Go Back  British Expats > Living & Moving Abroad > USA
Reload this Page >

Homesick and depressed...

Homesick and depressed...

Old Dec 28th 2007, 5:40 pm
  #46  
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Dec 2007
Location: Back in Montreal, PQ
Posts: 98
MademoiselleMtl has a reputation beyond reputeMademoiselleMtl has a reputation beyond reputeMademoiselleMtl has a reputation beyond reputeMademoiselleMtl has a reputation beyond reputeMademoiselleMtl has a reputation beyond reputeMademoiselleMtl has a reputation beyond reputeMademoiselleMtl has a reputation beyond reputeMademoiselleMtl has a reputation beyond reputeMademoiselleMtl has a reputation beyond reputeMademoiselleMtl has a reputation beyond reputeMademoiselleMtl has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Thanks for the reply. I am already in that group among many others!
MademoiselleMtl is offline  
Old Dec 28th 2007, 5:45 pm
  #47  
Lapine Member
 
snowbunny's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2004
Location: Austin, Texas in my own little world
Posts: 21,691
snowbunny has a reputation beyond reputesnowbunny has a reputation beyond reputesnowbunny has a reputation beyond reputesnowbunny has a reputation beyond reputesnowbunny has a reputation beyond reputesnowbunny has a reputation beyond reputesnowbunny has a reputation beyond reputesnowbunny has a reputation beyond reputesnowbunny has a reputation beyond reputesnowbunny has a reputation beyond reputesnowbunny has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by MademoiselleMtl View Post
Thanks for the reply. I am already in that group among many others!
Well.... you certainly are trying!

I'd talk to your doctor about your particular medication. And then, if you can, I'd visit home. (Assuming your immigration status is okay.)
snowbunny is offline  
Old Dec 28th 2007, 5:50 pm
  #48  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Joined: Jan 2007
Location: NW Chicago suburbs
Posts: 11,253
Tracym has a reputation beyond reputeTracym has a reputation beyond reputeTracym has a reputation beyond reputeTracym has a reputation beyond reputeTracym has a reputation beyond reputeTracym has a reputation beyond reputeTracym has a reputation beyond reputeTracym has a reputation beyond reputeTracym has a reputation beyond reputeTracym has a reputation beyond reputeTracym has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by MademoiselleMtl View Post
I guess I have been focusing on the negative and the petty things are really getting to me which has not always been the case. Time to pick myself up and make some decisions before I am even more bitter then I am now.

If a friend or family member told me this story I will tell them to leave and make a life for themselves! Taking my own advice seems to be harder then giving it though...sigh...

As for the meds, I am already taking them.
I do sympathise. It seems to me that perhaps the biggest problem isn't the US - it's that your husband isn't taking your unhappiness seriously. Now... the answer to that unhapiness could very well be to leave the US. But couples have to solve their problems together, and it seems that's what's lacking at the moment.

I agree with the others - you and your husband need a heart-to-heart - he needs to hear that you are so unhappy here you're considering leaving. And hopefully that will get his attention, and you can solve the problem together.

Best of luck.
Tracym is offline  
Old Dec 28th 2007, 6:06 pm
  #49  
In yonder hills
 
britex01's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Nr. Lincoln, England
Posts: 4,132
britex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by MademoiselleMtl View Post
I guess I have been focusing on the negative and the petty things are really getting to me which has not always been the case. Time to pick myself up and make some decisions before I am even more bitter then I am now.

If a friend or family member told me this story I will tell them to leave and make a life for themselves! Taking my own advice seems to be harder then giving it though...sigh...

As for the meds, I am already taking them.
First, I'd be careful about meds - anti-depressants. They do not remove anxiety and so forth. Only you and you alone can decide. Emotive swings are likely, expected, but the more they persist, the greater the longing to return to Montreal. The only anchor is your love for your husband, but love alone is not a world in motion. Torn hearts are fragile hearts. True love is understanding the needs of each other, which I hope your husband shares with you.

I currently live 6000 miles away from my wife... she could not settle in the UK because she missed her family back home, especially her 20 year old daughter. We discussed this matter at length.... I didn't want her unhappy here, no matter how much our love, and I wasn't ready to move to the States. At the end of the day I don't own my wife's spirit. She is not a possession. Although she is now back in the States, we communicate regularly. Moreover, we'll see each other again in the New Year, either here or in the States. Being apart because of 'roots' is not an easy obstacle to overcome. I have first-hand experience of this. But...

I am happier knowing my wife is happier. One day our life together will right itself, of that I'm sure.

If your husband is a workacholic, which you state, then with respect, I feel the best course of action for you is to consider all things in his 'department' and those of your own. You need your life. He has his. The scales of balance, seemingly, need adjusting so that you are both happy, no matter the distance.

---- M
britex01 is offline  
Old Dec 28th 2007, 6:09 pm
  #50  
The Duchess of Putney
 
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: HOME
Posts: 23,151
Elvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond reputeElvira has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by britex01 View Post
First, I'd be careful about meds - anti-depressants. They do not remove anxiety and so forth. Only you and you alone can decide. Emotive swings are likely, expected, but the more they persist, the greater the longing to return to Montreal. The only anchor is your love for your husband, but love alone is not a world in motion. Torn hearts are fragile hearts. True love is understanding the needs of each other, which I hope your husband shares with you.

I currently live 6000 miles away from my wife... she could not settle in the UK because she missed her family back home, especially her 20 year old daughter. We discussed this matter at length.... I didn't want her unhappy here, no matter how much our love, and I wasn't ready to move to the States. At the end of the day I don't own my wife's spirit. She is not a possession. Although she is now back in the States, we communicate regularly. Moreover, we'll see each other again in the New Year, either here or in the States. Being apart because of 'roots' is not an easy obstacle to overcome. I have first-hand experience of this. But...

I am happier knowing my wife is happier. One day our life together will right itself, of that I'm sure.

If your husband is a workacholic, which you state, then with respect, I feel the best course of action for you is to consider all things in his 'department' and those of your own. You need your life. He has his. The scales of balance, seemingly, need adjusting so that you are both happy, no matter the distance.

---- M
What you said.
Elvira is offline  
Old Dec 28th 2007, 6:29 pm
  #51  
Septicity
 
fatbrit's Avatar
 
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 23,762
fatbrit has a reputation beyond reputefatbrit has a reputation beyond reputefatbrit has a reputation beyond reputefatbrit has a reputation beyond reputefatbrit has a reputation beyond reputefatbrit has a reputation beyond reputefatbrit has a reputation beyond reputefatbrit has a reputation beyond reputefatbrit has a reputation beyond reputefatbrit has a reputation beyond reputefatbrit has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by zachary View Post
Are you sure nobody can read this? Hahaha
Think they were betting on it.
fatbrit is offline  
Old Dec 28th 2007, 8:41 pm
  #52  
Not living a 9 to 5 life
 
NC Penguin's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2002
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 11,061
NC Penguin has a reputation beyond reputeNC Penguin has a reputation beyond reputeNC Penguin has a reputation beyond reputeNC Penguin has a reputation beyond reputeNC Penguin has a reputation beyond reputeNC Penguin has a reputation beyond reputeNC Penguin has a reputation beyond reputeNC Penguin has a reputation beyond reputeNC Penguin has a reputation beyond reputeNC Penguin has a reputation beyond reputeNC Penguin has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by MademoiselleMtl View Post
Part of the problem is that my husband seems to think that I am not trying enough and that I am being a snob. He is a workoholic and seems to tune everything out, that is another problem


What I try to explain to him is that I did not leave a country or a city that I hated, that it comes down to a matter of personal preference.

He feels he has more options here and I have more at home. Do you know many couples who have split because one liked it here and one hated it?

Do tell....


I have to admit everything drives me insane these days...

A few things this week, petty, I know...

* Seeing a lady at the grocery store with santa earrings

* Wearing santa hats

* Seeing a mini Christmas tree as a decor on the back of someone's motobike

* "Jesus Saves" bumper stickers

* WWJD bumper stickers

* anything to do with Bush drives me crazy, simply hearing his voice frustrates me

Can anyone else relate?
"Vive la difference!", to coin a phrase. I'm sure the examples you give annoy some Americans too.
NC Penguin is offline  
Old Dec 28th 2007, 10:09 pm
  #53  
 
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 250
:Huey is a name known to all:Huey is a name known to all:Huey is a name known to all:Huey is a name known to all:Huey is a name known to all:Huey is a name known to all:Huey is a name known to all:Huey is a name known to all:Huey is a name known to all:Huey is a name known to all:Huey is a name known to all
Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by MademoiselleMtl View Post
Thanks for the reply. I am already in that group among many others!
You definitely need something to do, and your husband has to take you seriously. All the other stuff gets on your nerves because of those things.
:Huey is offline  
Old Dec 29th 2007, 9:48 am
  #54  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Steerpike's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: Bay Area, CA / Scottsdale, AZ
Posts: 6,722
Steerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by MademoiselleMtl View Post
I guess I have been focusing on the negative and the petty things are really getting to me which has not always been the case. Time to pick myself up and make some decisions before I am even more bitter then I am now.
I loved living in London before I came here. I appreciated London for it's many strengths (culture, architecture, politics, theater, movies, restaurants, etc). When I first arrived, I was disappointed by many of the things that were 'missing', or were 'not as good' (architecture being one very simple example). As a liberal, I was horrified to have Ronald Reagan as President (and am still horrified to have Bush as President); As a non-religious person, I was disturbed by the religious right and its influence. As someone who appreciated good in-depth analysis on TV and in newspapers, I was dismayed by the media. I could have easily wrapped myself up in these and many other 'observations' and hated the place.

But there was also a tremendous amount to enjoy. I loved the people I worked with on a daily basis - people focused on getting the job done, overcoming obstacles, and making the most of any situation (in the UK, everyone I worked with found excuses not to work, complained about everything, took no initiative). I enjoyed the people I encountered in every aspect of life - shop assistants, bank tellers, auto-mechanics, you name it - they were all more positive and helpful than their counterparts in the UK. I enjoyed living in a truly multicultural place (San Francisco is 40% white, 27% asian, etc) that values and empowers immigrants. I enjoyed living in a place that valued hard work and personal achievement over 'who your family is' or 'what school you went to'.

In the end, I realised that most of the things that bothered me - the president, the religious right, the dumbed-down media, etc - didn't actually affect my daily life; the same president and the same religious right would still be there whether I stayed or left, and I found good media to counter the bad. But the things I enjoyed - wandering the shops of Chinatown, being served by a glad-to-be-here immigrant in some restaurant, enjoying the daily respect I recieve at work, etc - were truly daily occurrences that made a difference in my life.

I agree with others, it's crucial that you get a job or a similar 'motivation'. I'd also personally suggest you try to meet more Americans. They don't all wear santa earrings and live for a day at the Mall. I would say that the educated, liberal Americans I have met over the years are the finest people I could hope to meet (and I've met almost all of them through ... work). But if you can't come to terms with where you are, if you can't find anything to look forward to on a daily basis, run like hell; do not pass go, do not collect $200; life is too short to suffer. Go back to Montreal, make a life for yourself on your terms, and see what transpires. I'm sure you will find someone else if it comes to that.

For what it's worth, a few of my US friends have moved to Canada out of disgust with current US foreign policy. Not all Americans laugh at the notion of moving to Canada! Personally, Montreal is high on my list of 'places to consider living'.
Steerpike is offline  
Old Dec 29th 2007, 1:10 pm
  #55  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 13,399
anotherlimey has a reputation beyond reputeanotherlimey has a reputation beyond reputeanotherlimey has a reputation beyond reputeanotherlimey has a reputation beyond reputeanotherlimey has a reputation beyond reputeanotherlimey has a reputation beyond reputeanotherlimey has a reputation beyond reputeanotherlimey has a reputation beyond reputeanotherlimey has a reputation beyond reputeanotherlimey has a reputation beyond reputeanotherlimey has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by MademoiselleMtl View Post
Hello everyone,

Not sure where to begin so I will just jump in...I am a 32 yr old French Canadian female, born and raised in Montreal. I moved to LA 8 years ago to be with my British/Canadian husband who moved to Montreal when he was 10.

<snip>

A response from those who understand or relate to this would be appreciated!
Does your husband speak French?

What about French-Canadian TV, you might be able to get some channels with a satellite dish.

Do you have Skype or something similar with a webcam to talk to your family back home?

Why not bring a little bit of French-Canada into your home?

None of this will help much, but it may make your stay a little bit easier; someone else has already told you what you really need to do.
anotherlimey is offline  
Old Dec 29th 2007, 2:20 pm
  #56  
Not dead yet
 
Thydney's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: In a world of my own where I know everyone
Posts: 15,042
Thydney has a reputation beyond reputeThydney has a reputation beyond reputeThydney has a reputation beyond reputeThydney has a reputation beyond reputeThydney has a reputation beyond reputeThydney has a reputation beyond reputeThydney has a reputation beyond reputeThydney has a reputation beyond reputeThydney has a reputation beyond reputeThydney has a reputation beyond reputeThydney has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by anotherlimey View Post

Why not bring a little bit of French-Canada into your home?
Yes hoist a white flag that should make you feel all French(sorry I just can't help jabbing at the French)
Thydney is offline  
Old Dec 29th 2007, 2:58 pm
  #57  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Sally Simpson's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Tropical North QLD
Posts: 21,434
Sally Simpson has a reputation beyond reputeSally Simpson has a reputation beyond reputeSally Simpson has a reputation beyond reputeSally Simpson has a reputation beyond reputeSally Simpson has a reputation beyond reputeSally Simpson has a reputation beyond reputeSally Simpson has a reputation beyond reputeSally Simpson has a reputation beyond reputeSally Simpson has a reputation beyond reputeSally Simpson has a reputation beyond reputeSally Simpson has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

You are already on anti-depressants! How bad does your husband need your mental health to be before he starts taking you seriously?
You have clearly tried joining clubs etc to help, I don't see how he can say you are not trying hard enough!

I really wish you luck but for goodness sake, start putting your own needs first!
Sally Simpson is offline  
Old Dec 29th 2007, 7:23 pm
  #58  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Steerpike's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: Bay Area, CA / Scottsdale, AZ
Posts: 6,722
Steerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond reputeSteerpike has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Thinking more about this (I lost sleep over your predicament )...

You should not be on anti-depressants at your age! Assuming you have always been happy/healthy and this is your first bout with depression, then the cause is obvious and you need to deal with the root cause.

I hate to bash LA, because recently I've spent time there and found good parts, and even considered taking a job there, but I think it's fair to say, it's a hard place to come to terms with, especially as a first intro to the US. It experienced an uncontrolled explosion of growth in the early part of the century, and has hardly stopped since. It's easy to get lost in the sea of featureless suburbs, the billboards, the freeways, the mini-malls on the corners, the dense traffic. It represents so much of what can go wrong in American urban society.

Short of you cutting and running (an option I think you must consider), can your husband transfer his work to another city without jeopardizing his immigration status? Can he work from home, allowing you to move to a more manageable location? Have you spent time in some of the more cosmopolitan parts of LA, such as Westwood, West LA, Marina Del Rey, etc?

Fundamentally, LA is the home of the movie industry and the TV industry; industries focused on fantasy, escapism, consumerism. It's going to be harder to find the kinds of 'substantial' people you are probably looking for.

If I had to choose between LA and Montreal, I'd choose Montreal. But LA is not the only city in the US, and I'd suggest you explore the possibilities of moving to other cities - made difficult I know by the immigration situation. If not, go to Montreal, and let the man come to his own decisions. Don't medicate yourself into submission!
Steerpike is offline  
Old Dec 29th 2007, 11:47 pm
  #59  
BE Forum Addict
 
basementwaj's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: TN
Posts: 1,759
basementwaj has a reputation beyond reputebasementwaj has a reputation beyond reputebasementwaj has a reputation beyond reputebasementwaj has a reputation beyond reputebasementwaj has a reputation beyond reputebasementwaj has a reputation beyond reputebasementwaj has a reputation beyond reputebasementwaj has a reputation beyond reputebasementwaj has a reputation beyond reputebasementwaj has a reputation beyond reputebasementwaj has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Has anyone ever seen tequila sunrise???? theres a reason to leave Canada!
basementwaj is offline  
Old Dec 29th 2007, 11:52 pm
  #60  
In yonder hills
 
britex01's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Nr. Lincoln, England
Posts: 4,132
britex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond reputebritex01 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by Steerpike View Post
Don't medicate yourself into submission!
Absolutely... 100% agree on this point.

----
britex01 is offline  

Contact Us Archive Advertising Cookie Policy Privacy Statement Terms of Service

Copyright © 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.