Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!
Jun 26th 2019, 1:18 am
#61
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 36
Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!
It's an interesting conversation, what kind of support can a military spouse expect when as vikingsail says, the chips are down. Perhaps I can offer my perspective - and growing knowledge - as I fall deeper into my divorce nightmare.
When we married, I was comforted by the knowledge that service people are responsible for the financial support and well-being of their spouse. But, you only really get to know what that means when you NEED to know what it means. I've spent the last few days getting nowhere trying to find a specific answer. Just how far does the financial support reach? And, who enforces it?
What I've found is that as long as the mortgage and utilities are being paid, the First Sgt, or anyone else, can't make the service member cough up. Simply put, if the service member's name is on the bill, whatever it is, and doesn't pay, then organisations go straight to the First Sgt. No messing. This is because military personnel sign up to a code of conduct that holds them to a higher standard than everybody else. Service people do not want to get called into the First Sgt's office for this kind of thing. But they can totally leave their spouse without a cent to live on. Which is what's happened to me.
The service person's immediate supervisor, chaplain and First Sgt can all suggest he/she gives his/her spouse enough money to survive, but they can't enforce it, only the courts can do that.
Pulaski (who I think may have a military background) is right in that the military do not want allegedly abusive spouses at large. I've learnt (the hard way) that once an accusation of abuse is made, they will close ranks and support the military member, not the spouse. They want to minimise the merest whiff of any actual or alleged wrong doings. And in cases like mine, where it's my word against his, they are more likely to support the service member. Especially if they all think he's a 'great guy.'
Interesting that Pulaski says that officers are more likely to care about doing things the right way, I've had experience of that when an officer reached out in a supportive way. Unfortunately, the person he recommended is within my husband's chain of command. From the moment this guy spoke to me, it was clear who's side he was on. I am definitely being portrayed as the emotionally unhinged wife from hell.
So I'm with vikingsail about military sticking together and being cautious of that. I can't go to my ex's First Sgt, boss or Chaplain as it's clear they do not want to help me, no matter what they are meant to do. I am coming to the opinion that the civilians working on base are for the civilians and the military protect their own. The Family Advocacy and and Family Readiness units have been kinder and much more helpful to me.
shiversaint Yes, the military legal office is called JAG. They were helpful to me, but the advocate I saw held a license for Florida and wasn't as knowledgeable about the law in my state. It was a worthwhile meeting though. I am sure my ex has already paid a visit. I can't go back as now I've hired an attorney, it would be a breach of client attorney privilege. I can call with general questions though.
As for where I am with what happened on Friday, once I realised that my ex's chain of command were not supportive, I didn't want to complain directly to the commander. I am sure he already knows, and is expecting contact from the unstable, bonkers, soon to be ex-wife. I don't think I could bear another unfair dismissal of a violation that has caused me a lot of distress. I also don't want this happening to another woman.
It was through searching for help that I stumbled across support for victims of domestic abuse in the military. They were hopping mad, apparently this kind of behaviour is from yesteryear and a lot of effort has been put into better handling of difficult situations. They've decided to raise their own internal complaint, which will reach the attention of the various commanders, and I may get an apology. The complaint is coming via an internal route, and their goal is for a corrective action. They've promised to keep me posted.
In the meantime, today the courts have signed off on my divorce petition. Next step, the ex finds out..
When we married, I was comforted by the knowledge that service people are responsible for the financial support and well-being of their spouse. But, you only really get to know what that means when you NEED to know what it means. I've spent the last few days getting nowhere trying to find a specific answer. Just how far does the financial support reach? And, who enforces it?
What I've found is that as long as the mortgage and utilities are being paid, the First Sgt, or anyone else, can't make the service member cough up. Simply put, if the service member's name is on the bill, whatever it is, and doesn't pay, then organisations go straight to the First Sgt. No messing. This is because military personnel sign up to a code of conduct that holds them to a higher standard than everybody else. Service people do not want to get called into the First Sgt's office for this kind of thing. But they can totally leave their spouse without a cent to live on. Which is what's happened to me.
The service person's immediate supervisor, chaplain and First Sgt can all suggest he/she gives his/her spouse enough money to survive, but they can't enforce it, only the courts can do that.
Pulaski (who I think may have a military background) is right in that the military do not want allegedly abusive spouses at large. I've learnt (the hard way) that once an accusation of abuse is made, they will close ranks and support the military member, not the spouse. They want to minimise the merest whiff of any actual or alleged wrong doings. And in cases like mine, where it's my word against his, they are more likely to support the service member. Especially if they all think he's a 'great guy.'
Interesting that Pulaski says that officers are more likely to care about doing things the right way, I've had experience of that when an officer reached out in a supportive way. Unfortunately, the person he recommended is within my husband's chain of command. From the moment this guy spoke to me, it was clear who's side he was on. I am definitely being portrayed as the emotionally unhinged wife from hell.
So I'm with vikingsail about military sticking together and being cautious of that. I can't go to my ex's First Sgt, boss or Chaplain as it's clear they do not want to help me, no matter what they are meant to do. I am coming to the opinion that the civilians working on base are for the civilians and the military protect their own. The Family Advocacy and and Family Readiness units have been kinder and much more helpful to me.
shiversaint Yes, the military legal office is called JAG. They were helpful to me, but the advocate I saw held a license for Florida and wasn't as knowledgeable about the law in my state. It was a worthwhile meeting though. I am sure my ex has already paid a visit. I can't go back as now I've hired an attorney, it would be a breach of client attorney privilege. I can call with general questions though.
As for where I am with what happened on Friday, once I realised that my ex's chain of command were not supportive, I didn't want to complain directly to the commander. I am sure he already knows, and is expecting contact from the unstable, bonkers, soon to be ex-wife. I don't think I could bear another unfair dismissal of a violation that has caused me a lot of distress. I also don't want this happening to another woman.
It was through searching for help that I stumbled across support for victims of domestic abuse in the military. They were hopping mad, apparently this kind of behaviour is from yesteryear and a lot of effort has been put into better handling of difficult situations. They've decided to raise their own internal complaint, which will reach the attention of the various commanders, and I may get an apology. The complaint is coming via an internal route, and their goal is for a corrective action. They've promised to keep me posted.
In the meantime, today the courts have signed off on my divorce petition. Next step, the ex finds out..
Last edited by G00dByeGirl; Jun 26th 2019 at 1:25 am.
Jun 26th 2019, 1:50 am
#62
SUPER MODERATOR
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88,022
Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!
What a nightmare. I am pleased to read that you have found a group to support and guide you.
Good luck going forward.
Good luck going forward.
Jun 26th 2019, 12:08 pm
#63
Concierge
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,139
Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!
Just a couple of thoughts (not advice) from someone who left a long-term marriage to a violent partner.
I believe that different US states have varying forms of domestic violence restraining orders. If you feel that your husband is a threat to you, speak with the police about the possibility of getting a court issued order laying out the ways he is and isn't permitted to contact you.
In your shoes I'd be relying on civilian services to support you, such as your attorney and the police (if necessary), and leaving the military right out of it. Whatever the rights or wrongs of it, they're going to support the military member of a couple. The exception of course is the domestic violence group you've made contact with, people who've 'been there done that' can be a great source of support.
Try not to get too hung up about what your husband may or may not be saying about you. That's completely out of your control, and those that will listen are more than likely to be those who don't matter.
Take things step by step, otherwise it's easy to get into a complete emotional tangle. Follow your attorney's advice, make sure you're in a safe place, and (probably hardest of all) do look after yourself. Try to eat properly and get enough sleep. See your doc if those things are difficult for you. Divorce is a hard road, especially an acrimonious divorce, but that road does end and all of a sudden you find that you have lots of wonderful roads to choose from to move forward.
I believe that different US states have varying forms of domestic violence restraining orders. If you feel that your husband is a threat to you, speak with the police about the possibility of getting a court issued order laying out the ways he is and isn't permitted to contact you.
In your shoes I'd be relying on civilian services to support you, such as your attorney and the police (if necessary), and leaving the military right out of it. Whatever the rights or wrongs of it, they're going to support the military member of a couple. The exception of course is the domestic violence group you've made contact with, people who've 'been there done that' can be a great source of support.
Try not to get too hung up about what your husband may or may not be saying about you. That's completely out of your control, and those that will listen are more than likely to be those who don't matter.
Take things step by step, otherwise it's easy to get into a complete emotional tangle. Follow your attorney's advice, make sure you're in a safe place, and (probably hardest of all) do look after yourself. Try to eat properly and get enough sleep. See your doc if those things are difficult for you. Divorce is a hard road, especially an acrimonious divorce, but that road does end and all of a sudden you find that you have lots of wonderful roads to choose from to move forward.
Jun 26th 2019, 3:24 pm
#64
Joined: Dec 2001
Location: Dixie, ex UK
Posts: 52,448
Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!
Just a couple of thoughts (not advice) from someone who left a long-term marriage to a violent partner.
I believe that different US states have varying forms of domestic violence restraining orders. If you feel that your husband is a threat to you, speak with the police about the possibility of getting a court issued order laying out the ways he is and isn't permitted to contact you.
In your shoes I'd be relying on civilian services to support you, such as your attorney and the police (if necessary), and leaving the military right out of it. Whatever the rights or wrongs of it, they're going to support the military member of a couple. The exception of course is the domestic violence group you've made contact with, people who've 'been there done that' can be a great source of support. .....
I believe that different US states have varying forms of domestic violence restraining orders. If you feel that your husband is a threat to you, speak with the police about the possibility of getting a court issued order laying out the ways he is and isn't permitted to contact you.
In your shoes I'd be relying on civilian services to support you, such as your attorney and the police (if necessary), and leaving the military right out of it. Whatever the rights or wrongs of it, they're going to support the military member of a couple. The exception of course is the domestic violence group you've made contact with, people who've 'been there done that' can be a great source of support. .....
The US military is more pervasive, arguably intrusive, into civilian society than you would image if you have not lived in the US, which AFAIK you haven't. In fact the US military's legal arm has a history of prosecuting abusive spouses even when the civilian justice system has failed, to the extent in one case I heard of where the husband was ex-army, but still in the reserves i.e. he could be recalled at the whim of the army (no need for state of emergency, conflict or a declaration of war) and after he was cleared of killing his wife the army exercised their open option to recall him, then once he was "back in uniform" they court martialed him, and sentenced him to life for homicide. I presume there are counter examples, but the US military is much more impartial with respected to families, and trying to protect them from the spouse in the military, than you would imagine .... especially if you live Australia. For example there is a considerably greater chance of the Army picking up a soldier for harassing his wife who has a restraining order than there is of the local police doing anything to enforce a restraining order.
BTW IMO restraining orders are largely useless in the US. They either aren't needed (the spouse isn't a threat) or, if the spouse is a threat, then the spouse is going to entirely ignore it, and the police can't do much until an arrestable offence is committed, so ironically about the only use that a restraining order has is as evidence in court when the "restrained" spouse has been assaulted or killed.
Last edited by Pulaski; Jun 26th 2019 at 3:40 pm.
Jun 26th 2019, 3:27 pm
#65
Often not so civil...
Joined: Apr 2010
Location: The Boonies, GA
Posts: 9,561
Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!
If anyone has doubts as to how frequently the armed forces prosecute their members for crimes, including assault against the spouse, one only has to look at the published decisions from the Court of Appeals for the Armed Forces:
https://law.justia.com/cases/federal...rts/caaf/2019/
https://law.justia.com/cases/federal...rts/caaf/2019/
Jun 26th 2019, 3:37 pm
#66
Joined: Dec 2001
Location: Dixie, ex UK
Posts: 52,448
Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!
If anyone has doubts as to how frequently the armed forces prosecute their members for crimes, including assault against the spouse, one only has to look at the published decisions from the Court of Appeals for the Armed Forces:
https://law.justia.com/cases/federal...rts/caaf/2019/
https://law.justia.com/cases/federal...rts/caaf/2019/
Jun 26th 2019, 7:44 pm
#67
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2012
Location: Nebraska by the Sea
Posts: 987
Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!
Just a couple of thoughts (not advice) from someone who left a long-term marriage to a violent partner.
I believe that different US states have varying forms of domestic violence restraining orders. If you feel that your husband is a threat to you, speak with the police about the possibility of getting a court issued order laying out the ways he is and isn't permitted to contact you.
In your shoes I'd be relying on civilian services to support you, such as your attorney and the police (if necessary), and leaving the military right out of it. Whatever the rights or wrongs of it, they're going to support the military member of a couple. The exception of course is the domestic violence group you've made contact with, people who've 'been there done that' can be a great source of support.
Try not to get too hung up about what your husband may or may not be saying about you. That's completely out of your control, and those that will listen are more than likely to be those who don't matter.
Take things step by step, otherwise it's easy to get into a complete emotional tangle. Follow your attorney's advice, make sure you're in a safe place, and (probably hardest of all) do look after yourself. Try to eat properly and get enough sleep. See your doc if those things are difficult for you. Divorce is a hard road, especially an acrimonious divorce, but that road does end and all of a sudden you find that you have lots of wonderful roads to choose from to move forward.
I believe that different US states have varying forms of domestic violence restraining orders. If you feel that your husband is a threat to you, speak with the police about the possibility of getting a court issued order laying out the ways he is and isn't permitted to contact you.
In your shoes I'd be relying on civilian services to support you, such as your attorney and the police (if necessary), and leaving the military right out of it. Whatever the rights or wrongs of it, they're going to support the military member of a couple. The exception of course is the domestic violence group you've made contact with, people who've 'been there done that' can be a great source of support.
Try not to get too hung up about what your husband may or may not be saying about you. That's completely out of your control, and those that will listen are more than likely to be those who don't matter.
Take things step by step, otherwise it's easy to get into a complete emotional tangle. Follow your attorney's advice, make sure you're in a safe place, and (probably hardest of all) do look after yourself. Try to eat properly and get enough sleep. See your doc if those things are difficult for you. Divorce is a hard road, especially an acrimonious divorce, but that road does end and all of a sudden you find that you have lots of wonderful roads to choose from to move forward.
Some excellent advice here. Once he gets the petition the initial fireworks will explode. Most military members are concerned about their pensions. Expect the usual offer to buy you out from that obligation if you are entitled to any? (its rarely worth taking the pithy offer he or his attorney will make, lump sums do not equate to the security of a monthly indexed linked sum, please know, rarely can they stop you getting the appropriate portion - its all handled separately from them through DFAS: https://www.military.com/money/retir...-military.html
Seeing as the subject of pension is a future event and by no means certain - I have seen military members deliberately leave the military to avoid collecting pension just to NOT pay their ex-spouses, stupid yes but hey divorce brings out the weird in people. However, the pension discussion may be a good negotiation point if you want out and to move on as ASAP.
Last edited by vikingsail; Jun 26th 2019 at 7:52 pm.
Jun 26th 2019, 8:16 pm
#68
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2011
Location: "LA LA Land"
Posts: 2,448
Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!
That's unfortunate as they've been together for 11 years and it seems GBG has provided substantial financial support to the ex during that time.
Jun 26th 2019, 11:14 pm
#69
SUPER MODERATOR
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88,022
Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!
It's an interesting conversation, what kind of support can a military spouse expect when as vikingsail says, the chips are down. Perhaps I can offer my perspective - and growing knowledge - as I fall deeper into my divorce nightmare.
When we married, I was comforted by the knowledge that service people are responsible for the financial support and well-being of their spouse. But, you only really get to know what that means when you NEED to know what it means. I've spent the last few days getting nowhere trying to find a specific answer. Just how far does the financial support reach? And, who enforces it?
What I've found is that as long as the mortgage and utilities are being paid, the First Sgt, or anyone else, can't make the service member cough up. Simply put, if the service member's name is on the bill, whatever it is, and doesn't pay, then organisations go straight to the First Sgt. No messing. This is because military personnel sign up to a code of conduct that holds them to a higher standard than everybody else. Service people do not want to get called into the First Sgt's office for this kind of thing. But they can totally leave their spouse without a cent to live on. Which is what's happened to me.
The service person's immediate supervisor, chaplain and First Sgt can all suggest he/she gives his/her spouse enough money to survive, but they can't enforce it, only the courts can do that.
Pulaski (who I think may have a military background) is right in that the military do not want allegedly abusive spouses at large. I've learnt (the hard way) that once an accusation of abuse is made, they will close ranks and support the military member, not the spouse. They want to minimise the merest whiff of any actual or alleged wrong doings. And in cases like mine, where it's my word against his, they are more likely to support the service member. Especially if they all think he's a 'great guy.'
Interesting that Pulaski says that officers are more likely to care about doing things the right way, I've had experience of that when an officer reached out in a supportive way. Unfortunately, the person he recommended is within my husband's chain of command. From the moment this guy spoke to me, it was clear who's side he was on. I am definitely being portrayed as the emotionally unhinged wife from hell.
So I'm with vikingsail about military sticking together and being cautious of that. I can't go to my ex's First Sgt, boss or Chaplain as it's clear they do not want to help me, no matter what they are meant to do. I am coming to the opinion that the civilians working on base are for the civilians and the military protect their own. The Family Advocacy and and Family Readiness units have been kinder and much more helpful to me.
shiversaint Yes, the military legal office is called JAG. They were helpful to me, but the advocate I saw held a license for Florida and wasn't as knowledgeable about the law in my state. It was a worthwhile meeting though. I am sure my ex has already paid a visit. I can't go back as now I've hired an attorney, it would be a breach of client attorney privilege. I can call with general questions though.
As for where I am with what happened on Friday, once I realised that my ex's chain of command were not supportive, I didn't want to complain directly to the commander. I am sure he already knows, and is expecting contact from the unstable, bonkers, soon to be ex-wife. I don't think I could bear another unfair dismissal of a violation that has caused me a lot of distress. I also don't want this happening to another woman.
It was through searching for help that I stumbled across support for victims of domestic abuse in the military. They were hopping mad, apparently this kind of behaviour is from yesteryear and a lot of effort has been put into better handling of difficult situations. They've decided to raise their own internal complaint, which will reach the attention of the various commanders, and I may get an apology. The complaint is coming via an internal route, and their goal is for a corrective action. They've promised to keep me posted.
In the meantime, today the courts have signed off on my divorce petition. Next step, the ex finds out..
When we married, I was comforted by the knowledge that service people are responsible for the financial support and well-being of their spouse. But, you only really get to know what that means when you NEED to know what it means. I've spent the last few days getting nowhere trying to find a specific answer. Just how far does the financial support reach? And, who enforces it?
What I've found is that as long as the mortgage and utilities are being paid, the First Sgt, or anyone else, can't make the service member cough up. Simply put, if the service member's name is on the bill, whatever it is, and doesn't pay, then organisations go straight to the First Sgt. No messing. This is because military personnel sign up to a code of conduct that holds them to a higher standard than everybody else. Service people do not want to get called into the First Sgt's office for this kind of thing. But they can totally leave their spouse without a cent to live on. Which is what's happened to me.
The service person's immediate supervisor, chaplain and First Sgt can all suggest he/she gives his/her spouse enough money to survive, but they can't enforce it, only the courts can do that.
Pulaski (who I think may have a military background) is right in that the military do not want allegedly abusive spouses at large. I've learnt (the hard way) that once an accusation of abuse is made, they will close ranks and support the military member, not the spouse. They want to minimise the merest whiff of any actual or alleged wrong doings. And in cases like mine, where it's my word against his, they are more likely to support the service member. Especially if they all think he's a 'great guy.'
Interesting that Pulaski says that officers are more likely to care about doing things the right way, I've had experience of that when an officer reached out in a supportive way. Unfortunately, the person he recommended is within my husband's chain of command. From the moment this guy spoke to me, it was clear who's side he was on. I am definitely being portrayed as the emotionally unhinged wife from hell.
So I'm with vikingsail about military sticking together and being cautious of that. I can't go to my ex's First Sgt, boss or Chaplain as it's clear they do not want to help me, no matter what they are meant to do. I am coming to the opinion that the civilians working on base are for the civilians and the military protect their own. The Family Advocacy and and Family Readiness units have been kinder and much more helpful to me.
shiversaint Yes, the military legal office is called JAG. They were helpful to me, but the advocate I saw held a license for Florida and wasn't as knowledgeable about the law in my state. It was a worthwhile meeting though. I am sure my ex has already paid a visit. I can't go back as now I've hired an attorney, it would be a breach of client attorney privilege. I can call with general questions though.
As for where I am with what happened on Friday, once I realised that my ex's chain of command were not supportive, I didn't want to complain directly to the commander. I am sure he already knows, and is expecting contact from the unstable, bonkers, soon to be ex-wife. I don't think I could bear another unfair dismissal of a violation that has caused me a lot of distress. I also don't want this happening to another woman.
It was through searching for help that I stumbled across support for victims of domestic abuse in the military. They were hopping mad, apparently this kind of behaviour is from yesteryear and a lot of effort has been put into better handling of difficult situations. They've decided to raise their own internal complaint, which will reach the attention of the various commanders, and I may get an apology. The complaint is coming via an internal route, and their goal is for a corrective action. They've promised to keep me posted.
In the meantime, today the courts have signed off on my divorce petition. Next step, the ex finds out..
I am not sure, but I do not think Pulaski has a military background. Perhaps you could confirm Mr P?
Please bear in mind that advice posted on the forums is by people trying to be helpful. It does not mean that they have experience, or indeed are giving correct information. If the information is erroneous, our members will probably challenge it, but we cannot guarantee any information/advice to be correct.
Last edited by Jerseygirl; Jun 26th 2019 at 11:17 pm.
Jun 27th 2019, 1:30 am
#70
Concierge
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,139
Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!
If anyone has doubts as to how frequently the armed forces prosecute their members for crimes, including assault against the spouse, one only has to look at the published decisions from the Court of Appeals for the Armed Forces:
https://law.justia.com/cases/federal...rts/caaf/2019/
https://law.justia.com/cases/federal...rts/caaf/2019/
https://www.military.com/daily-news/...tigations.html
Jun 27th 2019, 2:29 am
#71
Concierge
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 46,390
Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!
Because what a British Citizen in the US needs is an Australian perspective.
The US military is more pervasive, arguably intrusive, into civilian society than you would image if you have not lived in the US, which AFAIK you haven't. In fact the US military's legal arm has a history of prosecuting abusive spouses even when the civilian justice system has failed, to the extent in one case I heard of where the husband was ex-army, but still in the reserves i.e. he could be recalled at the whim of the army (no need for state of emergency, conflict or a declaration of war) and after he was cleared of killing his wife the army exercised their open option to recall him, then once he was "back in uniform" they court martialed him, and sentenced him to life for homicide. I presume there are counter examples, but the US military is much more impartial with respected to families, and trying to protect them from the spouse in the military, than you would imagine .... especially if you live Australia. For example there is a considerably greater chance of the Army picking up a soldier for harassing his wife who has a restraining order than there is of the local police doing anything to enforce a restraining order.
BTW IMO restraining orders are largely useless in the US. They either aren't needed (the spouse isn't a threat) or, if the spouse is a threat, then the spouse is going to entirely ignore it, and the police can't do much until an arrestable offence is committed, so ironically about the only use that a restraining order has is as evidence in court when the "restrained" spouse has been assaulted or killed.
The US military is more pervasive, arguably intrusive, into civilian society than you would image if you have not lived in the US, which AFAIK you haven't. In fact the US military's legal arm has a history of prosecuting abusive spouses even when the civilian justice system has failed, to the extent in one case I heard of where the husband was ex-army, but still in the reserves i.e. he could be recalled at the whim of the army (no need for state of emergency, conflict or a declaration of war) and after he was cleared of killing his wife the army exercised their open option to recall him, then once he was "back in uniform" they court martialed him, and sentenced him to life for homicide. I presume there are counter examples, but the US military is much more impartial with respected to families, and trying to protect them from the spouse in the military, than you would imagine .... especially if you live Australia. For example there is a considerably greater chance of the Army picking up a soldier for harassing his wife who has a restraining order than there is of the local police doing anything to enforce a restraining order.
BTW IMO restraining orders are largely useless in the US. They either aren't needed (the spouse isn't a threat) or, if the spouse is a threat, then the spouse is going to entirely ignore it, and the police can't do much until an arrestable offence is committed, so ironically about the only use that a restraining order has is as evidence in court when the "restrained" spouse has been assaulted or killed.
Having a husband who spent 36 years in the Canadian Air Force and 10 years in the New York State Guard who concurs with this opinion, I, as well, have to also agree 100%.
Restraining orders are just papers. If he/she shows up at the door or in the public, he can kill you long before you get to call the police.
Jun 27th 2019, 2:38 am
#72
Concierge
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 46,390
Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!
BTW my youngest daughter moved to VA with her BF when she graduated high school. They lived together for six years before they decided to marry. Two months before the wedding, her BF asked her if she would take one of the credit card offers for a lower interest rate and pay off his high rate of interest card since they were to be married shortly. She did just that. They married in a lovely small family wedding overlooking the falls at the Great Falls National Park in VA. One month later he said he wanted a divorce. He had been having an affair for the last 6 months and wanted to be free to marry this woman. All the money they got at the wedding he used to buy toys and electronics for himself. She was left with his debt to repay, the lost of the wedding gifts, etc. She eventually wound up declaring bankruptcy because the court deemed the debt was in her name and her responsibility.
So are you entitled to be compensated for the monies expended during your brief marriage? I say, No, unfortunately, you are not. You contributed freely to the household with your pre-marital funds willingly. If he is willing to buy you out at a decent amount, take it and run.
So are you entitled to be compensated for the monies expended during your brief marriage? I say, No, unfortunately, you are not. You contributed freely to the household with your pre-marital funds willingly. If he is willing to buy you out at a decent amount, take it and run.
Jun 27th 2019, 10:12 am
#73
Often not so civil...
Joined: Apr 2010
Location: The Boonies, GA
Posts: 9,561
Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!
There's no doubt that the military has very good processes in place for working with both the serving and civilian members of couples. To believe that these processes are always followed is naive.
https://www.military.com/daily-news/...tigations.html
https://www.military.com/daily-news/...tigations.html
I agree 100% with everything that Pulaski said.
Jun 27th 2019, 2:07 pm
#74
Concierge
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,139
Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!
Did I say they were always followed? The sample from the CoAfAR is obviously but a small amount compared to the actual number of offences that take place. Policy is not always followed anywhere, anytime, ever. Humans, and human created institutions, are by their nature imperfect.
I agree 100% with everything that Pulaski said.
I agree 100% with everything that Pulaski said.
I can't comment on the other poster you mention, I have him on ignore so don't see his posts and just scroll past any quoted comment of his. Just a personal preference. Cheers!
Jun 27th 2019, 2:23 pm
#75
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2012
Location: Nebraska by the Sea
Posts: 987
Re: Divorce and UK pre-marriage assets... Help!
What you say about institutions is spot on, in fact I'd like to think I'd have said exactly the same thing if I'd been more articulate in my response to your post. I didn't mean to imply that you were saying processes were always followed, I was just following on from my own previous post
I can't comment on the other poster you mention, I have him on ignore so don't see his posts and just scroll past any quoted comment of his. Just a personal preference. Cheers!
I can't comment on the other poster you mention, I have him on ignore so don't see his posts and just scroll past any quoted comment of his. Just a personal preference. Cheers!
Thanks