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Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Old Jul 27th 2019, 11:28 pm
  #136  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Originally Posted by G00dByeGirl View Post
Thank you, your words hit home. I very much intend to focus on my own growth and healing. I never again want to put myself in a position where I open myself up to this level of hurt and manipulation.

I want to put aside my attempts at making sense out of the marriage, my part, his part, his awful behaviour now... and just focus on me. It kills me to think of him with someone else, but in time, that should fade too. I so hope that I'm back on here letting you guys know how little that matters to me, and how well I'm doing.

I'll be out from under his control. I'll be away from 4 years of being almost invisible and so unimportant.

To everyone that's come out the other end, stronger, wiser and with a willingness to help others (me) treading the same path, I salute you. You may never realise the kindness and impact of your words.

Just a few more days to go now. No word yet on a response to the settlement offer. Really trying not to stress about that. Divorce is many horrible things, and the unknown is a massive, massive part of it. Saying that, there are some unknowns that could be a really good thing - you just don't know! And that's called life I think.
You may very well find someone you can trust 100%. The difference is at the back of your mind you know that if that relationship fails, you will get through it, because you’ve got through this one and nothing will ever hurt you like that again.

Please do keep in touch and let us know how you are getting along. All the very best.
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Old Jul 28th 2019, 12:11 am
  #137  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Originally Posted by G00dByeGirl View Post
Just a few more days to go now. No word yet on a response to the settlement offer. Really trying not to stress about that. Divorce is many horrible things, and the unknown is a massive, massive part of it. Saying that, there are some unknowns that could be a really good thing - you just don't know! And that's called life I think.
You're almost there! And don't forget that the knowns far outnumber the unknowns at this point. You know you're getting on that plane, you know there are people there for you at the other end, you know you can choose to never set eyes on him again. All very, very good knowns!

I predict there will be a substantial 'unpacking' period, where you come to see how unhealthy the relationship really was. The point is not to dwell on the negative, but realise you will only get happier and happier that it is over! I promise there will be a time that you simply pity the poor soul who is next in line...

Onward and upward! If there are any silly American things that you have enjoyed (the 75,000 varieties of MnMs, for example), I propose you spend your final days enjoying those. This is about you now, and you can do as you damn well please
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Old Jul 28th 2019, 12:31 am
  #138  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

It would be nice if you stick around after you're home, though. This forum is a great community of people from all over the world.
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Old Jul 28th 2019, 12:37 am
  #139  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Originally Posted by Dorothy View Post
It would be nice if you stick around after you're home, though. This forum is a great community of people from all over the world.
And even if you don't need us in the US, the Moving Back to the UK forum would be right up your alley. In fact you might want to read some of the posts there to get a handle on the order in which to do things once you land at Heathrow.
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Old Jul 30th 2019, 8:00 pm
  #140  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

What they all said. Good luck. It's nearly time to go. Don't look back. That's going to be hard to do as by now you probably realize whether by coincidence or design (I think the latter) your settlement agreement is going to arrive right before you are due to leave. Don't give it a second thought. Leave and deal with it once you are home (in the UK) and have the clarity of mind and safety of distance between you and the issues.
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Old Jul 30th 2019, 9:01 pm
  #141  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

I am covering my tracks so that he isn't aware of my plans, but he knows in all likelihood that I would return to the UK. As my departure quickly approaches, I sort of don't want to know the latest on the settlement, as leaving is hard, and I don't want even more upset.

So yes, getting home and having some much needed clarity and support would be my preference.

I've been told the senior members in his goon squad that helped him invade the house and take the furniture have been reprimanded. And, an already established family handling training course is due to be rolled out in August. I fear he'll go into the stratosphere when learns of this, and retaliate through the settlement.

As always, thanks for all the kind advice and support. I will be sticking around, and will post more updates. I'll go check out the 'Moving back to the UK' forum, am hoping getting through Customs at Heathrow is not going to be painful.
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Old Jul 30th 2019, 9:05 pm
  #142  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Originally Posted by G00dByeGirl View Post
I am covering my tracks so that he isn't aware of my plans, but he knows in all likelihood that I would return to the UK. As my departure quickly approaches, I sort of don't want to know the latest on the settlement, as leaving is hard, and I don't want even more upset.

So yes, getting home and having some much needed clarity and support would be my preference.

I've been told the senior members in his goon squad that helped him invade the house and take the furniture have been reprimanded. And, an already established family handling training course is due to be rolled out in August. I fear he'll go into the stratosphere when learns of this, and retaliate through the settlement.

As always, thanks for all the kind advice and support. I will be sticking around, and will post more updates. I'll go check out the 'Moving back to the UK' forum, am hoping getting through Customs at Heathrow is not going to be painful.
Thank goodness you don’t have children. Many Expats don’t consider the implications of children if the marriage breaks up. At least you will be able to make a clean start back in Blighty and put him and all this behind you.
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Old Jul 31st 2019, 3:25 am
  #143  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

I may not post much but I am coming on daily to keep an eye on this thread. Each day that passes puts the situation a day further into the past and it will get easier. Allow yourself to grieve what you lost and then you will be able to accept it and move forward. I wish i could come give you a hug, but you will have to make do with 'strength vibes'.
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Old Jul 31st 2019, 4:34 am
  #144  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

I was dumped by my US ispouse and I relate to some of your issues but it was much less dramatic and I stayed and got citizenship .
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Old Jul 31st 2019, 10:05 pm
  #145  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Thank you so much for all the kind words and encouragement. I never expected this forum to be one of my main sources of support when things get rough.

The grieving part is so hard, and this week has been particularity painful as I've had to say goodbye to friends who have come to mean the world to me. I do have my citizenship so I'm hoping coming back won't be a problem. I'd like to see them again.

Thank you so much for the virtual hugs and strength vibes. This is so tough.
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Old Aug 1st 2019, 10:30 pm
  #146  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

As you untie the final bonds and count down the remaining hours before slipping off toward a new life - I want to jump in to add a few random thoughts to the chorus of support you've already received, as well as my embrace to the many supportive hugs that already envelop you...

GBG...you've really struck a profound chord here!
You've touched Brits, Yanks, male, female, younger, older and probably some who fall into no particular category at all.
Your palpable cry for HELP was heard.
It was answered by sentient, thoughtful strangers. Strangers of all sorts, from all over.
As an aside - for me, personally - the responses to your plight reaffirm that despite the many acts of unspeakable cruelty occurring with increased frequency in our world-gone-amok, there remain countless, thoughtful, sentient human beings whose humanity and compassion are intact.
You've acknowledged your appreciation for the support received here.
I want to acknowledge my appreciation to you for the opportunity your plight and appeal for HELP provided for a demonstration that people can, do, and will care for one another when called out to.
So - thank *you*

As you fly off into your future I hope your BE experience will help to fortify you. You're on your own now. But you're connected. You're not alone. (We'll still be here)

You should take enormous pride in the fact that you leave with head held high, dignity intact:
You've demonstrated formidable endurance, strength, determination and grace.

The tsunami that gobsmacked GBG has abated. She survived. Her future is always waiting. Blank pages of chapters await their author - You
Start writing...

'Bye for now -.with yet another long, strong hug...and a push --------------------->
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Old Aug 1st 2019, 10:35 pm
  #147  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Beautiful post MMcD. Good luck GBG, don’t be a stranger! I like many others think about you daily and wish you well.
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Old Aug 1st 2019, 11:20 pm
  #148  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Originally Posted by MMcD View Post
As you untie the final bonds and count down the remaining hours before slipping off toward a new life - I want to jump in to add a few random thoughts to the chorus of support you've already received, as well as my embrace to the many supportive hugs that already envelop you...

GBG...you've really struck a profound chord here!
You've touched Brits, Yanks, male, female, younger, older and probably some who fall into no particular category at all.
Your palpable cry for HELP was heard.
It was answered by sentient, thoughtful strangers. Strangers of all sorts, from all over.
As an aside - for me, personally - the responses to your plight reaffirm that despite the many acts of unspeakable cruelty occurring with increased frequency in our world-gone-amok, there remain countless, thoughtful, sentient human beings whose humanity and compassion are intact.
You've acknowledged your appreciation for the support received here.
I want to acknowledge my appreciation to you for the opportunity your plight and appeal for HELP provided for a demonstration that people can, do, and will care for one another when called out to.
So - thank *you*

As you fly off into your future I hope your BE experience will help to fortify you. You're on your own now. But you're connected. You're not alone. (We'll still be here)

You should take enormous pride in the fact that you leave with head held high, dignity intact:
You've demonstrated formidable endurance, strength, determination and grace.

The tsunami that gobsmacked GBG has abated. She survived. Her future is always waiting. Blank pages of chapters await their author - You
Start writing...

'Bye for now -.with yet another long, strong hug...and a push --------------------->

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Old Aug 2nd 2019, 10:00 pm
  #149  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Just read the whole of this thread, Wow. Good luck with your journey. You are definitely a survivor I need a drink after that. Wow
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Old Aug 7th 2019, 8:27 pm
  #150  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

MMcD What a lovely, lovely post, thank you. I've read it quite a few times now and each time your words lift my spirits. Having been knocked sideways by the many different ways divorce has invaded my life, it has been heart lifting to come on here and read such fantastic support and encouragement.

And boy, do I need a fairy godmother.

I'm back in the UK and trying to get on my feet. I've discovered that 4 years away means getting a contract of any kind - mobile, car insurance just for starters - is not easy and there's additional costs for being out of the country.

My living arrangements are temporary, with family and lets just say I'm biting my tongue, counting to ten and trying to focus on gratitude for what I do have.

Still no word from my attorney on the settlement, it's been 3 weeks now.
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