Proud Brit

I came to the USA in the 1990's as military wife. I have nice life, and am fortunate to have found quite the most wonderful man in my second husband. My eldest child is leaving soon to continue her education in Europe for up to four years. Like many people of my age I've got a number of years in with my career, we've also been effected by the decline in the economy, and it's much harder to afford a trip home. My circumstances must sound very familiar to a lot of you here.

I'm homesick. I've never come to terms with having left England. I'm confused and miserable. I really feel like I want to move back to England. Doing so would mean leaving my husband behind. Leaving here is not an option for him.

At the very least I want a trip home but it simply isn't something I can afford. More and more I have to fight not just giving up everything and everybody that I have here and just go home. I just don't know what to do. Any ideas.

P.S. I'm sorry to sound so sorry for myself, I'm just out of ideas.

Karrie72

Hi, I just wanted to let you know I can relate and that you are not alone...it is an awful feeling being homesick and I do sympathize. I too have been here since the early 90's and my husband is in law enforcement so he can't just give up his job and leave. We have 3 children and money is pretty tight. Sometimes I feel quite trapped not being able to afford a visit home and I live on the East coast too. My last stretch was 5 years. I went back for a week recently but the homesickness got worse when I came home.
My deal with hubby is that upon his earliest possible opportunity he will retire and then it's my turn to go back home. I feel it's only fair and it will be a good experience for the kids. These marriages work better if there is some kind of compromise I think.

Bob

Welcome to BE!

You're not alone, there are plenty of threads on people feeling home sick.

How come your OH can't move to the UK though?

What about joining a Brit meet up group? There's plenty around on the west coast, meetup.com to find them, might help to hang out with folks who understand what your'e going through

Karrie72

Thanks Bob,
In my case my husband will have a nice retirement package which would be silly to give up. Luckily in our case he can retire in 5 years and then we can head over. I agree that having British or European friends makes all the difference in the world...

Nutmegger

If you can find the cash to pack up and go home, surely you can find the cash for a visit? If that is what you need, talk to your OH about ways you can make the trip happen, even if you have to wait until the autumn for prices to go down a bit. Have a yard sale, work some extra hours, put it all into the UK visit fund! At least you would have something to look forward to. Good luck!

Karrie72

I priced out some good deals over Thanksgiving..around $600 with Virgin, East Coast mind-you...

BellaE

Dear Proud Brit,
I am very sorry to hear how you are feeling. I do hope that you will be able to sort out how to make a visit back to the UK, and also to meet up with some other ex-pats. I am not a psychologist, so I might be out of my depth here, but I am also wondering if you also might be suffering from the effects of depression. I would think that might exacerbate homesickness. You have had some tough things going on (the economy, and the enormous change of having a child get ready to leave home, for example.) Have you talked to your doctor or another sympathetic ear about your feelings?
Best wishes!

lyonsden1193

What is making you homesick??

Mine always turns out to be food and frustration at not seeing relatives.
Others I know get annoyed with the local population.

There are many reasons... just curious what springs to mind with you?

Jerseygirl

I was homesick for years...still am sometimes after 15 years. I believe I got myself quite depressed but couldn't bring myself to seek medical help. It wasn't a road I wanted to go down...besides I couldn't talk about it to anyone because I became a blubbering wreck. I found St John's Wort helped me tremendously. Anyone trying SJW should run it by your doctor first...it may also have an effect on the birth control pill.

Essexgirl23

I've been in the UK just over a year now and get horrid home sickness. I miss feeling like i belong, i walk around stores for ages because I can't find any products I recognized, just simple communication can be impossible because of the accent and when I'm not at work I feel lonely and miss my family and friends. I can't imagine what you must feel like after being away so long. Do you use Skype to talk to home, sometimes seeing people instead of just the phone can help?

Poppy girl

I can sympathize I pine for Australia as much as I love my life in the US and was born in the UK Australia is where my family and heart is I often have dreams I am back there and so so happy..then I wake up and bump

Look I don't want to sound an old witch for want of a better word, but if you have had a career and been working surely you have some savings!!...get a part time little job to pay for the trip, get a bank loan, Credit card be adventurous and blow a couple of grand on a little trip home......I think and sorry if this is out of line, but is it more that you are afraid that you won't come back at all and love your husband but feel torn rather then the financial side of things!!

tonrob

You say that money is tight, but do you have a reasonable credit rating after all those years there? There are plenty of credit card offers that have sign-up bonuses paid in air-miles, and reward redemptions cost the same number of miles from the west coast to the UK as they do from the east. It's a well under-utilized game, but Mrs tonrob and I have built up quite a nest-egg of miles over the last 18 months in this way so we won't be paying much to travel home to Europe (and elsewhere) for quite a few years to come.

penguinsix

I've done the same. I just flew roundtrip in business class from Hong Kong to New York for $220 (which was the cost of taxes) plus 100,000 air miles. I was able to get 100k air miles in less than a year simply by placing a ton of things on my credit card and taking advantage of 2:1 and 3:1 mile deals to increase the points. It's definitely a 'game-able' system. The guys over at http://www.flyertalk.com/ can give some great advice on how to 'win' the mileage game.

You might want to take a look at the Moving Back to the UK forum that is on this site. There are a lot of folks who feel as you do, some of whom have moved back and found happiness and bliss, and some of whom who have moved back and realized their homesickness was due (in large part) to grass is always greener syndrome. Either way, there is some good advice there on how to deal with some of the homesickness and other ways of getting back.

This is another homesickness thread here:

http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?board=68.0

You might read through it and find some similarities with what you are feeling. Some of the same problems and desires to go back 'home'. However, as you read these and find some of the same feelings you are experiencing, you might be interested to note these postings are from Americans currently 'stuck' in the UK wanting to go back to the USA. I mention this as reading through their tales of longing for 'home' might help you realize that some of what you are experiencing is the same for all expats, no matter where they are from or currently located. You might find some good advice from them on how to deal with a few of the pangs of homesickness you are currently feeling.

Good luck sorting through all this.

Karrie72

Thanks for the great suggestions on frequent flyer miles, I'll look into them. My husband is dead set against using credit cards though and justifiably in our case.
The depression thing is interesting too...I have definatley struggled with spells of that here. But when I'm back in the U.K feel whole and happy again. I dont think taking meds would really help in my case as it's masking emotions.
My advice to anyone considering moving here for love-marriage is to consider very carefully the consequences of living far away from home. I wish someone had talked to me about it.

BellaE

Again, I'm definitely not a psychologist, but I do know that treatment for depression does not have to involve medications - "cognitive" (talking) therapy can be quite helpful, and might strengthen coping skills to manage the homesickness.
I wonder if being British makes it harder to admit that one is having trouble coping and harder to reach out for support and help. Stiff upper lip and all that. As my mother often says "No need to be dramatic, it's not the Blitz you know."