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Homesick and depressed...

Homesick and depressed...

Old Dec 28th 2007, 3:39 pm
  #31  
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Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by Leslie66 View Post
Aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Would you like to tell me about your problem?

May be aversion therapy coud help?

If not, i could analyse your dreams, and we can take it from there...

Yours,
Elvira Freud
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 4:26 pm
  #32  
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Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by Elvira View Post
Would you like to tell me about your problem?

May be aversion therapy coud help?

If not, i could analyse your dreams, and we can take it from there...

Yours,
Elvira Freud
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 4:30 pm
  #33  
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Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

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Old Dec 28th 2007, 4:47 pm
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Arrow Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by MademoiselleMtl View Post
Hello everyone,

Not sure where to begin so I will just jump in...I am a 32 yr old French Canadian female, born and raised in Montreal. I moved to LA 8 years ago to be with my British/Canadian husband who moved to Montreal when he was 10.

We met when I was 20 and he was 27, he was working as an engineer and I was still in University. We were together for 3 years then he got a job in Seattle and moved there.

I was still in school at the time and I did not want to leave my family
as we were very closeknit etc so I stayed home to finish school and he took thejob. We had a long distance relationship for the next 2 years, it was not easy but we talked every day and we visited each other every 2 months which made things bearable.

After being in Seatttle, he got transferred to LA. I had just finished University and we wanted to be together so so I made the move to the States for love. I knew I would miss my family as we have always been very, very close knit but I loved him so I knew I a sacrifice had to be made.

Looking back, I can only shake my head and sigh. At 24 yrs old, all I thought about was being in love. I did not really think about the fact that I would not be able to work, what I would to keep busy, the extent I would miss my family, my culture, speaking French, my country etc....

In all honesty, I will say that I did not really like living in LA from the very
start. Yes, the weather was nice but the "me, me, me mentality" was very
different then what I was used to back in Montreal. I missed speaking French, living in a metropolitan, cosmopolitan European influenced city, my family and friends, living in a city with a bustling downtown core and everything about home in general. I tried to focus on my relationship and thought that time would make things better and that has not been the case.

I kept busy with going to the gym, taking classes, going hiking and doing volunteer work. I also joined quite a few groups to meet local women and French expats so I could speak French and feel a sense of the familiar but despite my best efforts, I still felt homesick.

I was on a TN visa from the start so I could not work but my husband's company had started the greencard process so I tried to focus on that. The next year, he got laid off so the whole greencard process that had been started with that company was void. He has now been with the same company for awhile and they started the greencard process but as many of you know it is a very lengthy one. Long story short, I have been here for 7 years and I feel like I have no life!!

Besides not being able to work, there is a long list of things that I hate about living in the US. It is certainly not the land of the free is all I can say.

I hate to generalize but I find the American mentality and way of life to be a hard thing to adjust to.

People are rude! I am tired of people not holding doors open or stepping on my feet and not apologizing! Tired of mini malls, big gulps, twinkies, super sizes, people with no fashion sense, loud arrogant behaviour, religious fanatics, pro war thinking, horrible medical care, racists and the mentality that America is a super power, the best etc...

A few months ago, I was out with a few American women from a ladies group and they asked me if I wanted to be a US citizen and I replied that I was a proud Canadian and that I had no desire to be American. I then asked them if they would like to be Canadian and all 3 laughed hysterically and said "Why would anyone want to be Canadian? We live in the best country in the world!"

One of many incidents...

It is funny that it took me moving away from Canada to truly appreciate it. Yes, every place has it's faults but home is home and having family you can count on is priceless.

Since I first moved here 7 years ago, I have made it a point to go home to visit on a regular basis. That used to be enough to keep my depression at a minimum but now when I go back home, I truly dread climbing back onto the plane to come back here!

As for my husband, we have been together a long time and westill love each other very much but the reality is I want to go home and he wants to stay here because of work. I am tired of compromising and I am tried of being miserable but I am saddened at the thought of not being with someone that I love.

Long story short, I feel like I made a mess of my life, I am 32, no career, terribly homesick, no close friends and life feels depressing beyond belief! If I stay, I see myself getting more and more unhappy and if I go home, it would be very bittersweet.


A response from those who understand or relate to this would be appreciated!
I sympathise with the way you feel. I like living here, but Florida is a lot different than California. I also get tired of the "American is best" attitude which I encounter all the time. Most Americans have'nt been outside their own state never mind overseas. They get all this crap from the media and government about America being the most important country in the world, with a military which can beat anyone (makes you wonder why they need the help of the Brits or Canadians in their war on terror). They don't seem able to filter out the propaganda from the truth which the government and media here feed them all the time. For a technologically advanced country some of the people I find to be very naive and badly informed.

But hey, no country is perfect right?

I wish you all the best in coming to terms with your life here, and I hope you can find a way to function here and be happy.
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 4:50 pm
  #35  
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Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by MademoiselleMtl View Post
Thank you all for your kind words. Both my parents are French but I am perfectly bilingual as most are in Quebec.
You HAVE to have some sort of job and maybe what would work would be to get a job in Canada as an Airline attendant with an airline that flies to LA, so that you get to see hubby on a regular basis OR get some sort of virtual job in Canada that you can do from home in LA (not sure how this works, but it's an idea).

The other thing you have to do is communicate with your husband on how you're feeling as this is a problem you have to solve together...

Bon Chance!
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 4:56 pm
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Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by Thydney View Post
Note to self Lippie does merchant banking, greek and french
OH BWAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHA
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 4:58 pm
  #37  
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Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by joyceygreen View Post
You HAVE to have some sort of job and maybe what would work would be to get a job in Canada as an Airline attendant with an airline that flies to LA, so that you get to see hubby on a regular basis OR get some sort of virtual job in Canada that you can do from home in LA (not sure how this works, but it's an idea).

The other thing you have to do is communicate with your husband on how you're feeling as this is a problem you have to solve together...

Bon Chance!
Becoming a FA = good idea

'virtual job' = very bad idea. if she is not allowed to work, she is not allowed to work...

It sucks......... been there, done that...
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 5:04 pm
  #38  
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Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Part of the problem is that my husband seems to think that I am not trying enough and that I am being a snob. He is a workoholic and seems to tune everything out, that is another problem


What I try to explain to him is that I did not leave a country or a city that I hated, that it comes down to a matter of personal preference.

He feels he has more options here and I have more at home. Do you know many couples who have split because one liked it here and one hated it?

Do tell....


I have to admit everything drives me insane these days...

A few things this week, petty, I know...

* Seeing a lady at the grocery store with santa earrings

* Wearing santa hats

* Seeing a mini Christmas tree as a decor on the back of someone's motobike

* "Jesus Saves" bumper stickers

* WWJD bumper stickers

* anything to do with Bush drives me crazy, simply hearing his voice frustrates me

Can anyone else relate?
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 5:09 pm
  #39  
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Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by MademoiselleMtl View Post
He feels he has more options here and I have more at home. Do you know many couples who have split because one liked it here and one hated it?

Do tell....
2 ladies on here have returned to their home country recently
one of which has separated..
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 5:12 pm
  #40  
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Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by MademoiselleMtl View Post
Part of the problem is that my husband seems to think that I am not trying enough and that I am being a snob. He is a workoholic and seems to tune everything out, that is another problem


What I try to explain to him is that I did not leave a country or a city that I hated, that it comes down to a matter of personal preference.

He feels he has more options here and I have more at home. Do you know many couples who have split because one liked it here and one hated it?

Do tell....


I have to admit everything drives me insane these days...

A few things this week, petty, I know...

* Seeing a lady at the grocery store with santa earrings

* Wearing santa hats

* Seeing a mini Christmas tree as a decor on the back of someone's motobike

* "Jesus Saves" bumper stickers

* WWJD bumper stickers

* anything to do with Bush drives me crazy, simply hearing his voice frustrates me

Can anyone else relate?
I can relate........ but you are either becoming preoccupied with trivialities, or - more likely - the above is just a symptom of deeper problems.

You need to get a life - whether this is here, or back in Canada, only you can decide. I think Joyce's idea of becoming a FA is a good one.

Whatever you do, make sure you do not become pregnant - then you'd be really trapped...
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 5:20 pm
  #41  
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Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by MademoiselleMtl View Post
I have to admit everything drives me insane these days...

A few things this week, petty, I know...

* Seeing a lady at the grocery store with santa earrings

* Wearing santa hats

* Seeing a mini Christmas tree as a decor on the back of someone's motobike

* "Jesus Saves" bumper stickers

* WWJD bumper stickers

* anything to do with Bush drives me crazy, simply hearing his voice frustrates me

Can anyone else relate?
Yes, it does seem to be a pretty petty list. Sorry, but I'm being honest.

I was checking into Heathrow once for a flight to the US. In front of the line was a guy who had his luggage overweight by just a few pounds. They were going to charge him £25 for the overage and he was just absolutely flustered. 'Fine, take the money--anything to get me out of this petty stupid country.' Or course it wasn't that it was petty or the overage, but more than likely the guy had had a bad week at work.

Whenever I see people comment on things like Jesus bumper stickers, I think back to one of the best commencement speeches I've ever read. The point the speaker was making was, in some part, so what? What do you care what others do? Why should you care if someone has santa claus earrings? Must everyone be / do / think like you?

http://www.marginalia.org/dfw_kenyon_commencement.html

I would second the comments of others who are encouraging you to find something to do that you like / love, be it a job or other opportunity. Just sitting around is likely intensifying your situation.

You might also want to look at another message board: US expats in the UK and how they are homesick. I think you might be surprised at how similar their complaints are to some of yours.

http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?board=68.0

Good luck and I hope it works out.
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 5:25 pm
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Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

I'm with Elvira here.

Firstly, I suggest you go and see a doctor and get some anti-depressants, even if it is for a short time. If you don't take meds, try some natural one such as St. John's Wort, but only after seeing a doc.

Only you can make a decision whether you want to stay or not. What you are experiencing is nothing new. Thousands of us have gone through it over the years. US immigration is NOT for the faint-hearted and especially for wives - which often can't work for years at a time - you lose your independence and self-esteem after a while. We've all been there.

Maybe spend some time back with your family and then decide what you want to do. Might be the easiest option.
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 5:25 pm
  #43  
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Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

I guess I have been focusing on the negative and the petty things are really getting to me which has not always been the case. Time to pick myself up and make some decisions before I am even more bitter then I am now.

If a friend or family member told me this story I will tell them to leave and make a life for themselves! Taking my own advice seems to be harder then giving it though...sigh...

As for the meds, I am already taking them.

Last edited by MademoiselleMtl; Dec 28th 2007 at 5:27 pm.
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 5:27 pm
  #44  
 
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Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by MademoiselleMtl View Post
I guess I have been focusing on the negative and the petty things are really getting to me which has not always been the case. Time to pick myself up and make some decisions before I am even more bitter then I am now.

If a friend or family member told me this story I will tell them to leave and make a life for themselves! Taking my own advice seems to be harder then giving it though...sigh...
It isn't easy because there are other people besides yourself involved. I hope that your situation gets resolved soon
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 6:25 pm
  #45  
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Default Re: Homesick and depressed...

Originally Posted by MademoiselleMtl View Post
As for the meds, I am already taking them.
You may need to try another one if this one isn't working for you. Not everyone responds in the same way.

Also, have you looked into this group?

http://www.canadiansabroad.com/

LA has the largest Canadian population outside Canada!

You may end up deciding home is where the heart is.... and there's nothing wrong with that.
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