BritGuyTN

so this thread is essentially academic then?

whats there to debate about joint accounts if you are planning on going back to blighty?

ImHere

I think he does. Sounds like OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) to me and my nursey wife sat next to me agrees. Apparently it only gets worse and worse. Exit stage left and fast with whatever you can get out with.

sibsie

I wanted to get other people's opinions so I could fend him off with some good arguments. If it was as easy as just telling him "no" then I really wouldn't bother discussing it with anyone.

BritGuyTN

but if you are leaving him anyway then why is there the need to 'fend him off' or the reluctance to say no? i mean, whats the worst he can do? leave you?

I know these things are never black and white, but if I was going to leave somone and I had funds in a secret squirrel account then I would just leave - kids being present would obviously complicate matters.

sibsie

I wanted a bit of time to play with so I could get something set up back in England before I went. I'm living in his house and he could quite easily ask me to leave and then where do I go. I don't really want to land with nothing at all and I can guarantee he won't co-operate once I've left.

Lottie

Thought she would only need his SSN....

Lottie

Wish you luck with this Sibsie, doesn't sound like a v.nice position to be in.

Lottie

dbj1000

Wow! I really feel for you Sibsie. Having read all this I'm in two minds about whether he's planning to do you out of your money, but entirely clear that you need to leave ASAP.

I can't help being reminded of a close friend of mine whose husband appeared to be hugely successful, with an enormous income, sportscar, boat(s), multiple homes etc., but who kept asking his new wife for a few thousand here and there to help pay the maid, help with tax payments and all that good stuff. The borrowing got to involve larger and larger sums of money, but he always had great reasons why he needed it and couldn't quite pull the money together himself. Many of those reasons involved trusts too, by the way.

Then he disappeared of the face of the earth one day while she was at work. Turned out he had nothing. Boats and cars were leased against his wife's name. Homes were rented or borrowed from friends. His whole life was a financial fraud... and he was such a nice guy. Nice as you could meet. They were together 5 years, and not a hint of this came out until the weeks after his did a runner.

I sincerely hope your husband's not like that, and as ILuvABrit said, he could be a control-freak pure and simple (baseboard inspections!?!) but even so he sounds like he's not someone you want to spend any more of your life with!

ImHere

At the next "baseboard inspection" Smack him in the goolies and leg it while he's curled up on the deck. I know this isnt probably the most practical answer but by god the thought of it is satisfying.

TouristTrap

Dear God sibsie....you need to get back home, no matter what.

ImHere

Or at least away from that schmuck.

OOI Sibsie do you have your non-conditional GC yet?

Sarah

If he does kick you out and you need somewhere to go, get on the first greyhound with the cat to central PA and come and stay at mine.
(absolutely and completely serious offer by the way)

In the meantime I shall try and find Fat Tony to have him 'rubbed out'

Russ&Jayne

Puzzled cos you always said you had bought the house you lived in in your name only when you moved to Mass and he paid the bills. I only remember cos I was buying a getaway near Rockport myself.

Anyways, I agree with everyone here. Tell him to bog off and get out yourself when it's possible. Good Luck.

AdobePinon

I'm late to the party, but I'll add my voice: Don't give him what he wants.

'Over-complicated' is a bulls**t excuse to someone who he supposedly cares about. Why is eveything in a 'trust'? Who benefits, and who has control? Tell him to file a quitclaim, and then still don't move your money.

cindyabs

Speaking as an American who has had BOTH an American and a Brit for a husband, think it's all down to the personality.
My ex and I had a joint checking account and since he was in the Army, I had a Power of Attorney should anything need to be taken care of. When he took off I could have (because of Power of Attorney) but didn't clean out our joint account. Some instinct told me to open my own checking account for my salary while he decided what or who he wanted to do with his life. Good job I did since he without notice had opened an account of his own. I found out when I checked the balance on the joint account to make the normal payments on mortgage etc. Since my income was less than a third of his that was an issue. We did get that sorted out at initial divorce hearing which worked okay for first 6 months after the divorce and then he decided that paying for his new wife and her kids was more important than paying for his son and ex wife as agreed to in divorce settlement. After 13 months of waiting, I took him to court. Got it sorted and now with my current husband we have two joint accounts-but one is really his to pay his bills back in the UK and here. My name is on it but I don't use it. The other is a household account for expenses on this side of the pond which I handle.
As mentioned previously the credit thing for suddenly singles is an issue, especially for women. Fortunately, I had gotten an Amex card in my own name, 2 years before my ex went walkabout. That is what I used to build my own credit history, so that I could replace my car when it died and refinance the house when I had to release the ex from it.
Sibsie, whatever happens, it is important for a woman to have her own money so that come what may you have a base.
Wishing you all the best my dear-whatever way it goes.