ScousePete

Hi there! First off, congratulations!

My wife and I just had our second child last week in Arizona. My wife chose to have the baby delivered by a CNM (Certified Nurse Midwife) in a hospital. We did this also when our son was born three years ago. We decided to go the midwife route as opposed to the doctor route because we felt the level of care and empathy is elevated. We chose to give birth in a hospital instead of a birthing centre or home because of the "what if" factor. Nurses assisted the midwife and we also had a doula which I highly recommend.

We spent one night in the hospital and only ever saw a doctor once, the next day for a baby well-check. The nurses were with us throughout and were fantastic. We had a private room for the birth and another private room after the delivery.

I have no idea of the cost as I have very good insurance, but there will probably be some kind of co-pay or deductible.

To answer your question regarding working women breastfeeding - they pump. Most employers will provide a private area for mothers to pump during the day (is it law?), it can then be frozen and defrosted when needed for daycare.

On a side note I now live and work in the Caribbean, but because of the risk of Zika my wife and son remained in the US until after the birth. Thankfully in 2 weeks everyone will be here!

kateinbrooklyn

Somebody wrote a blog comparing pregnancy and childbirth between the UK and USA which your daughter might find helpful.

Comparing pregnancy experiences between London and New York - Toddling Round New York

Many people have nannies rather than nurseries (aka daycare). In Brooklyn, the average hourly rate is $17, which is really not that much higher than a good daycare. Some families share a nanny, with the nanny looking after 2 or more kids together.

Congrats and good luck.

Hiro11

So am I, BTW.
Obviously, often it comes down to hard fiscal reality. Women and men (mostly women, to your point) often are forced to make this tough decision. It's just the way it is. European-style government childcare subsidies and paid time off requirements might change some of this in the US but that's a political debate and not a simple issue.

It depends on the family. If a family can fiscally make it make sense to have one person stay home, at least that pressure is removed. Also, with the increasing amount of flexible and work at home options, it's a bit less black and white these days. Still, I definitely agree that questions of life fulfillment, scheduling stress, gender roles etc remain. There's obviously no easy answer with a lot of this, it's one of the major life challenges most people with kids face.

This is an opinion. I agree that some fields are much more flexible than others. I also think this flexibility is increasingly common in the US, even among very skilled and high paying professions. A friend of mine is a lawyer who works for various companies as a contractor. She's able to do a lot of her work (mostly contract review) from home. Her husband is a software developer for a large company, work that similarly allows him to work from home with some regularity. They have three children, the oldest is now twelve. They've managed to make this work brilliantly without any daycare/nannies.

petitefrancaise

ah, but she doesn't get promoted.

This is the problem. We can all work from home and be freelancers but it means that women don't get promoted. How's your friend's partnership prospects?

Nutmegger

But does one always need to get promoted? As a freelance worker I can gauge the progression of my career by the increase in the demand for my services and the commensurate steady increase in what I can charge for said services.

petitefrancaise

I know Nutmegger, not all of us are heading for the CEO position. But this business of motherhood just wipes out so many women that would otherwise get to the "C" suite.

Sheryl wotserface from FB and her lean-in book got it right when she wrote that work needs to be good enough and well-paid enough to make all the sacrifices and hard work of coping with motherhood and work worthwhile.

Nutmegger

I understand what you mean with regard to those whose objective is the CEO's office, petitefrancaise. Yet from my experience, women with that objective have no problem with getting back to work asap, they don't need any added impetus! I also think that this problem has resulted in entrepreneurial women starting their own companies, with the objective of giving female employees a better deal. But for women in the creative fields, the impetus to strike out on their own can be a life changer-- in the positive sense!

KK85

I agree very much with this.

My position and perspective is perhaps a little different from the others I've read on this thread. Hopefully I'm not being overly romantic?! I am a 32-year-old almost-graduate (first degree), newlywed, about to start from the beginning in a new country. My short-term goals, at this point in my life, are to establish myself with a small income and, stars-willing, start a family within the next few years.

I am a writer. I am by no means an established one. My long-term goal is that I will be able to find freelance work, though I appreciate it is hard to come by, so that I can be afforded the benefit of working from home. Until then, I'll be happy with any job I can get as a new immigrant. I've been inspired by my USC sister-in-law, who is a medical transcriptionist, working from home while simultaneously raising and home-schooling two children aged 9 and 12, while my brother-in-law runs a family building business. Perhaps their incredible luck and hard work has given me an unrealistic impression of what's achievable? But I don't see this lifestyle necessarily being beyond my reach or ability (the home-schooling is a separate issue - I'm not sure that would be for us). My husband works for a company that affords us decent benefits and an income that might be just enough for us to get by on, but we will benefit greatly from a second income if we are to earn a more comfortable lifestyle.

To be quite frank, though, at this juncture in my life, I would be more than happy bagging myself a part-time job at the local Dollar General and prioritising being at home with my children, even if it comes at the expense of a career. Am I a minority? Is it old-fashioned or in any way anti-feminist of me to not be concerned with professional progression over raising and supporting a happy, healthy family through any possible means? And is it realistic? Because goodness gracious, if I could somehow sway it that I can eventually be a stay-at-home mother with a freelance career in my chosen creative field, I'd take that over the high heels and suits any day, even if it meant we had to eat the cheap noodles.

elizabethsmum

Thinking of it, I remember saying "but I'm breastfeeding" but they still insisted I take it "just in case".