Homesickness!
Oct 6th 2004, 4:46 am
#16
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 6,848
Re: Homesickness!
Oh dear - you're suffering from Culture Shock. Even people who return to their home country after some time living overseas can get 'reverse culture shock'.
There are some interesting articles about this phenomenon on this website and some good links to other websites (and a booklist to check out):
http://www.expatexpert.com
There are some interesting articles about this phenomenon on this website and some good links to other websites (and a booklist to check out):
http://www.expatexpert.com
Oct 6th 2004, 8:25 am
#17
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 102
Re: Homesickness!
It's a funny time adjusting to living in a new country for anyone. But getting involved in something that interests you helps ease you into local life. Our English accent is always a ice breaker and I also like the way Americans show a genuine interest in meeting new people. This openness makes me feel more at ease being a newcomer over there.
I am just going to give it time and maybe try not to measure how long it should take to adjust and get into the life there.
All the best,
sparkler.
I am just going to give it time and maybe try not to measure how long it should take to adjust and get into the life there.
All the best,
sparkler.
Oct 6th 2004, 8:54 am
#18
Gravity Always Wins
Joined: Jul 2004
Location: Scotland -> Delaware - >Scotland?
Posts: 47
Re: Homesickness!
I can totally relate....
We've been here a little over a month now, and I can honestly say there have been some days where I've thought "what the hell have I done?".
Yet, there are some days where I think that we've made the right decision.
I miss my family, friends, food, the ability to go places without having to drive, a sensible banking system, being able to fart without applying to 5 different government agencies and having to have a good credit rating.......the list goes on!
But I think when we are fully established here, we will have a better overall standard of living that we did in the UK. At least I hope so.
I always said that we would have to give it at least 6 months to a year before we would know how we really felt about the move - right now I feel as though my life is worse overall than it was before. I just have to keep reminding myself that I have only been here a month, and that establishing onesself takes time.
It's good to read some of your responses saying that the homesickness gets better in time, because some days I find it a bit hard to function at the moment! Strange feeling, I never expected to feel this way...I pursued the opportunity to come to the US relentlessly, now I am here I find myself pining for home sometimes.
Rose-tinted specs, maybe! I was always moaning about the UK before I came here, it's funny how you forget the negatives when you leave though. (Insane cost of housing, petrol, etc., crap weather, traffic, people's attitudes, and so on...)
I'm rambling. Feels good to ramble though.
Ramble on!
We've been here a little over a month now, and I can honestly say there have been some days where I've thought "what the hell have I done?".
Yet, there are some days where I think that we've made the right decision.
I miss my family, friends, food, the ability to go places without having to drive, a sensible banking system, being able to fart without applying to 5 different government agencies and having to have a good credit rating.......the list goes on!
But I think when we are fully established here, we will have a better overall standard of living that we did in the UK. At least I hope so.
I always said that we would have to give it at least 6 months to a year before we would know how we really felt about the move - right now I feel as though my life is worse overall than it was before. I just have to keep reminding myself that I have only been here a month, and that establishing onesself takes time.
It's good to read some of your responses saying that the homesickness gets better in time, because some days I find it a bit hard to function at the moment! Strange feeling, I never expected to feel this way...I pursued the opportunity to come to the US relentlessly, now I am here I find myself pining for home sometimes.
Rose-tinted specs, maybe! I was always moaning about the UK before I came here, it's funny how you forget the negatives when you leave though. (Insane cost of housing, petrol, etc., crap weather, traffic, people's attitudes, and so on...)
I'm rambling. Feels good to ramble though.
Ramble on!
Oct 6th 2004, 9:28 am
#19
Yorkshire/London/Miami
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Miami, Florida
Posts: 86
Re: Homesickness!
Originally Posted by a lad insane
I pursued the opportunity to come to the US relentlessly, now I am here I find myself pining for home sometimes.
Rose-tinted specs, maybe! I was always moaning about the UK before I came here, it's funny how you forget the negatives when you leave though. (Insane cost of housing, petrol, etc., crap weather, traffic, people's attitudes, and so on...)
Rose-tinted specs, maybe! I was always moaning about the UK before I came here, it's funny how you forget the negatives when you leave though. (Insane cost of housing, petrol, etc., crap weather, traffic, people's attitudes, and so on...)
I am really still getting used to being here, but it no longer feels so strange. The crazy things like property taxes etc are the norm now and the fact that the locals have no sense of humour is not the best. However I have met some people that are great - mainly ex-pats.
The holiday vision people have though is not at all like reality, I had been here 15 times over the last 8 years and had no clue what living here would be really like. Give me a bit longer though and when i have battled through all the housing permit headaches and i will be happy.
We all go through it, but for me I know I can always go back home having had the experience.
Good Luck
Oct 6th 2004, 9:50 am
#20
Never right in the head!
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,465
Re: Homesickness!
Originally Posted by sanj2010
In answer to your question Yosser, I was offered a job that paid me more than I was on in the UK, so I have taken the opportunity to try and improve our quality of life. I am simply wondering if I have made the correct choice, that is all.
sanj
sanj
Surely you and your family must have though "what if" before moving out, its not like you can pack a suitcase and fly over on a whim!
Give it some time me ol' china, just like the rest of us, there will be 10 things you love and 10 things you hate, but its the same no matter where you live.
Chin up
Oct 7th 2004, 1:57 am
#21
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Midlands - MA - CO-CA
Posts: 2,770
Re: Homesickness!
It took me about 6 months to get used to being here. If given the chance within those 6 months, I would have been on the first plane back to the UK. We moved over because of hubby's job. I had no job, no car and was stuck in an apartment all day. I was going stir crazy. There was no public transport where we were, so I just had to get to the store on weekends or when hubby finished work. Now, I don't think I would like to go back to the UK to live. A short holiday is ok, but it does not really feel like home anymore. Give yourself at least 6 months to settle in and moving forward with your job before you make any big decisions about moving back to the UK. I think it has to do with a bit of culture shock as well. Good luck with your future decisions on what to do.
Oct 21st 2004, 1:18 pm
#22
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 172
Re: Homesickness!
Originally Posted by Rockgurl
It's almost like I don't belong anywhere anymore, like I'm stuck in the middle. It's a very unsettling feeling. ...... It's so intangible you can't really describe it, but I suppose we all have our own perceptions.
This statement sums up completely how I feel. I feel like I am in 'no mans land', I don't belong here but what I was comfortable with (at home) now feels odd as well. I went home to Edinburgh in May and I felt out of place, it was very disturbing being able to hear everyones accents! I also, like many others here have suffered all sorts of mental distress over the last year or so that I never experienced before; panic, anxiety, extreme fear, mood swings, frustration, anger etc etc. It has faded over time as I got used to the culture here but without any shadow of a doubt I will return home to Edinburgh and the NHS at the earliest opportunity.
I can't wait...it took me two years to get here and I have hated almost every minute of my time here...
Oct 21st 2004, 5:47 pm
#23
Just Joined
Joined: Jan 2004
Location: From Liverpool to S.C.
Posts: 4
Re: Homesickness!
This subject is the biggest thing to pull me out from lurking.
I've been here 4 years, I've not been able to get back for a visit yet, and I think I really need to. I miss the old place SO bad, homesickness still hits hard sometimes.
I question every day if we should move back home, although the rest of my family here are American, so I have the worry of them adjusting to things back home, so I'm kinda scared to make the choice, although I think a visit home would answer some of my doubts.
The other thing I don't think has been mentioned here is the feeling that you are always an outsider, sometimes I want to be back home just to feel normal, and not feel like the guy with the funny accent.
I've been here 4 years, I've not been able to get back for a visit yet, and I think I really need to. I miss the old place SO bad, homesickness still hits hard sometimes.
I question every day if we should move back home, although the rest of my family here are American, so I have the worry of them adjusting to things back home, so I'm kinda scared to make the choice, although I think a visit home would answer some of my doubts.
The other thing I don't think has been mentioned here is the feeling that you are always an outsider, sometimes I want to be back home just to feel normal, and not feel like the guy with the funny accent.
Oct 22nd 2004, 4:04 am
#24
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 22,105
Re: Homesickness!
Originally Posted by Rockgurl
Homesickness sucks! I was fine for the first 6 months but now I've been here for 10 months it's starting to get worse. I can only describe it as being like a panic attack. I'm usually fine until I see something on TV. There's nothing worse than seeing a clip of someone walking down an ordinary English street, with English number plates and street signs. It makes me start to panic and it's hard to know how to deal with it. I still don't feel settled but that's because I moved from one side of the US to the other and that's enough culture shock all on its own!
What's really funny is that last time I went home, I couldn't wait to get back to the US, because the crowding and the traffic was driving me nuts, not to mention the lack of AC! It's almost like I don't belong anywhere anymore, like I'm stuck in the middle. It's a very unsettling feeling. You just have to think that this is your one and only life, and you are doing something that many people dream of but very few actually get the opportunity to do. England will always be there...that's our security.
I think the thing I miss most (apart from the food and my family), is the British sense of "cool". All the stores, TV adverts, magazines etc are very modern and stylized, and sometimes in the US things can feel so old fashioned and backward it makes me cringe. It's so intangible you can't really describe it, but I suppose we all have our own perceptions. You have to take the good things and hang on to those, and go home as often as you can.
I'm going back in a couple of weeks, as I was having a homesick moment not long ago. I'm sure by the end of the trip I'll be glad to come back! Hope you feel better soon. It gets better once you start to build a life.
What's really funny is that last time I went home, I couldn't wait to get back to the US, because the crowding and the traffic was driving me nuts, not to mention the lack of AC! It's almost like I don't belong anywhere anymore, like I'm stuck in the middle. It's a very unsettling feeling. You just have to think that this is your one and only life, and you are doing something that many people dream of but very few actually get the opportunity to do. England will always be there...that's our security.
I think the thing I miss most (apart from the food and my family), is the British sense of "cool". All the stores, TV adverts, magazines etc are very modern and stylized, and sometimes in the US things can feel so old fashioned and backward it makes me cringe. It's so intangible you can't really describe it, but I suppose we all have our own perceptions. You have to take the good things and hang on to those, and go home as often as you can.
I'm going back in a couple of weeks, as I was having a homesick moment not long ago. I'm sure by the end of the trip I'll be glad to come back! Hope you feel better soon. It gets better once you start to build a life.
I'm actually glad you wrote that Rockgurl. While I'm American, my husband is British. I lived in the UK with him for almost 6 years. For all intents and purposes it was home, we had our home there, etc. For family reasons we moved back to the States. It was a hard adjustment when I moved to the UK, its just as hard coming back here. I too feel as if I don't belong. I can remember our trips to the US and wanting to get back to the UK - not being able to stand the pretentiousness of the US.
I'm homesick for the UK as if it was my own country. Really weird because I felt homesick when I lived over there, thinking I wanted to be back in the US.
Anyway, back to the original poster. I too think you should give it more time and you should spend loads of time investigating your new surroundings. It won't be the same by any means, you have to keep in mind its different, not necessarily a bad thing. The best of luck to you and your family. Its not an easy process.
Oct 22nd 2004, 5:11 am
#25
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2002
Location: Harbor Springs, Michigan *again*
Posts: 2,340
Re: Homesickness!
I've been thinking about replying to this thread for a while now. I went through a terrible bout of homesickness about 6 months after i'd been here, as previously described it was like a big cloud or depression hanging over me, my marriage went through a really rough patch and for a while I seriously contemplated going home. Having left children back in the UK my husband telling me it was difficult for him to give up smoking put me over the edge, to this day I still dont think he has any concept of the sacrifices I made to be here in the US with him. However ... time has passed .... and I have settled got a steady job and made my own friends and things are getting better.
As rockgurl said .. the US is stuck in a timewarp I feel so stupid for missing stupid things like duvets but sheets and blankets seem soo archaic !! even my mother gave up on blankets in favour of a duvet !! I hate it when DH tries to tell me its the same as a comforter NO ITS NOT !!! its also not a feather bed nor a quilt ! its a duvet .. a quilt with a cover which makes it hygenic !!!
I clean once a week for some folks who think they are on the cutting edge of fashion .. house is all glass and less is more ..... reminds me of Ikea 5 years ago ....
Oh well **end of rant**
As rockgurl said .. the US is stuck in a timewarp I feel so stupid for missing stupid things like duvets but sheets and blankets seem soo archaic !! even my mother gave up on blankets in favour of a duvet !! I hate it when DH tries to tell me its the same as a comforter NO ITS NOT !!! its also not a feather bed nor a quilt ! its a duvet .. a quilt with a cover which makes it hygenic !!!
I clean once a week for some folks who think they are on the cutting edge of fashion .. house is all glass and less is more ..... reminds me of Ikea 5 years ago ....
Oh well **end of rant**
Oct 22nd 2004, 5:34 am
#26
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: California since 1997 now back in UK since July 2004
Posts: 1,398
Re: Homesickness!
Originally Posted by jan_michigan
I've been thinking about replying to this thread for a while now. I went through a terrible bout of homesickness about 6 months after i'd been here, as previously described it was like a big cloud or depression hanging over me, my marriage went through a really rough patch and for a while I seriously contemplated going home. Having left children back in the UK my husband telling me it was difficult for him to give up smoking put me over the edge, to this day I still dont think he has any concept of the sacrifices I made to be here in the US with him. However ... time has passed .... and I have settled got a steady job and made my own friends and things are getting better.
As rockgurl said .. the US is stuck in a timewarp I feel so stupid for missing stupid things like duvets but sheets and blankets seem soo archaic !! even my mother gave up on blankets in favour of a duvet !! I hate it when DH tries to tell me its the same as a comforter NO ITS NOT !!! its also not a feather bed nor a quilt ! its a duvet .. a quilt with a cover which makes it hygenic !!!
I clean once a week for some folks who think they are on the cutting edge of fashion .. house is all glass and less is more ..... reminds me of Ikea 5 years ago ....
Oh well **end of rant**
As rockgurl said .. the US is stuck in a timewarp I feel so stupid for missing stupid things like duvets but sheets and blankets seem soo archaic !! even my mother gave up on blankets in favour of a duvet !! I hate it when DH tries to tell me its the same as a comforter NO ITS NOT !!! its also not a feather bed nor a quilt ! its a duvet .. a quilt with a cover which makes it hygenic !!!
I clean once a week for some folks who think they are on the cutting edge of fashion .. house is all glass and less is more ..... reminds me of Ikea 5 years ago ....
Oh well **end of rant**
You go girl!!!!!!!!
http://www.ikea-usa.com/webapp/wcs/s...e=homeshopping
Ikea have duvet covers, you can get them delivered..... Also sears and Kohls. Robinson may had them also.... Have a mooch online, there's real feather ones!!!!!!
One thing I did mainly due to being hard up for the cash at the time, was to buy the fabric and make the covers myself.....
Have to say though about the time warp thing.... being back there are some things here in the UK that are in that stuck position also... LOL
Oct 22nd 2004, 5:45 am
#27
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2002
Location: Harbor Springs, Michigan *again*
Posts: 2,340
Re: Homesickness!
Originally Posted by honeymommy
You go girl!!!!!!!!
http://www.ikea-usa.com/webapp/wcs/s...e=homeshopping
Ikea have duvet covers, you can get them delivered..... Also sears and Kohls. Robinson may had them also.... Have a mooch online, there's real feather ones!!!!!!
One thing I did mainly due to being hard up for the cash at the time, was to buy the fabric and make the covers myself.....
Have to say though about the time warp thing.... being back there are some things here in the UK that are in that stuck position also... LOL
http://www.ikea-usa.com/webapp/wcs/s...e=homeshopping
Ikea have duvet covers, you can get them delivered..... Also sears and Kohls. Robinson may had them also.... Have a mooch online, there's real feather ones!!!!!!
One thing I did mainly due to being hard up for the cash at the time, was to buy the fabric and make the covers myself.....
Have to say though about the time warp thing.... being back there are some things here in the UK that are in that stuck position also... LOL
wish i could send you a nice big US washing machine honeymummy LOL. My futuristic bosses have a Miele frontloader ... and wow is it crap !!! I have had a look for duvets and covers over here a friend put me on to www.smartbargains.com its just the choice thats so limited !
onward and upward !! we'll drag these buggers into the 21st century if it kills us !!
Oct 22nd 2004, 7:00 am
#28
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: East Seaxe
Posts: 73,223
Re: Homesickness!
Originally Posted by AmerLisa
I'm actually glad you wrote that Rockgurl. While I'm American, my husband is British. I lived in the UK with him for almost 6 years. For all intents and purposes it was home, we had our home there, etc. For family reasons we moved back to the States. It was a hard adjustment when I moved to the UK, its just as hard coming back here. I too feel as if I don't belong. I can remember our trips to the US and wanting to get back to the UK - not being able to stand the pretentiousness of the US.
I'm homesick for the UK as if it was my own country. Really weird because I felt homesick when I lived over there, thinking I wanted to be back in the US.
Anyway, back to the original poster. I too think you should give it more time and you should spend loads of time investigating your new surroundings. It won't be the same by any means, you have to keep in mind its different, not necessarily a bad thing. The best of luck to you and your family. Its not an easy process.
I'm homesick for the UK as if it was my own country. Really weird because I felt homesick when I lived over there, thinking I wanted to be back in the US.
Anyway, back to the original poster. I too think you should give it more time and you should spend loads of time investigating your new surroundings. It won't be the same by any means, you have to keep in mind its different, not necessarily a bad thing. The best of luck to you and your family. Its not an easy process.
Oct 22nd 2004, 8:41 am
#29
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Cumbria, UK
Posts: 30
Re: Homesickness!
Lord, I sympathise. I remember my first weeks here, didn't know a soul, couldn't open a bloody bank account for ages so I had no money, missed my sons as if they'd died, and cried more than I did anything else.
It gets easier, as everyone else has said, but you have to make the effort. Go out - and yes, even without a car, it's possible, if inconvenient - talk to people (one of the great differences is that people here are generally far more friendly), join something, anything, in your area. Go the the library, find out whats going on, see if there is a tourist information centre, whatever.
And another suggestion: go volunteer somewhere. It's a great way to meet people, it takes your mind off your own problems for a bit, and it fills those long, empty hours.
I don't think homesickness every really vanishes, but it surely fades and becomes less and less regular and less intense over time. And if you still feel that the USA isn't for you in a year or so, well, the UK will still be there, and at least you'll have had an adventure.
It gets easier, as everyone else has said, but you have to make the effort. Go out - and yes, even without a car, it's possible, if inconvenient - talk to people (one of the great differences is that people here are generally far more friendly), join something, anything, in your area. Go the the library, find out whats going on, see if there is a tourist information centre, whatever.
And another suggestion: go volunteer somewhere. It's a great way to meet people, it takes your mind off your own problems for a bit, and it fills those long, empty hours.
I don't think homesickness every really vanishes, but it surely fades and becomes less and less regular and less intense over time. And if you still feel that the USA isn't for you in a year or so, well, the UK will still be there, and at least you'll have had an adventure.
Oct 22nd 2004, 9:09 am
#30
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: California since 1997 now back in UK since July 2004
Posts: 1,398
Re: Homesickness!
Originally Posted by jan_michigan
wish i could send you a nice big US washing machine honeymummy LOL. My futuristic bosses have a Miele frontloader ... and wow is it crap !!! I have had a look for duvets and covers over here a friend put me on to www.smartbargains.com its just the choice thats so limited !
onward and upward !! we'll drag these buggers into the 21st century if it kills us !!
onward and upward !! we'll drag these buggers into the 21st century if it kills us !!
Wanna swap a couple of duvets for a huge washing machine and dryer then?...
OK... Homesickness... Treatment is to go out.. Walk around with a smile and things will look better... Learn about the area.. Go to a book store and buy a tourist guide or map etc..... It's a start to a future....
Every day is a new day to learn and enjoy something... If we spend all our time thinking of what we don't have, we miss the things that are right in front of us to enjoy......
Not a lecture... It's something I have had to tell myself a lot, and know it works......
