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How Do You Spend Your Time Waiting

How Do You Spend Your Time Waiting

Old Sep 9th 2002, 6:25 pm
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How do familys spend their time being seperated, it is such a hard time for any family i expect, we lost our home, my husband lost his job, due to depression brought on by all this INS stuff and continues to get worse the longer it takes, we have been seperated 8 months now and probably will take 3 more months, we have kept in touch everyday via computer and telephone, he came and stayed with me for 3 months, has tried to work in between, just to keep his mind occupied, my husband used to be very patriotic but since all this, he is very disheartenned with his country, and i know this process was implemented because of illegals and 9/11, its just hard being seperated from my husband, with no clear end to this process, just wanted to know anyone elses views and experiences, because i know we arent the onlyones sufferring
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Old Sep 9th 2002, 7:17 pm
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Default Re: How Do You Spend Your Time Waiting

Originally posted by mrsstrickland:
How do familys spend their time being seperated, it is such a hard time for any family i expect, we lost our home, my husband lost his job, due to depression brought on by all this INS stuff and continues to get worse the longer it takes, we have been seperated 8 months now and probably will take 3 more months...
be a robot. thats what i did. just work, find things to do to prepeare when the time comes. My wife and I have been apart for a year now, but we finnaly got a notice of approval, so hopefully only a couple more months. during that time, I just worked and kept my mind on projects. find a routine and time will move by much more quickly.

I even took advantage of it and learned to play the piano: that way I can practice as much as I want without annoying anyone since i am by myself at the moment, but i'll be able to woo my wife with some good piano playing by the time she comes home. (also good for playing the blues!)

hope this helps.
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Old Sep 9th 2002, 8:55 pm
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Default Re: How Do You Spend Your Time Waiting

I keep muself busy with work and studies. The depression seems to kick in when I am bored sitting at home and have nothing to do. Now that my semester started, time will really fly. This summer was terribly depressing for me.
My wife back in Pakistan doesn't work and sitting at home and not being able to keep herself occupied makes it worse.
Originally posted by mrsstrickland:
How do familys spend their time being seperated, it is such a hard time for any family i expect, we lost our home, my husband lost his job, due to depression brought on by all this INS stuff and continues to get worse the longer it takes, we have been seperated 8 months now and probably will take 3 more months, we have kept in touch everyday via computer and telephone, he came and stayed with me for 3 months, has tried to work in between, just to keep his mind occupied, my husband used to be very patriotic but since all this, he is very disheartenned with his country, and i know this process was implemented because of illegals and 9/11, its just hard being seperated from my husband, with no clear end to this process, just wanted to know anyone elses views and experiences, because i know we arent the onlyones sufferring
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Old Sep 9th 2002, 10:18 pm
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I personally keep myself busy since I go to college and have a full load of studying
and he keeps himself busy by wroking - he is a teacher. I think sitting around
thinking about all this stuff should not be made priority. I have not seen my hubby
since May and we still have a long process to go, but we wait
patiently.......patience is the key to our separation. One must be in a certain
state of mind to get through all these hard times of waiting. If people sit around
and think about it, then sure, depression will set in.

SO....keep yourself busy. Do other things beside sitting there. If one thinks of
nothing but the separation of the spouse, then this will only place a damper on
things. I just do not sit here and think of my spouse constantly. Sure I love him
and know it will take time....I get lonely too and so doesn't he, but we can't wish
it to happen quicker, so we just realize it will take time and then stay busy.

May I ask how old you are? Young? I am 45 and my husband is 48, and it takes a lot
of love, patience, maturity, and above all.........KEEP BUSY.

Everyone on here has either been in the past or now separated for months and months
away from their spouses. It's hard but there is an end to it. Even if it takes a
year or more to get my hubby here, then so be it........

We have a lifetime ahead of us to be together........we know we will be together -
and then it will be forever.....................In our minds, what is a few months or
1 year compared to a lifetime of being together though it may only be 20 years left
in our lifetime, it is worth the wait to be with him.

Sorry so long.......keep a smile on your face, keep busy, and time will go by quicker
than what you think. Just don't sit there and slow down the time with INS
stuff.....my hubby tells me - just a slight delay to our spending our lives together.

Ambria


"mrsstrickland" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > How do familys spend their time being seperated, it is such a hard time for any
    > family i expect, we lost our home, my husband lost his job, due to depression
    > brought on by all this INS stuff and continues to get worse the longer it takes, we
    > have been seperated 8 months now and probably will take 3 more months, we have kept
    > in touch everyday via computer and telephone, he came and stayed with me for 3
    > months, has tried to work in between, just to keep his mind occupied, my husband
    > used to be very patriotic but since all this, he is very disheartenned with his
    > country, and i know this process was implemented because of illegals and 9/11, its
    > just hard being seperated from my husband, with no clear end to this process, just
    > wanted to know anyone elses views and experiences, because i know we arent the
    > onlyones sufferring
    > --
    > Posted via http://britishexpats.com
 
Old Sep 9th 2002, 10:35 pm
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Default Re: How Do You Spend Your Time Waiting

On Mon, 09 Sep 2002 18:25:35 +0000, mrsstrickland <[email protected]> wrote:

    >How do familys spend their time being seperated, it is such a hard time for any
    >family i expect, we lost our home, my husband lost his job, due to depression
    >brought on by all this INS stuff and continues to get worse the longer it takes, we
    >have been seperated 8 months now and probably will take 3 more months, we have kept
    >in touch everyday via computer and telephone, he came and stayed with me for 3
    >months, has tried to work in between, just to keep his mind occupied, my husband
    >used to be very patriotic but since all this, he is very disheartenned with his
    >country, and i know this process was implemented because of illegals and 9/11, its
    >just hard being seperated from my husband, with no clear end to this process, just
    >wanted to know anyone elses views and experiences, because i know we arent the
    >onlyones sufferring


When David and I were going through this we new we had awhile to be together. He made
this cute cartoon book...which he left room on each page for me to add things too. He
made it to have the total number of days between the visit and his next visit. So
each day I had to finish a page. Now it is a wonderful keepsake. Karryl
 
Old Sep 9th 2002, 10:44 pm
  #6  
Amy
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Default Re: How Do You Spend Your Time Waiting

mrsstrickland <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:<[email protected]>...
    > How do familys spend their time being seperated, it is such a hard time for any
    > family i expect, we lost our home, my husband lost his job, due to depression
    > brought on by all this INS stuff and continues to get worse the longer it takes, we
    > have been seperated 8 months now and probably will take 3 more months,


I feel the same way. I totally understand how you feel. I try to do my favorate
hobbies, i try to at least. Also I try to catch up on daily things and organize my
life better before he comes here. Then when he comes I will give all my attention to
him. Just little things can make you busy, like cleaning out closets, learn new
recipes to cook, read a uplifting book, get an animal, fish are nice to have. I know
its hard but i try to do things cause i have been depressed.

My complaint and airing out:

I have now severe depression. I can't even eat or sleep well. I wonder if I will
die one of these days of so much misery. I can't even function on a normal basis.
Even getting out of bed is a major task now. My fiance is under administrative review
for the past month. We have been seperated for over 6 months now and seems theres no
end to this waiting. We will never know why we are under review and theres no
response from the consulate even with help of congressional. To me, in my opinion,
that there was no reason to put us on review. I just can't go there and see him that
easily for various reasons. I have been going through hell.

Here at least INS, yes they are slow at times, but they go by the books, the law. If
you don't follow it you are doomed. At least you have some recourse if they made a
mistake, but once it hits the consulate theres no laws to protect you, you are on
your own. I don't know what to do. I just wonder if I will ever be happy and to be
with my love.

Also add to the sadness the phone bills are huge, well over $1000/month.

amy
 
Old Sep 9th 2002, 11:11 pm
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Default Re: How Do You Spend Your Time Waiting

I find if I sit around and think about it too much, then I just get myself all worked up and am no good to anyone.

I keep myself busy mainly with work and my 5 year old daughter and her activities. Also, since my fiance' is dutch, I am busy trying to learn the language so I can impress him one of these days

I find that at this time in my life I don't really fit in with a lot of my old friends and their current way of life, so I have A LOT of down while we are apart. I've been renting movies, and reading tons more than I ever have before. Plus I find just getting on line and finding those who are in the same situation is so helpful. I don't feel so alone in this battle and sometimes that helps more than anything.
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Old Sep 10th 2002, 1:44 am
  #8  
Mike
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mrsstrickland <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:<[email protected]>...
    > How do familys spend their time being seperated, it is such a hard time for any
    > family i expect, we lost our home, my husband lost his job, due to depression
    > brought on by all this INS stuff and continues to get worse the longer it takes, we
    > have been seperated 8 months now and probably will take 3 more months, we have kept
    > in touch everyday via computer and telephone, he came and stayed with me for 3
    > months, has tried to work in between, just to keep his mind occupied, my husband
    > used to be very patriotic but since all this, he is very disheartenned with his
    > country, and i know this process was implemented because of illegals and 9/11, its
    > just hard being seperated from my husband, with no clear end to this process, just
    > wanted to know anyone elses views and experiences, because i know we arent the
    > onlyones sufferring

Its tough! I been off work for 3 months due to injury so I sit all day at home. We
talk on telephone evryday and puter, it helps some! I am retired military and am used
to being away from loved ones plus I been thru the process before with my ex 20 yrs
ago. Just pray and hang on, the end of the process is near! I only filed my K3 July
15 so i got quite the wait still!! hang in there....Mike C
 
Old Sep 10th 2002, 2:55 am
  #9  
Mark O
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Masterbation..... HEAVY amounts of masterbation.......

Just kidding!!!!!!

Try to stay busy. I developed a vision of what our life will be like once she is here
with the little guy (3 year old boy) . I can see him running around the house
looking for things to do so I decided to finish off the basement, make him a play
room. That is taking lots of time but I'm getting there. Then I have the plans in to
the city for approval (more goverment waiting) to put a sun room on the back of the
house so my Sweetie and I will have a nice place to relax in the evening besides the
living room. Taking a vision and putting it in action is what helps me. Hope this
helps... May be you like to cook, if so, buy a cook book with some of his favorite
things and practice excellence in your culinary skills so you can blow him away with
some excellent meals. Just a thought... anything that helps to make the future
better once you are together is what I focus on and it helps me cope.

Mark "mrsstrickland" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > How do familys spend their time being seperated, it is such a hard time for any
    > family i expect, we lost our home, my husband lost his job, due to depression
    > brought on by all this INS stuff and continues to get worse the longer it takes, we
    > have been seperated 8 months now and probably will take 3 more months, we have kept
    > in touch everyday via computer and telephone, he came and stayed with me for 3
    > months, has tried to work in between, just to keep his mind occupied, my husband
    > used to be very patriotic but since all this, he is very disheartenned with his
    > country, and i know this process was implemented because of illegals and 9/11, its
    > just hard being seperated from my husband, with no clear end to this process, just
    > wanted to know anyone elses views and experiences, because i know we arent the
    > onlyones sufferring
    > --
    > Posted via http://britishexpats.com
 
Old Sep 10th 2002, 3:58 am
  #10  
Waiting4lenochka
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I understand your feelings all too well. I have been away from my Lenochka and my
son Vlad for 8 months now. She received "approval" of their K1 and K2 visa on July
23 when she interviewed and was told at that day that the new "administrative
processing" that is now required would take only 10 days and of course here it is
September 9. As most southern men are(I am from Georgia) I am very patriotic and I
am even a devout republican but it causes me great distress to know that the country
I love so very much and an administration I voted for are the cause of one of the
most miserable times in my life. I feel that we have let the terrorists win by
living fear just as they wanted us to
do. This is so much an over reaction by our government and does nothing to increase
security but only adds to the frustration of good Americans and their loved
ones. It certain does not affect a terrorist whom if they wanted to get into
this country could do so illegally without much difficulty. What does a
terrorist care if he is breaking the law? It's like passing the law that makes
it illegal to own a firearm for any criminal found guilty of using a firearm in
the commission of a felony. It sounds good but what does a violent criminal
care if it is illegal for him to own the gun that he robs a bank with? It does
not deter the criminal but it sounds good to law abiding citizens. Thats what
we are victims of. We are victims of policies put in place to make the general
population believe that the government is working to protect them. The policies
are as useful for security as the questions at the airport, "Did you pack your
bags? Did anyone give you anything to carry on board for them? Have you been in
constant control of your bag since it was packed?" Muhammed Atta had no problem
passing that quiz before he made our lives miserable and the government only
this week decided that asking those questions were useless. Duh! But to the
average Joe, the impression is that if it is harder for an honest citizen to fly
and he must stand in long lines, scan his shoes and drop his pants it must be
difficult for a terrorist to get by security. It is all a farse to impress the
people until better trained enforcement officers, procedures and equipment can
be put online. The Department of State has done the same thing with visas. The
news media can't tell the world you screwed up and let a terrorist into the
country if you don't issue any visas. I feel safer; don't you? As you can see,
I have become quite bitter. I have done everything I can think of to push the
DOS and the embassy to act on our case but they are very good at denying the
problem and denying you any information and hope. I cope with all of this
poorly. I get very angry and very sad and very depressed and very lonely for my
family. I wish it were possible to bring these issues to the attention of the
media so that the DOS could be seen in the public light. I believe this is the
only thing that would change this policy. I have tried but my only media
contacts have hotter stories to tell and are at least honest enough to tell me
they couldn't get their editor to buy the story. I think we would all feel
better if we just felt like the DOS and the consulates were being honest and
forth right with us. I wish everyone success in their endeavor to persevere for
their loved ones and hope we all will have them with us soon. God Bless.

mrsstrickland <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:<[email protected]>...
    > How do familys spend their time being seperated, it is such a hard time for any
    > family i expect, we lost our home, my husband lost his job, due to depression
    > brought on by all this INS stuff and continues to get worse the longer it takes, we
    > have been seperated 8 months now and probably will take 3 more months, we have kept
    > in touch everyday via computer and telephone, he came and stayed with me for 3
    > months, has tried to work in between, just to keep his mind occupied, my husband
    > used to be very patriotic but since all this, he is very disheartenned with his
    > country, and i know this process was implemented because of illegals and 9/11, its
    > just hard being seperated from my husband, with no clear end to this process, just
    > wanted to know anyone elses views and experiences, because i know we arent the
    > onlyones sufferring
 
Old Sep 10th 2002, 4:17 am
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Default Re: How Do You Spend Your Time Waiting

I understand your situation very well because i am like you too, u know my husband lives in USA and i am here in india and it will be two years to our marriage in december. BUt still my husband is waiting for approval and i know its will be another two three months to get my visa, i know how hard it is living without husband, but i have faith in my husband and we talk everyday by computer or phone, and i live home just waiting for my love to pick me up .so don't worry have patience and everything will be okay i hope everybody will get with their partners soon. so hope for good.
I visit to this site everyday just to see how people adjust when they are apart from their aprtners. so do the same and get connect to me again.


Originally posted by mrsstrickland:
How do familys spend their time being seperated, it is such a hard time for any family i expect, we lost our home, my husband lost his job, due to depression brought on by all this INS stuff and continues to get worse the longer it takes, we have been seperated 8 months now and probably will take 3 more months, we have kept in touch everyday via computer and telephone, he came and stayed with me for 3 months, has tried to work in between, just to keep his mind occupied, my husband used to be very patriotic but since all this, he is very disheartenned with his country, and i know this process was implemented because of illegals and 9/11, its just hard being seperated from my husband, with no clear end to this process, just wanted to know anyone elses views and experiences, because i know we arent the onlyones sufferring
sarbpreet_812 is offline  
Old Sep 10th 2002, 6:43 am
  #12  
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Default Re: How Do You Spend Your Time Waiting

i am not gonna say i am happy with the huge response i have gotten to this post, becasue it means there is so many people sufferring the same as we are, but it gives me comfort to think it isnt just us that are feeling this way, we have our good days and there are also bad days, i think the worst time for my husband is around the time the postman arrives and there is no letter from the INS, he doesnt seem so bad before that, then when nothing arrives, he sighs, i try to keep him possitive and tell him maybe tommorrow, but that doesnt work i know he doesnt believe that, i myself have come to the oppinion that it will be over when its over, he knows it isnt long till christmas and cant bare the thought of us being seperated in what should be a happy time, we have children both sides of the water, so unless this gets sorted in december we will spend christmas apart, he cant come here as he doesnt want to leave his daughter without a dad a christmas, and i totally support him with that, but i am hoping it will be done by then, thankyou all for your responses, and i hope that you all get your loved ones soon
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Old Sep 10th 2002, 3:02 pm
  #13  
Sheryl
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This is a great subject. I have found more comfort in this post than any other.
There is a very personal edge to it, with introspection into lives beyond
K-questions.

My husband and I are dying inside as well. He is in Israel, and we have been waiting
for more than 160 days on the I130, and 150 days on the I129f. We have been unable
to acquire any information on the reason for delay. Now that the infamous "180 days"
are approaching, the national INS office told me that this is simply an estimated
time frame, and that even after 180 days, all we can do is make a written inquiry.
Meanwhile, we are in the process of a congressional inquiry.

Since we married, Israel has been through hell, and now I worry about his safety with
the current situation in Iraq. During the Gulf War, an Iraqi scud missle hit very
close to his house. He and his family had to don gas masks at 3am. They sealed
themselves us in a room of their home while listening to air sirens. I am very
worried. This process has indeed been debilitating! At times I wonder if we will
ever be able to live together again. Will we survive? I worked three blocks from
the WTC when it collapsed, and he has been living through the suicide bombings in
Israel. Should things escalate in the Middle East, he will be called to serve in the
Israeli military, which would likely delay this visa even more. Will the day ever
come when he walks through the door of our home? Will I ever be able to lay next to
him in our bed? Will we ever dine at our table together again, or will he ever be
here to put my hand in his coat pocket as we walk in the winter night?

Our spouses are the most important facet of our lives, and in the K3 process we are
totally out of control of that aspect of our lives. It is so challenging to
effectively carry on with other responsibilities, when we feel half empty.. The
stress from this is all-consuming. We have to deal with our own sadness and
frustration, as well as our foreign spouse's. I was laid off from my job as well,
and I cannot deny that my focus was more on INS issues than my work.

We want completion. We have waited enough. We have "served our time" in the thralls
of the K3 process. Although I find this board comforting, I am finding that I look
at it less and less, because it is becoming difficult for me to read about others'
rapid approvals. Of course I am happy for them, but the process has been so cruel to
us. My husband and I truly love one another. We had a wonderful relationship before
all this. I need him emotionally and physically. My children need their loving
step-father. All we can do is wait. I am so glad to read this post. It is
comforting to read about your everyday lives. Had I not written such a lengthy post,
I would tell you about how I spend my time waiting. Right now I have to sign off and
get myself out the door to look for a new job!

Sheryl
 
Old Sep 11th 2002, 1:54 am
  #14  
Mrs_blackross
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"Mark O" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] ne-
ws.com
...
    > Masterbation..... HEAVY amounts of masterbation.......
    > Just kidding!!!!!!

*wipes pepsi off her monitor* LMAO!!!!
 
Old Sep 12th 2002, 3:25 am
  #15  
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Default Re: How Do You Spend Your Time Waiting

I understand it is very hard to live without partner,my husband call me everyday and his bill are going high and high.i just live hit my head againt the wall.its over than one yaer and 9 month to our marriage , my husband made three trip after ammriage to india and he is again trying to get leave from work but u know in USA its very hard to get leave again and again, but atleast he can put himself busy in work but here i left my job last year in december so just lookig at wall and don't know when this horrible time will pass and i will see my love again.

Sarbpreet.
Originally posted by mrsstrickland:
i am not gonna say i am happy with the huge response i have gotten to this post, becasue it means there is so many people sufferring the same as we are, but it gives me comfort to think it isnt just us that are feeling this way, we have our good days and there are also bad days, i think the worst time for my husband is around the time the postman arrives and there is no letter from the INS, he doesnt seem so bad before that, then when nothing arrives, he sighs, i try to keep him possitive and tell him maybe tommorrow, but that doesnt work i know he doesnt believe that, i myself have come to the oppinion that it will be over when its over, he knows it isnt long till christmas and cant bare the thought of us being seperated in what should be a happy time, we have children both sides of the water, so unless this gets sorted in december we will spend christmas apart, he cant come here as he doesnt want to leave his daughter without a dad a christmas, and i totally support him with that, but i am hoping it will be done by then, thankyou all for your responses, and i hope that you all get your loved ones soon
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