Cat07758

I am American and my husband is British and we are moving back to the States in the early 2006 depending on when our flat sells.

We haven't told my husband's parents yet as they are very controlling and try to run our lives for us. We are really afraid of their reaction to our moving even though my husband is 29, his mother insists he call her every day. Our moving is also complicated because we are having a baby in September and know it will be hard for his parents.

I am interested in everyone's parents, family and friends reactions to your move to the States. How did you tell them? When did you tell them? How did they react?

dunroving

Can't help re: how to tell them, but can suggest where - somewhere that you can leave if you need (i.e., not your own house). That way if things get messy and you want to end the meeting you don't have to ask them to leave (and risk them refusing to leave). You just get up and go. It also makes iit easier to bring a close to the meeting.

Also, somewhere public, so they can't cause a scene (of course this depends on the type of people they are too). Maybe a pub lunch snack or something?

Also, I'd present it as good, happy news - they SHOULD feel happy for you, so keep that in mind as you make your announcement. It's your life you are leading, not theirs.

Good luck!

Ben

When we were first married we used to live near both our parents. Within the first year my husband was offered a job which would mean we would move 2 hours away. His parents were furious! They couldn't believe we could do this to them etc. etc.

We moved, had our 3 children, and hubby had started to travel to the US. I knew that if he was offered a job over here he would want to take it, so being the good DIL that I am I mentioned this fact to the MIL. She was adament that she knew her son and he would never move to the USA, and that I wouldn't want to leave my mother, would I. Well, hubby was offered a job over here and we were dreading telling them because we 'knew' they would not be happy about it.

We wouldn't have been more wrong. They found it hard but were very supportive. His mother blamed me for a while because I didn't say no to the move, but she still tried hard to be supportive and positive. They were the first ones to come and visit us and although they don't come very often, they do come to visit and e-mail a lot. We are actually closer now than we were in the UK.

You never know, the may just surprise you

krizzy

For starters I think it will do you a lot of good as a young family to get away from a controling mother in law.......if she is like that with her son...what will she be like with a baby......?
They should have their own lifes by now.....and be happy that you are getting on with yours......it will be sad for them to miss out on their grandchild...but it is your child first........
I just told our family we were going.....I never asked what they thought about it......everyones been OK with it....they had to be....because we were moving no matter what......

anotherlimey

Firstly, doing it anywhere public won't stop an irate parent from going ballistic.

Secondly, I told mine by saying "Mum, remember that American girl I met...."

CarlM

Not that i'm a callous bastard, but i waited until i got here, then phoned them.

geordiegirl2

we didn't, our then 8 year old, when my MIL asked him anout school said well next year when i'm in school in America it'll be different. Not how we would of planned it but it took the pressure off a bit.

britvic

Yes it was one of the hardest thing's for me to say, being as we were takeing there baby Grandson away which my Farther adored!!! I broke his heart and he decided to dissown me, my Mother is not allowed to keep in touch, and she's alway's done as she's told "blessher". I send them Birthday card's extra with photo's, but have never had any contact from them in 3 year's So yes it's all been very hard. Really wish you luck.

Cat07758

I am really really sorry to hear what happened to you. This is what I am afraid will also happen to us as my MIL threated to disown her 26 year old daughter when she was just considering a trip to the Far East for 5 months with her then boyfriend. She is even closer to my husband then she is to his sister. Hopefully your parents will one day come around to accept your move and realize that by disowning you they have lost so much.

Neathborn

I never had any problem with my parents. I think they just assumed I would end up in the U.S. -- and they had a few years to get used to the idea as my American husband and I were together 3 years before we finally did make the move. They do miss out with the grandchildren as they only have our two, but you know with a digital camera, e-mail and the telephone, we are able to keep in touch regularly and let the grandparents know what's going on. Although it's not quite as good as living nearby, it is a good second best. Anyway, good luck to you. I'm sure they will come around -- and perhaps, like another poster said, their reaction will be positive and may surprise you.

strim

Sorry to hear that. When we moved we didn't have any kids, but my parents weren't very enthusiastic about us going away, they basically blamed my wife for dragging me to another country (she is also british) and whenever I called would always ask when we were coming back.

The real problems started when we had a baby and they felt that they were left out and would put the guilt trip on about not seeing their grandchild. Two more babies and one disastrous trip to the UK later our communication is minimal and only via email!

It makes me sad that things turned out like this, but all the negative comments and emotional talk were starting to have a negative impact on our home life so it is better in that sense and hopefully over time we will be able to rebuild our relationship.

LeedsGirl

Mother literally handed me a wad of cash and said have fun, live your life. I always thought what a cool mum I had but now I think she was just trying to get rid of me Didn't get the in-laws until later on.

Taffyles

I'd break the news over the phone- and let them go ballistic out of your earshot. Offer to take them to lunch or something later (much later) to discuss your plans and put the phone down - let them have a few days to go through their emotions on their own. They may or may not have accepted it by the time you meet up, but at least their initial (over) reaction will be done with and they might be more reasonable. Let them know that you understand how hard it will be for them and you'll miss them, but also let them know, quite firmly, that you will definitely be going.

rincewind

"Mom, I'm moving to the USA."

Easy.

The hardest part was telling my daughter.

Bob

He's old enough to tell his folks where to stick it if they don't like it, so tell him to stop being such a wimp about it.

As for telling them, it's easy, just saying your off and that's the end of it and there more than welcome to visit, but if they interfere, they won't be welcome....and it's always good to point out the pro's of going whatever your reasons might be.