Neil Griffiths

Having now gotten (sic) settled into the USA way of life, I thought I would share my list of first impressions, random observations, anecdotes, etc. – some ‘kinda’ interesting, some ‘kinda’ amusing, some ‘kinda’ irritating - but all - 'only in America' ! Some of you may recognize, sympathize, empathize.... and note already the concession to American incorrect spelling
<snip>

Lets me know what you think

meauxna

http://britishexpats.com/site-rules/

It reads like every day on BritishExpats.com; welcome aboard. We look forward to your participation but ask that you don't join to promote your site.

PS: The spell checker here is American. Amazingly, people speak/write the language of where they live. Magic!

Octang Frye

I'm rolling in the aisles.

What a completely pointless thread. PM me the URL.

Neil Griffiths

Apologies to all - for some reason the URL didn't show. I'll try again....

chartreuse

Report back to the rest of us on whether it is, in fact hilarious, would you?

Oh, and let us know what he's selling

kimilseung

Can the URL go in his profile?

meauxna

You are? Please read Post #2.. you can't post here just to advertise your site.

Norri

Damn, I haven't rolled in the ailses for ages.

Octang Frye

1. Europeans, myself included, find it difficult to stop giggling when re-fuelling their cars.

2. Any car/pick-up engine under 3.0 liters is considered by Texans to be small, any engine under 2.0 liters, impotent. Minis and Smart Cars are very rare indeed and seem to attract a curious mix of bemusement and sympathy. The drivers of the typical 80,000 lbs, double trailer, 42-wheel trucks view them with the same disdain as the ‘bugs on the windshield’.

3. There is a so-called ‘100 Club’ in Houston where members simply donate $100 a year to the Fire/Police/Ambulance services. All you get in return is a sticker for the rear of your car (of course it doesn’t buy you any leniency re. minor infringements like parking and speeding because that would be illegal) – I’m a member.

4. The term ‘Police’ I used above covers the regular Houston Police, the Highway Patrols, the County Sheriffs, the State Troopers and the US Marshalls – all carry guns (and most carry moustaches).

5. Though it is technically illegal in Texas, you can get away with not having a license plate on the front of your car. The ‘100 Club’ probably helps. The XKR looks ‘awesome’ without one (it’s a shame Alpha Romeos are not popular here because they look so odd with the offset front number plate back in Europe).

6. A good way to advertise a very low IQ is to deliberately fit the wrong size wheels to your car or ‘pick-up’ - either too big like radio controlled toys - the ‘monster truck’ image - or too small like casters on a sofa - the ‘low-rider’ image. The ‘too big’ cases invariably speed down the middle lanes of the ‘freeway’ while the ‘too small’ cases invariably cruise slowly in the inside lanes scuffing their exhausts and sump guards on bumps. This may be part of their desired image but I suspect both are too dumb to realize that if you change wheel size your speedometer needs recalibrating.

7. Water is pronounced ‘waarda’ and Jaguar is pronounced ‘Jagwaar’ and a Brit is unlikely to be understood if it is said any other way. Nevertheless, I have been complimented numerous times, particularly in Oklahoma City, on my ‘acsayent’.

...

Was I ever like this as a newb? Possibly. I can remember thinking I'm going to educate the dumb Americans on BritPop. -rolls eyes-

Welcome, anyway, Neil. Enjoy the strangeness of it all.

Neil Griffiths

Truly sorry. Just trying to brighten up everybody's day. As a moderator could you please take a quick look at the blog and confirm it is harmless and free of adverts etc. If it fails to make you laugh out loud then so be it - if you think others would enjoy it then please let them know.

Octang Frye

Neil, you'll probably find that most people are aware of and shared your observations at some point. They probably have even mocked these things on this very site.

It can also come across as smug and condescending, and you look like a European tool. When I came here in 1996, I hung around with other Brits and we mocked and ridiculed pretty much the same things you did.

After about six months, I realized that I was being impolite and disrespectful. I thought, if I didn't like it, I should go home. I'm not chastising you - it's understandable that you're going through this period, and the US is a foreign culture, despite the fact that we grow up watching American TV shows.

I remember thinking how ugly US cars were, compared to European ones. Now I think the reverse is true. Depending on how long you spend here, perhaps you'll undergo cultural osmosis too.

By the way, I find Top Gear and all the BBC stuff childish now. Doctor Who is okay, but the smug, undeserved superiority exhibited on British TV shows and personalities sticks in the craw. Has the BBC made shows like Mad Men? Breaking Bad, etc?

Rete

Doesn't matter. The purpose of these forums is not for the advancement of a person's private website and/or blog. You are welcome to join in the discussions on the forum and a simple URL of your blog in your signature line and/or profile. But that's it.

1chumly

Just read it. Very funny. And as they say here, I can relate!

Neil Griffiths

Many thanks for the clarification. I'll just do that and behave from now on. If I could work out how to do a smiley face now I would. By the way don't get me wrong - I LOVE living in the US of A - the only thing I struggle with in Houston is the heat and humididdy.

Sally Redux

Well that was fun.