snowbunny

I had way more money AND energy in my younger days. There is also a cultural divide about such things, as I found out when I married. Being raised Southern Baptist had one cost-saving advantage: my family only expected cake, punch, butter mints, and nuts at the reception.

My MIL, from a biggish city in the Midwest, was scandalised. She insisted that I provide much more substantial food (and that I pay for it, as the bride -- not her or my ex-husband). I gave in to that demand but refused to have free-flowing alcohol. (It was an afternoon wedding.) A few people actually refused to come after they found out I wasn't having an open bar, but my family would have been shocked if I *had* had alcohol.

If you marry at night in the Northeast people expect a sit-down dinner at the reception. The consequence is that fewer people get invited to the reception than the wedding itself, which I think is a bit rude. If you get invited to the wedding and not the reception, do you still have to give a gift?

As you can see in certain circles of American society it's darned expensive to entertain, and people can get petty about the amount of money spent per guest vs the value of the gift they receive, from a kid's birthday to a wedding! My opinion is that the person who's celebrating should throw whatever party they wish, and that gifts are purely optional. Then again, I'm never making the Junior League.

Franklin

Just go home and set about your other 'alf ... with an ice pick or a particularly large champagne bottle of the type used to launch heavily armored battleships. Won't really help, but might take your mind off those Stepford people!

clydegirl

Hair slides and boo-boo boxes !(What's a boo-boo box?) Definetly Stepford.

KarnalEcho

40? I went to one when I was 28 w/ my toddler and got burned out in a very short time. It's not normal. I could not stand it. I swear they drugged those kids lol
I did all this at home w/ my little ones, well stuff like this. Hey I was a stay at home mom.
Don't feel bad there's something about US women that need to be wonderwoman!

KarnalEcho

Just a little diddlyboop box that's almost like a care package for a child if he get's a scratched knee. You can twist and turn a wash cloth into a bunny shape so you can keep it in the freezer and place an ice cube inside.ya know...that normal stuff

woodsey

The 'walkers' that is so true, it always seems to be a little dog as well, you know, the type you'd kill if you trod on it...

Haven't met the 'soccer moms' yet, thankfully, I have a 13 year old as well, and so far she seems to be making friends with all the 'goth' kids that hate the 'cheerleader' type girls so I'm hoping to avoid them for a few more years.... Should of seen their faces when I said I had 13 year old, I'm only 33 and have been told I look quite young so judging by their faces I think they thought I'd had her when I was 15...

Regarding structure, why do kids have to do so much stuff! Whatever happened to imagination.. They have enough structure in their lives when they grow up, my son was overwhelmed, after 5 minutes of trying to make a postcard he'd had enough and went to smash some toys in the corner..
Many of the other children were already going to preschool 3 times a week and they weren't even two years old

One thing I will say is that they seemed to be quite nice people (I have only met them twice though) they weren't at all 'showy' although most of them are pregnant so it's hard to look glamorous with a big belly (in fact I was the one with the $400 handbag and the Gucci sunglasses ) I will continue to go..my son enjoyed his time smashing up other childrens toys , I am just amazed as to why they have to fill the time with so much structure, lifes a bit too short to make hair slides..don't get me wrong I love painting and colouring etc with my boy but he's only two, he likes to do his own thing and so far he's managed just fine...

Eskimo is my other half by the way

Eskimo

Franklin I'm not convinced this is good advice ...

honeymommy

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.......

Your not living in the Valley near West Hills are you?

God you took me right back to when we first moved there. I went through the same experience as you, right down to the cookie escapade... LOL

Funniest thing of all... After a couple of months wondering how those kids were so good I found out... Nanny's, drugs (for children and mothers ) therapy for all and need to deal with feelings of inadequacy by being the best.

I made the mistake of 'popping' round to a couple of the mums one week... Amazing the difference when they don't know your coming... Hahahahahah.

I stopped doing the mums group thing and it did take a while to find a few 'normal' mums I could have a good time with, be myself and let my kids have a bit of fun without it being planned to perfection if you know what I mean.....

OK funny sort of.......

One mum got a little odd after I stopped going to the mums group... Would stop me at the school gate and spend ages talking to me about how her little one was so wonderful and clever and how wonderful she was as a mother arranging allsorts for her child... etc etc.... I litstened for many weeks, nodding and doing the usual 'oh really' 'Hmm' 'Oh thats great' as we do... It got stale and then she started pointing out things I could/should do for my 4 kids..... OOPS... HER MISTAKE.... I politely asked her not to advise me, as my kids were happy, heathly and well adjusted etc etc.... It didn't work....
I, being the person I am eventually lost it in my quiet sarcastic way...
Told her that perhaps, instead of pointing out things she thought I should do, she should look in her own court and attend to the fact her kids were on drugs to make then conform, she was on various uppers and downs and was self medicating on pain killers while attending therapy. While she was still shaking, one of my kids arrived with a certificate of achievement all beaming and happy while her kid arrived miserable and resentful..... Bloody hell they couldn't have timed it better..... Hahahahah.... Needless to say the conversations stopped... LOL
5 years later... Her kids were having problems at school, still on various drugs which she changes regularly to screw them up even more while trying to put them right, and her husband has left her.
the picture is not allways as it seems.... Give it time... LOL

snorkmaiden

Don't feel inadequate Woodsey, like pretty much everyone else has said they are probably drugged up to the eyeballs and up to their necks in debt.

I only did one Moms club out here and that was enough for me to know I wasn't going to be able to take it. My youngest just went off to Kindergarten though so we don't really need to do the Moms club thing.

My Welsh friend still goes to her Moms club and was recently telling me how deeply the other Moms were in debt - so they can appear to be be doing well to everyone else.

I'm convinced a lot of Moms on my childrens schools PTA are doped up on Prozac to keep that Stepford smile on their faces bless em.

I thought the episode of Desperate Housewives with Lynette and the ADD meds summed things up for women here perfectly.

At least we can have a moan on here, or on the phone to our British friends or with the few normal American women we know, but those poor dears have to keep up a facade.

As for the all the clubs, I don't do all that with ours. With the amount of homework they get on top of the long school day there would be no time to play, to just hang out with us, go to the park or read or just do nothing if we signed them up for everything so we don't. When one of our children actually expresses an interest in joining a club then we'll go ahead and do it but until then I don't feel the need to fill every second of their day with sports and dance and cheerleading etc.

I read an article that had an interesting little section about the amount of demands on our childrens time and on our time.

http://www.familyresource.com/parenting/3/657/

It's under the Just Say No section.

AmerLisa

Based on what?

Anyway, just giving you a hard time....

I agree with you NC. I grew up in CA, spent most of my adult life there (with exception of a year in Texas....talk about scary :scared: ) and I never wanted to move back to CA. Pretentious, snobby and Stepford wives are all very good terms of endearment. Run Woodsey....I would.

Franklin

It was a joke; hence "" icon ... not advice ... my disclaimer explicitly states that: "The information (if any) in this post has been prepared for fun and entertainment ..."

Me thinks your response post was intended as a joke too, but absent icons indicating that it was a joke and just in case you were serious ... READ MY DISCLAIMER ... that is what it is there for. *Duh*

Guelder Rose

Have to admit that I'm beginning to hate the obsession here in CA with, as you put it, the women being groomed and glamorous. Never been the type to wear make up unless I'm going somewhere special and really could not be bothered with a hair style that involved actual styling ... and there is no way on this earth that I'm going to start wearing those fake talons! But, sometimes, I feel like maybe I'm being viewed as, what do they call it ... trailer trash? Never saw the problem with jeans, t-shirt and no make up till I came here.

Mind you, I also find it amusing to see women with perfect make up, hair and nails ..... but wearing skin tight lycra top to toe when they are 50lbs overweight ..... just doesn't make sense - maybe they don't possess a full length mirror?

Iginla

Mmmm, remember you getting your panties in a twist because of a joke made about a crap uni with a "" icon at the end! Double standards much?

Anyways back on topic.

My brother lives in Boston. A while back his 6 year old kid got into a scuffle with another six tear old kid in the back yard over a toy or something.

The mother arrived at the door to speak to my sister-in-law. Her solution:

Get the two kids to have a make believe fight in the front room and discuss how they felt pre, during and post fight. Needless to say the fact that they were only kids was pointed out to her.

Rete

Definitely does not sound like a children's party from any of my family or friends from New Jersey. Their parties are all either in a catering hall (depending of course on the age of the child) and/or at their homes with BBQ, pool parties, and if indoors with some type of buffet featuring both hot and cold foods.

I did the stepford wife route in my 20's. You know the arts and crafts, and knitting and sewing sweaters and clothes for my daughters, the coffee get-togethers and afterschool meet-ups with the kids. But I don't recall the kids being anything but kids and that means not on their Sunday Best Behavior but rather noisy and playful and when the noise died down moms would go hunting for the little brats because quiet equated to trouble.

Then I went on to being a single mom who worked full time, schooled full time in the evenings for that precious degree and cared for two kids under 16 to boot. Stepfordism went the way of the dinosaur in my life. But for those that are into it and have the time, I say go for it. Nothing wrong in being a Stepford and being artsy and craftsy and non-career professional mom. But if it is not for you, then don't do it and stop putting the women down who do.

Hell not eveyone has to be a Stepford, but then again, not everyone has to be a non-Stepford either.

Lord Lionheart

I say put the 8 ounce boxing gloves on them and let them go at it. Graduate them to bare knuckle fighting at about 10 years old....... could be a nice little sideline for the parents if your kids any good, you could bet and wager with other parents and neighbors as to which kid gets knocked out first?