A joke to brighten up your Wednesday
Feb 25th 2004, 3:06 pm
#1
Maltesers, Flake, Mars
Thread Starter
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Yorkshire to Sarasota
Posts: 251
A joke to brighten up your Wednesday
A MAN has a terrible accident at a factory and has the front of his legs badly burned.
He gets treated in hospital and told to report to his doctors to have his dressings removed in three days.
On inspection the doctor gives him a prescription for burn cream and viagra telling the man
"This is the best cream on the market and will really reduce scaring, use it for two weeks and get plenty of bed rest."
The man replies "Fantastic! And the Viagra, will it help the healing too?"
Doctor says "No not at all, that will help keep the sheets off your legs!"
He gets treated in hospital and told to report to his doctors to have his dressings removed in three days.
On inspection the doctor gives him a prescription for burn cream and viagra telling the man
"This is the best cream on the market and will really reduce scaring, use it for two weeks and get plenty of bed rest."
The man replies "Fantastic! And the Viagra, will it help the healing too?"
Doctor says "No not at all, that will help keep the sheets off your legs!"
Feb 25th 2004, 3:35 pm
#2
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 4,082
Hill - ******- larious mate!
I heard of a bloke wott took Viargraâ„¢ with iron pills... he kept spinning around and pointing north.
I heard of a bloke wott took Viargraâ„¢ with iron pills... he kept spinning around and pointing north.
Feb 25th 2004, 3:38 pm
#3
Maltesers, Flake, Mars
Thread Starter
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Yorkshire to Sarasota
Posts: 251
Did you hear about the eastend boy who rubbed Viagra onto his forehead. Thought it would make him look hard!
Feb 25th 2004, 3:45 pm
#4
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 4,082
Originally posted by kazzuk
Did you hear about the eastend boy who rubbed Viagra onto his forehead. Thought it would make him look hard!
Did you hear about the eastend boy who rubbed Viagra onto his forehead. Thought it would make him look hard!
More jokes pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!
Feb 25th 2004, 3:59 pm
#5
Maltesers, Flake, Mars
Thread Starter
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Yorkshire to Sarasota
Posts: 251
And another
An Australian guy decides to travel around the Greek islands. He walks into a bar and Jill, the Australian barmaid, takes his order (1 pint of Fosters) and notices his Australian accent. Over the course of the night they get to know each other quite a bit. At the end of the night he asks her if she wants to come back to his place and have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for
the dirty deed. Jill is travelling the world and because she is short of
funds she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again and orders another Fosters and after
showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will
sleep with him again for $200. She figures in for a penny in for a pound -
and it was fantastic the night before - so she agrees. This goes on for 5 nights.
On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar. But he just orders his Fosters and sits in a corner. Jill (a little disappointed) thinks maybe she should pay him more attention and maybe she can skank some cash out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him.
She asks him where he is from and he says Melbourne. "So am I" she says.
"what suburb in Melbourne" "Glen Iris" he says. "That's amazing" she says
"so am I...what street" "Cameo St" he says. "This is unbelievable" she says
"what number?" He says number 20 and she is astonished. "You're not going to
believe this" she says. "I'm from number 22 and my parents still live
there". "I know" he says, "your father gave me $1000 to give to you".
He who drinks Australian thinks Australian
An Australian guy decides to travel around the Greek islands. He walks into a bar and Jill, the Australian barmaid, takes his order (1 pint of Fosters) and notices his Australian accent. Over the course of the night they get to know each other quite a bit. At the end of the night he asks her if she wants to come back to his place and have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for
the dirty deed. Jill is travelling the world and because she is short of
funds she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again and orders another Fosters and after
showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will
sleep with him again for $200. She figures in for a penny in for a pound -
and it was fantastic the night before - so she agrees. This goes on for 5 nights.
On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar. But he just orders his Fosters and sits in a corner. Jill (a little disappointed) thinks maybe she should pay him more attention and maybe she can skank some cash out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him.
She asks him where he is from and he says Melbourne. "So am I" she says.
"what suburb in Melbourne" "Glen Iris" he says. "That's amazing" she says
"so am I...what street" "Cameo St" he says. "This is unbelievable" she says
"what number?" He says number 20 and she is astonished. "You're not going to
believe this" she says. "I'm from number 22 and my parents still live
there". "I know" he says, "your father gave me $1000 to give to you".
He who drinks Australian thinks Australian
Feb 27th 2004, 11:50 am
#6
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 137
An American joke:
What do you call a sarcastic American?
Tex P*ss.
And an Australian one:
Bruce is driving across the Sydney harbour Bridge when he sees his girlfriend standing on the railing. He stops and asks her what is going on, she says "I'm pregnant with your baby, so I'm killing myself"
"Geez Sheila," he says, "you're not only a great lay, but you're a great sport too!"
What do you call a sarcastic American?
Tex P*ss.
And an Australian one:
Bruce is driving across the Sydney harbour Bridge when he sees his girlfriend standing on the railing. He stops and asks her what is going on, she says "I'm pregnant with your baby, so I'm killing myself"
"Geez Sheila," he says, "you're not only a great lay, but you're a great sport too!"
Mar 2nd 2004, 3:25 pm
#7
Wabbit Lord
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: B'ham UK - Daytona Fl - Longs, SC
Posts: 486
heres my joke:
A lorry driver is driving down the road when he happens to see a man on the side, bent down, eating grass!
The driver pulls over and asks the man who looks like some kind of homeless refugee "what are u doing?"
"I am hungry and am eating" the man replies.
"thats terrible.....get on my lorry and Ill take you home and feed you"
"thank you very much" the refugee replies. "But, can my wife join us.....and out from a corner pops his wife.
"sure the driver responds"
"thank you very much, but I ask you, can my 4 children join us too?" yet again, out of a corner pops his 4 children.
'eeeerm, ok" the driver responds kind of begrudgingly....
"Oh kind sir, I forgot my mother in law, can she dine with us also?"
Immediately, the driver raises his voice and says:
"FOR ****S SAKE, MY GARDENS NOT THAT BIG YOU KNOW!
enjoy
A lorry driver is driving down the road when he happens to see a man on the side, bent down, eating grass!
The driver pulls over and asks the man who looks like some kind of homeless refugee "what are u doing?"
"I am hungry and am eating" the man replies.
"thats terrible.....get on my lorry and Ill take you home and feed you"
"thank you very much" the refugee replies. "But, can my wife join us.....and out from a corner pops his wife.
"sure the driver responds"
"thank you very much, but I ask you, can my 4 children join us too?" yet again, out of a corner pops his 4 children.
'eeeerm, ok" the driver responds kind of begrudgingly....
"Oh kind sir, I forgot my mother in law, can she dine with us also?"
Immediately, the driver raises his voice and says:
"FOR ****S SAKE, MY GARDENS NOT THAT BIG YOU KNOW!
enjoy
