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Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Old Jun 27th 2019, 2:30 pm
  #76  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Originally Posted by vikingsail
I can do that! Pray do tell how to set up Ignore?

Thanks
Through your User Control Panel: User CP, Settings & Options, Edit Ignore List. Then, type their name into the empty text box and click 'Okay'.
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Old Jun 27th 2019, 2:34 pm
  #77  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Originally Posted by vikingsail
I can do that! Pray do tell how to set up Ignore?

Thanks
As above, it is brilliant. Only downside is you can still see posts from the person/people who are on your ignore list when others quote them, but easy enough to skim over. I don't think they can send you PM's or karma either, or perhaps you just don't see them if they do.

Last edited by christmasoompa; Jun 27th 2019 at 2:54 pm.
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Old Jun 27th 2019, 9:24 pm
  #78  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

OP....
Just a thought…and perhaps (?) a potential bow to add to your quiver……

In light of how alone and therefore unbuttressed you feel - I’m wondering whether exposure through the local press of what’s been occurring, most especially with regard to your encounters with the military machine, might be a helpful strategy?

I do think your “case” has a public interest aspect. One which adds an additional dimension to the power injustice the “Me Too” movement has been exposing
Furthermore, Our taxes support the military.
Therefore, how the military machine handles a plea for help isn’t just a private concern; in some respects it’s ours, as well.

Your dispassionate and convincing account of what’s taken place makes for compelling reading.
Might publication (with names withheld) in the local press of your account be something to consider?
You could almost lift (copy/paste) your posts here, if you were to contact the local press. They're extremely persuasive - clear, concise, compelling, and very well written. You’ve managed to recount the awful saga in a dispassionate manner. Which makes it even more horrific, gripping and entirely believable.

Public exposure of activity that might contravene the military code of justice might serve to ensure your fair treatment going forward.
OTOH...it's entirely possible the Military Machine has the "free" press in its tentacles...

Needless to say - any contact with the press should only be pursued after consulting with your lawyer as to its advisability/possible negative ramifications for you.

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Old Jun 27th 2019, 9:29 pm
  #79  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

you make a good point.
would the British Consulate be available to assist in this matter considering that the US army is involved?
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Old Jun 27th 2019, 9:34 pm
  #80  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Originally Posted by petitefrancaise
you make a good point.
would the British Consulate be available to assist in this matter considering that the US army is involved?
I had wondered the same thing.
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Old Jun 27th 2019, 11:11 pm
  #81  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Thanks for the links, really helpful and made an interesting read.

I'm a journalist, but I didn't think of going to the local press. Of course now I'm wondering whether they'd be interested in the story... but pros and cons. As the military command close ranks around my ex, and I'm even more ostracised, my focus is hurtling towards going home.

The papers came back from the court late Tuesday and I think he gets served tomorrow. Needless to say, it's nerve wracking.

I've been reading about divorce and I think I can account for the unknowns being one of the biggest stressors. The short and the long term. My future is looking very unclear and frankly, quite terrifying. Starting a new chapter and moving my life again after just doing it four years ago, is giving me sleepless nights.

The short term anxiety is over what happens next and how he'll react.

I didn't think about the British Consulate. I'll go check that out. Thanks!
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Old Jun 27th 2019, 11:16 pm
  #82  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Originally Posted by G00dByeGirl
My future is looking very unclear and frankly, quite terrifying. Starting a new chapter and moving my life again after just doing it four years ago, is giving me sleepless nights.
I cannot help in any way at all. I just wanted to send you a cyber hug and wish you all the best.

Tough days and weeks indeed.

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Old Jun 27th 2019, 11:50 pm
  #83  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Thank you BEVS , I appreciate the hug.
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Old Jun 28th 2019, 12:19 am
  #84  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Originally Posted by G00dByeGirl
Thank you BEVS , I appreciate the hug.
Unless you are in danger, I can’t imagine the UK Consulate will get involved, but I could be wrong. If you cannot afford a ticket home they will probably pay, but you will be expected to pay it back.

Has your attorney given you any idea as to how much you are entitled to? If it’s not going to amount to much, especially after their fees are deducted, then I would leave ASAP.
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Old Jun 28th 2019, 1:31 pm
  #85  
 
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Originally Posted by G00dByeGirl
Thanks for the links, really helpful and made an interesting read.

I'm a journalist, but I didn't think of going to the local press. Of course now I'm wondering whether they'd be interested in the story... but pros and cons. As the military command close ranks around my ex, and I'm even more ostracised, my focus is hurtling towards going home.

The papers came back from the court late Tuesday and I think he gets served tomorrow. Needless to say, it's nerve wracking.

I've been reading about divorce and I think I can account for the unknowns being one of the biggest stressors. The short and the long term. My future is looking very unclear and frankly, quite terrifying. Starting a new chapter and moving my life again after just doing it four years ago, is giving me sleepless nights.

The short term anxiety is over what happens next and how he'll react.

I didn't think about the British Consulate. I'll go check that out. Thanks!
Remember that once this is done, you will close the door of your own place and all this will be behind you. That fact that you are currently unsure of what the future holds in no way means that what the future holds is bad. You are not alone in having to extricate yourself from an unstable/abusive/violent "partner". I've done it, as have others here. It's all just KBO, as Churchill said (Keep Buggering On ), step by step, and one day it will all be done and life will be good.

Also, if you have a YWCA near to you many have resources to help people in your situation.
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Old Jul 5th 2019, 12:05 am
  #86  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

I hope that you are doing ok.
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Old Jul 5th 2019, 12:58 am
  #87  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Ditto - really concerned....and that's an understatement.
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Old Jul 5th 2019, 2:48 am
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Sorry for the lack of updates, I fallen into somewhat of a black hole. Lack of sleep and weight loss - 21lbs in 5 weeks is not doing much for me.

My ex does have an attorney, so now it's my attorney talking to his attorney. It's been nearly a week and I haven't heard anything and don't know what his terms are.

It's a horrible, stressful nightmare. I'm getting things done, but getting hammered by the unknown and unexpected. On the plus side, I got my packing done and my sea crates get picked up tomorrow. They'll be in the UK by October. Bittersweet, as it was quite an accomplishment, but also makes all of this so real.

As for the ex, he got paid Monday and swiftly moved the entire amount into his own bank account. He then deposited peanuts for me for 'gas and food.' I could've swiped the money before him but my attorney told me to play by the rules. Not feeling terribly fair when he helped himself to $4k of our money and took most of the furniture.

We're not in any contact, but I did message him to let him know the aircon had broken down. Just a short un-emotive note, more of a courtesy than anything. He completely ignored me. No prizes for guessing the paltry sum he left won't cover the repairs.

Life isn't great - I am being shunned by his friends, family and of course the military. It takes courage to keep a sane head and believe that things will get better. And of course, to stay strong and remember that while not perfect, I am a good person and it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks about the twaddle and poppycock my ex is spouting. Easier said than done.
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Old Jul 5th 2019, 3:21 am
  #89  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

Good to hear from you. So sorry that the nightmare continues. Lots of friends are pulling for you here on BE. Hang tough and vent whenever you want to.
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Old Jul 5th 2019, 2:41 pm
  #90  
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Default Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!

my free advice , and thank you so much for sharing so openly, you deserve / get a hug from everyone here for sharing.
do not ever use SMS with your phone with your ex, it would probably be misinterpreted (its without body language and voice), ZIP IT !, it is far better to ignore silly people , let the lawyer do their job, let them be your front line defense for communications.

you must have an adventurous side, it seems not that you dislike the country , more likely that you tried to share it with a diverse personality, it shows you now have the strength to stand up yourself for what is not acceptable, this is a defining point in the time line, well done !.

when parting with people, i found best to try not think about 'why' they just did 'that' or even worse, start imagining things about other people they know. Leave the psychoanalyzing alone, there are some things you will never understand about people when you see a side of them you never truly saw before, just accept that and grow from it.

the Caveat is, do not ever think people (like that) will change, you saw the real side, if you allow yourself to continue direct communicate with this person, the real side will be shown again. you will feel much better , quicker, if you take a wide berth from direct comms.

I am by far not the most experienced at anything, but I have had long relationships with at least one cheat, and one psychotic spouse, (verbal abuse for years / a left hook on my chin finished it) I am now married with a super spouse.

Happy independence day yesterday!

Adam.
(not in answer to the asset post, but its a free forum, almost!)

Last edited by hutchison; Jul 5th 2019 at 2:45 pm.
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