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Feeling Inadequate

Feeling Inadequate

Old Mar 2nd 2005, 11:16 pm
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Unhappy Feeling Inadequate

What is it with American women???? I have just been to a moms club meeting at a moms house and oh my god...the women are incredible.
I was told we would be 'crafting' I have never seen so much stuff for kids to do, they made postcards, pictures, painted eggs, so many things I can't even remember, the moms were given the opportunity to make fancy hair slides, boo boo boxes etc etc, the worst thing for me was they all knew how to do it.... I sat in the corner looking sheepish whilst my son looked at me with a "hhhmmm why aren't you like these wonderful women" kind of look.
The food was fabulous and all the kids behaved beautifully. Her house was so tidy ,she works part time and shes pregnant...
One of the ladies there mentioned she was going to a friends sons bar mitzvah and she had been asked to take cookies, she was whisked away into a room and came back 15 minutes later with a bouquet of flowers made from chocolate chip cookies, complete with decorated terracotta plant pot... They all had diaries stuffed with so many nights out, activites I was tired just listening to them, one of them had a two year old and nine week old twins yet she was there, how?
Things like this just didn't happen in England but is it the norm here or do I live in Stepford?
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Old Mar 2nd 2005, 11:17 pm
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Default Re: Feeling Inadequate

They haven't yet told you about their therapists, then?
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Old Mar 2nd 2005, 11:19 pm
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Default Re: Feeling Inadequate

Originally Posted by fatbrit
They haven't yet told you about their therapists, then?
thats what I thought, just needed someone to confirm it for me...
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Old Mar 2nd 2005, 11:21 pm
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Default Re: Feeling Inadequate

Originally Posted by woodsey
What is it with American women???? I have just been to a moms club meeting at a moms house and oh my god...the women are incredible.
I was told we would be 'crafting' I have never seen so much stuff for kids to do, they made postcards, pictures, painted eggs, so many things I can't even remember, the moms were given the opportunity to make fancy hair slides, boo boo boxes etc etc, the worst thing for me was they all knew how to do it.... I sat in the corner looking sheepish whilst my son looked at me with a "hhhmmm why aren't you like these wonderful women" kind of look.
The food was fabulous and all the kids behaved beautifully. Her house was so tidy ,she works part time and shes pregnant...
One of the ladies there mentioned she was going to a friends sons bar mitzvah and she had been asked to take cookies, she was whisked away into a room and came back 15 minutes later with a bouquet of flowers made from chocolate chip cookies, complete with decorated terracotta plant pot... They all had diaries stuffed with so many nights out, activites I was tired just listening to them, one of them had a two year old and nine week old twins yet she was there, how?
Things like this just didn't happen in England but is it the norm here or do I live in Stepford?

Had a good day them luv ? you said all the kids behaved beautifully - does that include our Devil child
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Old Mar 2nd 2005, 11:22 pm
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Default Re: Feeling Inadequate

Originally Posted by woodsey
What is it with American women???? I have just been to a moms club meeting at a moms house and oh my god...the women are incredible.
I was told we would be 'crafting' I have never seen so much stuff for kids to do, they made postcards, pictures, painted eggs, so many things I can't even remember, the moms were given the opportunity to make fancy hair slides, boo boo boxes etc etc, the worst thing for me was they all knew how to do it.... I sat in the corner looking sheepish whilst my son looked at me with a "hhhmmm why aren't you like these wonderful women" kind of look.
The food was fabulous and all the kids behaved beautifully. Her house was so tidy ,she works part time and shes pregnant...
One of the ladies there mentioned she was going to a friends sons bar mitzvah and she had been asked to take cookies, she was whisked away into a room and came back 15 minutes later with a bouquet of flowers made from chocolate chip cookies, complete with decorated terracotta plant pot... They all had diaries stuffed with so many nights out, activites I was tired just listening to them, one of them had a two year old and nine week old twins yet she was there, how?
Things like this just didn't happen in England but is it the norm here or do I live in Stepford?
You live in Stepford. They're not normal.
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Old Mar 3rd 2005, 12:08 am
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Default Re: Feeling Inadequate

Originally Posted by woodsey
One of the ladies there mentioned she was going to a friends sons bar mitzvah and she had been asked to take cookies, she was whisked away into a room and came back 15 minutes later with a bouquet of flowers made from chocolate chip cookies, complete with decorated terracotta plant pot...
I laughed my arse off when I read this; I'll have to send a copy to my mum.

-tom
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Old Mar 3rd 2005, 12:16 am
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Default Re: Feeling Inadequate

NO _ NO _ NO !!!

Do NOT let these have-it-all/can-do-it-all ladies make you feel inadequate.

By the time they're forty, they'll be burnt out. And I bet most of them do not have an inner life to speak of.

Remember, most of what you saw is just a facade, a show. They spin in circles and get their knickers in a twist just to keep up with the Joneses!!!

Remember the bard: to thine own self be true
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Old Mar 3rd 2005, 12:17 am
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Talking Re: Feeling Inadequate

Ha ha ha ha ha!

My neighbourhood is *exactly* like yours. Definitely 'Stepford Wife' country!

Our local Newcomers/Encore Club has the same activities - arranging cookie bakes, 'gift boutiques' etc. and I just stopped going to any of their events - even though I'd been conned into becoming the membership secretary for a year...I even dreaded going to the monthly board meetings as they were just a glorified 'bitch-fest'. The whole topics of conversation seemed to revolve on getting their new kitchens/bathrooms/ remodelling the house, which designer to choose or about buying a vacation home. Occasionally though the topic might deviate....on admiring someone's latest diamond ring or fur (barf) coat or which spa/salon was the best in the area. I just had absolutely nothing to say or had nothing in common with this crowd, it all seemed so false.

There also seems to be some serious ambition amongst the non-working mothers here to get on any sort of committee, say the Junior League (part of the United Way) or church or Jewish charity for fundraising. Even better if their photo attending such an event gets into the local newspaper....I guess it is all good for networking and to get onto their resumes. I went to a couple of PTA meetings at the school and they were so unlike the ones at British schools - it's all taken so seriously, but I found it a bit scary to be honest, quite a few of the mothers are attorneys and PTA meetings seem to be almost a political awareness event rather than fundraising for the schools which is what I was used to.

Woodsey: I bet the local non-working wives go out 'walking' (sometimes with a dog in tow) in the mornings in groups of 2 or 3 don't they, but still manage look groomed and glamorous? In our street most of the wives start having their first baby at around the age of 40 but then get a full-time nanny in to look after the offspring, regardless of whether or not they're going back to work. They are gobsmacked when they discover that I have an almost 21 year old and a 16 year old (I'm 43).

Woodsey - have you met the 'soccer moms' yet LOL?!!! (Is Eskimo your spouse by the way?)

Thank goodness I eventually discovered an informal expat wives group in our area; most of the wives are Brits or Aussies, with a few from South Africa, Canada and some other European countries. It's so refreshing to be amongst normal people and who cares if the house is looking less than pristine?!

I do find though that most children's lives are very structured here....they don't get any time to 'chill out' or just hang around doing nothing, yet I've read in the English Sunday broadsheets that it's actually very healthy for kids to be 'bored'....often they initiate something themselves that way without being directed by an adult.

Oooh, I've just had an e-mail to say that the Girl Scout cookies I (felt obliged) to order are now in and I need to pay for them...LOL!
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Old Mar 3rd 2005, 12:31 am
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Default Re: Feeling Inadequate

Yes. Some women in the US are like that. I'm not at all surprised to hear about those kind of women in CA to be honest.

There's women like that in my area but I have no reason to know them and I have American friends and acquaintances that are so much more down to earth.

I had a friend whose husband was a PhD student at Stanford (Palo Alto). Even though most of the wives weren't American, they'd adapted to the "keep up with Joneses" behavior and when it came for one of the wives to host the monthly get together (of PhD students wives), my friend felt inadequate for a long time 'cos she couldn't cook, had no creative skills that she could bring to get togethers, etc.

I don't know how my friend coped but she lived in CA for five years...



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Old Mar 3rd 2005, 12:33 am
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Default Re: Feeling Inadequate

Very scary....kind of reminds me of the mothers in windsor park in the mornings, prams and little dogs prancing about, very stepford scary *l*
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Old Mar 3rd 2005, 12:37 am
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Default Re: Feeling Inadequate

Originally Posted by Englishmum
Ha ha ha ha ha!

My neighbourhood is *exactly* like yours. Definitely 'Stepford Wife' country!

Our local Newcomers/Encore Club has the same activities - arranging cookie bakes, 'gift boutiques' etc. and I just stopped going to any of their events - even though I'd been conned into becoming the membership secretary for a year...I even dreaded going to the monthly board meetings as they were just a glorified 'bitch-fest'. The whole topics of conversation seemed to revolve on getting their new kitchens/bathrooms/ remodelling the house, which designer to choose or about buying a vacation home. Occasionally though the topic might deviate....on admiring someone's latest diamond ring or fur (barf) coat or which spa/salon was the best in the area. I just had absolutely nothing to say or had nothing in common with this crowd, it all seemed so false.

There also seems to be some serious ambition amongst the non-working mothers here to get on any sort of committee, say the Junior League (part of the United Way) or church or Jewish charity for fundraising. Even better if their photo attending such an event gets into the local newspaper....I guess it is all good for networking and to get onto their resumes. I went to a couple of PTA meetings at the school and they were so unlike the ones at British schools - it's all taken so seriously, but I found it a bit scary to be honest, quite a few of the mothers are attorneys and PTA meetings seem to be almost a political awareness event rather than fundraising for the schools which is what I was used to.

Woodsey: I bet the local non-working wives go out 'walking' (sometimes with a dog in tow) in the mornings in groups of 2 or 3 don't they, but still manage look groomed and glamorous? In our street most of the wives start having their first baby at around the age of 40 but then get a full-time nanny in to look after the offspring, regardless of whether or not they're going back to work. They are gobsmacked when they discover that I have an almost 21 year old and a 16 year old (I'm 43).

Woodsey - have you met the 'soccer moms' yet LOL?!!! (Is Eskimo your spouse by the way?)

Thank goodness I eventually discovered an informal expat wives group in our area; most of the wives are Brits or Aussies, with a few from South Africa, Canada and some other European countries. It's so refreshing to be amongst normal people and who cares if the house is looking less than pristine?!

I do find though that most children's lives are very structured here....they don't get any time to 'chill out' or just hang around doing nothing, yet I've read in the English Sunday broadsheets that it's actually very healthy for kids to be 'bored'....often they initiate something themselves that way without being directed by an adult.

Oooh, I've just had an e-mail to say that the Girl Scout cookies I (felt obliged) to order are now in and I need to pay for them...LOL!
wow so true...won't let me give you karma don't know why and don't really understand how it works........but real good true post......these women must be dreaming up this crap for hours before they go out and just ram it down your throat
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Old Mar 3rd 2005, 12:44 am
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Default Re: Feeling Inadequate

There are several documented cases of mothers taking their kids' ADD medication (which is effectively whizz or speed) in order to cut down on those useless hours of sleep.

It's been featured on ER and recently, on Desperate Housewives.

I'm American and no way do I have that kind of energy. Sleep deprivation is an accepted wa of life here, so much so that it's a leading factor in car crashes.

The only other way to do it is to go deeply into debt and buy services and products that make you look good. And you wonder why people are two paychecks away from homelessness!

I actually could pull off the Stepford thing in my 20s -- when I was married, had full-time job, and only one kid. Now, as a 37-year-old divorcee with two kids, even with no paid job, I can't do it.

I once made these elaborate birthday invitations for my eldest's birthday (I was still in my 20s). They were essentially Christmas crackers that contained candy and a paper invitation. I hired a petting zoo one year, and an exotic animal trainer another year to entertain the kids.

My youngest has never had a non-family birthday party!
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Old Mar 3rd 2005, 12:51 am
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Default Re: Feeling Inadequate

Originally Posted by woodsey
What is it with American women???? I have just been to a moms club meeting at a moms house and oh my god...the women are incredible.
I was told we would be 'crafting' I have never seen so much stuff for kids to do, they made postcards, pictures, painted eggs, so many things I can't even remember, the moms were given the opportunity to make fancy hair slides, boo boo boxes etc etc, the worst thing for me was they all knew how to do it.... I sat in the corner looking sheepish whilst my son looked at me with a "hhhmmm why aren't you like these wonderful women" kind of look.
The food was fabulous and all the kids behaved beautifully. Her house was so tidy ,she works part time and shes pregnant...
One of the ladies there mentioned she was going to a friends sons bar mitzvah and she had been asked to take cookies, she was whisked away into a room and came back 15 minutes later with a bouquet of flowers made from chocolate chip cookies, complete with decorated terracotta plant pot... They all had diaries stuffed with so many nights out, activites I was tired just listening to them, one of them had a two year old and nine week old twins yet she was there, how?
Things like this just didn't happen in England but is it the norm here or do I live in Stepford?
Sounds like Bree on Desperate Housewives!!! :scared:
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Old Mar 3rd 2005, 12:52 am
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Post Re: Feeling Inadequate

Originally Posted by snowbunny
I once made these elaborate birthday invitations for my eldest's birthday (I was still in my 20s). They were essentially Christmas crackers that contained candy and a paper invitation. I hired a petting zoo one year, and an exotic animal trainer another year to entertain the kids.

My youngest has never had a non-family birthday party!
I've just remembered something my Aussie friend mentioned to me; she was shocked when she took her young daughter to a birthday party here in NJ and there was nothing for the children to eat apart from a slice of pizza!

In Australia it's very much like the birthday parties for young children in the UK; sandwiches, crisps, cup-cakes, jelly, ice-cream and of course birthday cake.
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Old Mar 3rd 2005, 12:55 am
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Default Re: Feeling Inadequate

Originally Posted by cindyabs
Sounds like Bree on Desperate Housewives!!! :scared:
But Bree's kids are older (though I imagine she was still the same when they were younger).

Lynette's the one who got addicted to her twins' Ritalin and then started begging for it and stealing it from one house!

I actually think Lynette is the coolest mom. "I've got Santa's cell phone number. If you try anything you'll get SOCKS for Christmas!"
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