AYoungBritLostInAmerica

Dear All,

I just found this forum about 5 minutes ago, so I don't know if I'm approaching this problem the right way, but here goes:

I married my US husband last month in a lovely beach ceremony in Virginia. I sent off all my immigration papers, which are now being processed, and I'm now starting the 90-day wait for my work and travel authorization to come through. So here's my problem - I am having HUGE trouble meeting people.

My husband is out of the apartment from 7am to 10pm (grad school & a full-time job), which leaves me a whole lot of time to meet people, but I just don't know how to do it.

There is an 8 year age difference between my husband and myself, (I am 21, he is 29), and while this isn't a problem for us, it does mean that all the people I meet through my husband - his friends - really have nothing in common with me - they want to talk about mortgages and interest rates and the 'good old days' when they were all in University together.

I have tried making friends with the people in our apartment building (there are 5 other units), but to no avail - I thought Americans were supposed to be friendly, but this lot really aren't. The complex we live in, as a whole, is mainly families and military, and anyone I have ever seen around is either under 6 or over 40. I also tried joining a local photography group, but as I don't drive and the group was in the next town, I needed someone in the group (who lived in my area)to give me a lift there, but no-one was willing.

I know most people make friends through thei job or through school, but since I can't do either of those without my authorization papers (and that's a 90-day wait), I feel really stuck. I spend nearly every day stuck in our apartment with our dog & cat, and it's really starting to depress me. We don't have a lot of money to spare as my husband is in grad school, and I don't drive, so like I said I'm feeling kind of stuck. I miss my friends & family in England so much & I don't know what to do.

I'm in the Washington D.C area, and I really want to make some friends, but I don't know how. If anyone can help, it's much appreciated.

Thanks,

Kirsty

Wintersong

Have you looked at volunteering opportunities? Maybe find some yahoo groups in your area?

It's really difficult moving to a new country at the best of times and I understand how lonely you must be feeling. Maybe you'll have to bite the bullet and put up with it until you can get a job or start a college course - that will certainly help you to meet people

Make sure you know exactly where you can get to on public transport and what times it runs at. Maybe then you'll be able to find some groups that you'd be interested in joining which are in places you can get to.

bored-silly

Sorry you are feeling so lonely, I'm sure alot of people on here can relate to how you are feeling.
Have you tried www.newcomersclub.com I'm not sure if you have any in your area but it may be worth checking out. I tried for my area and got lots of grandparents to meet but I know others who it has worked out well for.

fatbrit

Go and take a course at the local community college; you shouldn't need any papers for that. You'll be paying "non-resident" rates, but you don't need to sign up for everything and it shouldn't break the bank.

Triumphrob

I know how you feel, and hope it picks up for you. Ive been here 20 years and have tried repeatably to make friends with Americans, but they are so into themselves you may find it a little difficult. I still have 10 times as many good friends in England as I do here.
Have you tried joining a local Brit Meet up group, we have one here in Atlanta which meets monthly (tonight) in an Irish Pub. Feels like being home for the evening!!!!
There's a meet up link at the top of this page
Good luck
Rob

AYoungBritLostInAmerica

I have just trawled every Yahoo British Expat group in the US, and I cannot believe there isn't one for D.C/Alexandria. Can anyone help me out?

Wintersong

Does it have to be Brits? Try spreading your net wider!

Philgr

1st thing to do is arrange some driving lessons and get your license - if you're planning to work once you get authorization you won't have time later and it will make it easier to find work if you can drive to interview etc.

Are there any public sports facilities near by (tennis courts/softball pitches/running etc) if so, go and see what open sign-ups they have - these are usually pretty cheap (compared to membership at a gym) and introduce you to a group of people for a few weeks.

Another idea is to start networking to give you a headstart in finding a job. Search on the web for local events/groups related to the area you want to work in and see if you can attend some meetings to get a foot in the door. Most such groups will let you come to a few meetings before you have to commit yourself to joining and it may help you to make contacts you can later use in your job hunt.

Other than that try other classes, interest groups and colleges as suggested - unfortunately most people your age will be working or in college during the day so meeting them will be hard. Try not to get too depressed though - 90 days really isn't a long time even if it does seem like it.

Good Luck

Sarah

Aw man I feel bad for you. Its so tough being here when you don't know anyone. I'm in the same boat as you and haven't made many friends since I emigrated 18 months ago. I guess just keep trying. What kind of things do you like to do? I like going to the gym so going there is good for me even if I don't talk to anyone, going to a yoga/pilates class or jazzercise class is pretty sociable and fun.
Are there any British pubs in D.C ? That might be a good place to go to. Best of luck, you can come on here and socialise anytime you want and we'll be nice to you I promise!

TouristTrap

I'm so sorry you're going through this lonely settling in time. It is tough at the beginning, but it doesn't last forever, 90 days will pass quickly.

I'm with whoever said to take driving lessons. I'd sign up for those as soon as possible. They aren't difficult in the States, and you will need to learn to drive if you're going to live here for any period of time

Volunteering is big here. Might there be a hospital or something nearby that you can call and find out about? They might need someone to do something or other.

Good luck

Elvira

[QUOTE=AYoungBritLostInAmerica[/QUOTE]

You're having to wait 90 days for EAD? I had to wait 3.5 YEARS! So stop moaning, and start using this free time productively.

You are close to Washington DC. I seem to remember there is a Metro service into the city, right? Go to all the wonderful museums , Smithsonian, National Gallery of Art etc.

See if you can audit classes at one of the local universities. Many lecturers/professors, if approached politely, will allow you to do so.

You don't drive? Learn!

You'll make friends in due course if you go out and do things that YOU find interesting. Simply because there are other people who find the same things interesting - one follows the other!

No doubt you'll also need to spend some time scouting out future employment prospects. I mean, what are you going to do when that EAD drops through your mailbox?

Another hint: most people over 40 remember what it's like to be 21, so age need not be disqualification for social intercourse

Good luck

bored-silly

Said with such heart and feeling

Elvira

I'm stuck here in rural California - I would KILL for 90 days in Washington DC!!

Wintersong

I'm stuck here in not-so-rural California, being forced to get together with bored-silly and LeedsGirl.

I'd kill for 90 days in Washington DC too

P.S. I didn't mean it - I luuuurve you gals really

Elvira

"If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side." I like that!!!