warksgirl

Here I go again, with another observation. Please excuse me; I don't mean to sound like a complainer...I've only just found this site and need to know if other people notice the same things as me, or if I'm going completely bonkers!

So, is it me or does everybody in this country always seem to be really busy and in a hurry?

I've made a few attempts to invite some people around for dinner. I thought I was trying to be friendly and "American" (I love cooking and entertaining and Americans seem to like to eat) On these few occasions, the people I asked said they were busy.

Now, I'm usually a confident person. But I'm starting to wonder if people are making excuses and just don't want to come? Or, can they really be that busy?

Should I try again? I'm starting to get a complex, though it does seem like everybody is always in a rush....

joto

I have found that as well. We have just about given up entertaining. We have asked our neighbours round on a few occasions, but they only came twice. Never been round there. We have asked a workmate/friend of hubby's round with his wife and they cancelled that afternoon with a pretty poor excuse. We did a lot more entertaining (simple, nothing elaborate) when we were in the UK, in Warwickshire as it happens.

ladylisa

Yes our experience is exactly the same. We have been trying to broaden our circle of friends and to be honest its like banging your head against a wall. A few of my husbands collegues have even said we must get together so I said yes when? blank look oh we will work something out! I'm not begging. We even know of a lady who is in her 40's and has nil social life and even when I have invited her over she is all for it until I try and pin her to a date. Suddenly its difficult that week. I find it very frustrating. It seems everyone wants to do all the social niceties like how are you? How are you finding life over here..etc..etc but anything else they seem disinterested. What makes it difficult is we had a fab social life in the UK.

I think everyone we know is caught up in family stuff and strange clubs affiliated with their kids school or church. Well either that or there is indeed something wrong with us LOL

CaliforniaBride

Don't worry, we spend a lot of time doing just that.

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=261259

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=157352

sibsie

Same experience here. People just don't seem to do dinner parties etc., they way they do in England. Booking people for a social has to be done months in advance. There's no such thing as popping in or a quick drink, at least not in my experience.

It's one of the things I miss most from Europe.

scrubbedexpat099

I have the advantage of a Grandchild at Kindergarten, Play Dates seem to be a norm and their parties seem more of an opportunity as a get together for the Mothers.

Evenings are trickier, well actually late afternoon, seems like 7.00 is late and we are back home usually by 8.30 on a Saturday night!

Just started Snowing here, be interesting to see if the winter changes attitudes.

People tend to be friendly at the local Brewpub, neutral territory same as anywhere, but again best to get there early.

We have a pre Thanksgiving Sunday Lunch in 2 weeks, it will be interesting to see the turnout.

rincewind

Don't find that down south. Everyone is laid back and moving at turtle speed.

Atlanta is different as it's a big city but you notice a real difference in people (and driving style) when you head south into the country like we are.

BritGuyTN

agreed, we have people round all the time, maybe folks in the south like to eat more?

rincewind

Judging by the size of some southerns, I would have to agree

Just Jenney

Speaking as an American, I can relate to what you all are saying, believe it or not.

People just don't get to know their neighbors -- that's probably something many Americans don't want to admit, but it's true. My family lived on the same street for 13 years and we barely knew our next-door neighbors' names. We didn't know any of our neighbors beyond three houses away on either side of our house.

I have lived in many places in Virginia, mostly in Northern Virginia and now in Richmond, and I can honestly say that after age 13, I didn't know any of my neighbors at all, or even speak to them besides the occasional "hello" if I passed them on the street while walking the dog. No block parties, no dinner invites, no 4th of July fireworks in the street. They didn't invite us and we didn't invite them. We just happened to live on the same street or same apartment complex, but that was it.

I have lived in Richmond for almost four years now and the only friends I have here are my colleagues at work. Unfortunately, none of us works a normal Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm schedule so it's impossible to get together with anyone outside of work. (My schedule is Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon, 8pm-7am -- can we say, "Totally incompatible with having a social life"?!) Mark isn't working yet either so he hasn't made any friends of his own here. It's just us, and the dog.

Don't get me wrong -- if I could change one thing in our life currently this would probably be it. But it's just SO hard to meet people when 1) you don't have kids; and/or 2) you don't belong to a church (hard to do when you're atheist). Those are the two main things that draw people together socially around here, and by no fault of our own, we can't participate in either one.

So, as pathetic as I've probably painted our life here, it's the truth and if anything it demonstrates that you're not alone in feeling... well, alone. If it makes you feel any better, I'm impressed so many of you have made such an effort to get to know those in your communities. It's a lot more than I've done. Too bad you don't live near me!

~ Jenney

warksgirl

Thanks for your very kind words, Jenney.

We were just so active socially with our friends back in England. We regularly had people around for dinner, or vice versa. It was usually very casual.

I guess this just surprises me because most people here seem to have a passion for food.

Even though we've met our neighbours and people have suggested getting together "sometime", like others who have posted, when actually trying to set a date, everybody has something to do.

I miss that casual dinner conversation. It was essential to life to linger over the wine and cheese platter (with good, mature cheddars and a creamy Stilton) while discussing house prices, which actor was your favourite Dr. Who or how brilliant it was when the truck drivers organised the strike over increases in petrol prices (that was exciting)... I feel a definite void.

I'm glad to know, though, that it's not just me. I was starting to get paranoid.

Just Jenney

It's definitely NOT you.

Americans have this reputation for being extremely friendly, community-oriented, and as those who enjoy a fun social life. And I would say that's probably a well-deserved reputation -- under the right circumstances.

The truth is that many Americans, especially those in urban areas and even the suburbs, are just not that big into socializing. That's because socializing cuts into time to run errands, have quiet time with family, and sleep. People ARE busy, and unfortunately the way things are for many people, it's very difficult to squeeze in a social life. (A social life which revolves around one's children may be the exception, but even then that's not every adult's ideal, is it?)

When you consider the fact that the average American gets 10 days of vacation time for the entire year, it makes a lot more sense. They have to ration their free time carefully.

That doesn't mean that getting to know you isn't important to them. It's just possible that it's not as important to them as doing other things, especially those which are family-related.

Also keep in mind that there are certain areas of the country where no matter how long you've lived there, unless you and your parents and your grandparents were born and bred there, you'll always be considered somewhat of an outsider.

That's what it's like in Richmond. I've met people who have literally lived here for 20 years and still are considered, "those people from up north," or wherever. When people find out I'm originally from Northern Virginia -- only 90 minutes away by car -- they tell me I'm not a "real Virginian" (it's a regional thing!). Go figure.

~ Jenney

sibsie

Welcome to my town! I'm sure I'm only accepted because my husband's family actually founded the place. Even then I think I'm tolerated more than actually accepted. Were it not for that, I'd just be another outsider encroaching on their little corner of White Picket Fence America.