Andrew Defaria

Well said.

peter d'souza wrote:

    > Frankly, I really think you are getting more sympathy than you deserve.
    > FIRSTLY, you seem annoyed that ur husband is spending so much on
    > supporting his daughters. What's wrong with that? The fact that he is
    > supporting them by itself proves that he is a caring person - a person
    > of good character.
    > SECONDLY, you say that he is not adding your name to his property - ur
    > just married for 4 months - if his property is worth a lot of money he
    > will obviously want to be convinced of your character before he adds
    > your name to it- the last thing any sensible man would want is to be
    > taken for a ride.
    > THIRDLY - you are not working here in the US - inspite of stating that
    > you are an educated career woman - in other words, you expect your
    > husband to slog his ass off - supporting hmself, his daughters and now
    > you too. If you really love him, why don't you prove it? Take up a job -
    > contribute to your household income. Don't expect to make merry at yor
    > husband's cost (and then criticise him for not adding your name to his
    > property).
    > FOURTHLY - you want to divorce him after just 4 months of marriage and
    > then claim spousal support ( in spite of not having any kids) -
    > wonderful !!! speaks a lot about your character.
    > Finally, its common knowledge that many foreign women just "use" their
    > USC husbands to gain entry into the States - such women undergo
    > "dramatic personality changes" - after they land on American soil. Sadly
    > the following facts in you case suggest that u aren't any different:
    > -u r annoyed ur husband sold stocks to pay for his daughters' studies
    > (proof that ur husband is a caring & responsible father)
    > -u do not have a job, in spite of being educated - expect ur husband to
    > support you.
    > - u r complaining that he is not adding ur name to his property.
    > - to top it all off, you want to divorce him (after just 4 mths of
    > marriage) - and expect to get spousal support.
    > I can't believe that inspite of all the facts, most readers in this
    > forum actually feel sorry for you.
    > --
    > Posted via http://britishexpats.com

Andrew Defaria

mca wrote:

    > Just a couple things:
    > Nana probably CAN'T work, at least not legally. I believe she said she
    > has only been in the States now for three months. They have only been
    > married for two months. She probably doesn't even have a work
    > authorization card.

What's stopping her from getting one?

    > About the property issue, and "not being taken for a ride" - don't
    > people who are considering marriage discuss these things BEFOREHAND??
    > It really boggles the mind. Why on earth would two people commit to
    > marriage, yet still have reservations that their spouse is NOT a
    > decent person, someone who will stand by them before all else? Why
    > would you marry someone that you think may be capable of such things?
    > If you think your SigO is a gold digger, and you're not happy with
    > that, why bother getting married in the first place? To each his own,
    > I guess, but I find it rather bizarre.

In the context of an international relationship, no matter what you do
(unless you have tons of money and extremely visit often), you don't
really know a person just with phone calls and emails. There is a lot to
be said about dating and courting within physical contact of each other
and the non verbal communication that comes with that that is really
necessary to know someone.

mca

Perhaps you've forgotten that it can take several months to receive work authorization. If so, then just look through the newsgroup for the many people who would like to work right away, but are unable. I've no idea if she already applied for an EAD; neither do you.



Yes, that's part of the point, although you seem to be equating international with internet, when the two are not always synonymous. If you only know each other through email and the phone, then you've no business getting married. Even if a couple is physically together, but hasn't discussed such basic things as money management or other complexities of marriage, they shouldn't be tying the knot - in my not-so-humble opinion. Which is what I said. If there is a need to give your spouse a trial period after the wedding, then you shouldn't have said "I do" in the first place.

There's no need to lecture to me about international relationships. I'm quite obviously in one myself.

mca

Jumu

nana wrote in message news:...
    > Any suggestions
    > and informations are welcome and appreciate.

Reading your posts the first thing was i felt really sorry for you.
But.. no offense:
Im trying to see the situation your husband is in.
There is this independent business woman he meets online.
Cool. Someone who can care for herself, not like his ex-wife who
always needs his help.
A person with a life!
She gives up everything, her work, her friends, her family... just for
him.
Great.
Oooops.. great?
Now there she is: Alone in a foreign country, no friends, no family..
he the only one she has.
For sure it's not the kind of additional responsibility he was looking
for.

My suggestions: Try to get your own life here.
If you are not allowed to work yet, try to find something else you can
do to keep yourself busy.
Get some self-respect so he can respect you too.
Dont make him responsible for you being happy.
Whats this property thing about?
Shouldnt matter if your name is on or not (if you are honest).
The fact that he still cares for his ex-wife and children should make
you feel good not bad, shows that he is not just throwing away people
if he doesnt need them anymore.

Once again: no offense
Hope you will get over that hump.
JuMu

Registered

On 13 Oct 2002 20:49:12 -0700, [email protected] (JuMu) wrote:

    >nana wrote in message news:...
    >> Any suggestions
    >> and informations are welcome and appreciate.
    >Reading your posts the first thing was i felt really sorry for you.
    >But.. no offense:
    >Im trying to see the situation your husband is in.
    >There is this independent business woman he meets online.
    >Cool. Someone who can care for herself, not like his ex-wife who
    >always needs his help.
    >A person with a life!
    >She gives up everything, her work, her friends, her family... just for
    >him.
    >Great.
    >Oooops.. great?
    >Now there she is: Alone in a foreign country, no friends, no family..
    >he the only one she has.
    >For sure it's not the kind of additional responsibility he was looking
    >for.
    >My suggestions: Try to get your own life here.

Agreed, if possible.

    >If you are not allowed to work yet, try to find something else you can
    >do to keep yourself busy.

Agreed, if possible.

    >Get some self-respect so he can respect you too.

Yep and nope. NOPE, in the sense that if he's an asshole, leave his
ass. He doesn't deserve your respect. Sounds to me from her
posts....he's an asshole. She states that he won't even talk to her,
other than sex.

YEP, in the sense that if she has the intellectual tools she states
she has, she should take her 2 grand, buy a one-way plane ticket home
and get a job, save a shitload of money, get a better husband, then
fly back to the US to visit, and show-off your wealth, and your GQ
husband. LOL


    >Dont make him responsible for you being happy.

Agreed.

    >Whats this property thing about?
    >Shouldnt matter if your name is on or not (if you are honest).

Agreed. He's probably covering his ass in case Nana goes psycho, and
takes him to court for everything he has.

    >The fact that he still cares for his ex-wife and children should make
    >you feel good not bad, shows that he is not just throwing away people
    >if he doesnt need them anymore.

Agreed.

Chris Parker

    > Once a week, he will intently
    > talk to me, and I know it implies sex of that night. The next day, he is
    > another person totally.

In addition to abused spouse benefits, you also may be a eligible as a
victim of trafficking or severe criminal activity. He could be using
you as some kind of prostitute.

You need to go over your case with the local Department of Social
Services and probably also an immigration attorney.


CP

Mrtravel

Chris Parker wrote:
    > > Once a week, he will intently
    > > talk to me, and I know it implies sex of that night. The next day, he is
    > > another person totally.
    > In addition to abused spouse benefits, you also may be a eligible as a
    > victim of trafficking or severe criminal activity. He could be using
    > you as some kind of prostitute.
    > You need to go over your case with the local Department of Social
    > Services and probably also an immigration attorney.

Are you sure you aren't reading far more into this than there actually
is?

Andrew Defaria

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mca wrote:

    > Originally posted by Andrew Defaria:
    >> mca wrote:
    >>> Just a couple things: Nana probably CAN'T work, at least not
    >>> legally. I believe she said
    >>> she has only been in the States now for three months. They have only
    >>> been married for two months. She probably doesn't even have a work
    >>> authorization card.
    >> What's stopping her from getting one?
    > Perhaps you've forgotten that it can take several months to receive
    > work authorization. If so, then just look through the newsgroup for
    > the many people who would like to work right away, but are unable.
    > I've no idea if she already applied for an EAD; neither do you.

Isn't there that temporary EAD that one can at least try to get?

    >>> About the property issue, and "not being taken for a ride" - don't
    >>> people who are considering marriage discuss these things
    >>> BEFOREHAND?? It really boggles the mind. Why on earth would two
    >>> people commit to marriage, yet still have reservations that their
    >>> spouse is NOT a decent person, someone who will stand by them before
    >>> all else? Why would you marry someone that you think may be capable
    >>> of such things? If you think your SigO is a gold digger, and you're
    >>> not happy with that, why bother getting married in the first place?
    >>> To each his own, I guess, but I find it rather bizarre.
    >> In the context of an international relationship, no matter what you
    >> do (unless you have tons of money and extremely visit often), you
    >> don't really know a person just with phone calls and emails. There is
    >> a lot to be said about dating and courting within physical contact of
    >> each
    >> other and the non verbal communication that comes with that that is
    >> really necessary to know someone.
    > Yes, that's part of the point, although you seem to be equating
    > international with internet, when the two are not always synonymous.

No I did not even say Internet did I? I merely said email, which, of
course, uses the internet. But my usage of email was not exclusive. My
point was long distance relationships, of which, international US visa
based marriages is not uncommon.

    > If you only know each other through email and the phone, then you've
    > no business getting married. Even if a couple is physically together,
    > but hasn't discussed such basic things as money management or other
    > complexities of marriage, they shouldn't be tying the knot - in my
    > not-so-humble opinion. Which is what I said. If there is a need to
    > give your spouse a trial period after the wedding, then you shouldn't
    > have said "I do" in the first place.

Agreed.

    > There's no need to lecture to me about international relationships.
    > I'm quite obviously in one myself.

I am not lecturing you - I'm merely stating my opinion, as you have, and
we agree more than disagree.


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mca wrote:
Originally
posted by Andrew Defaria:
mca wrote:
Just a couple things: Nana probably CAN'T work,
at least not legally. I believe she said
she has only been in the States now for three months. They have only been
married for two months. She probably doesn't even have a work authorization
card.

What's stopping her from getting one?

Perhaps you've forgotten that it can take several months to receive
work authorization. If so, then just look through the newsgroup for the many
people who would like to work right away, but are unable. I've no idea if
she already applied for an EAD; neither do you.
Isn't there that temporary EAD that one can at least try to get?


About the property issue, and "not being taken
for a ride" - don't people who are considering marriage discuss these things
BEFOREHAND?? It really boggles the mind. Why on earth would two people commit
to marriage, yet still have reservations that their spouse is NOT a decent
person, someone who will stand by them before all else? Why would you marry
someone that you think may be capable of such things? If you think your SigO
is a gold digger, and you're not happy with that, why bother getting married
in the first place? To each his own, I guess, but I find it rather bizarre.

In the context of an international relationship, no matter what you do (unless
you have tons of money and extremely visit often), you don't really know
a person just with phone calls and emails. There is a lot to be said about
dating and courting within physical contact of each
other and the non verbal communication that comes with that that is really
necessary to know someone.

Yes, that's part of the point, although you seem to be equating international
with internet, when the two are not always synonymous.
No I did not even say Internet did I? I merely said email, which, of course,
uses the internet. But my usage of email was not exclusive. My point was
long distance relationships, of which, international US visa based marriages
is not uncommon.
If
you only know each other through email and the phone, then you've no business
getting married. Even if a couple is physically together, but hasn't discussed
such basic things as money management or other complexities of marriage,
they shouldn't be tying the knot - in my not-so-humble opinion. Which is
what I said. If there is a need to give your spouse a trial period after
the wedding, then you shouldn't have said "I do" in the first place.
Agreed.
There's
no need to lecture to me about international relationships. I'm quite obviously
in one myself.
I am not lecturing you - I'm merely stating my opinion, as you have, and
we agree more than disagree.




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Crazy Canuck

If you want to save your relationship then you and your husband should seek help...maybe if there is someone who specializes in cultural differences If he is unwilling then dump him. If you on the other hand have had enough and want to leave then I really could careless what happens to you simply because you have stuck with this man for all this time and now after 4 months of marrige you have had it?

I know I am a male and the ladies may find my thoughts suspicious on this but to me this doesn`t seem right. I suppose I am old fashioned in the fact unless there is abuse involved things can and should be worked out.