alybain

We are facing leaving our oldest son, age 22 here in the UK. He is not living with us, he's personal chef for a lovely (rich) couple and works hard. He is very settled where he is, but as the move looms closer Im feeling so bad about leaving him here.

When I talk to him about it, he thinks im daft, and points out that he wants to leave the UK at some point anyway (he is talking of Dubai) so I shouldnt worry or feel bad, he wouldnt feel bad about leaving us in the UK...

So why does it upset me so and tear me apart the very thought of it

Have any of you left kids here? how do you handle it? does it get any easier?!

AmerLisa

I left my then 22 year old daughter when we moved to the US, 9 years ago now. No, it hasn't got easier to be very honest. She has since got married and had a few kids, which makes it even worse. I've not been able to be there when she's had each of her babies, a huge disappointment. She has medical problems that have cropped up in those years, would love to be there to help her, but again we can't. We did have her come out and spend the whole summer a couple of summers in a row and that was very nice. But her oldest and youngest daughters have started school, so she can't be away the whole time.

I hate to sound so dismal, but for me it's a very sore spot and of course as she's made her home in the UK, it won't change. We have a younger daughter and our home life is rooted here and for other reasons it won't change either. All I can say is I'm always thankful for Skype and of course daily pictures on Facebook.

jeffreyhy

Because you're a mother.

But he's a big boy now, he's making his own life, get on with yours. You've got a different role to play and it shouldn't be that of 'helicopter mom'.

Regards, JEff

Rete

I'm going through a child's opposite reaction to my impending leaving of the state to move across the country from her. She takes it as an abandoment and does all she can to make me feel guilty. While I do sometimes feel that way, I know that she is an adult and thought nothing of moving away when she was 18 with no thought to leaving home and mother behind.

We may be mothers (parents) but we have to realize that we are also individuals who are entitled to make decisions in life based on our well-being, dreams and desires. We gave those children x number of years of our life in helping them grow and mature. Once that has been achieved, it is once again our chance to our lives apart from our children.

Unless you only define yourself as a parent, then go for it and enjoy this opportunity to stretch your wings.

joto

We had to leave DD behind when she was 16. She didn't see the point of uprooting herself when she was about to take her O levels. Luckily her best friend's parents took her in for the last 3 months of the school year, and then she stayed with her grandparents for the next 2 years while she finished school and then went on to uni. It was very hard for us to leave her, but we knew she had a great support system in place. She did come to us for a few weeks every summer and we tried to go across at least once a year and there was phone calls every week.

I hope it works out for the best for you.

Sally Redux

Gosh that doesn't seem fair on you Rete.