Jaybee72

Hi, i am a long time lurker who has used this forum for a wealth of information in the past. After seeing, especially in the last couple of weeks, the honest and real world advice you have given to a number of new members (which was not always well received!) i thought i would run my situation by you all.

I am 41 and a UKC, my girlfriend is 35 and a USC. I went to a college in the states for a year back in the late 90's so have an idea of what it is like to live in the states, rather than just see a rose tinted view based upon a 2 week vacation.

My girlfriend and I have met up 5 times in the last year for around 10 days each time, both in the uk and the usa. She works in DC for the a very well known US based charity, but after 7-8 years she has had enough.

If we put the equity in both our houses together we would have around £200,000+ with no debts. We have applied for a visa for myself to move to the states and for us to oviously marry. The first stages have gone ok and the paperwork as we speak is meant to be on the way to the US london embassy.

Our plan, after visiting Maine last fall was to both sell up, marry and move there, as we are both fans of having 4 seasons, but without stupidly hot summers. The house prices obviously tick the box as it looks like for around £100,000 you could get something in a small town or slightly out in the sticks reasonably easily.

My girlfriend has visited here, suffolk where i live, the lake district etc and does also like it here. The thing that is now worrying us is that although we are not too worried about flash houses and cars, we just want the 'good life', a cosy house, a reliable car, enough cash for local adventures and a night out or a dvd boxset here and there. We don't want to end up both back in high pressure career jobs where we are working stupidly long hours with the problem of little to no vacation time in the short to medium term and/or struggling to find a job that gives reasonable health care

In the uk i earn £40,000+ 5 weeks holiday a year plus bank holidays, private health care on top of thr NHS and we would be mortgage free if she comes here and we marry

I don't want to do my current job for ever as it is early starts and high pressure sometimes, but i know i could do it for maybe 3-5 years to maybe pay off a bigger 'forever' home or to just put away a nest egg

My questions are what would people do and why? I guess there is less big business in Maine...more service and seasonal work so less chance of a job with reasonable benefits? I.e. we don't want to be mortgage free, both working enjoyable but lower paid jobs, but be having to shoulder big health care payments each month would could be approaching mortgage cost figures?

If we decide on the uk, and we know we have to make the decision soon, we would obviously politely inform the US authorities we were taking another route so we would not burn any bridges. BUT if we chose the uk and in 5 years decided to move to the states as a married couple is that a hard thing to do, as long as one of us has a job offer on the table?

Sorry for the long winded first post, but the basic question is where would we have the best chance of a good quality of life...Maine or Suffolk UK, maybe becoming the Lake district down the line?

Thanks in advance for any advice, personal experiences or views

J

Hotscot

Where do you both want to live? US or UK?
That's the first question to face together.

After spending 14 years in the US with my American wife, and earning far more than I could in the UK, I'm tired of being here and looking to move back in two or three years. It's a very personal decision though...

Speedwell

My husband moved here because he was unable to meet the income requirement for bringing a non-EU spouse to the UK, and because my boss withdrew a promised work transfer to the UK as well. We plan to try to move back in approximately ten years, when we're in our mid-50s. By that time I may have succeeded in talking the Hungarian government into granting me the birthright citizenship for which I qualify under their new laws, and I might come in under rules for EU spouses. Or we might leverage his Irish citizenship and move to the Donegal border, four miles from his hometown. Or the Singularity might have happened, or the Rapture, or something even more improbable. We're just saving money and planning vaguely.

rpjs

I've been here for two and a half years now with my American wife after we lived together in the UK for just over ten years. I work for the same company here that I worked for in the UK, which helped a lot.

I love the spaciousness of the US - we've just bought a house which is a lot bigger than anything we could afford in the UK. I like the climate where we are. We live just north of New York City on the Hudson so that means much hotter summers and colder winters than in the UK, but the spring and fall are perfect. What I like the most is that when it's going to rain, it rains. There's no day after day of grey drizzle like there is in England. (Of course, some parts of the US, like the Pacific North-West are just like the UK in that respect!)

Ironically, I think it's probably going to be my wife that will want to head back to the UK first before I get to any such point, if I do. Whilst she never felt fully accepted in the UK - that there was a subtly snobbishness against Americans there - she misses the food, which we both think is not as good here in the US, the closeness to the Continent for different cultures (although French Canada has proved a good substitute) and the general belief in some sort of social cohesion rather than the devil-take-the-hindmost feelings you often encounter here.

So it's swings and roundabouts. I'm happy to be here for the long term, and I plan to naturalize just as soon as I can. Quite possibly we'll retire to somewhere in the UK (Cornwall appeals) or elsewhere in the EU (if it still exists and UK citizens can still retire there) but that's a couple of decades away still.

Caruthers

At 41 your options will probably decrease and very possibly your health considerations will statistically increase in the next 10-15 years, hopefully not. In view of the health care issue and the usual dependence on coverage with work, it gets more of a lottery of do you feel lucky. Bear in mind all the financial security you have carefully accrued could be wiped out with some medical or other bad luck. There's the old cycle of job, sickness, no job, no insurance etc..Admittedly this is meant to change with Obamacare but has yet to be put into practice to see how it goes in the longterm. A couple with 2 good jobs lessens this risk for as long as that goes. Basically the only way to make it in the States is on your own, meaning make as much as you can, suffer the loss of your 5 weeks vacation and keep the wolf from the door, because that's it. In the UK I think people have a false sense of bravado with the knowledge that there is backup there, even if you don't need it or never need it.


In my humble opinion of a decade here, way out west, its only worth it to make the money, then leave. If you can't make good money here, don't bother as the risks out number the benefits just for curiosity's sake of trying the US.

Then again, you could be hit by a bus in Suffolk tomorrow. Hope not too.

Jaybee72

As expected, you are all giving very honest and useful advice. Caruthers, your reply summed up the main things that worry me about a US move. Thanks J

Bob

Maine is huge and that kind of money might not buy much in Portland, but by a couple hundred acres out in the counties, but one will have a lot of jobs, the other would be limited to farm or lumber related work.

Lot of finance/tech companies have operations in Portland/Auburn area because of tax breaks, but Portland is the only city that's a real city, Bangor/Augusta/Waterville/Belfast/Rockland would all feel like small towns.

Winters can be brutal and the summers can be pretty brutal too, depending on where you go.

It is a lovely state though, but with out knowing what you do for work/leisure, can't really say... Also have VT/NH etc.

Sally Redux

Probably depends on whether you can get a good job where you want to be in the US.

Personally I have never adapted to the mindset here but it might be different if you have an American wife.

bewildering

My theory is that where you live is less important than your relationships with other people. Obviously by marrying you will have a main relationship sorted out. But what about friends or family? Will you miss either or both. It is a truism that it is harder to make friends as you get older. Mainly because the number of people you meet steadily decreases, while your responsibilities increase.

It sounds like you are making a complete break, Maine is a long way from DC never mind suffolk. It will be lot of pressure on your relationship to be completely socially isolated at first. Personally I wouldn't put a new marriage under that sort of stress for at least two years. Perhaps you should move to DC at first and live together for while. Just my 2ps worth.

Hotscot

That's why I still have a strong Scottish accent while having lived in California for 14 years. No friends...and that's the way I like it.
(Apart from my loving wife who's gradually taking my accent on board to the hilarity of her students.)

Zen10

I can never see the advantage of living in a country without universal healthcare when one has the option of living in one with it, especially when you get older. For me that would be a major deciding factor.

KCK_DR

Before you move to maine and buy a house, rent one for a year to see if you truely like it!

Also here is a good movie to see and prepare:

Funny Farm is a 1988 film starring Chevy Chase and Madolyn Smith. The film was adapted from a 1985 comedic novel of the same name by Jay Cronley. The movie was filmed on location in Vermont, mostly in Townshend, Vermont. It was the final film directed by George Roy Hill.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Funny_Farm_(film)

Bluegrass Lass

I'm the USC, my hubby is the UKC. We've been married for over 9years now, with the majority of that time in the US (except for 6mo in the UK in 2011). We've faced quite a few challenges in since 2010. I won't go into too many details (altho I've mentioned most of them on here), but we've both faced job losses that have greatly contributed to increased debt and brutal financial decisions. As an FYI, we aren't the 'normal' blue-collar folks; I'm an engineer and my OH is an IT professional and we've still faced these tough situations.

We are actually getting ready to move back to the UK. My husband is already there and I will join him in a few weeks. We want more of the security of the NHS, esp since I have a pre-existing condition. My condition could eventually bankrupt us (again). Everyone's mileage in life will vary of course, and not everyone will face those kinds of decisions and realities. But the reality of living in the US can be quite harsh at times, if one suffers a job loss or other little twist of fate. It's not an exaggeration to say many people are one/two paychecks away from homelessness or bankruptcy. Esp here in the less wealthy areas in the midwest/South that I am in.

I'm rambling at this point, but you need to have honest conversations about where you think you want to live for the foreseeable future. And that decision doesn't have to be permanent. You can always decide to relocate back to the other spouse's country in the future.

Rusty Chainsaw

That was a major motivating factor for us moving back to the UK last year. That, and the UK's school system comes across as more well-rounded (with no requirement for anything like the pledge of allegiance!), and there's more help with childcare, etc.

The US is great if you're young and have job skills which are in demand - you can earn a lot of money and can get more for your money in terms of material wealth (bigger houses, bigger cars, etc). But once you start getting a little older those advantages slip away, and security and free time start getting more important, both of which are better served in the UK with the NHS, more holiday time at work, etc.

Speedwell

And family. I don't have any to speak of (or speak with) in the US and we have never been close, and my husband has a good close relationship with his own. Clann is important to both of us and now I belong to his. We didn't intend in the first place for him to be "that one who went to America". That was my father's and my mother's father's lot and I always thought it sucked. That said, my father embraced his new citizenship wholeheartedly and (if he was still alive) wouldn't be proud to think I was turning my back on it.