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How long does it take to feel settled?

How long does it take to feel settled?

Old Sep 5th 2005, 2:52 am
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Default Re: How long does it take to feel settled?

Originally Posted by rincewind
She's homesick, not psychotic
You'll notice I left syllk off the list, who was there not too long ago.

As to Geordies -- plenty on the Oz forum; NJ_Dave on the US forum.
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Old Sep 5th 2005, 7:06 am
  #17  
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Cool Re: How long does it take to feel settled?

"Something to understand, a lot of Americans are intimidated by a British accent "

Yeah - milk it for all its worth ....Hoo Harr.....

I love the americans, - I married one three years ago, but I have to agree with 'Immunize' - the self obsessed posturing with alot of Americans really shows up a lack of educashun and a real global ignorance at times that can be a bit of a re-occurring peeve. Oh yes - and somebody should commit Dubbya to a loonie bin. That aside though....

I love my (yankee) wife and she loves me.....and she is very aware of global issues

How long does it take? Pff.....I would say you'll never feel at home like you did in the UK, but I would say that 'cos I miss my UK rellies like crazy. I've met other UK expats here who dont have that close link with their siblings / parents etc. - so I thinkits not such a problem with them. For me? I am happy but truly stuck in two worlds.

Ahh nuts... life is wot yer make it eh?

Toot!

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Old Sep 5th 2005, 8:04 am
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Red face Re: How long does it take to feel settled?

I'm great at settling in here.

I do it every year from March through to Oct. Soon as November rolls in (with the annual snowfall of the UK hitting us daily.....OK that's a "slight" exaggeration) I strangely find myself very much UNsettled.

I also found that the ability to "ignore ignorance" helps here greatly.

Could be worse you could be somewhere in the frozen north east.
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Old Sep 5th 2005, 8:21 pm
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Default Re: How long does it take to feel settled?

Originally Posted by Sallyanne
Thanks for the replies. I admit the driving is definitely one of my hang-ups, which I am trying to get over as I will feel more relaxed if I can. Does anybody out there like LA?
I love it! I've been here nearly two years and it tokk me most of that time to really settle in. There are different stages and it's different for everyone. About three weeks after I got here I heard Eastenders (when they used to show it) theme tune ring out on BBC America and I burst into tears. It suddenly hit me what I had done, the strangeness of it all. Happened again in the supermarket. I'd spent about an hour in there trying to find something familiar that i could cook for my husband. I just felt overwhelmed and the tears just flowed.

Despite those initial moments I did begin to settle in. Then it hit me at about 6 months. Even though I'd been back to the UK in that time I missed living there desperately. I realised I wouldn't ever have my family and friends all around again.

It's not all bad. The homesickness has faded. I think of England and feel warm and fuzzy as I flick through a mental picture book of places I love. But I'm settled here. I've changed the way I cook and I love Desperate Housewives. The best thing I did for myself was go back to school. It's a community college so a lot of the students are my age. But it's fun and I've made new friends and really started to feel settled.

And who couldn't love the weather. We're right next to the ocean and have the benefit of being close to the city.

Anyway got to go, it's lovely and sunny and the beach is calling!
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Old Sep 6th 2005, 1:14 am
  #20  
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Default Re: How long does it take to feel settled?

Originally Posted by Sallyanne
Hi. I have been in LA a month after badgering my husband to take up a job here. We have sold up everything in England. I was the one who really wanted to come, but now we have arrived I suddenly feel extremely homesick and anxious! I am trying to get more involved with school activities (my children are 9 and 12). Any thoughts and tips would be greatly appreciated.
Horses for courses, but a month is nothing!

Out of interest, how much time did you spend in LA before you decided you wanted your family to relocate there? How did your kids greet the decision and how have they coped with the upheaval?

You're bound to feel homesick and anxious because everything is different, you have to make new friends, you are driving on shitty roads on the wrong side ( ) and a million other little things which make you feel alienated.

Only time will tell whether or not you can make LA your home but it's certainly a trueism that the harder you try, the more likely you are to succeed.
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Old Sep 6th 2005, 2:09 am
  #21  
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Default Re: How long does it take to feel settled?

Originally Posted by Sallyanne
Hi. I have been in LA a month after badgering my husband to take up a job here. We have sold up everything in England. I was the one who really wanted to come, but now we have arrived I suddenly feel extremely homesick and anxious! I am trying to get more involved with school activities (my children are 9 and 12). Any thoughts and tips would be greatly appreciated.
That's exactly what happened to us, except we didn't land in LA (thankfully) and I'm the American part of this American/British equation.....go figure. It is over 18 months here in the US and I'm still homesick for the UK....my husband isn't bothered, but that's him, he doesn't care where he lives. I'm sure he'd like for me to be happy somewhere, either that or quit moaning at him.

Sorry to be of no help, but I can relate, in a strange kind of way. Best of luck and hope you feel settled soon.
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Old Sep 6th 2005, 2:19 am
  #22  
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Default Re: How long does it take to feel settled?

Originally Posted by Sallyanne
Hi. I have been in LA a month after badgering my husband to take up a job here. We have sold up everything in England. I was the one who really wanted to come, but now we have arrived I suddenly feel extremely homesick and anxious! I am trying to get more involved with school activities (my children are 9 and 12). Any thoughts and tips would be greatly appreciated.
Where in LA are you? I've been here 18 years and still settling in.......... or not? Like any big city I suppose but replace the culture of London and Paris with beaches.
Sometimes I like it, sometimes the city and the people irritate me. Depends what you are into?
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Old Sep 6th 2005, 2:43 am
  #23  
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Default Re: How long does it take to feel settled?

Originally Posted by Wintersong
Horses for courses, but a month is nothing!

Out of interest, how much time did you spend in LA before you decided you wanted your family to relocate there? How did your kids greet the decision and how have they coped with the upheaval?

You're bound to feel homesick and anxious because everything is different, you have to make new friends, you are driving on shitty roads on the wrong side ( ) and a million other little things which make you feel alienated.

Only time will tell whether or not you can make LA your home but it's certainly a trueism that the harder you try, the more likely you are to succeed.
That is a very pertinent question. My husband is a scientist and we came here 2 1/2 years ago for a 6-month sabbatical, with him working for the hospital which has now given him a job. We were living in a vibrant urban area and, to be honest, it was more like a lovely vacation for me. I could even walk to most things and the kids were only in elementary school and knew they were going back. England seemed dull to me in comparison. Now we are living way out of the city in order to put the children in good schools, and I have to deal with real everyday life! My daughter, 9 , likes it here, fortunately, but my son is not too happy about it and never was. I think he saw a lot of the potential pitfalls better than I did! By the way, my long-suffering husband has coped with everything, even separation from his beloved Newcastle FC, and is very positive and prepared to "go for it", so that will help. I certainly feel I should have done more research and thought things through more carefully before making such a big commitment. But then, maybe it will all work out fine and I will be glad we made the move!
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Old Sep 6th 2005, 2:50 am
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Default Re: How long does it take to feel settled?

Originally Posted by lionheart
Where in LA are you? I've been here 18 years and still settling in.......... or not? Like any big city I suppose but replace the culture of London and Paris with beaches.
Sometimes I like it, sometimes the city and the people irritate me. Depends what you are into?

We are in Calabasas in the San Fernando Valley-see my reply to Wintersong as to why. Santa Monica is certainly one of the nicer parts to be. What are you into?
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Old Sep 6th 2005, 2:53 am
  #25  
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Default Re: How long does it take to feel settled?

I've been here nearly 2 years, and the first 8 months were like a holiday. Once I moved to the East Coast reality set in and I had a really hard time adjusting, so I am sympathising with you. What really made the difference was applying what made me happy in the UK to the USA. For example, I was in a band so I joined a band here. I loved going to the gym so I joined a gym. I also got a job and stuck with it so now I really feel at home here. I have good friends, a great social life and enough money to do what I want. I think it's all about taking control of your life. It's not the same here as back home, but you can find the elements that made your life good there and apply it here. If you just sit at home and mope and let is get to you it will get the better of you and drive you crazy. Get out there and embrace it. It is a very cool place to live once you get used to the crazy American perspective! Good luck!
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Old Sep 6th 2005, 3:09 am
  #26  
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Default Re: How long does it take to feel settled?

It does depend on where you live, if you can make friends quickly or not, and if you have a job or not...find stuff to do at the library, try and volunteer, once your out and about doing things, you'll feel better about things and it'll help to make friends....plus there's always the phone and IM's to keep in touch with friends and family...
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Old Sep 6th 2005, 3:30 am
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Default Re: How long does it take to feel settled?

Originally Posted by Sallyanne
We are in Calabasas in the San Fernando Valley-see my reply to Wintersong as to why. Santa Monica is certainly one of the nicer parts to be. What are you into?
Well to start I lost my job 4 months ago. I was making decent money and travelling throughout Asia and Europe 2 months a year on business. I was pretty much the sole source of income as my partner ( who is from Finland) and I decided she would primarily look after our 23 month old son. We were planning to buy a house and add to our family, needless to say the house is not going to happen since I no longer have a job, however we do have another baby on the way which is due in February 2006. In many ways I feel I am back to square one after the job loss, we are also in a very small apartment (so my views may be tainted or even perceived as negative??).
On the bright side, we have 3 Miniature Pinscher dogs, between them and my son this takes up a considerable amount of my time. I play football every week, work out 4 or 5 times a week( weights cardio etc), I like to watch football and boxing on the TV,also enjoy cooking mostly ethnic food and a glass or two of red wine. Since I lost my job I started playing golf ( which I suck at) and am looking at getting my soccer coaching license so I can possibly coach kids. Also used to like to go to the movies a lot, however that is now limited to DVD as most people don't appreciate a screaming 2 year old during the movie. I have also spent some time finishing restoring the 1974 Jaguar XJ6L project car which I spent 5 years putting money and work into, although the car is worth about as much as a used Dodge Neon ( definitely a labor of love). You can see pics on the photopost under lionheart. That just about sums it up for me.

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Old Sep 6th 2005, 4:29 am
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Default Re: How long does it take to feel settled?

Originally Posted by Sallyanne
Hi. I have been in LA a month after badgering my husband to take up a job here. We have sold up everything in England. I was the one who really wanted to come, but now we have arrived I suddenly feel extremely homesick and anxious! I am trying to get more involved with school activities (my children are 9 and 12). Any thoughts and tips would be greatly appreciated.
Hi welcome to the site, God I'm so excited, another mum in LA , I'm here too with 2 kids, a 13 year old and an almost 3 year old, we've been here for 14 months and yes, the first few months are as tough as hell, after 6 months I was so homesick I'd have caught the first plane home had the opportunity arisen, however we stuck it out and I love it now.
If you don't mind I'll send you a PM tomorrow as I'm dying to know where abouts in LA you are and if you're up for it I'll be more than happy to show you around.
I've just returned from the most wonderful weekend in San Francisco with some people we met from this site (Bored-Silly, Wintersong and Leedsgirl) so after too much booze and suffering from a stinking cold I really need to go to bed now..
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Old Sep 6th 2005, 4:55 am
  #29  
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Default Re: How long does it take to feel settled?

I'm knocking on three years here and do not feel an ounce settled. I was a member of the volenteer fire department but got pissed off with the intolerance and bigotry, and I think that is where my problem is, SE NC is terribly racist and it is like I have come back to 1905. People are far more conservative and less tolerant than I can accept. People hide behind there religion and use it as a shield to act any way they please.

I like america but I do not feel I will ever settle in NC as I will never be able to accept intolerance and stupidity as normal. I think once everything is settled with our foster/adoptive children and we are in a position to move we will move to a more accepting and open minded part of the USA.

When I first got here and whinged about not settling in people told me acceptance is the key, I refuse to accept behaviour that goes against everything I think is important (tolerance, understanding, the ability to make free and thought through choices, freedom of religion and speech).

Accept as far as you have to without compramising your own principals

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Old Sep 6th 2005, 4:57 am
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Default Re: How long does it take to feel settled?

Originally Posted by immunise
I lived in LA for a year and never got settled. I hate that place, what a total and utter craphole. It gave me my first mental breakdown and it should be flattened then burned.

My advice is to try and avoid driving and dealing with the fake self obsessed locals! Do all you can to maintain your sanity and cross your fingers!

Good luck

Paul

Thank you Judith Charmers - Great post, really balanced, full of insight, hope you get that job as travel agent soon soon - the industry needs you ...

In LA 14 months now and it is what you make it .. we live on the east side in a beautiful city with great schools, parks, restaurants etc. BUT we can be at the beach or in Hollywood for a night out in a hour. Met a few Expats here and made some good friends through work. Not everyone is self obsessed (or no more so than in London) but you have to work at it .. talk to the wife shes from Yorkshire so whatever she says will all be true

By the way not sure what all the posters on here have against LA ? I wanted to live in civilisation. Unlike many on here I don't want to live in some humid and / or freezing shit-hole were the locals have family trees that are vertical and teeth are optional
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