beershake

Hi everyone,

I'm wondering if anyone in this group has a similar problem with mine and if they can offer any advice.

My USC husband won't even hear about the INS or my frustrations!! He has no clue how important all this stuff is to me, and what it means!! (basically, that I won't be able to move back to the US with him if we don't get it done).
We filed an I-130 back in March (still waiting for 2nd NOA from NSC) and it took me a month to get him to even sign it. I did all the work for the I-130 - all he had to do was sign it, and even for that, it was a fight. We have a good marriage but sometimes I wish he would listen to me about this stuff. I can't believe that my husband is like those ignorant people who say, "You mean even though we're married, I can't bring you in to the US?!" "That's crazy." He laughs and doesn't believe me, and thinks I'm wasting too much time worrying about this stuff.

So, I'm glad to have found this group, to comiserate with, but I really do wish I could get accross to him how serious this stuff is. I've asked him to contact his congressman regarding our I-130 but he won't even hear about it. It seems like whenever I bring up this subject or anything to do with INS, he gets all upset.

How can I tell him that this stuff is serious!!? We are living in Canada right now due to his job, and the job might end any minute. He doesn't understand the stress I'm in- basically that if the job ends, I can't move back to the US with him!!!

I can't even think about the next stage- I will need his cooperation with Step 2- namely the Affidavit of Support and other Packet 3 material, and I'm already wondering how in the world I will get him to sit down and work on those things with me. I mean, this is supposed to be 'HIS' petition to the INS to bring his wife in the US. but I've done all the work and I bear all the stress.

Help! Anybody out there who is going through the whole INS thing without even being able to discuss it with their spouse?

Frustrated..

Gabriela

Im sorry to hear that your husband wont cooperate with you...he is suppose to do that
if he wants you with him back in the US...you have to get thru him somehow and
explain to him that he has to do that and that he has to be serious about it.Im sure
he is only ignorant and doesnt mean anything else. Wish you luck!


Gabriela


"beershake" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > Hi everyone,
    > I'm wondering if anyone in this group has a similar problem with mine and if they
    > can offer any advice.
    > My USC husband won't even hear about the INS or my frustrations!! He has no clue
    > how important all this stuff is to me, and what it means!! (basically, that I won't
    > be able to move back to the US with him if we don't get it done). We filed an I-130
    > back in March (still waiting for 2nd NOA from NSC) and it took me a month to get
    > him to even sign it. I did all the work for the I-130 - all he had to do was sign
    > it, and even for that, it was a fight. We have a good marriage but sometimes I wish
    > he would listen to me about this stuff. I can't believe that my husband is like
    > those ignorant people who say, "You mean even though we're married, I can't bring
    > you in to the US?!" "That's crazy." He laughs and doesn't believe me, and thinks
    > I'm wasting too much time worrying about this stuff.
    > So, I'm glad to have found this group, to comiserate with, but I really do wish I
    > could get accross to him how serious this stuff is. I've asked him to contact his
    > congressman regarding our I-130 but he won't even hear about it. It seems like
    > whenever I bring up this subject or anything to do with INS, he gets all upset.
    > How can I tell him that this stuff is serious!!? We are living in Canada right now
    > due to his job, and the job might end any minute. He doesn't understand the stress
    > I'm in- basically that if the job ends, I can't move back to the US with him!!!
    > I can't even think about the next stage- I will need his cooperation with Step 2-
    > namely the Affidavit of Support and other Packet 3 material, and I'm already
    > wondering how in the world I will get him to sit down and work on those things with
    > me. I mean, this is supposed to be 'HIS' petition to the INS to bring his wife in
    > the US. but I've done all the work and I bear all the stress.
    > Help! Anybody out there who is going through the whole INS thing without even being
    > able to discuss it with their spouse?
    > Frustrated..
    > --
    > Posted via http://britishexpats.com

Marjeta

Hi.

I'm sorry to hear about your husband. He is indeed ignorant and probably thinks you
could just hop in the car and go with him to the US any time like you did as a
tourist. I am just surprised that he is so eager in ignoring you trying to explain to
him that this is not how it goes legally. Maybe when he moves back to the US and you
won't be able to, you will at least be able to tell him "I told you so". But the way
you describe him he might even think that you DON'T want to be with him. That's a
tough situation. This process is stressful enough by itself, and additionally you
have your husband making it hard for you. I suggest you force him to read some of the
threads of this newsgroup that might make him reason. I attended my K1 visa interview
last tuesday and there was this young woman, a US citizen, who wanted to get a visa
for her husband so he could go to the US with her. The staff tried to explain that it
is NOT that simple and that she would need to file the I-130 in the United States,
and only after the petition is approved her husband will be able to apply for the
visa. She was almost crying and refused to believe what they were telling her. I felt
sorry for her, knowing that it will take MONTHS before her husband will be able to
get the visa, and she only realized that now. I'm sorry that you have to do
everything by yourself. If your husband isn't enough of a man to even look at those
papers and realize that he is doing this for you, well I'll say then he isn't even
worth to be your husband. I think the problem is that he is comfortable and cosy now,
having you right there, so you need to make him understand loud and clear that you
will >>NOT<< be able to be with him in the US unless he takes care of the papers.

Marjeta

PS. Show him this: http://groups.google.com/groups?dq=&hl=sl&-
lr=&ie=UTF-8&threadm=C5Bc9.96925%24_91.111102%40rwcrnsc51.ops .asp.att.net&prev=/-
groups%3Fhl%3Dsl%26group%3Dalt.visa.us.marriage-based

beershake

Thanks Marjeta& Gabriela for your replies. Marjeta, I will definitely show him the link you sent. It feels good to find some people to share my frustrations with... THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I will definitely have a talk with him. It shouldn't come to the point where I get denied at the POE, because I will be the one to go through that horrible experience, and I will be the one who gets 'tainted' as 'denied entry at port of entry'.. So he will just have to cooperate in getting this stuff done !

Rete

Hi Beershake

I'm the USC married to a Canuck. Although we lived in our respective countries at the beginning neither of us believed how complicated the processing was for him to come to live in the US and get married. Since your USC husband is living and working in Canada, he had to have gone through Canadian immigration to get there. Try relating that experience to him as what you have to go through for you to live with him in the US. Unless he used a work visa to get to Canada, the processing is really quite similar.

My Canadian husband has never filled out one of the forms for his migration to the US. All he would do is sign where told. I had to badger him to get employer letters when they were needed because he would forget to request them. I often thought it was unimportant to him therefore he didn't think of it. What it is in reality, is that he is not form oriented. As a legal secretary and paralegal, forms are things I deal with day in and day out. I'm comfortable with them and with organizing the details that go with them.

You are not going to change him. You are, unfortunately, going to have to be like me and so many other wives on the NG, do it all for him and then put the papers in front of him to sign.

I see two areas where you are going to have major problems with him.

1. The affidavit of support.

2. US taxes

He will have to do up an affidavit of support for you. And that AOS will require three years of tax returns. I'm assuming that as a USC he has filed in the US while he has lived and worked in Canada. If not, he is going to have to back file those missing years.

I wish you luck, patience and a strong backbone ;-)

The NG will help you as much as possible.

Rete

Des

Hi there,

I had a similar situation at home. My better half just could not believe that there
was such a heap of paperwork, and we only did AOS based on a F-1 student marriage
when I was already in the country!

Hang in there. And don't give up. You have two options - do it all by yourself, or to
teach him a lesson.

In case one, you have to gather all paperwork by yourself, gather the data, fill them
out, and make a written list of the questions that you cannot answer without his
input. Call INS hotline if you get confused on how to fill out any of the lines (they
did a good job for me on that one). Put stickies on the paperwork in places where he
neeeds to sign. Try to get it as complete as possible, then take papers, list, and
some good spirits, have him meet you at a local coffee shop, and hand him the pen to
sign. Might be worth a try.

In case two, make sure you can support yourself until you can follow him. And be
prepared to handle the blame if he tries to tell you that this was "your"
responsibility to get the paperwork done. It is NOT, it is your joint responsibility!

- Des

beershake

Hi Rete,

Thanks for your reply. My husband is on a work visa for Canada, and the company did it all for him, so unfortunately he hasn't ever been through any process that I can relate to the US immigration process.

The good news is that he's been living in the US forever and has filed tax returns every year (including this year). (The Canada job is very short-term and temporary). I've already digged them out.

You're absolutely right about the affidavit of support. I already started to fill it out as much as I can, but at some point we will have to sit down and work on it together.

The thing is, I've become really involved in all this stuff now, i.e. I check status everyday, and log onto the newsgroup etc.. and try to talk about this subject with him. I just wish he could sympathize.. Instead, he says, I'm spending way too much time worrying about it and basically gets up and leaves every time the subject comes up. Anyway, it's good to find other people with similar experiences..

Good thing the NG is here!

Rete

Beershake do you have a name to call you. I'm uncomfortable with the thought of shaking your beer and opening the bottle ;-)

You can and will do it. It appears so very complicated on the surface and at times it can be especially in some situations. But for you, however, the process is a little less complicated and more straightforward as you will ultimately be entering the US as a conditional (if married less than a year) permanent resident or LPR if married over two years at the time of the interview in Montreal.

In your case you filed in Nebraska which is correct. Once approved it heads to the National Visa Center where the various forms and checklists will be sent to you and your husband for completion. They are then sent back to the NVC and they in turn will schedule your appointment with Montreal and send you the appointment letter for the interview. The interview is basically so simple it is seems merely for appearance sake.

So go about getting your passport changed to your married name if you have not done it already, or apply for one if you don't have it. I always urge all Canadians to have a passport even though travel between our countries doesn't require it as a courtesy to our respective citizens. It comes in handy for all those stamps that the Consulate and POE agents will put in it and adds with identification at the doctor's office when you have your INS medical.

Once you are finished with the processing and get the US you won't have to deal with the INS unless you move and have to file your change of address or if you are a conditional resident the removal of conditions two years after you receive your residency.

At least you two are together and can work on these forms (at least get his signatures promptly) when needed.

Rete

Ben Johnson

Ask your husband how he likes dealing with immigration lawyers...... Because if these
things are not seen about (and in a timely manner) he will not only be "hearing" a
lawyer, but transfering a significant amount of money from his bank account to that
of your lawyer to recify any mess that his inaction will have caused.....and he will
then be hearing from the INS anyway.....whether he likes it or not.

Ben



"beershake" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected]...
    > Hi everyone,
    > I'm wondering if anyone in this group has a similar problem with mine and if they
    > can offer any advice.
    > My USC husband won't even hear about the INS or my frustrations!! He has no clue
    > how important all this stuff is to me, and what it means!! (basically, that I won't
    > be able to move back to the US with him if we don't get it done). We filed an I-130
    > back in March (still waiting for 2nd NOA from NSC) and it took me a month to get
    > him to even sign it. I did all the work for the I-130 - all he had to do was sign
    > it, and even for that, it was a fight. We have a good marriage but sometimes I wish
    > he would listen to me about this stuff. I can't believe that my husband is like
    > those ignorant people who say, "You mean even though we're married, I can't bring
    > you in to the US?!" "That's crazy." He laughs and doesn't believe me, and thinks
    > I'm wasting too much time worrying about this stuff.
    > So, I'm glad to have found this group, to comiserate with, but I really do wish I
    > could get accross to him how serious this stuff is. I've asked him to contact his
    > congressman regarding our I-130 but he won't even hear about it. It seems like
    > whenever I bring up this subject or anything to do with INS, he gets all upset.
    > How can I tell him that this stuff is serious!!? We are living in Canada right now
    > due to his job, and the job might end any minute. He doesn't understand the stress
    > I'm in- basically that if the job ends, I can't move back to the US with him!!!
    > I can't even think about the next stage- I will need his cooperation with Step 2-
    > namely the Affidavit of Support and other Packet 3 material, and I'm already
    > wondering how in the world I will get him to sit down and work on those things with
    > me. I mean, this is supposed to be 'HIS' petition to the INS to bring his wife in
    > the US. but I've done all the work and I bear all the stress.
    > Help! Anybody out there who is going through the whole INS thing without even being
    > able to discuss it with their spouse?
    > Frustrated..

hmiller

I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one struggling with my other half on this paperwork stuff!

At first I used to get so frustrated and think maybe he just really didn't want to be with my that bad but really it truly is that he is so bad at this sort of thing. And he will be the first one to admit it too. So it's kind of become a little joke between us. I actually went as far as to print off a list of directions for him, with due dates for the next phase of paperwork that we have to do for our K1 and sent him a calendar book that he can take EVERYWHERE to remember all my rantings about how important this stuff is.

He is amazed when I tell him the things I learn about this process and read about other people and he really has come to understand that this is a HUGE process and appreciates that I have been patient and even a bit nagging at times for him to get it into gear

But really, through this process we have learned even more how our personality compliment one another. And find the middle ground where I overstress, and he doesn't stress at all.

Good luck to all of you going through the same struggles!

Des

That was exactly my experience! When I got more and more involved here (I still check
every day) - my husband's response was that I was getting too addicted to all this
stuff, and it would work out anyway, no matter what I did, and I shouldn't worry so
much... but for me, it was more important to have researched any possible cases or
pitfalls...

- Des

    > The thing is, I've become really involved in all this stuff now, i.e. I check
    > status everyday, and log onto the newsgroup etc.. and try to talk about this
    > subject with him. I just wish he could sympathize.. Instead, he says, I'm spending
    > way too much time worrying about it and basically gets up and leaves every time the
    > subject comes up. Anyway, it's good to find other people with similar experiences..

rogerpenycate

Hi,
Just a different slant in that I am the male UKC.
My US wife is so laid back that I had to do most of the paperwork, but then I'm used to doing that in business anyway.
However she did support me all the way, realizing the complexities of the whole scenario and the disastrous results if it wasn't all done correctly.
Many people are useless at forms (and lets face it, this process although seemingly "easy" IS very stressfull) which is why this (and other) ng's exist.
If you adopt the attitude of "Oh well, let's see how he reacts if I don't get the visa and we have to be apart" is counter
productive, as you will, from the sound of it, suffer more by being apart than he will..........maybe.
My wife is more independent than I am and coped a lot better with us being apart, than I did.
Ben made a good point about the cost of an immigration lawyer, that's one option, try hitting him with that.
Somehow you've got to make him 100% aware what the outcome would be if he has to go back without you, should that situation arise.
If he won't listen to you and take it seriously has he got a male friend who he may listen to. Perhaps a well placed word in the ear of his friends girlfriend or wifes, may help.
However at the end of the day, you've got to somehow convince him that he HAS to get involved.
Perhaps a bit of pshchology and subtle hints at some of the things he would miss if you were apart, need I say more ?

Anyway, good luck, it doesn't sound like your husband is ignorant, perhaps just a wee bit pig-headed !!

soniaa

YES i AM IN THE SAME GROUP..EVEN WORSE...
I have been doing all the paper work by my self...
my usc husband does not even ask how I am handling it..or what's the news from the INS...I begged..I asked for support...but nothing...I am in all this bymyself...
but the end I gave up and decided to fight till the end bymyself...
now I am facing deportaiton because of visa overstay before
we get married...I am the one looking for a lawyer...I am the one asking which waiver to file...I am the one trying to see what kind of hardship I should think about for my waiver...
he does not even know that right now I am going to face judge all bymyself...
see you're not the only one... I have been going through this for 5 years...whenever I am overwhelmed I just get myself locked somewhere and cry...or call my mom back home...
I have 2 usc kids and right now I am thinking about them
more than anything else...but useless to say how hard to go through all this by yourself...
I was happy to when I found that message board...
good luck to you...

[email protected]

soniaa wrote:
    > YES i AM IN THE SAME GROUP..EVEN WORSE... I have been doing all the paper work by
    > my self... my usc husband does not even ask how I am handling it..or what's the
    > news from the INS...I begged..I asked for support...but nothing...I am in all this
    > bymyself... but the end I gave up and decided to fight till the end bymyself... now
    > I am facing deportaiton because of visa overstay before we get married..

Did you file for adjustment of status that was denied? Did you get notified of a
deportation order by INS?

It is possible to overstay, marry a USC, and file for adjustment without problems in
most cases. What is different about your case?