Englishtart

Welcome to BE Madrad Hubby is living in Colorado right now, I was there for around 18 months, probably be going back there in May (long story)

What you are going through is pretty stressful and all of the uncertainty of how you will settle etc, not easy leaving behind your 'normality' for something completely different. Most of us have been where you are right now, we understand how you are feeling. As has been said, BE can/will help, just keep reading/posting and we will try to get you through the bad days and cheer you on through your good ones

orangemirror

I did the 'keeping it secret from work until the last minute' thing and it was very stressful. I felt much better once it all got out in the open.

Like others have said, your feelings are very normal. I wonder if it's better to feel this way and be prepared for the change, than to think everything is going to be fantastic and then get here and be shocked when things aren't how you thought?

Steerpike

Whatever you do, make sure you have a car to get around - without one, you will be trapped (this is one of the key differences in the states - the need for a car). Doesn't have to be anything fancy - a used Honda Civic or something will suffice.

Also - as this was not your decision, it will be easy to second-guess the whole thing. Your best chance of success is to look forward, not backward, and embrace the change. Its a psychological game, and you control how it plays out, by and large. You can moan about how the tea is not as good (they don't make it 'right' here), or learn to enjoy coffee (much better in general than the average UK offering); miss the selection of stronger, tasty beers, or learn to appreciate the more refreshing, lighter US variants; moan about the lack of good comedies on TV, or learn to appreciate some of the better US shows; miss the availability of good 'fish n' chips', or learn to appreciate the great Mexican food, or Asian food, or BBQ, etc that you can find here ... and so on and so on. Also, focus on some of the obvious positives - stunning mountains, and clear blue skies for example (I STILL shudder at the thought of the endless gray skies and rain in UK!).

Also understand that the US is a huge place and, quite frankly, some parts are better than others. You are lucky enough to be going to (what I consider to be) one of the better parts - the people are laid back, there's no big religion thing, the weather is not bad, and there is a 'frontier' mentality still. Many of the people who struggle here are in bible-belt, more-humid-than-a-sauna areas of the South ...

Also - lots of UK transplants fuss over the grocery stores ... apparently the 'average' grocery store here is now 'behind' the average UK grocery store (not the case when I left but things change) ... unless you are on a very tight budget, find the local Whole Foods, or similar 'high end' grocery store, and do your shopping there - you'll pay more than at Safeway / Albertsons / Frys / Vons / whatever, but you'll get better stuff and enjoy the experience.

BE can be a blessing and a burden; I actually broke away from my 'Brit' colleagues soon after arriving, because all they ever did was moan about everything - I got depressed listening to them, and ended up associating with Americans (who tend to have a more positive outlook). Now that I've been here 27 years, I don't mind 'socializing' with Brits (at least virtually!) but back then, I found myself being dragged down.

I'm not trying to contradict the advice from others here, just trying to offer a different perspective. I love it here and would not go back for anything (but it WAS my decision to come, and it was a big improvement for me career-wise and financially, which made it a lot easier I'm sure).

Good Luck! And enjoy the mountain air of Colorado!

Clarki

I came to Colorado in February of 2008 on an L1A visa, I really love it here, I am now applying for a GC. I can honestly say that for the first 6 months or so, I hated it. Initially it was fun, like a holiday. I was flattered at people's response to my accent, and bowled over by how friendly everyone was. I soon realized that I felt very alone, and had little in common with the people I worked with - I am lesbian, very liberal and work in a very conservative office. It took a lot of courage to get up and get out by myself - but since I did, I haven't looked back. I've met some wonderful people and really want to settle here. One thing I would have loved was someone to come home to and share all the new experiences with, and I think that you are lucky to have that. I also think that having that other person could work against you getting out and meeting people. I would strongly encourage you to do that - the relationships that I have forged with people here have been a source of encouragement, support and belonging for me.

Good luck! Enjoy your journey, I think you will LOVE Colorado! Oh, and look forward to no-frizz hair! I love it!

Ginblossom

I know how the OP feels, as been feeling this way lately too.

Mainly because of employment opportunities, and an overwhelming fear of not being able to get a decent job esp. as I will be walking away from an awesome job here in the UK too into the great unknown of employment blackhole

But I do have excitement too. I know the weather is great, where I am living is awesome, know the area and will have family and friends in Socal too.

But even so, Im like gulp ! no job.....................I do- like the OP -also keep thinking sh!t what I am doing!

Englishtart

And SoCal is not a fun place to be without a job! Nowhere is really, unless you can afford not to have to work.

I'm assuming that your partner has a job to go too?

Ginblossom

She has more options open than I do ! But, I am trying hard to find work before I arrive at least. Spoke to some recruiting agencies, updated resume etc.

I would care less if I wasnt walking away from a killer job here. But I am. Im sure something will come up. Staying positive but I do get the odd black mood funk......

Steerpike

My sense is that those who come as a 'couple' take much longer to integrate because they have each other. Being alone forces you out into the community. I came completely alone - well, had one former workmate who had also relocated, but he was one of the people I abandoned early on.

The other key factor for success is (was, for me ...) a job ... I landed at SFO Saturday; checked into hotel; drove around on the weekend getting familiar with the area, then started work Monday. The job was superior to anything I'd ever had before, by a huge margin; I had challenges to focus on, people to meet, a ready source of referrals for everything from housing to cars to bars to restaurants ... . This is another huge challenge for the 'trailing spouse' ... who typically cannot work. If I were coming here today, without a job, I'd sign up for volunteer work of some form - something with a schedule, and with ... PEOPLE ... people to interact with.

dunroving

It's all normal, but I'd especially say from experience that the whole "living a double life at work" part can wear you down. I have applications in at a few places currently, and just the possibility I may not be here does my head in when I'm involved in forward planning and being asked to take on long-term responsibilities. I think it's especially hard if you are invested in your job (i.e., for some people, work is just where you go to pay the bills - nothing wrong with that, but I think that makes leaving easier)

Englishtart

Good luck sweety, hope you get the news you want soon!

Hope you had a good Christmas..Happy New Year

MadRad

Wow, so many replies! It is really reassuring to know that I'm not alone.

I've got an L2 visa, so I will be able to work once I get an EAD. However, on that front I'm really torn. I was made redundant from a very stressful job in financial services where the long hours and long commute eventually wrung me out. So it was a blessed relief to escape (not that it felt like it at the time)! A few months later, I developed a life threatening illness. That was a real turning point. I took a job (instead of a career), which has been good as it's busy but I can switch off from it. So when the opportunity came up to move to the US we decided 'life's too short not to'.

So when we do move, I don't know whether to look for a job, a career, or to do voluntary work. Having been through masses of stress in the past, I'm not sure I want to commit to a job where I'm then restricted to 2 weeks holiday a year! However, I can't help feeling that I want to do something fulfilling and rewarding. I've got 2 degrees, but am contemplating going to uni again, though I'm not sure what to do, possibly teaching, or something healthcare-related.

As you can see, I'm pretty confused just now. I know I'm very very lucky to even have these choices. But I'm also aware of all the good things I'm leaving behind, and that is going to be really hard. At the moment all I seem able to think about is what I'm going to miss.

Sorry to be so depressing. The move is getting so close and I'm finding it a bit overwhelming.

Sally Redux

You feelings are quite normal. Don't rush into anything when you get here, you'll need some time to adapt.

Steerpike

So you have plenty of options - wonderful! I'm pushing the 'job' angle because it's a ready source of human interaction. Uni, teaching, volunteering, part-time work - they will all fit the bill of keeping you from getting bored, and also, thrusting you into your new community. My job is 'demanding' (time wise) but I love it, and I don't see it as a 'job' - it's like I'm being paid to do what I would do for free (not everyday, but most days) - but not everyone is that lucky.

Keep us posted how it goes!

Octang Frye

Fort Collins has a great dance scene.

clarissageo

I felt the same - Although I'm here on a CR1, and my hubby is American - I was telling him I wanted to get off the plane as it was taxiing down the runway, despite all we had worked for and achieved in getting the visa in the first place.

It does get better, and I'll only echo what everyone else has said - once I started working and making my own friends away from DH I started to settle in.

I do still have my moments though, where I want to throw my stuff in a bag and head back to england, but my BE friends - who are also now facebook friends and who I meet up with as often as we all can, soon make me realise that i'm being a numpty!