emailrob

Now, I just say "thanks". And then move on to a different conversation. I can't stand the "where are you from, how long, why etc etc" Some would call it rude, but its normally strangers and I don't give flying f what they think of me

Regarding making friends...hmm a tough one. It really does come down to the people (OK that does sound stupid). It did take us longer to find people we would gladly classify as "friends" under the UK definition. But now we have them (a small group) we would 100% trust them. Sure, they could screw us over like any good friend. but I guess that's always a risk when you have people you let into your lives. We're just more selective, and building a trust relationship in the US seems to take a LOT longer. And the filter of those who come out the end is MUCH smaller!

JayBowyer

Oh I totally feel you! I really know what you're talking about! The touchiness of people in general makes me very happy to have friends (hard earned , may I add - I've been here for five years) who have a sense of humor.

Everyone is scared of getting sued. Everyone IS getting sued. God, I swear, if I went about my entire life worrying about that cr*p 100% of the day, I'd not only be a bad writer: I'd probably also have a number of stress related health issues.

Anyway yes... My solution (and this is not so hard, as I am a writer and an artist, ergo I'm naturally hermetic) is to secrete myself away, coming out only for food and the company of a few interesting people.

(Warning, this next paragraph contains bad punctuation.)

The "you have a WONDERFUL accent" comment never ceases to make me want to slam my head against a brick wall repeatedly, either. Some days I can't even bring myself to respond. Some days I say "yes, thank you - so do YOU! Where do YOU come from!?" which more often than not is met with an expression that could only mean "good Christ, what the hell are you ON?"

So yes, I stay indoors creating things; go outdoors to secluded wildlife areas and state parks; go to the English section in various stores; frequent co-ops and theaters and generally stay out of trouble as much as I possibly can.

I've found interesting people in the following places:

• Decent coffee shops.
• Musical events.
• Bus stations.
• Crunchy communities online.
• Co-ops (these are VERY good for finding interesting environmentally non-obnoxious people in).
• The "underground" - a sub-culture of artistic world-weary people who mostly hide: once you're in, though, you find all sorts of awesome stuff going on. I have hugged trees (literally) with some of these people and found immense joy doing so.

Places I avoid at all costs:

• Local sporting events.
• Small town bars. Bad idea.
• Fundamentalist Christian Churches - last time I went into one (with an extended family member: it was her church) I swear I came out feeling like someone had blown the top off my head with a shotgun. I also felt the fires of the hell they'd been talking about in their sermons, licking the bottom of my shoes - and I'll be damned if I'm going to some fundamentalist Christian hell. They probably all wear expensive suits and bad cologne down there as well...

I've found that the so called "freedom of speech" they have around here is pretty frikken' bogus. You only have freedom of speech if you are saying what other people want to hear - or, amusingly, if you're a southern racist group!

Anyway. Yes. The way to survive is to become a one-person planet. Be totally unique and lose the drive to fit in, and you'll be fine. Making friends has been really hard for me too: I am transparently honest and my moral integrity will not be compromised for anything, and that seems to be unusual enough to render me an outcast in most communities.

If it's any consolation, I'll be your friend! I'm in southern MN though. Maybe we should do a "Great BritishExpats Road Trip" one day?

That's why I think this forum is so great! *Smiles at everyone!*

Nutmegger

Before I discovered this forum, it never crossed my mind that anyone would have a hard time with people wondering where they were from and commenting on their accent! (note: JayBower, this is not a direct hit on you, but a reaction to many posts stating the same thing!)

Why is it so terrible that people are interested in where we are from? I have found that the majority of American people do not have the travel opportunities that we have in the British Isles and Europe -- unless you are in the NYC, LA, DC areas, or parts of FL, we are a novelty to the locals. It is so easy to just say, for example, "I'm from the county of so and so in the north of England," smile and move on. There's no need to go into detail, no need to hang around. If we ignore or are rude to people who are interested in our origins, we are fostering a view of the British as being stuck-up with a wonderful opinion of themselves!

When I first came here, I though that everyone just had an "American" accent. Perhaps I have a tin ear, but I didn't pick up on all the nuances that are so familiar to me now. And recently I thought an Aussie was a Londoner, so I am obviously to be scorned as much as the people I live amongst!

Leslie

Because some people really are just miserable cocks.

Sally Redux

My problem is I'm getting really big-headed about my wonderful accent, the let-down if I return to the UK and am no longer treated like Laurence Olivier will be too great.

scrubbedexpat097

On Monday I was South African and then Australian. On Tuesday I was Irish. Today I was from Germany because my accent was so "German"

Does it worry me? No not a bit, after 21 years here I don't even think I sound different than anyone else. But I do know that now I'm a lot better at picking out accents from around the US. I do still get it wrong sometimes!

JayBowyer

Nooooooo...I will explain it this way:

I worked in retail for a little while. Once you have heard it thirty times in a day, six days a week, and have had to explain yourself over and over and over again, it tends to get tiring. VERY tiring.

Also, in my opinion, asking someone where they're from because their accent "sounds funny" within the first sentence of the very first conversation you've ever had with them is rude!

Imagine asking someone from India where they're from, the very first time you meet them - practically the first question you ask. Or an Australian. Or a Chinese person. I could not imagine stopping a New Yorker in the middle of their sentence and asking them where they're from. Or someone from down south.

Is where I am from more important than what I'm saying? Do you not have a clue that this very question - this "unique" question - this "unusual" question might have been asked of me about ten thousand times before? In one day?

I think that what's REALLY annoying is that in this country, with the (admittedly often terrible) Hollywood depictions of English people filling in for experience with other cultures, certain folk still don't have a clue what an English person is.

If not wanting to be asked the same question a million times over makes me a miserable cock, then so be it. "I'm an a**hole - and proud of it!" as Denis Leary would say.

Leslie

One thing BE has taught me is to never EVER comment on an British or Scottish accent or even dare pay the person any complimentary attention whatsoever. Generally, just to make sure I don't embarrass myself, I will spit on Brits and question their parentage. I have also been known to throw lit matches into their hair. On the other hand, as far as Asians or Latinos go, I will give them my car and ask them if they need me to cosign a loan or pay for their children's college.

Yay BE !!!

Leslie

You know, at the risk of us not being BFF's for life, that is really just a load of crap. I also work with the public and things become repetitive. I hear the same things over and over again, answer the same questions over and over again and regardless of how silly and glaringly obvious the answer may be, I answer with the same kindness I would hope for. That's life. Just because you've heard it a hundred times does not mean that person has said it a hundred times and you treating them like shit or looking down your nose at them says everything about you and nothing at all about them.

Love you
Really

Sally Redux

I think it's fair to say that compliments are viewed with some suspicion in the UK. The most you'll probably hear is "You're me besht mate" before the person on the adjacent bar stool keels over.

JayBowyer

[B] Hahaha Leslie!

The way I see it though, if you want to give me a compliment, for goodness sakes let it be something I deserve to be complimented over - like I dunno, one of my paintings - or my hair (with or without lit match) that day - or something I've actually done! It would be so odd if I went around complimenting every American for having an American accent. Back in Britain, none of us are particularly unusually accented: there are about 59,999,999 other people with the same-sounding voice! Well, within reason of course - cultural and geographic accents aside.

It's just so...so tedious, going through the same thing again and again! I'm not big headed and dislike attention most of the time - and the answers to the questions are always, always difficult to spit out into the generality of a normal conversation:

"I LOVE your accent! Where are you FROM?"

"I'm from England!"

"Which PART?"

"All over the place actually - St Albans, Oxford, Warwick - then Exeter adn Plymouth. Do you know England?"

"No I don't know England. So, what brought you over here?"

"Ah - now there's a long story. My ex-husband, actually."

"Oh...ooh...I'm sorry... So was he in the military?"

"Actually no not at that stage."

"So how do you like it over here?"

"Oh it's very nice."

"Is the weather similar to England then? Or is it very different?"

"It's a lot colder in the winter and a lot hotter in the summer over here."

"Does it rain a lot in England?"

"Not per the cliché, no, not really..."

"So have you ever thought of going back to England?"

"Not seriously, no - it was a big move here and I have a bunch of stuff here so I don't think I'll be moving back any time soon..."

And so on and so forth... Then of course, it's time to go, and once again nothing meaningful has been spoken about. Again. Just the same old bottled up conversation - crack open the can and pour it out.

Give me a conversation about nuclear physics, for the love of God. String theory. Black holes. Geology; ecology; decent films; James Joyce; the history of photography... Anything but "that" conversation.

I just get...so tired of it. I can't possibly be the only one.

Leslie

Yeah, fair enough, and I can even see being embarrassed by the attention. It's just the nastiness that gets old.

JayBowyer

And actually, I don't treat anyone like crap. Or look down my nose at them. I do however have feelings. Thanks though.

Leslie

Well you see ... This may be the first time you've posted this stuff but believe me ... I've heard it a thousand times. It gets so repetitive. I mean, do you really think these original thoughts that you think you're posting are really original? That we haven't heard them a thousand times?

Give me a conversation about nuclear physics, for the love of God. String theory. Black holes. Geology; ecology; decent films; James Joyce; the history of photography... Anything but "that" conversation.


Surely you understand.

JayBowyer

Clearly your reply was meant to be as kind as you would give to anyone who asked you where you were from, then. Clearly you're not looking down your nose at me, or treating me like anything bad, for feeling a certain way about something. Well, shoot me for having an opinion that seems to be quite common.