't hurt) - his phone rang twice and went to voicemail, not sure what that means. I left a message but he hasn't returned my call. Of course I am supposed to pick him up at Memphis Airport on Tue night at 8pm but although I know he is coming from Oregon he didn't tell me where his connection was from and I wont even know what terminal to go to - so if I don't talk to him before then there is no point in going - it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack.

I called again this evening and it just went straight to voicemail this time. Of course I'm kind of thinking is this him dropping a hint with a huge thud - or am I over analyzing. I know Dave works until 10 Tue night so there is no-one else to pick him up except me. I just want to know what is happening with us - although in my heart I think it is probably fairly obvious. I just wish he would be straight with me - if it's over just bloody well say the words. I just don't get it. The first 4 weeks I was here were probably the happiest of my whole life - even with all the calamities and I KNOW he felt that way too and I'm so frustrated at myself for being such a big wimp - I even went to bed for 2 hrs this afternoon just to make the day go past quicker and I cannot stop crying. I'm so sorry to be such a whiner - right now this is the only release I have - I'm trying to keep up a front when I talk to my mum - I don't want her worrying about me and I guess I don't want to admit defeat so early to all the well meaning friends who told me I was making a mistake coming out here on my own.

Not to worry - will be back at work tomorrow

sibsie

You could see if he's trying to dodge you by witholding your number when you call him. If he's just busy or whatever I'd be tempted to leave a message saying if he doesn't give you the flight details and terminal # you can't pick him up.

Sorry you're going through a bollocks time. Men! Can't live with 'em, can't hunt them down like dogs and shoot them. It's against the law apparently.

Lesley1020

How do you withhold your number? Geez I feel like a stalker now even contemplating this LOL.

sibsie

It's something like *86 but you'd have to check with your phone co. It does sound like his phone was just switched off though. Mine does two rings when it's off then straight to voicemail when I've got a message.

lairdside

Just my 2 cents but:

Yes - you are probably over analyzing.
Yes - you are reacting perfectly normally and heathily. Sounds as if you are grieving (the contemplation of shattered hopes and dreams).
Yes - he should give you a straight answer. People however don't always do what they oughta. Also, if his head is as messed up as you suspect perhaps he really doesn't have one right now. He probably isn't quite sure what he wants, or can cope with

It's a good thing that you are letting out what you feel. I would be more worried if you were "coping" through griited teeth

You're doing great!

P.S.: Those who really love you won't care about the "I told you so's". They will care about you and will support you in anyway they can. Pride should NOT be an issue, at either end. Anyone who can't see that, I wouldn't care less what they think. Everyone screws up but to hurtfully compound the mistakes of others is unkind and indicates that the problem is with the person being hurtful rather than the person whom they criticize.

honeymommy

Lesley honey....

You are OK... You are right where your meant to be at the moment.... Whatever life has in store for you, you will be fine.. I have read your posts and know you are a strong person, yes you have hopes and dreams as anyone must have to move forward in life. I also see that you are in touch with reality and from that know you will get through this and feel better for it... whatever happens...

The only advice I would give you from my experience is....

Look after yourself FIRST!!! Please....

You are no good to yourself or anyone else if you don't look after your own needs first, emotional and physical..... Bit like alanon if you know anythng about that....

Do something nice for yourself every day.... Just something to make you feel good.... definately helps me...

I really hope everything works out the way you hope, in the mean time get out there and have some fun living life....

We only get one life and it doesn't come with directions.... go for it

Chopper-Chris

OK, sorry to get involved here but come on Leslie, are you really thinking about withholding your number? Exactly what would that achieve?

1) You'll find out that he's avoiding you? Great, that'll make you feel great I'm sure

2) You'll go to voicemail anyway and you'll no wiser about where you stand.

If he's avoiding you, and you trick him into answering the phone by withholding your number, its only going to piss him off, just relax, I know its got to be tough but there is nothing you can do about it, life sometimes sucks, that’s life.

If he wants to speak to you, he'll call, if he wants to break contact, he won't call, either way, live with it and stop torturing yourself, find someone that does want to speak to you and you'll be a lot better off.

Bluegrass Lass

I really feel for you Leslie. I'm not famliar with any of your posts, but thought I chip in my 2 cents. If you withhold, or block, your number, when you call him, it will either show up on his cell phone as "Out of Area" or "Private Name-Private Number." I can tell you from personal experience that I (and a lot of my friends & family) will not answer a call if that appears on the caller-id. Usually it only says that if it's a telemarketer - which do call cell phones.

Also, he could have his phone setup to deliberately disconnect anyone who is trying to call his phone with a blocked number - this stops pranksters & telemarketers alike. So your call may not go through if you try to block it.

Good luck and Best Wishes, Leslie!

Chopper-Chris

plus...its a little too close to bunny boiling if you know what I mean...

If I needed some time to think, and I got a call from the person I was trying to think about (and she blocked her number to try and speak to me)...I'd prob. be more sure that I should have nothing to do with her.

ScousePete

*67 if you really want to withhold your number.

Lesley1020

Which is exactly why I didn't do it - it was just a silly late night thought. I've got too much time to think about all this stuff and it's hard. I'm not usually so clingy but in reality - yes I came here for my job - but we have been "together" for almost 2 yrs and travelled back and forth countless times, we were supposed to be moving in together in a few months - I have turned my whole life upside down - maybe I'm wrong but I would have thought that a phone call to say hey are you okay wasn't too much to ask for and it hurts a lot - feelings are just intensified because I have way too much time alone to churn all this crap over in my head.

Chopper-Chris

I agree with you (though I do realise that I seem a tad harsh)...but think on this, if the guy doesn't have the common courtosey to call you and let you know what's going on...do you really want to keep pursuing him.?

Let it go, find someone better, that will treat you right, in turn, you will be happier and I'm sure that he will come back to you on hands and knees!

Good luck with it, hard times just make people stronger.

ironporer

Must admit this went right over my head...bunny boiling??? Some strange new British passtime?? Doesn't the SPCA do anything??!!!

Just curious about the expression, that's all

Chopper-Chris

Watch Fatal Attraction...

Chopper-Chris

http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...nny+boiler&f=1

Before I get shat on from a great height...I didn't actually mean to refer to the OP as a bunny boiler...simply the act of the phone call with a blocked number.

OK?