Roland Hulme

Now I've got my Pimp Mobile Car and am fully insured etc, I've hit the roads of NJ. These are the rules, as far as I can figure them out:

1. All traffic laws must be obeyed whilst a cop is in view.
   
2. Signs that say: Stop, Yield, No Turns, No U-Turn, No Left Turn or No Turn on Red are only suggestions.
   
3. If an approaching car has it's turn signals on, it is going straight ahead. That signal has been on for about twenty minutes and the driver just hasn't noticed yet.
4. If an approaching car has no turn signals on, it might turn left or right sharply at any time.
   
5. Correct procedure at a junction is: Brake Sharply, Make Turn, Accelerate Sharply, Survey Carnage in Rear View Mirror.
   
6. The bigger car always has right of way.
   
7. He Who Has Insurance Wins.
   
8. If you spot a police car, slow down to 10mph, irrespective of the speed limit.
9. Every so often, sound your horn to check that it is still working.
   
10. Wait until the traffic light turns from red to green before applying lipstick/changing the radio. Ignore the angry honking behind you.
    
11. When an approaching light turns amber, hit the gas, irrespective of your chances of making the light before it turns red.
    
12. At a red light, you are authorised to turn right if there is no oncoming traffic or the oncoming traffic is smaller than you are.
    
13. At a red light marked: "No Turn On Red" you MUST NOT TURN RIGHT until you have clearly checked that there are no police cars behind you.
14. All vehicles in New Jersey must have a valid roadworthiness inspection sticker. These can be obtained for $100 irrespective of the car's actual roadworthiness.
    
15. If you can still see out of your back window, you don't have enough bumper stickers yet.
    
16. All campaign bumper stickers must be at least three years out of date, i.e. Bush/Cheney 2000 or Member of the Fraternity of Police 2001.

Jerseygirl

You forgot when turning right, indicate or not it doesn't really matter, swing over to the left without checking mirror, then s-l-o-w-l-y turn right.

BTW have you noticed if you want to pull over and indicate so...when you stop everyone behind you stops bumper to bumper behind you?

another bloody yank

That is Pimp!

Lord Knows

And I was told that the British were slow learners ?

Roland Hulme

My wife wanted to get a Toyota Camry, but I argued that we didn't move 3000 miles to another country, the birthplace of the automacarjiggy, just to drive something we could have had back in England.

Plus it was cheap. I bought it off a rapper... presumably not a very famous one since he lived in a house in North Brunswick and his wife was a realtor. But he was pretty good. He gave me his CD with the car.

It's apparently the Lincoln once owned by a governor of New Jersey (one of them, I'm not sure which) but JD, the rapper, resprayed it cherry red as he does to all his cars (i'm not joking, he had five cars all identical colour.)

We bought it and a week later had to spend half the purchase price on repairs. Wife was NOT best pleased.

But it runs fine now and gets 20mpg which is actually about the same as wifey's 'economical' Pontiac Grand Prix.

I LOVE all these car adverts boasting "an amazing 25mpg!"

Back in the UK my Renault used to get 50+!!!

anabella

That all applies to CO too except n 9, it is rare to hear a horn around here but I do use mine now and then like a good Spaniard ..

Also you can drive in the middle of 2 lanes.. and by all means drive on the left lane and block traffic whenever possible..

neil

You forgot:

You must put your brakes on when changing lanes even when moving into the fast lane.

Always come to an almost complete, or complete, stop when entering a highway from the entry ramp.

Always stop at a yield sign.

looselips

Hmmm I thought using turn signals showed a sign of weakness, no? Maybe that is just in Texas.

17. Don't attmept the northern part of the turnpike untill you know exactly what you are doing, don't sit in the middle lane when it's 3 lanes each way .... it really gets up Patrick Hasler's nose.

Ray

Roland ..we know all this ..we follow your blog
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...ighlight=ginge

Roland Hulme

Aww. You read my blog. You rock, Ray.

So far everything everybody else has said is true - ESPECIALLY the bit about slowing down to a crawl when you actually DO turn off.

Ray

No we didn't read all the crap ..
we just looked at the large breasted ladies...

anabella

And I am not included in "we"..

Rushman

That would be Germany not the US.

Rushman

No "WE" don't.

Rushman

Ok...so maybe I did the same as you.