British Expats - Happy Holidays!

Here's a pile more of politically correct terms to move towards after mastering Happy Holidays. Afraid the list's been out there so long, I have no idea who to attribute it to.

a woman....................a person of gender
actress.......................actor
affliction...................condition
afro-american..........african-american
alien...........................relative
alimony......................back salary
alive............................temporarily metabolically abled
angry..........................passionate
animal trainer.........interspecies communicator
animals......................non-human beings
anti-abortion............pro-life

argue..........................share
argued........................shared feelings
arguing......................sharing
bad..............................different
bald.............................comb-free
bald.............................hair disadvantaged
ballboy.......................ballchild
barmaid.....................bar attendant
beautiful....................different
belief..........................tentative inclination
bisexual......................sexually non-preferential

blind...........................visually challenged
blow one's nose........deal with one's handkerchief
body odor..................nondiscretionary fragrance
book............................processed tree carcass
books..........................processed tree carcasses
boring........................charm-free
boy..............................oppressor-to-be
boyfriend...................unpaid sex worker
broken home.............disfunctional family
brotherhood..............siblinghood
bum.............................displaced homeowner

cattle ranch...............cattle concentration Camp
certain........................reasonably sure
certainly.....................probably
certainty.....................reasonable likelihood
chairman....................chairperson
chicano.......................person of color
cigarette smoking....assault with a deadly weapon
clever..........................different
closed.........................somewhat unopen
clumsy........................uniquely coordinated
complain....................share

conservative..............reactionary
conservative..............right wing extremist facist pig
convict........................socially seperated
corpse.........................nonliving person
crazy............................emotionally different
dead people................disfunctional earth children
dead.............................metabolically different
deaf..............................aurally inconvenienced
deaf..............................visually oriented
deformed....................special
delicatessen...............corpse farm

devil............................God's mischevious offspring
dirty............................consciousness expanding
disability....................special challenge
disabled......................differently abled
disease........................condition
dish washer...............utensil sanitizer
dishonest...................ethically disoriented
disorganised.............non-traditionally ordered
dog..............................canine companion
dominant....................opressive

dominate....................opress
dominated..................opressed
domination................opression
doorman.....................access controller
drooling drunk idiot...person on floor
drug addict................chemically challenged
drunk...........................spatially perplexed
dumb............................neuronically challenged
economically exploited..differently advantaged
egg ranch....................hen rapery
elderly.........................longer living
european.....................Mutant Albino Global Minority

evil...............................potentially good
false teeth...................alternative dentation
false.............................seemingly not entirely correct
farmer.........................exploiter of mother earth
farming.......................exploiting mother earth
fat.................................stout
feminism.....................equitism
feminist.......................equitist
filthy............................consciousness expanding
fireman........................firefighter

fishing..........................raping the oceans
foul...............................challenging
freak.............................gift from God
fur................................dead animal skins
gang.............................youth group
genius..........................mentally different
ghetto..........................pre-integrated pre-nirvana
girl friday...................assistant
girl watching.............street harassment
girl...............................female person
girlfriend...................acquaintance rape survivor

girlfriends.................unpaid sex workers
girls............................young female persons
gorgeous....................different
graffiti........................people's art
grammar....................ethnocentric white patriarchal restructuring of language
great...........................different
hairdresser................hair stylist
hamburger................seared mutillated animal flesh
hate.............................dislike
hates...........................dislikes

he or she or it...........h'orsh'it
he................................she
hearing person.........temporarily aurally abled
heir.............................inheritron
heiress........................inheritron
heroine.......................hero
heterosexual..............blatantly heterosexual
history........................his'n'herstory
homeless....................involuntarily undomiciled
homosexual................gay
honey..........................stolen nonhuman animal sweetener
hopeless.....................stepping stone

hostess........................host
housewife...................domestic engineer
housewife...................homemaker
humans.......................human animals
hunter.........................bambi butcher
hurricane...................himmicane
I....................................my humble self
ignorance...................alternative wisdom
ignorant.....................differently wise
illiterate.....................alternatively schooled
illogical......................differently logical

immature....................childlike
impaired.....................challenged
in fact...........................seemingly
incompetent...............of different interests
inferior.......................different
inmate.........................guest
inmates.......................guests
insane people.............selectively perceptive
insolvent.....................illiquid
intellect......................intuition
intelligence...............intuition
intelligent..................intuitive
janitor.........................environmental hygienist

jew...............................Jewish person
judge............................consider
junkie..........................substance abuse survivor
kid................................young person
kids..............................young people
kinsmen......................kin
lazy..............................of different interests
learning disability...self-paced cognitive ability
leather........................dead animal skins
lesbian........................gynocentric be-ing
lesbianism.................gynocentric be-ing

liar..............................a person creative with the facts
lie................................constructive version of the facts
literary criticism.....lit crit
logger.........................treeslayer
lost..............................temporarily misoriented
lover...........................spouse equivalent
lovers.........................spouse equivalents
lower classes............downtrodden
lumberjack................tree butcher
mad.............................challenging
maid...........................house helper

maiden name............family birth name
mail man...................person person
mainstream..............dominant culture
malady.......................condition
man of letters...........literary person
man-made.................artificial
man.............................person
manageress...............manager
mankind....................earth children
mankind....................humankind
manly.........................womanly
manpower.................human resources
marriage...................legalised rape

married.....................legally raping
matron.......................supervisor
meat............................flesh
men.............................bastards
menstruate................femstruate
mentally retarded...exceptional
meter maid................parking enforcement aduciator
middleman................intermediary
midget, dwarf...........vertically challenged
minority group........numerically challenged group
mistake......................learning experience
mistaken....................differently opinioned

moan...........................share
Mr...............................Pn
Mrs.............................Pn
Ms...............................Pn
mute............................orally challenged
negative......................uninformed
negro...........................African American
negroes.......................African Americans
negroid.......................African American
newpaper....................processed tree carcass
newspapers................processed tree carcasses
normal........................blatently normal

office boy....................office assistant
old joke.......................previously recounted humorous narrative
old person..................gerontologically advanced
old...............................experientially enhanced
paper...........................processed tree skeleton
pathetic......................unique
patient........................guest
patients......................guests
pensioner...................elder
perverted...................sexually dysfunctional

pet rock......................mineral companion
pet...............................animal companion
pets.............................animal companions
philistine...................disadvantaged person
policeman..................law enforcement officer
political correctness....murder (just kidding)
politically correct...culturally sensitive
politically correct...evil (not really)
poor..............................economically unprepared
poor.............................economically exploited
postman......................postperson

pregnant.....................parasitically oppressed
pretty..........................different
priestess.....................priest
prisoner.....................guest of the correctional system
prisoners...................guests of the correctional system
problem.....................task
promiscuous.............sexually active
prostitute..................sex care provider
psychopath................socially misaligned person
psychotic...................socially misaligned
race..............................ethnicity

remedial....................additional preparation
right-hand man........chief assistant
rude.............................politically correct
seamstress.................seamstron
seducer.......................seductron
seductress..................seductron
seeress........................seer
seminar......................ovarium
severely crippled.....involved
sex change..................gender reassignment
shit..............................fertilizer
shoplifter...................non-traditional shopper

short............................vertically challenged
sighted person..........temporarily visually abled
slave............................enslaved person
sloppy.........................non-traditionally ordered
slum.............................economic opression zone (EOZ)
snowman....................snowperson
sorcerer.....................sorceron
sorceress....................sorceron
spendthrift.................negative saver
steak............................scorched animal corpses
stewardess.................flight attendent

stoned.........................chemically inconvenienced
straw man..................straw person
stupid..........................neuronically challenged
superior.....................different
table............................tree skeleton
tall...............................vertically inconvenienced
taxi driver.................public passenger vehicle driver
terrible......................O.K
The Establishment...White Power Elite
trees............................oxygen exchange units
tribe............................people

ugly.............................cosmetically different
underling..................downtrodden
unemployed..............indefinitely idled
used books.................recycled books
useless........................unique
value...........................relative value
victim.........................survivor
violence......................passionate expression
violent.........................passionate
waiter.........................waitron
waitress......................waitron
want.............................prefer on the whole

war...............................mutually empowering shared experience
whaler.........................blubber lover
white male..................oppressor
white male..................racist
white person..............racist
white trash.................PC unaware
white...........................blatently white
wild.............................free-roaming
wino............................substance abuse survivor
women........................wimmin
wool............................stolen nonhuman animal fibres
workman....................worker

worse..........................somewhat less desirable
worst...........................least best
wrong.........................differently logical
young girl..................prewoman
young girls................prewomen
zoo...............................animalcatraz