flbrit59

lol..that's a new one !

CandyBelle

Perfect. Although Mr beck is stepping down!

Squirrel

My DH had terrible depression when he first moved to the UK. Although tbh he'd suffered undiagnosed depression for years, the move just made it worse. The first year or two are definitely worse. I think what people don't realise is that you go through a period of mourning for your old life and it takes time to accept the new life, however happy you might be to be with the one you love, and that is no reflection on the spouse.

My DH is fine in London now, likes his job, likes taking trips to Europe and having more time off work, and admits he'd find it hard to go back to working in the States.

scouseva

There really are good and bad aspects, the thing I found when I first came over was to throw yourself into the culture for the first year or two, and regard it as very much a learning curve. There are subtleties to absorb, like phrasing in your speech, and bureaucracy to overcome, (although I gather the UK is much worse than when I left), but overall enjoying the differences rather than getting frustrated with them will get him through. I think it's admirable that you are sensitive to the issues he might face. Good luck!

warfruit

About 50% of my wife's family think I'm German for some reason, I don't know why.

Overall I think the people here are kind hearted and warm, but I really feel alienated by the culture sometimes. I've been told I need to just adapt and change, but I honestly look around ***sometimes*** and just do not want to become part of it.

My wife gets annoyed with my need for Marmite, because I should 'change my tastes' but I've never quite understood why I need to change such things when little things like that make me feel more at home.

I think the truth is sometimes I look back home with rose tinted glasses, and this is all different to me. I don't know anybody outside my wifes circle, so when things aren't going too smoothly I feel very very alone here.

I'm sure half the problem is me, but if anybody is reading who is bringing a Brit over here: try to make them feel at home and the transition will be easier. You miss the simple things. Accept that your partner is going to miss things about home and try to understand and support them.

I love my wife dearly but she views me missing home as some sort of insult to her and her country, and it is leading us down a very bleak path, and ultimately just making me miss those familiar things even more.

On the whole, I think it's a nice enough place to live.

Squirrel

I'm sorry to say, but I think it is out of order the way your wife is treating your homesickness. 'Change your tastes' indeed!

My DH moved to the UK to live with me and while he's started some British habits, like using brown sauce and vinegar on chips, he absolutely cannot understand how I can eat baked beans in tomato sauce! I wouldn't dream of telling him he is wrong. I really think some homesickness is actually natural and it is wrong for anyone to take it as an insult to the new country.

sykes

Wow, I was a bit hesitant to come into this thread. Thought it would be filled with people who loved it here and bashing any dissenting views.

I've been this side of the pond for about 20 years. I've always had this love hate relationship with the place. Mainly due to what I call the "top down" way of making friends IE you start as best friends and work you way down to the true level of friendship. I now have a very close group of friends and understand the way of life here, but recently I have found myself becoming more disillusioned with the States and thinking more and more about trying somewhere else, maybe Aus or NZ. I can point out two main issues:

- Politics and mind set:
Gee Dumb forward has really highlighted the nature of some of the population, and that standpoint seems to have or is becoming more prevalent. I know the majority of the US is fairly isolated to the rest of the world but recently it seems so much worse. I just don't understand the extremes (both sides), esp when the gov is the best money can buy and is not truly for the people.

- Common decency
The US used to be the land of "have a nice day" and although superficial it was nice. Now you can hardly get a pleasantry or see someone holding a door for someone in need. It feels like there is a sense of entitlement and a lack of responsibility. I'm not trying to say UK is perfect in this regard but at least there seems to be a respect between people. **Chick-fil-A, I still love you with your, "it's my pleasure" and "you're welcome"**


A bit of a ramble above, sorry.

Dan725

I'm going on 8 years now and thoroughly agree with most people - some things I like more than the UK, some things I like less. On balance have been pretty happy here, but equally, if we should ever move back to the UK for whatever reason, doubt I'd be unhappy with that either. Whether my wife, being a born'n'raised Florida type would be able to hack the UK weather though....that is questionable!

chriswinter

I agree. I was raised with a very Brit mother here in America..and believe me, I don't think she ever fully adapted...but that was my mom..wasn't so hard for me to 'adapt', since I was a child when brought here. But to this day, I have some of the same 'tastes' as my dear old mom. I am a massive hot tea drinker with milk and sugar (not a lover of iced tea), I love milky coffee, I only eat fried fish & chips with malt vinegar, I will not eat any lamb unless I have a bottle of Crosse & Blackwell Mint Sauce on hand, I always have a tin of Bird's Custard in the cupboard..I still believe in "please' & 'thank you'..is how I raised my kids and grandchildren do the same. I have lifetime long friends, even some family who cannot even begin to understand some of my 'tastes'..but that's me, that's my tastes...and the rest be damned. They accept me for who I am and some of my strange 'tastes' as well.
I will say it's much easier today to get British products here, then years ago. The Internet is a great place to find those products that suit one's Brit 'tastes'. The World Market shop can be found in many parts of the US and have quite a variety of British products. Many large chain grocery stores also now carry quite a few of these products, as well as from other distant parts of the world.
If the poor guy or gal wants/needs/enjoys his Marmite, PG Tips, Mint Sauce, Brown Sauce, etc... let him/her have it, no harm done.

Side note: I never could understand how my American hubby could eat pizza w/Louisiana hot sauce...BLECH!! But that was how he rolled!

Squirrel

Lol Chris, hubby had never heard of sweetcorn on pizza like we have in the UK. He will eat it, admits it tastes ok, but he just thinks it's 'strange.' Myself I cannot understand why they don't butter their sarnies in the US (well margarine them anyway!)

SultanOfSwing

I think he might have just misunderstood where my wife told him I was from but it was funny nonetheless

avanutria

I think most Americans won't realise that South Africans speak English...

dlake02

Well, I've been here a little while now, and there are good points and bad points.

There are some things that infuriate me:

1) The God Squad. Living here makes you realise how grown-up and atheist Europe has become (yes - even France/Italy/Spain). They don't shut up about it. As a mixed-religion, hence none, background, it gets on my ***s. There is a horrible 14th century, Crusading spirit to it as well. Bizarre, as the country was built on religious freedom.

2) Right-wing, "me first" politics. Mrs T on speed. Again, a crusading, arrogant and big-mouthed type of politics based on ignorance.

3) The lack of things for kids to do, and the over-bearing, over-protectiveness towards children.

4) The lack of a Health-Care system or any sense of social responsibility in terms of social housing, social welfare, unemployment assistance and the huge have/have-not differences. Again, this is bizarre given the background of the country which was built on collective terms.

5) Deeming all Latinos as lazy - they are the only ones that I ever see doing the REAL work..... racial stereotyping is at a level which we would never tolerate in the UK.

6) Constantly telling me "it's the best place in the world." Sorry - too cynical for that - there is ALWAYS room for improvement, and that it is bourne out of criticism. Consequently, idiotic bureaucracy is allowed to proliferate because no-one but no-one will question it.

What I like:

1) The weather. Round 'ere, it's pretty nice most of the time.

2) The friendliness of the people. Again, round 'ere there are a LOT of immigrants or people that HAVE lived abroad, so I think they are broader minded. Beware Hicks-ville though - I know a couple of people in the Mid-West (late 50s) that have proudly never had a passport and never intend to....

3) Prices. Things are cheap. Very cheap.

4) Work. Don't believe the hype - they don't work that hard.... Hours compared to what we've become used to in the UK are no-where near as long.


On balance, I really am not sure where I'd rather be - especially given the idiots in charge back-home at the moment. CA has a much more European feel to it - I would probably not want to live in many other states....

Redwing

Britlover, I have lived here over 30 years, in 10 different states, from the NE to the SW, and south to west, and I like it very much. I have plenty of friends, and have always found people very friendly and welcoming. Of course, I have come across some dingbats, my state senator immediately comes to mind, but they have been few and far between. It took me a few months to settle down, but I had made some friends on visits before I immigrated, and they kept telling me I was gonna be alright, which I was.

My kids and I became naturalized almost 30 years ago, they went to college, graduated, are professionals in their fields, and have families of their own, so, I have no reason to ever go back to the UK. Not that I would want to, as I have been back 4 times since I left and saw nothing to make me want to return. I have become assimilated to the American way of life, and I am very happy here.

I would suggest that you read Sugarmooma's blog, because that is an excellent story and read.

lansbury

Do they, all my friends there speak Afrikaans