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I need a buddy !

I need a buddy !

Old Feb 2nd 2004, 10:42 am
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Hi - please will someone be my on-line buddy ? My boyfriend Don is an American currently living in San Diego - I just would like someone to talk to who can relate. My best friend here has no clue what I feel like half the time and my Mum just worries about us !!!

Please help

Fiona

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Old Feb 2nd 2004, 1:40 pm
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Talking

Hi Fiona
I am looking to move back to the US having lived there for 3 years. Want to start chatting?
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Old Feb 2nd 2004, 1:44 pm
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Sure, what ever possessed you to come back here (UK). Do you have a girlfriend over there ?
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Old Feb 2nd 2004, 2:21 pm
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Hey Fiona,
In a similar situation - been 'seeing' a guy from Orange County for the past two years. I'm trying to get a visa to move out there, whilst he's applying for the Highly Skilled Migrant's Programme over here. In the mean time, its the nightmare of managing an 8 hour time difference and 5000+ miles!
I could come out with a 100 different sayings, including 'Time will tell' and 'If its meant to be, it's meant to be' but I'm sure you're well use to those by now!
I guess it just helps to know that other people are going through it!
Where did you meet?
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Old Feb 2nd 2004, 2:32 pm
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oh, I know - I've heard all the sayings - I know they're right but the in-between times are a killer !!! how often do you see him ?
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Old Feb 2nd 2004, 2:45 pm
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Probably once every 3 months or so! It almost feels fradulent to say that I'm seeing him! We're in touch everyday, whether by email or telephone, but as I'm sure you know its not always easy with that 8 hour difference. How about you?
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Old Feb 2nd 2004, 2:52 pm
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About the same. We met on Udate on September 3rd last year and have spent a fortune on telephone calls. We have managed to cut that right down to once a week now but we have the luxury of text messaging which helps as we can share thoughts/feelings immediately. We also email but his 'base' is in Glendora but he works mostly in San Diego - its a long story -. He came here in November and we went to Florida together for Christmas and New Year. I'm going to California in March for two weeks (which is now only around 6 weeks away - yippee). I miss him terribly though but some days are better than others. It does help to know someone else in the same situation though - thanks for writing
Don doesn't want to come here to live - I think he would have but it's too cold !!! (and grey and miserable) and anyway, I would much rather go there - wouldn't you ? Are you engaged ? If not, has that even been talked about ?
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Old Feb 2nd 2004, 4:39 pm
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Default Re: I need a buddy !

Originally posted by sundavies
Hi - please will someone be my on-line buddy ? My boyfriend Don is an American currently living in San Diego - I just would like someone to talk to who can relate. My best friend here has no clue what I feel like half the time and my Mum just worries about us !!!

Please help

Fiona


Hi fiona
I know eactly how you feel. I live with my two boys and I teach full time. Your'e right not many people really understand what this is like. Some nights I feel so bad but dont feel I can talk to anyone apart from Jeff (my fiance in Michigan ) but I dont wanna be down on him all the time-its hard enough as it is.

My mum keeps saying (as do most people ) so when are you going to get married then. My stepdad only yesterday said well we need to book our holiday at work so we can come over for the wedding. For about the millionth time I just said, "I just dont know, how do you think I feel ? "


If you'd like chat that would great.

Take care

Shona
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Old Feb 2nd 2004, 4:49 pm
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Originally posted by sundavies
About the same. We met on Udate on September 3rd last year and have spent a fortune on telephone calls. We have managed to cut that right down to once a week now but we have the luxury of text messaging which helps as we can share thoughts/feelings immediately. We also email but his 'base' is in Glendora but he works mostly in San Diego - its a long story -. He came here in November and we went to Florida together for Christmas and New Year. I'm going to California in March for two weeks (which is now only around 6 weeks away - yippee). I miss him terribly though but some days are better than others. It does help to know someone else in the same situation though - thanks for writing
Don doesn't want to come here to live - I think he would have but it's too cold !!! (and grey and miserable) and anyway, I would much rather go there - wouldn't you ? Are you engaged ? If not, has that even been talked about ?
Hi Welcome!
Another one here in the UK waiting! I have a long wait ahead. I have known my man for about 6 years, we started off as very good friends (we met when he emailed me for info, I have an info website about a pregnancy condition his wife had suffered from) but it wasn't really until we met in person in Oct 2001 that we admited our feelings for each other. We were both in marrages then so was difficult! I am since very nearly divorced. Any day now yipee!. My marrage was a bad one anyhow. I have 3 kids (8, 6 & 4) and he is in the early stages of divorce (he has twin girls aged 9). Luckily we see him about every 6 - 8 weeks. He works for united airlines, so the flying is easy! But we have a long wait ahead. We think by the time his divorce is done & we get our Visa, it will be another year yet. It is very hard, I miss him terribly, and so do my kids, who adore him. We have our 2nd trip to the US over Christmas. 5 weeks in all! And now feel horrid to be back here. We use mainly the phone now to talk. I use NTL and have the international call plan thing. OK so thats £2 extra a month, but it means half price calls to the US!! It seems to work out at just a little over £1 an hour, cheapest I have seen. Well sorry to have waffled! Hello again.
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Old Feb 2nd 2004, 5:25 pm
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Youy're right that people who've never been in this situation have any idea what it's like, but that's why this forum is a life saver for so many people, myself included. The long distance thing costs a fortune. My wife and I have estimated that we must have spent in excess of $10,000 in phone bills and airfare over the four years we weren't together. All my friends in England would laugh the relationship off as unlikely at best, somehow 'not real', others said that it would never last, others suspected some kind of greencard scam, most were just plain clueless. Her friends and family still don't really accept it, they refuse to contribute towards a proper wedding, openly tell my wife she made a huge mistake and accuse us both of lying when we explain that immigration is a long and complicated process.

Then you finally DO move, and you have to deal with waiting for work permits, missing your friends and family back home and explaining to Americans that saying "I miss my family" doesn't mean that you hate America.

It's expensive and stressful and you have to deal with a lot of crap, but when it finally happens, and you finally find yourself with the person you love, together, in person, after years of brief phonecalls and stealing the odd week off work, it IS worth it.

In the meantime, you have a forum of thousands of people here who DO understand and will give you as much help and support as you need.

Good Luck

James
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Old Feb 3rd 2004, 9:53 am
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Default Re: I need a buddy !

[QUOTE]Originally posted by shona66
Hi fiona
I know eactly how you feel. I live with my two boys and I teach full time. Your'e right not many people really understand what this is like. Some nights I feel so bad but dont feel I can talk to anyone apart from Jeff (my fiance in Michigan ) but I dont wanna be down on him all the time-its hard enough as it is.

If you'd like chat that would great.


Hi Shona,

Thanks for replying. I know what you mean about not wanting to be down when you speak to your fiance. (Don and I are not engaged but it has been talked about.) He is 'in between' jobs at the moment - through no fault of his own - and is down enough already without me whining on at him about how much I miss him, I do tell him in texts that I miss him, but never mention it on the phone. Sometimes I feel like I have no-one to talk to at all about the missing him bit - I think people here think its probably a bit silly and will go away in time - apart from my parents and children obviously who adore him as I do. I try and keep up-beat for his sake and am always reassuring him of how much I love him and that I am here for him - no matter what. I just try and be supportive - what else can I do - I'm a million miles away and can't really do anything !!
Thanks for listening - it does help. Some days are better than others - its my birthday on Saturday and he has so much on his mind right now, I'll be very surprised if he remembers !! I try not to let stuff like that bother me - there are other years, right ? and we were together all over Christmas and New Year so I can't really complain.
Write back soon
Fiona
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Old Feb 3rd 2004, 10:07 am
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Luckily we see him about every 6 - 8 weeks. We have our 2nd trip to the US over Christmas. 5 weeks in all! And now feel horrid to be back here.


Hi Helen,

Thanks for writing. I know what you mean entirely about feeling horrid to be back here - almost everything about living here now irritates me - I drive into work in a morning thinking 'Gee I wish I didn't live here' - grey, raining, miserable - yuk.
You're lucky to be able to see him so often - I would LOVE that luxury. The three months or so I have to wait in between trips seems endless - though I know its not - the time does pass pretty quickly. The days drag but the weeks go quick - does that make sense ??
We were together in Florida all over Christmas and New Year and my children and I were heartbroken when we came home. Especially my little boy, Zachary, who has formed a real bond with Don. Don was close to tears at the airport too - which was heart breaking in itself.
My divorce should be about another 12 weeks before it is finalised so we should be able to make some progress after that - finances allowing. Obviously he needs to get a regular job so he can prove he can support us !
I'm waffling now too - just good to have a friend who knows how it is - thanks Helen
Write soon
Fiona
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Old Feb 3rd 2004, 10:43 am
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It's expensive and stressful and you have to deal with a lot of crap, but when it finally happens, and you finally find yourself with the person you love, together, in person, after years of brief phonecalls and stealing the odd week off work, it IS worth it.

In the meantime, you have a forum of thousands of people here who DO understand and will give you as much help and support as you need.

Good Luck

James [/QUOTE]

Thanks for your support James, it REALLY does help to have people understand how I feel. Sometimes its just a nightmare - and the 8 hours time difference doesn't help. I expect you have read my other replies to Shona and Helen and know a little of my situation.
I know that in the long run things will work out - we have both said that we know we are meant to be together - before he became unstuck employment wise we talked endlessly on the phone but now he just doesn't have that kind of money spare - he has three children in Iowa to whom he pays child support -. I guess all I want is for someone to tell me to hang in there and that everything will be okay. I have to take the rough with the smooth right ?
I'm coming to LA for a wedding at the beginning of April - it might be nice to meet up with the two of you and share your experiences - we'll chat some more first though - just a thought !
Write soon
Fiona
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Old Feb 3rd 2004, 11:28 am
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You are definitely in the right place Fiona. I am on the other side of it; my fiance is in Caerphilly and I am in Texas. Sometimes I get so frustrated that I want to scream, but I don't want to dump it all on him, so I just keep it to myself. If only I had the motivation to channel all that energy into cleaning out my closets!
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Old Feb 3rd 2004, 11:35 am
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Originally posted by bubbadog
You are definitely in the right place Fiona. I am on the other side of it; my fiance is in Caerphilly and I am in Texas. Sometimes I get so frustrated that I want to scream, but I don't want to dump it all on him, so I just keep it to myself. If only I had the motivation to channel all that energy into cleaning out my closets!

I know and it is helping having people to talk to that know how I feel and don't look at my situation like its a bit of a joke and what I find more offensive is people (namely my best friend actually) trying to encourage me to go out on dates with other people 'in the meantime' - yeah right, like I want to do that !!!! I barely think about anything else other than Don - I know it sounds pathetic - just wondering where he is and what he is doing. Last night he was on his way to Santa Maria (CA) to pick up a relative and I followed his route on the map - texting back and forth intermittently - how sad is that !!! I just miss him so much.....

P.S. Is the Texas Service Center really slow ?
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