How you marriage changed when you moved?
Sep 19th 2007, 2:42 pm
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 38
How you marriage changed when you moved?
Hello all!
Sorry I just couldn't find a similar thread. I'm curious about all of you who married foreigners and moved with them did you have any crisis in relationships since you moved to a new country?
And to those of you who came with families,- emigration can
be a challenge too, so did you have any "inner" problems and if so
how did you deal with them.
I'll start with myself. My 1st year of marriage with the 1st year in new country.
It's been a bit crazy because I realized at some point that i'm projecting
my frustration with the country (homesickness/culture shock whatever you call it) on my OH. Logically I understand that it's not right(that it was my choice and no one forced me), but I had a period when I had issues.
Just curious if anyone else felt like this.
Thx
Sorry I just couldn't find a similar thread. I'm curious about all of you who married foreigners and moved with them did you have any crisis in relationships since you moved to a new country?
And to those of you who came with families,- emigration can
be a challenge too, so did you have any "inner" problems and if so
how did you deal with them.
I'll start with myself. My 1st year of marriage with the 1st year in new country.
It's been a bit crazy because I realized at some point that i'm projecting
my frustration with the country (homesickness/culture shock whatever you call it) on my OH. Logically I understand that it's not right(that it was my choice and no one forced me), but I had a period when I had issues.
Just curious if anyone else felt like this.
Thx
Sep 19th 2007, 2:59 pm
#2
Mr. Grumpy
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 3,100
Re: How you marriage changed when you moved?
completely normal
also, i'm sure your OH is having the stress of knowing you are stressed and and thinking is only them to blame for bringing you to this country
also, i'm sure your OH is having the stress of knowing you are stressed and and thinking is only them to blame for bringing you to this country
Sep 19th 2007, 3:39 pm
#3
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Aug 2007
Location: Cornwall >>> Marin, CA >>> Cornwall!
Posts: 740
Re: How you marriage changed when you moved?
You're not alone.
The wife dealt with the culture shock very well though. But we 'teamed' together more rather than allowing it to drive anything between us (cue string and heavenly choirs)
This was mainly while I was working an IT contract in London and she was supply teaching in Woolwich of all places! (bit of a shock in itself!)
Our aim was to settle back in Cornwall but work has proven to be the stumbling block. Many people want to move down here and permanent teaching jobs (especially decent primary roles) are very very hard to come by.
My transition to from IT to Plumbing foundered where it should have been better (I expected support from family and friends in the trade that was not forthcoming but that was a whole other story)
So we've decided to throw in the towel with the UK and try back in CA.
Shame property has slowed right down as we'd prefer to offload our house to keeping it and managing a rental from so far away.
So now the culture shock is going to be on my side but I think we have good track record so far :-)
Good luck yerself!
The wife dealt with the culture shock very well though. But we 'teamed' together more rather than allowing it to drive anything between us (cue string and heavenly choirs)
This was mainly while I was working an IT contract in London and she was supply teaching in Woolwich of all places! (bit of a shock in itself!)
Our aim was to settle back in Cornwall but work has proven to be the stumbling block. Many people want to move down here and permanent teaching jobs (especially decent primary roles) are very very hard to come by.
My transition to from IT to Plumbing foundered where it should have been better (I expected support from family and friends in the trade that was not forthcoming but that was a whole other story)
So we've decided to throw in the towel with the UK and try back in CA.
Shame property has slowed right down as we'd prefer to offload our house to keeping it and managing a rental from so far away.
So now the culture shock is going to be on my side but I think we have good track record so far :-)
Good luck yerself!
Sep 19th 2007, 7:18 pm
#4
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Northern Virginia USA
Posts: 405
Re: How you marriage changed when you moved?
I liked the States and still do. When I arrived all the immigration crap and isolation got to me it took 9 months to get a SSN and I was stuck at home .Now we have two young children I find I am isolated again. I like my lifestyle but I get lonely and miss my family and familiar things. I really don't think my husband understands he is not close to his family and they are diffciult for me to deal with. I am all he has with our children so I can't leave as I love all of them more than the culture and family I miss in the UK. It is all very hard at times and I have my moments when I wish I could just go on a plane and escape for a while. I try and join mummy clubs and do things but I really don't get out much. I'm sure it will get easier when my children get older but I am finding having a baby and toddler much harder than anything else. I don't get any help at all so never a break. My husband is in the military so goes away a lot. It's not easy but then where is. I hear everyone bitching about the UK too. I think you just have to try and make the best of it.
Sep 19th 2007, 7:42 pm
#5
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 15,019
Re: How you marriage changed when you moved?
It's been a bit crazy because I realized at some point that i'm projecting
my frustration with the country (homesickness/culture shock whatever you call it) on my OH. Logically I understand that it's not right(that it was my choice and no one forced me), but I had a period when I had issues.
Just curious if anyone else felt like this.
Thx
my frustration with the country (homesickness/culture shock whatever you call it) on my OH. Logically I understand that it's not right(that it was my choice and no one forced me), but I had a period when I had issues.
Just curious if anyone else felt like this.
Thx
my usc lived in the uk with me for 18yrs and we never had a problem, basically coz he loved it....but here, poor man...i so dislike it and take it out on him or used to, not so bad now coz i know this life isn't forever and we are returning home.
so don't worry you are not alone and i hope things continue to get better for you
Sep 19th 2007, 8:14 pm
#6
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 38
Re: How you marriage changed when you moved?
Thx guys!
It's comforting to hear that i'm not completely mad.
And I can tell that i'm already better than before. I told myself that
i'm just making up problems where they don't exist.
But you know how it is sometimes when you move somewhere your life
goes upside down..
It was interesting to read you guys.
It's comforting to hear that i'm not completely mad.
And I can tell that i'm already better than before. I told myself that
i'm just making up problems where they don't exist.
But you know how it is sometimes when you move somewhere your life
goes upside down..
It was interesting to read you guys.
Sep 19th 2007, 8:23 pm
#7
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Mother Land.
Posts: 14,858
Re: How you marriage changed when you moved?
Not really changed I just found it a lot harder with the long separations with him being in the Navy, we of course made the best of the time we had together, but he did say to me once "you dont laugh like you use too" and how true that is, but these past few months I've felt that long mood lift being as it's not much longer to go till we leave
