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Feeling a little better

Feeling a little better

Old May 20th 2004, 6:35 pm
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Default Feeling a little better

Thanks for all the replies the other day everyone. I am feeling a little bit better - I drove by the hotel I stayed in my first 2 nights and said hi to the girl I had got friendly with that worked on the front desk and we are going out for a drink tomorrow night

Also my cousin who lives in Ohio is flying down next Sat for Memorial Day weekend, she will get there early morning and leave late Sunday night - but its in time for the Sunset Symphony and big fireworks display to end the Memphis in May festival - classical music aint normally my thing but this looks cool - and everyone says its really great. Check this out www.memphisinmay.org - its Sunset Symphony under events.

I think the little break from M will do us both good - if this hadn't happened I would have probably continued to be totally dependent on him and not made the effort to get out and meet other friends etc. There's also a really nice girl around my age (30) in work and she said we will go see a movie or to dinner or something next week too.

M gets back on Tuesday night - and I guess by then he will hopefully have "his head sorted out". To answer some of the questions I guess he just feels a bit overwhelmed with everything right now - and I kind of understand when I really thought about it all. His ex has a drug/alcohol problem and until 2 weeks ago was living with an aunt who has thrown her out now and she's staying with friends. I know he feels torn since he feels maybe he should have them living with him but he doesnt trust her etc. I guess he just feels that right now he cant offer me the same level of committment that we talked about if things worked out when I got here which until this happened they definitely had - probably a bit too fast really.

Also, I got all my blood test results back from doc and everything was clear - so he's sending me to a neurologist now for an MRI/CAT scan. Been having these weird tingly and numb things going on in my legs - lol - never rains but it pours - but overall I feel a lot more positive - I know realistically if I was FORCED into going home tomorrow I would be devastated - I just gotta get through this transitional period without over reacting to situations. I mean really - I thought last night as I'm driving home in my nice car - today we have gorgeous sunshine, gonna sit out on the porch and have my tea, go for a walk around the lovely lake

Thing is too - my J1 is valid for another 16.5 months - my employer has told me they want me to stay and will sponsor me for H1B - just not sure if this is the best route to go down and when to start the proceedings (OMG did I just say that - I am thinking LONG TERM lol) - I am worried that a real estate paralegal / secretary will not be specialised enough. I dont have a degree but I do have the required timespan doing legal work to convert to university years - but I am not sure how feasible this would be in reality. I doubt there is another route to go down tho - so I probably do need to start thinking about this now - if I do want to stay I probably need to lay the groundwork cos I know the quota gets filled really quickly.

Does anyone know when the next H1B quota comes out and what I would need to do from this point?

Anyways, thanks for all the advice and replies the other day - I really do appreciate it - just makes you feel not so alone - ya know.
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Old May 20th 2004, 7:42 pm
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Default Re: Feeling a little better

Originally posted by Lesley1020
Thanks for all the replies the other day everyone. I am feeling a little bit better - I drove by the hotel I stayed in my first 2 nights and said hi to the girl I had got friendly with that worked on the front desk and we are going out for a drink tomorrow night

Also my cousin who lives in Ohio is flying down next Sat for Memorial Day weekend, she will get there early morning and leave late Sunday night - but its in time for the Sunset Symphony and big fireworks display to end the Memphis in May festival - classical music aint normally my thing but this looks cool - and everyone says its really great. Check this out www.memphisinmay.org - its Sunset Symphony under events.

I think the little break from M will do us both good - if this hadn't happened I would have probably continued to be totally dependent on him and not made the effort to get out and meet other friends etc. There's also a really nice girl around my age (30) in work and she said we will go see a movie or to dinner or something next week too.

M gets back on Tuesday night - and I guess by then he will hopefully have "his head sorted out". To answer some of the questions I guess he just feels a bit overwhelmed with everything right now - and I kind of understand when I really thought about it all. His ex has a drug/alcohol problem and until 2 weeks ago was living with an aunt who has thrown her out now and she's staying with friends. I know he feels torn since he feels maybe he should have them living with him but he doesnt trust her etc. I guess he just feels that right now he cant offer me the same level of committment that we talked about if things worked out when I got here which until this happened they definitely had - probably a bit too fast really.

Also, I got all my blood test results back from doc and everything was clear - so he's sending me to a neurologist now for an MRI/CAT scan. Been having these weird tingly and numb things going on in my legs - lol - never rains but it pours - but overall I feel a lot more positive - I know realistically if I was FORCED into going home tomorrow I would be devastated - I just gotta get through this transitional period without over reacting to situations. I mean really - I thought last night as I'm driving home in my nice car - today we have gorgeous sunshine, gonna sit out on the porch and have my tea, go for a walk around the lovely lake

Thing is too - my J1 is valid for another 16.5 months - my employer has told me they want me to stay and will sponsor me for H1B - just not sure if this is the best route to go down and when to start the proceedings (OMG did I just say that - I am thinking LONG TERM lol) - I am worried that a real estate paralegal / secretary will not be specialised enough. I dont have a degree but I do have the required timespan doing legal work to convert to university years - but I am not sure how feasible this would be in reality. I doubt there is another route to go down tho - so I probably do need to start thinking about this now - if I do want to stay I probably need to lay the groundwork cos I know the quota gets filled really quickly.

Does anyone know when the next H1B quota comes out and what I would need to do from this point?

Anyways, thanks for all the advice and replies the other day - I really do appreciate it - just makes you feel not so alone - ya know.
Just had a thought, you being in blues country an' all....

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Old May 20th 2004, 7:48 pm
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Default Hehehehe

I just had a thought too - how do "y'all" like being called maam! Ladies only I am addressing this to of course I dont know why but it just makes me laugh - almost as much as being called Miss Lesley. Yep. Seriously. I am Miss Lesley at work. And I had country fried steak with corn bread for lunch. Gee what's happening to me - have I landed on another planet?? . :scared:

My heart has been blessed many times in the last few days (bless your heart is like the 2nd phrase out of everyone's mouth) and today I was told everything will be better when I "find" Jesus. Oh well - I checked in my wardrobe last night but he must have been hiding.

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Old May 20th 2004, 7:51 pm
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Default Re: Hehehehe

Originally posted by Lesley1020
I just had a thought too - how do "y'all" like being called maam! Ladies only I am addressing this to of course I dont know why but it just makes me laugh - almost as much as being called Miss Lesley. Yep. Seriously. I am Miss Lesley at work. And I had country fried steak with corn bread for lunch. Gee what's happening to me - have I landed on another planet?? . :scared:

My heart has been blessed many times in the last few days (bless your heart is like the 2nd phrase out of everyone's mouth) and today I was told everything will be better when I "find" Jesus. Oh well - I checked in my wardrobe last night but he must have been hiding.


That's what you get for being in the south. It's all a bit like being in Gone With the Wind, but, sadly, without Clark Gable.

You want to watch out for the fried steak or you won't fit into any of your clothes within three weeks. Oh yeah, and if anyone offers you gravy, be afraid, be very afraid....... Ditto grits.
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Old May 20th 2004, 8:04 pm
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Default Re: Feeling a little better

Originally posted by Lesley1020
Thanks for all the replies the other day everyone. I am feeling a little bit better - I drove by the hotel I stayed in my first 2 nights and said hi to the girl I had got friendly with that worked on the front desk and we are going out for a drink tomorrow night

Also my cousin who lives in Ohio is flying down next Sat for Memorial Day weekend, she will get there early morning and leave late Sunday night - but its in time for the Sunset Symphony and big fireworks display to end the Memphis in May festival - classical music aint normally my thing but this looks cool - and everyone says its really great. Check this out www.memphisinmay.org - its Sunset Symphony under events.

I think the little break from M will do us both good - if this hadn't happened I would have probably continued to be totally dependent on him and not made the effort to get out and meet other friends etc. There's also a really nice girl around my age (30) in work and she said we will go see a movie or to dinner or something next week too.

M gets back on Tuesday night - and I guess by then he will hopefully have "his head sorted out". To answer some of the questions I guess he just feels a bit overwhelmed with everything right now - and I kind of understand when I really thought about it all. His ex has a drug/alcohol problem and until 2 weeks ago was living with an aunt who has thrown her out now and she's staying with friends. I know he feels torn since he feels maybe he should have them living with him but he doesnt trust her etc. I guess he just feels that right now he cant offer me the same level of committment that we talked about if things worked out when I got here which until this happened they definitely had - probably a bit too fast really.

Also, I got all my blood test results back from doc and everything was clear - so he's sending me to a neurologist now for an MRI/CAT scan. Been having these weird tingly and numb things going on in my legs - lol - never rains but it pours - but overall I feel a lot more positive - I know realistically if I was FORCED into going home tomorrow I would be devastated - I just gotta get through this transitional period without over reacting to situations. I mean really - I thought last night as I'm driving home in my nice car - today we have gorgeous sunshine, gonna sit out on the porch and have my tea, go for a walk around the lovely lake

Thing is too - my J1 is valid for another 16.5 months - my employer has told me they want me to stay and will sponsor me for H1B - just not sure if this is the best route to go down and when to start the proceedings (OMG did I just say that - I am thinking LONG TERM lol) - I am worried that a real estate paralegal / secretary will not be specialised enough. I dont have a degree but I do have the required timespan doing legal work to convert to university years - but I am not sure how feasible this would be in reality. I doubt there is another route to go down tho - so I probably do need to start thinking about this now - if I do want to stay I probably need to lay the groundwork cos I know the quota gets filled really quickly.

Does anyone know when the next H1B quota comes out and what I would need to do from this point?

Anyways, thanks for all the advice and replies the other day - I really do appreciate it - just makes you feel not so alone - ya know.
Glad things are looking a little brighter!

The H1B quotas are set every October as far as I know? It depends on the quota, but I know when it was 195,000 they didn't come near to the quota.

As far as evaluating your credentials - EVERYTHING helps. Certificates, diplomas, trainings, high school, work experience.

Good luck!
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Old May 20th 2004, 10:07 pm
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Default Re: Hehehehe

Originally posted by Lesley1020
I just had a thought too - how do "y'all" like being called maam! Ladies only I am addressing this to of course I dont know why but it just makes me laugh - almost as much as being called Miss Lesley. Yep. Seriously. I am Miss Lesley at work. And I had country fried steak with corn bread for lunch. Gee what's happening to me - have I landed on another planet?? . :scared:

My heart has been blessed many times in the last few days (bless your heart is like the 2nd phrase out of everyone's mouth) and today I was told everything will be better when I "find" Jesus. Oh well - I checked in my wardrobe last night but he must have been hiding.

I love being called maam, especially if it is by a tall well built cowboy. My neighbour calls me Miss Fay, don't know if it is because of my age, she is a lot younger than me, but it is cute.
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Old May 20th 2004, 10:38 pm
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the new H1B quota does indeed start in October... the last quota ran out in Feb and this years is likely to run out before xmas due to the backlog... if you're gonna do it... get the lawyers on the case now so you're in the running from day1.

andy
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Old May 20th 2004, 11:09 pm
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Default Re: Hehehehe

Originally posted by effi
I love being called maam, especially if it is by a tall well built cowboy. My neighbour calls me Miss Fay, don't know if it is because of my age, she is a lot younger than me, but it is cute.
Its a southern thing, everyone calls me Mr Patrick and my wife Miss Ellen, we have even started calling one of our neighbors Miss Lisa because all the kids do. Its better than my other nickname, the naked english guy
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Old May 20th 2004, 11:55 pm
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Great to hear you're feeling perkier.

Strangley the only people who can pronounce my name (it's Gaelic) are the girls at my local Thai place.
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Old May 21st 2004, 1:11 am
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Default Re: Feeling a little better

I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling better. You are doing the right thing imho - focusing on yourself, developing your independence.

M will have to sort out his own problems it seems, if his ex has drug/achohol dependency problems chances are that these are more of a symptom of a psychological disorder than the underlying problem itself. Not good unless she gets help. It could all turn pear shaped rather quickly if CPS gets a wiff.

I wouldn't blame him for being worried about the child. I'm worried about the child and I don't even know the kid!

Personally, if it was me though I wouldn't trust the mother further than I could throw her. I wouldn't put it past her to encourage him to become very close to the child and then use the issue of contact with the child to attempt to manipulate him. If it was me, well I'm a cynic but I'd have already retained a family law attorney.

I suspect that the gal has control issues, wants to regain control of him so that she can "torment" him somemore. Stems from her own insecurity and self-loathing. Still, he will need to figure this out for himself. He sounds like a nice guy but one that doesn't think enough of himself.

I'm still worried about that poor child though. The children are the truly innocent victims.

Sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, I have strong views on this stuff
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Old May 21st 2004, 1:14 am
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Originally posted by sibsie
Great to hear you're feeling perkier.

Strangley the only people who can pronounce my name (it's Gaelic) are the girls at my local Thai place.
LoL. Bet I can say it. That's sort of cheating though I suspect
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Old May 21st 2004, 1:21 am
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Originally posted by USBound
the new H1B quota does indeed start in October... the last quota ran out in Feb and this years is likely to run out before xmas due to the backlog... if you're gonna do it... get the lawyers on the case now so you're in the running from day1.

andy
Woweeee........
Did they bring the quota down then? I heard they might.
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Old May 21st 2004, 4:19 am
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Default Re: Feeling a little better

Originally posted by lairdside
I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling better. You are doing the right thing imho - focusing on yourself, developing your independence.

M will have to sort out his own problems it seems, if his ex has drug/achohol dependency problems chances are that these are more of a symptom of a psychological disorder than the underlying problem itself. Not good unless she gets help. It could all turn pear shaped rather quickly if CPS gets a wiff.

I wouldn't blame him for being worried about the child. I'm worried about the child and I don't even know the kid!

Personally, if it was me though I wouldn't trust the mother further than I could throw her. I wouldn't put it past her to encourage him to become very close to the child and then use the issue of contact with the child to attempt to manipulate him. If it was me, well I'm a cynic but I'd have already retained a family law attorney.

I suspect that the gal has control issues, wants to regain control of him so that she can "torment" him somemore. Stems from her own insecurity and self-loathing. Still, he will need to figure this out for himself. He sounds like a nice guy but one that doesn't think enough of himself.

I'm still worried about that poor child though. The children are the truly innocent victims.

Sorry if I'm speaking out of turn, I have strong views on this stuff
No, not out of turn at all - you said everything I have been thinking and I am so afraid he is gonna get screwed over this. I have told him to go and see an atty till I am blue in the face but he seems to think by the fact that he went to the child support office and has set the ball in motion for that that it's going to give him rights to see her (perhaps it does i really dont know) - and seems like as she goes out partying etc at the weekend that she is more than happy for him to take the baby. However - she obviously knows him well and he is one of the most compassionate and caring people I have ever met in my whole life - he said when he held that little baby in his arms last weekend in a split second he knew there was nothing he wouldn't ever do for her.

We haven't talked tonight or last night and I'm not gonna call - I think he needs space more than anything right now and it's probably a good thing for me too but I know now more than ever that I am gonna be there for him 100% - in whatever form that ends up taking. I am just trying really hard not to be offended and understand why he doesn't seem to want me to be around the baby - although I know that if she knows he is still seeing me - she's gonna start stopping him from seeing her - she's threatened that already and he won't allow her to be used as a pawn - even if that means sacrificing us being together I guess.

Anyways I had a nice evening - Teresa ended up coming over here tonight and she's really nice - although the attitude of my colleagues shocked me - she's black and a couple of the girls were like "be careful" blahblah - another southern thing I'm gonna have to get used to I guess. So - looks like I'm going to have more company than I thought, she's going to come over here with her kids on Sat nite and watch some movies and I'm going to look after them on Sunday while she goes to school!

Hope everyone's having a good evening
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Old May 21st 2004, 4:47 am
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Default Re: Feeling a little better

Originally posted by Lesley1020
No, not out of turn at all - you said everything I have been thinking and I am so afraid he is gonna get screwed over this. I have told him to go and see an atty till I am blue in the face but he seems to think by the fact that he went to the child support office and has set the ball in motion for that that it's going to give him rights to see her (perhaps it does i really dont know) - and seems like as she goes out partying etc at the weekend that she is more than happy for him to take the baby. However - she obviously knows him well and he is one of the most compassionate and caring people I have ever met in my whole life - he said when he held that little baby in his arms last weekend in a split second he knew there was nothing he wouldn't ever do for her.

We haven't talked tonight or last night and I'm not gonna call - I think he needs space more than anything right now and it's probably a good thing for me too but I know now more than ever that I am gonna be there for him 100% - in whatever form that ends up taking. I am just trying really hard not to be offended and understand why he doesn't seem to want me to be around the baby - although I know that if she knows he is still seeing me - she's gonna start stopping him from seeing her - she's threatened that already and he won't allow her to be used as a pawn - even if that means sacrificing us being together I guess.

Anyways I had a nice evening - Teresa ended up coming over here tonight and she's really nice - although the attitude of my colleagues shocked me - she's black and a couple of the girls were like "be careful" blahblah - another southern thing I'm gonna have to get used to I guess. So - looks like I'm going to have more company than I thought, she's going to come over here with her kids on Sat nite and watch some movies and I'm going to look after them on Sunday while she goes to school!

Hope everyone's having a good evening
I'm so glad that you didn't take offense at what I said. If these people (meaning the baby's mother) didn't cause such pain, misery and damage they would really just be pityable. The child though is effectively a hostage in her care until it's old enough to leave of it's own accord -- and by then it will have a nice bundle of dysfunctional behaviors and psychosis to deal with for the rest of it's life. Personally, for damage done like this, later in life if the parents are still in denial I feel that children ought to be able to claim their therapy costs from their parents. Not for revenge but because the therapy might actually help.

I just HATE to watch this happen (and it happens with alarming regularity) and feel so useless.

Gawd, it must have just been killing her to see him happy. She really saw him coming a mile off didn't she? I suppose that the pregnancy was a "surprise" too? *shakes head*

I just hope that she doesn't think that she is doing anything original in passing along the cycle of abuse which she most likely inherited . What a wonderful legacy to pass on to our children

I am having a good evening btw.... eating chocolate. Had to give the packet to my daughter before I scoffed the lot
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Old May 21st 2004, 4:59 am
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Default Re: Feeling a little better

Originally posted by Lesley1020
No, not out of turn at all - you said everything I have been thinking and I am so afraid he is gonna get screwed over this. I have told him to go and see an atty till I am blue in the face but he seems to think by the fact that he went to the child support office and has set the ball in motion for that that it's going to give him rights to see her (perhaps it does i really dont know) - and seems like as she goes out partying etc at the weekend that she is more than happy for him to take the baby. However - she obviously knows him well and he is one of the most compassionate and caring people I have ever met in my whole life - he said when he held that little baby in his arms last weekend in a split second he knew there was nothing he wouldn't ever do for her.

We haven't talked tonight or last night and I'm not gonna call - I think he needs space more than anything right now and it's probably a good thing for me too but I know now more than ever that I am gonna be there for him 100% - in whatever form that ends up taking. I am just trying really hard not to be offended and understand why he doesn't seem to want me to be around the baby - although I know that if she knows he is still seeing me - she's gonna start stopping him from seeing her - she's threatened that already and he won't allow her to be used as a pawn - even if that means sacrificing us being together I guess.

Anyways I had a nice evening - Teresa ended up coming over here tonight and she's really nice - although the attitude of my colleagues shocked me - she's black and a couple of the girls were like "be careful" blahblah - another southern thing I'm gonna have to get used to I guess. So - looks like I'm going to have more company than I thought, she's going to come over here with her kids on Sat nite and watch some movies and I'm going to look after them on Sunday while she goes to school!

Hope everyone's having a good evening
I agree with your approach 100% btw, for whatever my opinion is worth. At present, he most likely has the welfare of the child inextricably linked with that of her mother. As such he would view any percieved "attack" on the mother, not physical but criticism (even if true) as an attack on his child.

Anyone who does so therefore will only serve to villify themselves in his eyes. It's an emotional rather than a rational response, a complusion facilitated by his guardian pseudo personality. The child's mother knows instinctively where the father's buttons are and until he confronts reality it would be like talking to a wall, no matter how true the advice was.

It's take two to feed such a scenario and one to stop it but taking that step can be one the most difficult things a person ever faces in their lifetime because it involves reevaluation of self. No easy task even for the strongest amongst us.
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