Lazzza

This has not really been an issue for us until today - now in fact. My MIL is really upset about our intended move. Until now, she has been really cool about it. We have already has the tears and tantrums from the teenagers and the wee ones. I told my staff today and had to deal with their looks of shocked disbelief all round. I just don't think I can now also deal with crying/upset elders. We have talked this move through from the very beginning and involved them (the family) at each stage. Now that OH is actually leaving soon, I think his mum is stressing out completely. I totally understand this, I would probably be the same. But what is the best way to deal with this? How did you deal with it? I just don't know what to do!!

Jerseygirl

We didn't make a big deal about moving...no farewell party...no airport goodbyes. We tried to reassure everyone that we were only a few hours away...that we would be back to visit often and what a great opportunity it was for them to visit the US. That was 14 years ago...now there's Skype so it's much easier to keep connected to family.

Sue

I agree with JG, try and keep it all as low key as possible. Don't have anyone send you off at the airport, and keep reiterating that you are only a few hours away by plane and they can visit you often.

If they aren't set up with skype, etc already help set them up before you go. Being able to see you when you are in the US will help them, and you, to get used to the distance. I spend hours talking to my dad on skype and seeing him sitting at the kitchen table makes it seem like I am sat right there with him.

Unfortunately nothing you can say, or do, will make them feel better, it's going to be tough for you all. Stay strong and remember that is natural for you all to be upset about the move, no matter how much you are looking forward to it.

Sue

cranston

Ditto on Skype... can't recommend it highly enough.

henryh

Pretty cool this modern world eh?

N1cky

Agree about Skype and setting it up for any elders who may struggle to do it on their own.

Strangely, our leaving party was fantastic, and we all look back on it with great memories. There were no tears, everyone had great fun and we all remembered why we were all such good friends.

We told everyone no presents, as we were already packed, but put a book out for people to write in and make sure we had everyone's email address'

We had the party a couple of weeks before we left so we knew we would see most people again before we left, I probably wouldn't have wanted to do it a couple of days before.

When it comes to saying goodbye's though it is really painful, I don't think there is a solution to making it better for people

ChocolateBabz

Hey Lazzza,

Funnily enough it was my in-laws who were most upset. Have to agree with the comments so far - we didn't have a goodbye party just made sure we visited everyone before we left for an afternoon/evening.

Unfortunately we couldn't escape the airport farewell - we were staying with the in-laws the night before and they insisted on driving us to the airport. We had a cup of coffee with them and then they started with the wailing - which got hubby and son started. Not me though - tough as nails.

Keep re-iterating the holidays they can come for and (if you intend to) the trips home that you will make. Can't recommend skype enough - get it set up and have a trial run - we talk to the oldies more often now than we did at home. We have a regular time 9.00am Sunday morning for us 3.00pm for them - and can hardly get them off the thing.

So far we had the in-laws last year for 2 1/2 weeks and they must have liked it cos they are coming for a month this time .

For colleagues and friends get yourself a facebook account - you will know more about them on a daily basis than you ever wanted to and become an expert farmer to boot ! Get a good phone deal where calls are cheap or free to the UK and you are all set.

Remind people as we did that this is an adventure for all of you and too good an opportunity to pass up.

SarahG

I also had a few 'issues' with my in-laws when we were getting ready for the move. My family were not so bad as they already lived hundreds of miles away from me and their drive from Edinburgh to Northampton took them the same amount of time as a flight to Indianapolis! (They stop a lot when they drive)
My mother in law was a bit more affected by the whole thing than father in law. Husband set them up with Skype before he left and when he was gone I took my kids (their only grandchildren) round to their house as often as I could. I said it was so I could get on with packing etc without the kids getting in my way. We didn't really talk about it a lot and when we did we said we were not going too far away and that we would Skype/email/call/write etc as often as we could. Turns out we seem to have set Sundays at 9am EST as being 'skype time'!
We didn't have a going away party or anything. I did have a night out with my work 2 weeks before I left and my in-laws were more than happy to have the kids. (Husband left just over 3 weeks before I did)
I am sure it is hard for them but they know, and have said that we know what we are doing and it is good for our kids. We also made it clear if it didn't work out then we would be back. I did have my in-laws come with me to Heathrow as I had 6 really big cases, 3 carry on bags and my kids are 4 and 6 years old. There was no way I could have gotten to the airport and checked in without them. But once I checked in I took the kids right through to departures. I said I didn't know how far it would be to the gate or how long the queues would be at security. It turned out that there were no queues and the boarding gate was 5 minutes from the security checkpoint we went through!
Me and husband also set up blogs and we even have a Facebook fan page that friends and family check to see what we are up to. (We are not that interesting though!)
I hope it works out for you and everyone deals with the move alright.

joto

Are there other family members (siblings) that live nearby to MIL that could help take the sting out of your DH leaving? Say to her about "when you come across", not "if you come across". My MIL had plans to come across even before we had left.

SarahG

One other thing I just thought of is that people may get more upset now as you actually have the visas in your passports. It is more real now. Before it was talked about but now there is a visa and that makes it real and shows that it really is going to happen. Before the visa you could have changed your mind but not your not likely to. Does that make sense?

MsElui

i totally agree on the set up (and test with the elderly person) the webcam and software so they know exactly what to expect and when - even as to what it sounds like when it rings etc. my husband went to my mums house and set it up and showed her how to call my pc - all whilst we were still in England - so that when we got to the US - it was still the same method etc.

wordfool

When I moved over here I scheduled a trip back to the UK every month for the first three months. It seemed to helped the transition for both me and the relatives in the UK.

Obviously this might not be practical with a large family or an employer that won't let you take a couple weeks unpaid leave for the transition, but maybe you could work at least one trip out or have them come over to see you aa couple times in the first few months (my family was too crap to do that)

tonrob

I'll echo the set-up-the-webcam-for-oldies comments.

While there were no tantrums when we left 5 years ago (kinda feeling there should have been from reading all this) Mrs tonrob's parents never got this sorted so she's missed on out being able to see them while talking.

We're staying with them at the minute and have brought our laptop with us so we can do a bit of a Skype "training session" before we leave.

goldenstate31

I suppose, its because for a long time like us! All you do is talk about it and talk about it some more
THEN the realisation sets in for your family members, that you are actually doing this. AND then they get a bit tearful etc etc.
(secretly in the back of their minds they never think your really going to do it anyway) or at least they hope!

Now comes the time when after their reality has set in, you need to do a bit of reversed psychology!
Ask them, if they see a future in Britain, tell them that whilst America isnt without fault, is Britain the best country that they see you living in and making a life for yourselves
Ive done all this with my parents and inlaws and friends etc, because secretly they are all hoping we won't go.
But Ive explained to them that we are Unhappy here, and do they really want to see us unhappy? so ive thrown the ball back in their court.
Plus flights are so cheap nowadays, tell them there will be some free holidays to take advantage of

tonrob

I think a lot of people would quite rightly give someone a mouthful if they took that approach!

While it's a (uniquely?) British sport to moan about our country try telling the average Brit that you think America is better and they'll tell you you're a wanker.