Homesick English Girl

Hi guys,
I'm sorry if I have posted this in the wrong thread, but I only came upon this site an hour ago and just needed to rant a little, I guess. I also apologise for my long post, but I feel I should give a bit of background on myself.
I am British and currently living with my new husband in his hometown of San Antonio. He is an American citizen and I have just got my probationary (if that's the right word!) green card which will be reviewed in approximately 12-18 mths time. Hubby and I travelled back to England to visit my family at the end of April and we're staying a month, loving every moment of it. Infact, we're still here and due to fly back to Texas on Monday of next week.
The only problem is, we can't return until Christmas, and the prospect of another 6+ months in America, away from my family and home, well, I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it.

I suffer from anxiety and depression at the best of times, but the thought of actually getting back on a plane again is more daunting than I can manage.
Don't get me wrong, my husband's family (all 14 of them!) have made me so welcome during the first 6 months of my initial stay, but nothing can compare to my own family or the English countryside which I yearn for. Having been away for 6 months already, being back has made me realise just how patriotic I am and how desperately homesick I am. And we have another week left in England yet!

Once we're back in San Antonio, my husband will go back to working nights, leaving at 5pm, getting home at 6am, going straight to bed then waking up at 2pm to repeat the day's routine again. I spend my time sitting alone and dwelling on the things I miss back home. I have no use of a car, no job, my mother-in-law (who we live with) just never seems to give me a minutes peace, always calling me downstairs to sit with her or calling me on the phone so she can bitch and moan about my husband or other family members. God, I feel sick inside at the thought of it all.

I have no friends whatsoever that I can confide in (no-one I trust, anyway), where we live is pretty much near a main road so it's not like I can go out walking or cycling, and his mother's scared of anything furry (don't ask!) so I can't even get a little pet of any sort to keep me company.
Please, someone... I just need advice on how to get through the next 6 months before I can come home again. How does anyone else cope with sickening, emotional homesickness? How do you stop the tears from coming at the slightest thing?

I feel like I am going crazy.... I so need a friend to talk to

sime303

You really need to get out and about. I don't know about public transport where you live but you do need to get out. Whether that be a job or volunteering, you need to immerse yourself in the US culture if not you will always be homesick.

Xebedee

Sime is correct.
Its not "unpatriotic" to adopt new ways and/or immerse yourself in a new culture.
Think of it this way:

You will learn new ways of thinking, you may even become a more level-headed person. The culture you are in is just as wierded out by you as you are of it. Get out and take it all in. Accept the stuff you like and see value in and dump the rubbish.

Find something fun and joyfull and follow it, wether it be underwater basket-weaving or hunting small furry animals with large calibre guns (you can stuff the animals and give them to your MIL as gifts).

Good luck.

g1ant

GET ONE. You need to get out of the house. You need to have some element of independence.

Talk to your husband, tell him your feelings and tell him the first thing he needs to do when you get back to San Antonio is buy you a car. He's in danger of losing you, he needs to know.

JEM3110

You need a reason to get up in the morning - a job, a kid, a pet, a gym class to go to or whatever..... Live a little!

English Muffin

I have to agree with everyone else. Your situation in the US isn't likely to improve if you don't get a car and/or a job (preferably both). I moved to MA with my USC husband in January and I'm still waiting for my EAD so I can't work yet. I only managed 3 weeks without a car before I was climbing the walls but as soon as I got one my life changed completely. I am not tied to the house any more and even if I only do a bit of shopping at least it gets me out.

You haven't said why you don't have a car or a job but I think if you can fix those two things your life will improve dramatically.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

chicagojlo

Surely if you were to get a job you wouldn't need to live with your MIL, you'd be able to afford a car and the gym and school and you would be able to get a pet.
Feeling 'homesick' is normal but I think you are confusing that with being miserable about the life you have in Texas. Do you honestly think you would miss home as much if you had more to be happy about where you were?

Homesick English Girl

The reason I don't have a job/car yet is a bit of swings and roundabouts. I need a car to get to work and I need work to get a car. We're pretty bad off financially right now, so there's no way we can afford transport for me, let alone a place of our own. I guess my post came across as somewhat "whiney" - I certainly didn't intend that, I just feel a bit lost is all.
My hubby and I are looking into moving here to the UK once I get my probation removed and then eventually applying for dual citizenship, just to make it a bit easier when it comes to to-ing and fro-ing, visiting families in both countries.
I guess I was looking for a short-term quick-fix with regards to coping with homesickness over the next 6months.
I know to alot of people that 6 months is relatively no time at all, but it just seems like a liftime to me, especially not having anywhere to go and no friends to see.

cybersecretary

Good luck. I agree with the others though, get out and about a bit more, be assertive with mother-in-law, dont let her whining get to you. Get some exercise, do some voluntary work, anything, just get out of the house!

g1ant

Well you found the money for a month long holiday in England. You might have been better spending that on a car.

a.

Homesick English Girl

Charming.

g1ant

Don't shoot the messenger.

Homesick English Girl

I am shooting no one, but my finances aren't really up for discussion! I came here because I wondered if anyone else had felt the same way as I do, and whether they'd share their experiences.
All I hoped for was an understanding ear and perhaps a bit of friendly advice - and for what it's worth, a car costs a helluva lot more than 2 reduced-rate plane tickets to the UK where we've stayed rent-free with my parents!

chicagojlo

You can rent a car in the short term - a couple of weeks until you get enough pay for a deposit on a purchase. Can you not get any kind of job at your husband's employers or in a nearby office so that you could drive in together?

There aren't many ways to ease your current situation without you actively changing it. If you don't change the no car/no job/living with MIL which is the root cause of your problems, all you can do is change how you deal with it yourself. Many people here have battled on through it knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel and coming on here for support. But if there is no real light for you then you need to make one.

Irn-bru

You poor thing - you came to the right place

I am glad your OH is thinking of moving back to the UK eventually for your sake. I don't mean to pry but you mention you have anxiety and depression problems having suffered them myself I sympathise. Have you gone to a doctor to get some meds? I don't mean this to come across as 'med yourself up' and everything will be fine but as there is a reason for the depression it might give you enough help to be able to cope and to think how to make it better?

I agree with the others you need to get out I realise its a catch 22 situation with a car but maybe there is some work that you could car pool with etc. Or maybe if your partner is working opposite shifts you could take the car then.
If you could get a job not only will it make you feel a bit better it might help with finances so you don't need to live with your MIL.

I realise and from personal experience when you are really depressed its hard to be continually motivated to look for all ways to get out of the situation without throwing the proverbial towel in and say woe is me but hang in there sometimes things come along in the most unexpected way and timing and feel free to come here for some understanding

And who knows maybe in a years time you might (just might) start fitting in here or liking it - who knows anything is possible