losthighway

My family and I are relocating to Sugar Land, Texas later this month. I have a 14 year old son and a 16 year old daughter and they're both uneasy about being uprooted and having to start high school in a new country. The reason I chose to move in June is because I know the schools in Texas usually don't start until about late August, and I figure this will give them some time to get adjusted to the culture clash of living in the States before they even think about starting school there (don't want to put them through too much at one time). Can anyone that relocated with kids tell me how the adjustment went for them?

loveandlaughter

Well I'm sure the experience differs from child to child, but my son absolutely loves it here. We also live in the same state you're moving to, in Corpus Christi. His first day of school he was of course nervous when he left, but I remember he came home that day and said everyone at school was so nice and he made friends very easily. It was only a week before he began bringing friends home from school to hang out. Texas teens, and pretty much most teens I've run across in the U.S. in general, are usually pleasant to deal with. The schools usually start early (my son's school starts at 8am and he gets out at 3:30).

I think your kids may like it better over here, seeing as the U.S. isn't currently being overrun by chavs...I still touch base with the family back home, and I've heard they are becoming a real problem over there.

But honestly, I think the last thing your kids will be worried about is fitting in and making friends. There are so many other things to get used to...for once, Texas is hot. Very hot. The humidity from the Gulf of Mexico is stifling at times, and can be overbearing even for a native Texan, much less someone who isn't from here. The Texans can't even stand the heat. You will need to run your air conditioner ALL the time, trust me. I really don't see how you'd get by without one here. There's also the fact that you really do need a car to be social. Things are so spread out here, it's not like back home where you can just walk if you want to. Most teenagers here have cars in high school--they might find that a bit of a shock.

But I think they will be fine. My son loves it here.

lisa67

Hi and welcome to BE.
My kids were really small when we moved over here, but they are now in their teens and in the Texas school system. My son who has just finished 9th grade (High school freshman) has loved his first year in high school My advice would be to encourage them to get involved with stuff at school..football and marching band are huge here in TX. In our school district the whole community comes out on Friday nights to go to the football game. We're in north Texas so although we get the heat we don't get the humidity and your kids will be invited to pool parties before you know it!
Any move with kids, especially teens is a huge deal for them, but I'm sure they'll get through it with flying colours!

SarahG

My 2 kids will be 6 and 4 when we move over to Indiana later this year. I think son will be ok as he will be starting 1st grade but not sure about 4 year old daughter. She will be too young for kindergarten but would be due to start school here in UK. What is the best way to help young children like my daughter to adjust to the new country?

Bill_S

They're going to need clubs to fight off members of the opposite sex... I think their unease will disappear fast.

lisa67

Get involved in the plethora of activities for pre K kids...Barnes and Noble bookstore does weekly Mom and Tot story/craft time...local gym does tumble tots etc. etc. You'll get to meet more Mums and your kids will make more friends. My kids were the same age as yours when we moved over..fitted in just fine!

SarahG

Thanks for the info. I am compiling a list of things to remember and I am now creating a new one. I love my lists. Just a shame I always forget something!

penguinsix

Honestly I think the parents have more difficulty adjusting to the kids adjustment than the kids do. What I mean by that is the fact that many parents are heavily involved in the extra-curricular activities of the schools, and in some places it's simply expected that you will be volunteering to do this or to chaperone or to help with that. And on top of that you have the driving to soccer practice and piano lessons and picking them up at the dance and getting them to this party or that one. It can be quite an experience, as a parent.

I think, if at all possible, get the kids over and involved in something, even if it just visiting a water park or some other place where kids hang out. They may have to be a little extroverted at first, but once folks hear their accent they'll be very popular.

averagepunter

We moved over last year with DS7 and DD4. Our 4 year old daughter adapted without a second thought. She also would have been due to start school in the UK just after we left. We put her in pre-school 4 mornings a week and she absolutely loved it and made friends very quickly.

Our 7 year old son was more difficult. He went into Grade 2 when he arrived here - however, in many areas they were way behind the standard he was at in the UK - particularly reading/spelling/ maths. Consequently, he kept complaining that he was being asked to do 'baby work'. He also resented the reduction in 'playtime' and had some difficulty adapting to the different way of doing things here. He was constantly comparing everything to how it was done in the UK. It probably took a good six months to work through many of these issues, and he took full advantage of the fact we were being sympathetic to his gripes. We had many tantrums and he seemed to develop a level of anger that we did not know he was capable of.

After six months - we took a firm stand - we told him that the excuse 'It is difficult for me to adapt' had worn out and we didn't want to hear it anymore. We haven't heard it since, and things have been much better.

On the plus side, he did make friends quickly and he loves the activities he is doing. He loves football (soccer) and played a ton of that over the winter (indoor). We got him out skiing up here in the North-East and he couldn't get enough of it (our now 5 year old daughter too!). He has now discovered baseball and loves the whole little league thing.

So, we had a battle for a while, but I don't think we helped by pandering to him because we felt guilty for uprooting him. It may be harsh, but when we basically told him to 'shut up and get on with it' - it was then things improved. If your son loves his school and friends in the UK, then he might just be your bigger concern.

HTH

YoungSteve17

Jesus i don't know where u lot are living but it seems you had an easier time than i did.

I was 12 when i came here in 04 and was ok for a few months but after that things went down from there. I never really fully adapted to the way things work here. It depends of on the kid, age their mentality. I do believe the older the kids are the harder it is for them to adapt to a new culture and environment.

5 1/2 years later i feel a little bit better about living here. Now i have left school and am working i feel i have some roots here now and a home. My advice would be just to listen to your kids if they are having a hard time with the move. It a big thing moving to a new country

Elvira

Having moved with 3 teenagers who were not at all keen to move (*understatement*), I would urge anyone contemplating such an endeavour to think long and hard.

Unless the move is *essential*....... *unavoidable*.......... think about it...

For those who say that kids are adaptable.......... my kids did just fine........... etc etc: consider how things might have turned out if they had not - which is a distinct possibility.

If it ain't broken, don't fix it. I know wish I hadn't.

SarahG

Thanks averagepunter. Son does like school but he has struggled a little bit since he started. He is the youngest in his year and I think, or should that be hope, that by basically starting again at school and going into 1st grade he will develop more self confidence in his abilities. Daughter may be the one who has problems as she keeps going on about her going to school soon! She is in a pre-school group at nursery and they keep getting told they will be starting school after the summer. Not told sons' school or daughters nursery that we will be moving to US.

Englishmum

Is this a permanent relocation or an expat posting?

Our daughter had just taken her IGCSE's when we relocated from Singapore to the US on a company expat posting (initially for 3 years). She knew lots of kids her age at Singapore American School - she was at another international school - but just didn't relate to them and thought a lot of them were immature/naive (especially quite a number of them whom she termed the 'Valley Girls' and it definitely put her off wanting to go to the local High School in our town).

She chose to go to boarding school in Oxford to do her 'A' levels, then took a Gap Year and spent part of it trekking around India and the Himalayas. It's almost unheard of for the majority of American kids to take a Gap year between High School and uni.

Bear in mind that if your eldest chooses to go to uni in the UK they have to be resident in the EU for the three years prior to their course, otherwise the international student fees will be charged. Are you aware that most first degree courses in the US are for four years, so graduation takes place at the age of 22?

If it's a permanent relocation then I guess it's not a concern, but the transition to a US high school may be uncomfortable for her if she's dropped certain subjects during the GCSE course years (eg. physics, chemistry) and that was another thing which put my daughter off, she just didn't want to start from scratch in a totally unknown school system - it's still a general education here up to and including the first year of college.

On the other hand it could be that your daughter would love the idea of driving at a very young age or having boyfriends with access to a car (if your nerves could stand it!) but maybe not the idea of not being able to have a glass of wine or a beer until she's 21, years behind her peers in the UK....

Your 14 year old son may enjoy being exposed to new sports at school and out of school. My son was almost 12 when we moved here and quickly took an interest in ice-hockey (as a spectator) and was able to go snowboarding in the winter even at the weekends. He went straight into the local Middle school (where 5 elementary schools fed into) so he wasn't the only 'newbie' on the first day. He never got used to having lunch as early as 11am and just 19 minutes being allocated for lunchbreaks, just so school could finish earlier so kids could do after school activities eg. he was a goalkeeper and his school team would have to travel up to 20 miles away just for a game at another school on a weekday!

I notice that you will be living in Texas.......are you a churchgoer? (Never been there but it does seem to be the case from reading the boards here over the years that a lot of family activities are involved with going to church). Would that appeal to your family?

However....the downside is that I do have two young adult children living on seperate continents.....and I'm now living in two different countries.... but TBH I think it would have been difficult for my daughter to adjust to the schools here at 16. Actually, my next door neighbour is from England but his wife is American. They lived in England, then when their daughter was 16 they moved here....she graduated from the local high school but he did tell me that it was a 'disaster' for her educationally and emotionally (although he didn't elaborate, he seemed embarrassed). She returned to the UK at the age of 18 and went to college there, living with rellies.

jumping doris

I second this!!!!!

When we moved our daughters were 10, 14 and 16.
The high schoolers had an easier time, everyone loved their accent and the school went over and above to help them fit in. It helped that the Homecoming dance was about 6 weeks after we arrived and they went and met loads of people.

My 10 year old was in middle school and I would say she missed her UK friends more.

As is the way here, though, they all quickly became involved in stuff and I spend endless hours driving to team events. There are times of the year when it takes over completely. The events, practices and endless meetings plus fundraising.
It is expected that you become involved here (where I live) even to the point of going into school to have lunch with your child.
We have good schools though and they really are the centre of our community.

jumping doris

My eldest is at college near you, in Edinboro ,and she loves it but there isn't much to do in that area. We travel around up there a fair bit and it all seems very quiet. I don't think I would have found it easy to settle there.