cindyabs

I read gipped as gripped and that brought a whole new definition to your premise.

britex01

In many ways, business, like marketing, stands to win or lose on a bilingual footing - English and bullshit! ...

Do you refute this?



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Xebedee

That would be the reality, rather than theory.

britex01

That's because I'm a realist. Sod the theories ...

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Steerpike

Congratulations! Let's hope it lasts!

I've never tried to put in words the issues around 'being a workaholic' before; thinking about a subject is one thing, putting it down in words for others to read is a different matter!

A key difference between us may be, I came here alone and on a job-specific visa. If I lost that one and only job, I would have had to leave the country (at least, officially). I loved being in SF so much that there was no way I was going to let that happen! And the company did have a big layoff within 6 months of my arrival; I was shocked that I survived. I asked, and my boss told me very plainly ... "you are much better than the guys we let go". That's when I realized that the US work environment was fundamentally different. In the UK, layoffs were based on 'last in first out', promotions were based on "who's been here longest" rather than pure merit, and raises seemed to be according to strict formulas ("everyone gets 3.23%"). Also, being here alone at first meant I was somewhat lonely. Immersing myself into my job was an easy way to deal with that.

As I look back now over the past 24 years, I can't believe how enjoyable the working environments have been. I've never had to show up at any particular time (which is great - I HATE mornings! ), always been allowed to go about my job in the way I see fit (only the end result counting), gotten away with ignoring meetings (a colossal waste of time), and so on. I've occasionally taken this for granted, but usually when I do, a merger comes along and reminds me that it's the exception and not the rule; new managers making decisions that hurt customers and future business, 'strategic plans' that miss the point, etc. Suddenly, the whole 'point' of working disappeared and I found myself watching the clock, taking sick days, and generally hating my job. I stuck around for 2 years after the first bad merger hoping for things to improve, 6 months after the second, but after the third, I just quit because I could see the pattern. The good news has always been, I keep finding new 'great places' to work.

I would say, being honest, that being a 'workaholic' is no different from other forms of addiction. I have several (too many!) friends who are alcoholics and/or have drug dependencies, and I can see the same patterns. There is a path of least resistance to getting the pleasure you seek, and you follow it, and once you stay on that path too long, it's hard to get off. The important point I want to make is that it's not the money, or the security, but rather, a fundamental sense of pleasure in achieving something. The 'type' of pleasure I get from work is no different from the 'pleasure' of climbing a mountain, winning a race, seeing your child's first step, or whatever; it's an end in itself, not a means towards an end. It may be healthier for me to get the pleasure from other sources, but there are also far worse sources of the pleasure, as I see happening with my drug/alcohol addicted friends.

britex01

Interesting. Some workaholics are not quite as forthright and 'laid back' as you, however, insofar that work can be an all-consuming 'drug' that fails to contemplate its cause and effect on those around them, especially when they're in the command seat. I know.... I was one such person. Today, happily, the illusion is shattered. I feel more in tune with life as a whole. But it took two major breakdowns and considerable personal loss to regain that privilege. Money and work addiction can, at worse, push some people into living restricted and sometimes insular existences.

If the OP's husband ranks in this league of blind self-indulgence, then she has a very genuine grievance.

I wish her well.

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Zoot

Why work when you can sponge off of a husband?

britex01

That might suit you but some folk are more concerned about roots and cultural comparisons when living in a foreign land.

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Elvira

Wow.

Seeing that the OP is not allowed to work - courtesy of USCIS - that's one hell of a comment to make...

tinkerpup

I came to the East coast in 1978, significantly later than the war brides, and find it difficult to function at times as I too came with a husband, who was a student. I wasn't on anyone's list as he was, and floated along, forced to work for his university until we got a different visa status. I'm still a British citizen even after nearly 30 years, now divorced, with an adult son who was raised in the Midwest. When I come across other English women, we have lots in common even if we would not have met on our own soil. We know how to enjoy ourselves and have a similar sense of humour. Thank God I have also found Americans with good senses of humour, and also immense generosity. I find Americans in the Midwest polite and respectful.
We had 3 suitcases when we came, and two of them were filled with my husband's books. After 6 years we shipped some of our stuff over, and 12 years ago when my mum died I shipped over the last of my things. I have only just bought my first home, alone, and everything in it is second hand except the two white wicker chairs I use in the living room that really are outdoor chairs. Everything else comes from yard sales, which were not an English phenomenon, or hand-me-downs from neighbours and friends.
I have had several jobs and had to change careers completely as my qualification is not recognized from my first career. I have spent a lot of time complaining, and when I saw it in black and white from the first correspondent on this subject I realized I am not alone and then realized how grateful I am for all the help I have had while living here. I've been through phases of dread, fear, loneliness, loss, anger, etc. punctuated with success, surprise, delight, kindness of others, and opportunities to help people. I've been to several regions of the U.S. and drove my son 1,000 miles and back,camping both ways, to the Badlands when he was 10 and to the East coast when he was 14. I came back three days ago from my first, short trip to the Western desert, and I've been in rainforest in the Pacific Northwest, and to the Gulf coast, Rockies, and in cities, villages, diners, and mansions. I live in a tiny ranch house near Lake Michigan.
Culture is terribly important to me and England has changed a lot since I left, and, well, "knowing how way leads on to way", I have taken several turns and now can't go back around any of them. But, you know, cats and dogs speak universal languages, so do music, and art, compassion, cacti, snow, sunsets, sparrows, knitting, respect, hard work, winking, hairdressers, and the taste of food. People are not the same everywhere, and it has taken me a long time to appreciate what Americans understand and care about, and I have been expected to enjoy all kinds of British nonsense and have all kinds of habits I don't have - I don't drink tea or ride a bike, for example, and no, I don't know your cousin in Manchester because I came from Surrey. When I tell people where I came from they think I'm saying "sorry" and repeat the question.
I wish people wanted to know more about England so I could tell them what I love about it, but they don't and I'm stuck with it. I get back when I can afford it, which is every 3 years or so when I'm lucky. I'd rather age there than here. But we can't always control everything about life. Self control is more important to cultivate than control over others.
Happy new year. Be an ambassador for your origins and carry yourself proudly into this new year. It's new for your colleagues and friends too.

Elvira

Hiya and welcome!

So, are you planning to stay in the US, or move back home?

britex01

A genuine and pleasing post. Welcome to BE tinkerpup.

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cindyabs

Tinkerpup's post reminded me that many women go through the starting over bit when they are a certain age-it ain't easy.

Xebedee

Seems there are expats here with varying degrees of experience of living in America. Some have been here for months, some a few years, some decades.

My hat is off to you for your perseverence. Truly.
I have walked most of the way myself, but not as far as you have. Yet.

The one, glaring thing I have noticed about this forum is that it illuminates (to those who are out of touch with their natural culture) the fact that almost all expats experience the same things when living in America.

Don't underestimate how much value your experiences have to some of the people here. Yours truly included.

Wotcher.

cindyabs

Shoot I wanted to karma you again.