Jerseygirl

My first concern would be my safety. To me he sounds like a nasty piece of work, I would therefore want to put as much distance between us as I could ASAP.

petitefrancaise

I wouldn't. I'd batten down the hatches, get the lawyers to do their job and fleece the ****er. Why should she run away and potentially lose more of her money to a bully.

Jerseygirl

Hey I watch Criminal Minds....there are a lot of nutters out there!!

Pulaski

Er, not all of them are husbands.

G00dByeGirl

As much as I would love to run away, I'm going down the route petitefrancaise is suggesting. I paid off all his debt ($you don't want to know), provided the down payment on our house, and contributed significantly to a privately paid surgery. I don't want to loose any more.

What I want is a fair outcome. Can't say I'm looking forward much to next week. I'm getting bolts put on all the exterior doors.

I'm not the first to walk this path, but it's the first time around for me. Divorce is truly hellish. You're at your lowest when you need to be on your game to deal with the avalanche of financial, practical, legal and emotional hoopla coming your way.

MMcD

That won't do it!
Unless you plan to never leave your house bolts won't keep him out when you're not home. You'll risk returning to a very unwelcome invader.
You've already experienced enough nasty surprises.

CHANGE. YOUR. LOCKS !!!
or, maybe better: add new ones to what's already there!

Sorry to sound so harsh...I've been following your appalling plight and am in awe of the calm you have managed to summon while describing what has got to be a living hell. Especially in light of your isolation and lack of support. I feel sure that you're doing the right thing by attempting to ensure your financial stability. And once this is over, no matter the financial result, you'll be able to take pride in the strength and dignity you've demonstrated.
Meanwhile....Deal with your locks!!!

Giantaxe

That's probably not a good idea from a legal standpoint. The house is jointly owned and even though the spouse has moved out he has a right of entry to his own property. What the OP can do is apply to a court to be awarded exclusive use of the property until it's sold.

A friend of mine went down the route of changing the locks. His wife had moved out and when she discovered the locks had been changed she hired a company to come to the house and break the door down. I literally had to pick up the pieces of the door frame after my friend called me and told me what had happened. The police wouldn't do anything as she had a legal right of entry.

MMcD

Oh dear....I'm glad you jumped in to advise.
And that's exactly why I've hesitated to post earlier...was afraid of adding fuel to what's already a tinder box by giving advice that would be wrong legally.
The OP should be guided by her lawyer. GBG seems to be quite measured and astute. I feel confident she will have selected a good one whio will look out for her best interest.

RICH

I remember noting when I went to the ex to return the key, that the lock had been changed. Seem like a smart move even if the other half has legal access.
..

G00dByeGirl

MMcD, thanks for saying nice things about my character, you lifted my spirits. My ex is running around with a megaphone telling anyone who'll listen what an abusive, manipulative nightmare I am. Not a surprise but horrible when his military command actively support him in ways that are terribly distressing and unfair to me.

I am trying to hold my head high and behave in a decent way. I won't stoop anywhere near his level, but I'm only human, and hearing what a 'great guy' he is requires many deep breaths.

Thanks to everyone for sharing your thoughts about the locks. It's all quite confusing. The police told me he'd relinquished his rights to return to the house by moving out, and said they'd made sure he understood that. My lawyer told me I could change the locks if I wanted to.

I'm not sure what to do now. On a financial level though, I may not have a choice. By Tuesday, or perhaps even Monday, there will be no money left in our joint account.

scottyvisa

I don't have much to add to what's already been said, but if you're unhappy with how the military are handling it, remember you can also contact your Senator or Congressman/woman who will escalate it up the chain of command for you. Really sorry to hear about your situation OP.

vikingsail

You're probably not going to like this opinion but here goes. If he is military be very cautious. They stick together like you wouldn't believe. The commentary about him running around shooting off his mouth about you is worrisome as he is really attempting to get a 'first strike' in for his eventual court date. The problem is lawyers cost money. Like it or not they are a business and they assess cases based upon $$$ to be earned; that means assets they can mine and potential incomes they have assured payment from. He being a military man means they have hit the 'mother lode' as he is a federal employee and is the gift that keeps on giving - his salary will always be available to collect from. I missed how long you have been married but are you entitled to any of his retirement pay? An acrimonious divorce can easily cost $20-30,000.00. I'd consider getting out of dodge ASAP.

shiversaint

It's plausible he's getting legal advice through the military itself, I think it's called JAG?

The other thing to note, if he's eligible, you as a dependent are quite possibly eligible for legal advice through it too. Definitely worth giving them a call.

Pulaski

She's already working with the "Family Advocacy Center", so they will liaise with JAG if that is applicable.
I don't think this opinion is either helpful or particularly accurate. The US military is also quite keen on supporting families and on not having abusive spouses running amok, which is precisely why they have the Family Advocacy Center. Also there is a fairly distinct line between enlisted ranks and officers - I am not surprised that a sergeant would heavy-handedly support one of his underlings, but officers are likely to be more aware of the rules and supportive of doing things the right way.

vikingsail

The Family Advocacy centers and JAG for that matter are paid for and funded by the military who have a vested interest in making sure everything is conducted with the minimum of disruption to the military machine. They re a safety net to catch problems before they arise. They do not work for the original poster and my words were as stated cautionary to be aware. Yes, they may inadvertently represent themselves as being independent and working for dependents but you can be assured when the 'chips are down' they work for the military. Not necessarily her spouse but still another third party. It's a subtle but important distinction and I think the poster needs to be aware. Her best interests and there's may not necessarily coincide. Many a dependent has found this out after the fact when it is to late.