saledevo

Definately Marjeta, you have hit the nail on the head when you say that no one you know understands how we feel about our better halfs! When my friends complain about simple things regarding their spouses, I tell them they are lucky to have them in their everyday existence!!! I don't have any sympathy when they rag about how their husband "forgot to take out the trash" etc.. Still I have learnt to appreciate what I have and to some degree "enjoy the misery" of being apart because I know this is a temporary situation. (albeit a long one!)

I have truly also learned the meaning of the word "Adore" which I never had known before.

It's great to have this forum to be on the same page as others are in their lives, to not feel so isolated. So I've got at least another 3 months to wait, I'll seek comfort in this forum. And hopefully have a little fun along with the learning!
sal

Laura

Hi,

It does seem to get easier but may be that's just cause I've resigned myself to the
fact that there is nothing I can do but wait. I think perhaps I have "cocooned"
myself also.

I am a dual citizen (US & UK)born and brought up in the UK and met my fiance whilst
doing my PhD in England. I had made the decision that I was going to work in the US
after my PhD a long time before and as it was I was headhunted by the US government
anyway. I guess if I'd known that we would have to get married in order to be
together we could have gone DCF before I moved over here but we really didn't know
what the deal was with visas and my family wouldn't approve of us marrying anyway.
So after living together in the UK for over a year I moved to Nebraska (of all
places) and he visited twice (VWP) for 90 days each time and now we've been apart 4
months whilst waiting for NSC to do their thing (NOA1 04/12/02 and still
waiting...). So for me it is not just being without my fiance but the loneliness of
having moved to a foreign country (and there's alot that is foreign to me in
Nebraska!)and starting a new job and trying to meet people. (You see, my fiance is
the outgoing one so when he is visiting we do meet people). Also I still have the
worry of my family's disapproval of our plan to be together.

Anyway, after that sob story, I have to say that this time apart has made us think
about the fact that we want to be together more and to dicuss our goals for the
future and to learn to trust each other. It has also meant a change in lifestyle for
both of us (he having to work three jobs to get some money together for when he makes
the move over here; and I to be more outgoing). It is very stressful having to put
your life on hold but there are two of you involved and you can support each other.

Laura
    > Originally posted by saledevo:
    > > Hi everyone;
    > >
    > > I have been reading the threads here for quite a long time and I try to be
    > > patient like everyone else, but I am also frustrated. My first NOA is dated
    > > July1 from the NSC so I know I am in for the long haul. The thing I haven't
    > > really read much about is the mindset of all of you ... how you cope. My fiance
    > > and I have not been apart more than 3 months in 3 years.. YET. It's been 2
    > > months now and next week I get to fly to the UK (my second trip this year) to
    > > spend 12 SHORT days with him. I am looking forward to it, yet I am not because I
    > > know how wonderful it is to be togther and how torturtous it is to separate
    > > again! We have done this at least 20 times in the past 3 years and it never gets
    > > any easier. What I have found I do when he's gone, is to withdraw into myself
    > > and virtually shut-out the rest of the world..except for these newsgroups and INS
    > > websites! I don't see friends much or get out because I am too miserable! Does
    > > this make sense?
    > >
    > > I just want him to get his K-1, get over here so we can start our life together!
    > > I almost wish there were someone else in my situation near me (chicago) who I
    > > could go for a drink with and co-miserate! No one I know has a clue about what
    > > we all here go through.. all my friends and relatives seem to not be curious at
    > > all about this stuff, and when I start to get into it, they just shrug their
    > > shoulders. Do you know what I mean?
    > >
    > > I'm no kid, I am 40 years old and my fiance is 45, we've both been married and
    > > divorced and have kids of our own. Yes we met on the net but lots of you have
    > > also.. but I NEVER in my wildest dreams imagined falling in love with someone
    > > from across the pond. I guess I have to look at it this way: I'm lucky to have
    > > the privilage of all of these challenges.
    > >
    > Anyway, after all that drivvel, I guess I was wondering if anyone else has
    > "cocooned" themselves like I have, due to circumstances???

Dj

    > I don't have any sympathy when they rag about how their husband "forgot to take out
    > the trash" etc..

A couple of month's after you are reunited with your loved one maybe people won't
have sympathy for you either....;-)