Pulaski

Sorry to hear about your stress and frustration Tillymin. It is bad enough when you relocate to another country, but with a child with a broken arm and a death in the family it can only be worse.

GPP has it right, shopping for mundane stuff becomes an extended chore, and not much easier if you have a "local" spouse, as you end up with the additional factor of whether your spouse thinks you made the right choice when you arrive home with it. To some degree the extended chore issue never goes away, at least it hasn't for me, and I have been in the US for over 16 years now.

Things should turn around once you have a home, and get your children into school. Then, once the dust settles, things will return to normal, or rather you will establish a "new normal", because much as I love living here, and am unlikely ever to return to the UK, there is very little that is "normal" about living here.

Personally I find the most disconcerting aspect of life in the US, is that most things are very nearly the same as the UK, but everything is just slightly off-kilter, and, although as I said, I like living here, I always feel like a fish out if water. Part of this, I believe, is that my accent hasn't changed much, not much at all as far as I can tell, and so I perpetually get comments on my accent, mostly from people who apparently think I must have arrived recently. I get comments most weeks, sometimes several times. But at least people "lurve" my accent, because it seemed to have the opposite effect on people in London. .... My accent, though muted, I have retained from my childhood in Sheffield.

KK85

Speaking as a newbie expat, to a seasoned one, I hope this doesn't come across as too teaching-grandmother-to-suck-eggs, but to both of these points:

YES. I remember saying to my husband, several years ago, that I felt I needed to spend an entire day in Wal-Mart, on my own, without him breathing down my neck out of sheer boredom, simply so that I could familiarise myself with the deodorants. And the laundry detergents. And the different flavours of kettle chips. He's still yet to indulge me, though I have made a few solo trips to Giant, where it took me the best part of 30 minutes to locate a curry paste. I came home on my own, on the bus, and it was one of the first and most liberating things I did in this country. Even little things, like there being different words for different shapes of pasta, compared to what we'd call them in the UK, really throw you off!

Once my husband and I made the decision that, of the two of us, I would be the one to emigrate, I was thrilled to know I'd get to be 'the one with the accent' and by the prospect of it gaining me positive attention, which it has done and continues to do. But if anything, as the years have gone by and as I've spent more time in the States, I've just become self-conscious of it. Not always, but sometimes. Depending on my mood or on where we are, I find myself talking quietly to avoid becoming the focus of too much attention, which is ridiculous because that attention has never been bad... sometimes you just don't want it, though. And it alone can make you feel a little bit like you stick out like a sore thumb, or a fish out of water, as you say, Pulaski. And it's these tiny little things that add up and can contribute to that insecure feeling, which in itself is just the tip of the iceberg for the OP.

I'm glad you had a better day, Tillymin. I hope you have more and more of those as the days go on. Know you are not alone in getting to grips with these tiny changes, let alone the big ones.

Redwing

I know exactly what your mean. A couple of days ago, I was asked where I'm from, after being here almost 40 years. Yet if I go back to the UK, people think I am an American.

Caroline in Arizona

Although my DH is from Scotland he grew up in Malaysia, New Zealand and Australia - people have absolutely no idea where he is from!

Tillymin I feel like we have hijacked your thread with talk of grocery stores and accents. I hope that your day is going well.

Tillymin

That's very sweet of you. Sorry to hear about your father-in-law. Hope you enjoy your trip back to the UK.

Tillymin

No, it's not hijacked at all! I spent an inordinate amount of time studying toilet paper yesterday. I bought two different types and they're both rubbish!

My son had another x-ray on his arm today and it looks like the bone is starting to grow to fill the gap where it is out of alignment. They think that they may not need to operate after all so feeling very relieved about that.

Both children are a bit grotty today as they had to have a lot of jabs yesterday before they start school and they're both running a bit of a temperature today. All being well they start school on Monday. My youngest has to be at school for 7:20am which is going to be a bit of a shock to the system!

Geckz

OMG toilet paper!!!!!

<runs off to have a rant in the corner>

Don't worry about feeling insecure and out of your depth. I felt exactly the same way when I got here.

In fact, the one time I completely lost my Shi* was in the supermarket. The simple act of buying food took me over the edge and I wanted to drop on the floor and have a full on tantrum.



Don't worry, just accept it's going to be stressfull and sometimes the easiest of things will take a degree in psychology to do.

It's not just you....!

Pulaski

Welcome to America!

OldJuddian

Those jabs before the first day of school are the worst, my kids had so many that they had to use both arms. The kids still vividly remember it even though it was six years ago. Good that it is done, and the routine of school should help.

petitefrancaise

Those first weeks are stressful anyway and to have a kid break their arm as well, you poor things.
Deep breath and a pat on the back to you. Once the kids are at school, go and do something nice for yourself - facial, massage or a haircut, nice cup of coffee. My first year as an expat in France was just one thing after another but you get through it.

Big, big hug.

Rete

Charmin ... for me the bears got it right.

Rete

Being new to the US, can you or someone else recommend places to have these pampering sessions. I'm sure she won't have a clue.

petitefrancaise

I'd google it and find somewhere local. Or ask a neighbour or one of the girls in the lease office if you live in an apartment.

Tillymin

First day at school for them today and they both loved it!

Caroline in Arizona

Delighted to hear that and thanks for letting us know.