How to 'deal' with moving?
 

Afternoon all

I've been thinking back over the last few weeks, and partially inspired by another thread, to ask - how did you, or do you, cope with the emotions and thoughts that are involved around moving.

We have only really just begun our process around moving, but in one way or another the OH and I have been dealing with visas, processes and borders for the last ten years. For me I go from being calm and collective when putting paperwork together, to anxiety and nervousness whilst waiting for a response. Mixed into that balancing being excited about moving, but not wanting to overly romanticise what our lives could be like.

I've found that over the last year or so (since we made 'the decision' to move) that I have gone from being absolutely terrified one day to bouncing off the walls with excitement the next. This is all before we have actually moved too, I'm not sure what i'm going to be feeling when we take the plunge.

What did you do to combat the stress, anxiety or over-excitement about moving to the US?

Re: How to 'deal' with moving?
 

What sort of visas or other basis do you have to move to the US?

Re: How to 'deal' with moving?
 

Ah apologies, I didn't say in the original text. We're moving on a family spouse visa (if approved). My OH (USC) has been in the UK for the last decade, and we've decided that now is a good of a time as any to make the move.

Re: How to 'deal' with moving?
 

As your spouse has been living in the UK I would definitely recommend getting UK citizenship. It may help with the anxiety knowing you could always both move back to the UK easily (at least in terms of immigration).

Re: How to 'deal' with moving?
 

wine.
planning nice things to do
take one day at a time.
I'm a list maker, so I had a constant one to help me think I was keeping things under control.

Re: How to 'deal' with moving?
 

When I moved (it was 15 years ago), I was so wrapped up in the visa process, job applications, and the logistics of moving that I didn't have time to worry about the emotions. It finally hit me when I was sitting in the plane at LHR waiting to push back from the gate.

Re: How to 'deal' with moving?
 

Hey I am in the same boat as you :-) My husband is a USC as are my children (we lived in N.Y. for 6.years but moved back to the UK) we have been living in the UK for nearly 10 years now and we are moving back to the USA.

We was going to.make the move a few years back but I just didn't feel its as time, i was so nervous. We made the decision to move back in November and honestly, we are all so excited all my fears have gone away, no idea why it just feels right!! We are buying a house there and are so excited, my main fear is that my daughter is 14 and her schooling but she is the most excited about the move! She is a great kid and is a smartphone so i am sure she will do fine.

I am dreading the good byes with my family I speak too but even that doesn't me off now, we will Skype and face time so it will be fine. I am ready for a new adventure x

Where are you moving too?

Kelly

Re: How to 'deal' with moving?
 

I moved very quickly after getting my visa (received on a Tuesday, flew the following Monday) and didn't really have time for big goodbyes. Although I did drive around the country a bit before I left. And I spent a weekend with my favourite aunt who I know won't be alive when I can go back. Like Pulaski, I was so involved with paperwork that it didn't hit me. I think it really hit me when I landed here and I said to myself "welcome home. This is it now". I still have days when I don't feel that I live here. And days when I don't feel as though I'm 5000 miles from the U.K. Then all of a sudden something will happen or I see if hear something and it hits me.
I haven't Skyped with anyone back home. My dad called once when my husband was admitted to hospital. I've not felt the need to search out English pubs, PG Tips (never drink tea anyway), baked beans or Coronation Street. I've been here 2 months and 2 days now. Maybe that is yet to come?

Re: How to 'deal' with moving?
 

Im on day 10 of arriving and my emotions are still all over the place, but I'm here because of husbands work and had mixed feelings from the start.

I don't think I did manage my emotions before we left; I was very up an down. At one point I was very seriously contemplating pulling the plug on it all, but I know the regret I'd feel down the line would outweigh the anxiety I felt/ feel.

Id felt excited when the offer was first made but those feelings decidedly cooled the closer the move got. But we are all different aren't we? I had been enjoying seeing more of friends and family having started my maternity leave; we'd finally finished the remodelling of our home; I liked the life I had. Actually though, my main issue has been my H4 visa status.

Over here, I am finding the adjustment exhausting at times though fascinating at others. What gets me are the moments when I feel out of my depth: driving can do it to me; just the length of time it takes to sort out what would be a simple task at home certainly wears me down. By the same token I am blown away with the friendliness and helpfulness of people. And I love mooching round the supermarkets and seeing what's new/ different/ plain weird.

I guess keeping busy really is the answer: both at home preparing and once arrived. And like Petitefrancaise, lists definitely help me. And making sure we get the quality family time we promised each other.

Re: How to 'deal' with moving?
 

We moved in July last year. Similar situation - husband is a usc and timing was right for us. I certainly haven't regretted our choice - we've loved being here. But there have been ups and downs.
We lived here previously (15 years ago) for 2 years. And that time I really wasn't ready. I thought I'd just take it all in my stride and be totally fine - but ended up really missing friends and family back home. This time round, I've just been more honest with myself. I've come here with my eyes open. Knowing it'll be tricky and times, I'll ball my eyes out each time I get on the plane, and I'll look nostalgically at the British section at the supermarket, even though I always hated all those products anyway! But that we are just really lucky to even have the choice.
We also have great family and friends here, so that has helped. But I just try to take each day as it comes - enjoy the little things. Oh, and keep telling myself i couldn't have foreseen the current political situation....

Re: How to 'deal' with moving?
 

I've moved internationally a few times and as corny as it sounds, the one thing that has kept the process sane was to make a list. A big, massive, overall list of everything that could or needed to be done before the move. And when an item is done, it's scratched off.

"Work the problem" as they say in NASA. Solve one little problem, then another, and then another and before you know it the bigger issue is solved too.

We have a wiki on how to make a list.

List of what to do and when about Moving : British Expat Wiki

The list keeps you focused and I find that helps a lot with the emotions. The practicalities of doing the things keeps you planning and thinking, usually positively, about what comes next. You don't wake up in the middle of the night saying "oh god there is no time left" and that bring about worry and concern.

Re: How to 'deal' with moving?
 

We just split our move into manageable chunks - I came over at the start of Oct, whilst my wife stayed in Scotland with the dogs. That gave me plenty of time to sort out the usual stuff (SSN, Bank account, driving test/license, car, rental accommodation) before she came over in Jan. I had left her in charge of sorting the dog relocation and, just this weekend we collected our two tired anxious doggies from Newark airport followed by a 7h drive back to Ohio. So almost 5 months after my arrival, we're finally pretty much settled in now.

I say settled, I still miss Scotland a lot (the mountains mainly, not the weather lol) and as my wife in on a H4, she can't work here, so hopefully she will find enough things to do to avoid terminal boredom while I'm working. Whether we'll end up staying here past the H1B/possible extension, or not - that's something we'll work out in a few years.

Re: How to 'deal' with moving?
 

Thanks for sharing guys.

We've put together a list of things that need to be done, and when they need to be done by. One of the good things is that through being through multiple UK visa processes before we've learnt to work well together to get things done. I am better at organising paperwork whist the OH is much better at planning.

I've been to the States before for a few months at a time over the last ten years or so, and whilst i'm excited to see what life out there will be like - I'm struggling to imagine what its going to be like? In a way its quite exciting, the ability to create something new for myself. But when it comes to employment and not 'knowing' how things work (banks, paperwork, the boring but necessary things) it can be quite daunting. I just keep trying to remind myself to embrace the change and enjoy doing things in a different way.

At the moment we're waiting to hear back about our petition, whilst getting bits and bobs done ready for the next steps. I think its the waiting that is the most frustrating, although I wouldn't expect anything less really.