mark_sheffield

Good evening everybody,

First of all I must offer an apology. It seems that I only ever visit the forum whenever I need help. That is incredibly selfish of me – expecting help and advice from people where I can offer nothing in return. Can I negative rep myself??

Ok so here is my current predicament. I am in the USA over the summer on a 4 month J1. I am scheduled to go home at the end of September but I desperately don’t want to.

I can’t fully explain why I feel like this (because I don't really know) I don’t have a fantastic job, don’t have a lot of money and I haven’t made many local friends but I just feel in my heart that I want a bit longer in San Diego. The thought of returning to Sheffield and my old student routine makes me depressed.

I think that the key word in that sentence is “want”.

Deep down I know that the answer is no ifs / no buts - I need to go home when my visa expires.

Getting on the plane will be very difficult.

Any support/ advice would be appreciated.

Many Thanks

Mark

penguinsix

It's a bummer but let's go through a few things first.

Your dream of staying here longer is not over, unless you stay past your visa.

There are going to be ways to come back at a later date. Graduate school in the US, getting a job for a UK company and transferring to the US, or marrying an American gal and following her over.

However, if you overstay your visa, you start a very very serious clock ticking that can result in BANS on your re-entry to the US for upto 10 years.

My advice is go home and concentrate on how to find a way back in. Having come over and returned, you'll score some points with the immigration authorities with a 'has arrived, and returned' on your file and it will be a lot easier than having a deportation order or ban on your file.

meauxna

Awww Mark, I've been there, I feel ya.
Don't go back to the 'old' routine; work your damdest to make it a new routine. Pretend I am a short term visitor in Sheffield & think it's the bomb.. why? Because it's not MY old routine. I find X charming, and Y so refreshing and XYZ is the best ABC in the world. And it's all better than what is at boring old home.


So, totally normal. But I love what penguinsix says, so 'hear hear'.

RoadWarriorFromLP

Don't overstay, you don't want to upset Uncle (Sam.)

Sounds to me as if you may have a travel bug. Not a bad infection, if you know how to care for it.

Here's a suggestion -- go home when you need to, and start working on using your EU work rights and/or your working holiday visa privileges. If you are a citizen of the UK, you can get one-year visas for Australia, NZ and Canada. Or you could get a TEFL and teach English somewhere in Asia.

Until you turn 30, you have plenty of work abroad options, so enjoy them while you have them.

The_English_Bride

Aww...I've been there too! I originally came to the US on a J1 and cried all the way home at the end of my stay. I did make it back for grad school, though, and i'm now married to an American guy, so all is not lost! BTW, once I was home and back at my usual Uni, I had an awesome time finishing up my degree. I wouldn't change coming home and doing all the things I did before coming back to the US! Also, when I did come back a lot had changed and it was'nt as good as before. I've come to like it as it is and met my husband too, but it will never be how it was when I was a J1. Appreciate your time as a J1 and move forward!

Tracym

This forum is for all sorts of things - giving each other support is one of them So don't feel bad for asking - we're happy to help.

Like others have said - you're young, your whole life is before you. I bet you can find a way to come back.

another bloody yank

I'll be damned if I didn't think the thread title was a typo until I read the first post.

fatbrit

You never left the euphoric phase of culture shock. You can emulate the same sensation in Sheffield by washing down a vindaloo with 20 pints on a Saturday night.

AdobePinon

But that euphoria is very short lived.

md95065

Frankly I think that the whole "culture shock" think is a load of crap.

Different people react differently - I don't think I ever went through any of those so-called "phases" - quite simply, from the first time that I visited the US back in 1985 I felt "at home" here in a way that I had never felt back in the UK.

mark_sheffield

Thank you for all of your kind replies.

The help that is given here is so great. How did people ever manage to emigrate succesfully before this place existed. I am sure life was a lot harder for those people.

I couldn't agree more with everything that you have said. However do the immigration department really take into consideration the fact that one "has arrived and returned" on any future visa applications that I may make?

That is a fantastic story. If I could emulate at least half of what you have achieved I would be happy. Congratulations on your success.

By any chance is there an old post or a blog that you can dig out that describes your move to the us in better detail. Please don't worry if you doint - I do not expect you to type it all out for me.

How come? I can't see any mistakes

Uhhh that is a nasty image that is making me dread going back even more. Thanks. I will sure as hell give it a go though

I disagree. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule but I beleive that most people will experiance culture shock to a certain degree. (I know I did). People adjust at different rates. Maybe you were super quick and becoming aclimatised to your new life.

Come to think of it I wonder what happens when a couple or family emigrate together and one person stuggles to adjust as much as everyone else. I am sure that this has been covered and there will be many such personal tales on this board. Search button here I come

penguinsix

When you go for a future visa, let's say a student visa, the question the guy is asking behind the desk is going to be asking is "will this kid stick around after the visa and overstay in the USA?" Most of the visa interview is to answer that basic question, and having the fact that you've 'been there before and came back' is a bit of a plus.

Granted, this comes into play more with folks from say India or China or someplace where overstays are a bit more common, but it doesn't hurt to show you've had a chance to overstay and didn't.

Brit3964

Been there, seen it and done that. I remember in UK after having come back from yet another US visit watching Dance with Wolves, seeing that "big sky" outback which you just don't get in UK and wanting to be back there so badly.

#1, never forget your dreams. I didn't and I found a way to return. I think you will too.

Funnily enough, the USA wasn't my first choice. I'd always wanted to go to Australia. I still haven't made it there yet. Maybe one day?

Patrick Hasler

Just get on the plane and go .... think of the REAL fish 'n' chips, real chocolate that doesn't cost $2.50 a bar and pubs, not bars where local go to get drunk and annoy the f**kin englishman who just wants to sit quietly with his beer
You can alway come back later

md95065

As I said, everyone is different and reacts differently and of course there is some kind of "culture shock".

What I was trying to say is that the idea that everybody goes through a certain set of "stages" of "culture shock" as described in a particular article that I believe fatbrit was referring to (and which, unfortunately, I can't seem to find right now) is, at best a gross over simplification and, at worst. "a load of crap" ...