Go Back  British Expats > Living & Moving Abroad > USA
Reload this Page >

Disillusioned

Disillusioned

Old Jul 9th 2010, 8:44 pm
  #61  
Ping-ponger
 
dunroving's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Dreich Alba
Posts: 12,001
dunroving has a reputation beyond reputedunroving has a reputation beyond reputedunroving has a reputation beyond reputedunroving has a reputation beyond reputedunroving has a reputation beyond reputedunroving has a reputation beyond reputedunroving has a reputation beyond reputedunroving has a reputation beyond reputedunroving has a reputation beyond reputedunroving has a reputation beyond reputedunroving has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by Retseh
I'm afraid you're now in a situation that will never offer you a satisfactory outcome, no matter what you think.

Having lived here a while, and obviously been a member of the rat race like so many more of us, you have grown a little tired of American life, and you naturally think of happier times back home, tending to forget why moving here was so attractive in the first place.

Here's my prediction - if you went back to the UK, as soon as you arranged your 200 grand mortgage and moved into your semi-detached shoe box, purchased your 15 grand Barbie car with its 0.9 litre engine, struggled through the traffic to Tesco only to listen to narrow minded people and their foul mouthed offspring telling each other and everyone around them to "F off !!" you would immediately start to feel the pull in the opposite direction.

Keep working, put up with the crap, and focus on making (and saving) lots of money and taking early retirement. You are in the better place, but ultimately if you can't convince yourself of that fact, you'll have to find out the hard way.
I don't see RG on anything but a Harley Davidson ... never a Barbie car.

Last edited by dunroving; Jul 9th 2010 at 8:47 pm.
dunroving is offline  
Old Jul 9th 2010, 9:17 pm
  #62  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: May 2006
Location: In the middle of two worlds
Posts: 501
coopa_troopa has a reputation beyond reputecoopa_troopa has a reputation beyond reputecoopa_troopa has a reputation beyond reputecoopa_troopa has a reputation beyond reputecoopa_troopa has a reputation beyond reputecoopa_troopa has a reputation beyond reputecoopa_troopa has a reputation beyond reputecoopa_troopa has a reputation beyond reputecoopa_troopa has a reputation beyond reputecoopa_troopa has a reputation beyond reputecoopa_troopa has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by Rockgurl

coopa-troopa...you too eh? Do tell!

you feel like to have to constantly perform and kiss ass to be one of the chosen few.
And there you have it Rockgurl......you pretty much answered your own question
coopa_troopa is offline  
Old Jul 9th 2010, 9:34 pm
  #63  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 41,518
Sally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by Dan725
Very good post Rockgurl - I often wonder though, regarding the friend thing, if we are all comparing apples to oranges. Don't know about your upbringing, but I was brought up in England in a small rural community until I was 18 and of course there will never be any friends anywhere to replace those. From 18, the next 12 years were spent in the army - again, a 'place' where you make some very close friendships almost right up there with my childhood friends.

Now I live in the suburban US, I don't have that...but don't really expect to - I reckon its probably the same as in the suburban UK if you move away from your traditional home for work, as so many people do. I think a key difference is the fact that in the UK you can almost always easily "pop home" for the weekend from almost wherever you are; when you are here, you obviously can't, so the cut off effect gets to be cumulative. I am sure people from the US who grew up, say, in a small town in Georgia or somewhere similar probably have the same issues when they move off to the big smoke for a job.
Hmm, maybe, but I lived in the London from age 22-32 and met loads of great people there. Possibly age does have something to do with it, but even basic courtesy like keeping to simple arrangements seems to be lacking among the Americans I've met here.
Sally Redux is offline  
Old Jul 9th 2010, 9:41 pm
  #64  
WTF?
 
Leslie's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Homeostasis
Posts: 79,352
Leslie has a reputation beyond reputeLeslie has a reputation beyond reputeLeslie has a reputation beyond reputeLeslie has a reputation beyond reputeLeslie has a reputation beyond reputeLeslie has a reputation beyond reputeLeslie has a reputation beyond reputeLeslie has a reputation beyond reputeLeslie has a reputation beyond reputeLeslie has a reputation beyond reputeLeslie has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by SultanOfSwing
I would tend to agree with that, though I'm no people person as it is!

I have few 'real' friends here, but I think had I moved to another part of the UK, rather than the US, I would probably still be in the same boat. Just about all my UK friends are friends I made in school when I was 15 or younger. I just don't connect with new people as easily now, haven't done since I left Uni. It's a personal thing I think, rather than geographical.

I know I posted something similar in another thread. How one dimensional am i??
I've always heard that as you get older it's harder to make friends. I don't know if it actually is any "harder" for me but rather just that I don't suffer fools lightly anymore. The older I get the more wary I am because people are just so shit. Right now I have three people that I consider real friends, two sisters who are real friends, and a couple more with whom I could become close. The rest are just people I tolerate. I lost one really good friend last year when she went off the deep end. I miss the way she used to be but I have no intention of putting up with what she's become. And I consider myself one of the lucky ones.

Last edited by Leslie; Jul 9th 2010 at 10:42 pm.
Leslie is offline  
Old Jul 9th 2010, 10:35 pm
  #65  
Bob
BE Site Lead
 
Bob's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2004
Location: MA, USA
Posts: 92,167
Bob has a reputation beyond reputeBob has a reputation beyond reputeBob has a reputation beyond reputeBob has a reputation beyond reputeBob has a reputation beyond reputeBob has a reputation beyond reputeBob has a reputation beyond reputeBob has a reputation beyond reputeBob has a reputation beyond reputeBob has a reputation beyond reputeBob has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Disillusioned

Aye up...sight for sore eyes and all that

Though you mentioning CT, there's quite a few new members lately who have joined up in the state, Hartford and the surrounds mostly, but perhaps get a little meet up group posting in the BE meet up section?
Bob is offline  
Old Jul 10th 2010, 1:00 am
  #66  
BE Forum Addict
 
Dan725's Avatar
 
Joined: Aug 2004
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 3,338
Dan725 has a reputation beyond reputeDan725 has a reputation beyond reputeDan725 has a reputation beyond reputeDan725 has a reputation beyond reputeDan725 has a reputation beyond reputeDan725 has a reputation beyond reputeDan725 has a reputation beyond reputeDan725 has a reputation beyond reputeDan725 has a reputation beyond reputeDan725 has a reputation beyond reputeDan725 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by Sally Redux
Hmm, maybe, but I lived in the London from age 22-32 and met loads of great people there. Possibly age does have something to do with it, but even basic courtesy like keeping to simple arrangements seems to be lacking among the Americans I've met here.
Very much agree with that - and the very bottom of the barrel to my mind is parents of little kids, who are often prone to cancel "playdates" (gawd I hate that word) and such like at the last minute.

Another Brit friend and I were discussing this phenomenon - we put it down to a societal difference; in the UK, people are more apt to say up front if they can't make something, whereas here, its almost as if it would be considered rude to blatantly say no from the get go, and a lot of people would rather make phony excuses last minute, even if they had no intention of going in the first place (which to my mind, is ruder than flat out saying you can't make it).

Have to say though, fortunately we do have some friends here who are very reliable to counter balance the rest, so its by no means set in stone, but does seem to happen more in the US.
Dan725 is offline  
Old Jul 10th 2010, 5:33 am
  #67  
BE Forum Addict
 
Jan Alaska's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2002
Location: Harbor Springs, Michigan *again*
Posts: 2,340
Jan Alaska has a reputation beyond reputeJan Alaska has a reputation beyond reputeJan Alaska has a reputation beyond reputeJan Alaska has a reputation beyond reputeJan Alaska has a reputation beyond reputeJan Alaska has a reputation beyond reputeJan Alaska has a reputation beyond reputeJan Alaska has a reputation beyond reputeJan Alaska has a reputation beyond reputeJan Alaska has a reputation beyond reputeJan Alaska has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Disillusioned

Just peeking in to say helloo, good to see (read) you again RG and sorry things aren't so great out east. Always room in Alaska for another British nutter though, they seem to like us up here

Jan
Jan Alaska is offline  
Old Jul 10th 2010, 1:42 pm
  #68  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Englishtart's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: North Charleston,SC. born in Stockport,UK.
Posts: 10,109
Englishtart has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishtart has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishtart has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishtart has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishtart has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishtart has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishtart has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishtart has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishtart has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishtart has a reputation beyond reputeEnglishtart has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by Dan725
Very much agree with that - and the very bottom of the barrel to my mind is parents of little kids, who are often prone to cancel "playdates" (gawd I hate that word) and such like at the last minute.
Then on the other hand, hardly anyone answers RSVP's for kids birthday parties, but will just show up! That has happened to us so many times when the kids were growing up, pisses me off, especially when it is a pre-booked thing!

One thing that came to mind last night, about it being harder to make friends here, in the UK we tend to go to the local pub on a regular basis, or walk the kids to school etc...much easier to get chatting to people in those situations, there isn't really any similar situations/places I can think of here that that can happen...maybe hobby groups?
Englishtart is offline  
Old Jul 10th 2010, 1:59 pm
  #69  
BE Enthusiast
 
HumphreyC's Avatar
 
Joined: Dec 2009
Location: Gaadnah MA
Posts: 597
HumphreyC has a reputation beyond reputeHumphreyC has a reputation beyond reputeHumphreyC has a reputation beyond reputeHumphreyC has a reputation beyond reputeHumphreyC has a reputation beyond reputeHumphreyC has a reputation beyond reputeHumphreyC has a reputation beyond reputeHumphreyC has a reputation beyond reputeHumphreyC has a reputation beyond reputeHumphreyC has a reputation beyond reputeHumphreyC has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by Retseh
Here's my prediction - if you went back to the UK, as soon as you arranged your 200 grand mortgage and moved into your semi-detached shoe box, purchased your 15 grand Barbie car with its 0.9 litre engine, struggled through the traffic to Tesco only to listen to narrow minded people and their foul mouthed offspring telling each other and everyone around them to "F off !!" you would immediately start to feel the pull in the opposite direction.
Haha, true but perhaps too optimistic. Lots of people like me live in the UK and can't actually afford any of those things. So it's renting your shoebox flat from your slum landlord in the Metro-land suburbs of London, walking to the bus stop and squeezing up to the other miserable shoppers crammed in together on the single decker bus to Brent Cross. Then carrying your groceries back home in the blazing sun whilst trying to avoid the menacing groups of teenagers at the end of your road who think it's fun to lob stuff at passers by. Oh well, there's always drinking yourself to death, except they just put the tax up on cider.
HumphreyC is offline  
Old Jul 10th 2010, 2:49 pm
  #70  
Concierge
 
Rete's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 46,357
Rete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by Leslie66
I've always heard that as you get older it's harder to make friends.

The older I've become the easier it is for me to make friends. At the moment I have more friends than I had when I was in my thirties. I find that the competitiveness, and lack of confidence to hold my own, that was present for a single person in their thirties and the lifestyle I lived back then, free and easy, jumping from relationship to relationship, didn't make for friendship. Once I hit the big 50 and advanced onward, I find that I have allowed myself to welcome others into my life. I have friends now who I value and respect and not all of them share the same outlook on subjects that are confrontal to some. It doesn't matter that we hold different opinions. Just that we are comfortable in discussing them. We get together for coffee, vacation together, go to movies, dinner in groups, whatever. If they have a problem, it becomes my problem and the reverse if I have one.
Rete is offline  
Old Jul 10th 2010, 2:57 pm
  #71  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
britvic's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Mother Land.
Posts: 14,858
britvic has a reputation beyond reputebritvic has a reputation beyond reputebritvic has a reputation beyond reputebritvic has a reputation beyond reputebritvic has a reputation beyond reputebritvic has a reputation beyond reputebritvic has a reputation beyond reputebritvic has a reputation beyond reputebritvic has a reputation beyond reputebritvic has a reputation beyond reputebritvic has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by Sally Redux
Hi Rockgurl, I remember you from when I first joined the site. I'm sorry you're feeling disillusioned although I think your feelings are shared by many, especially women who miss the old cuppa and natter...
So understand where she's coming from
britvic is offline  
Old Jul 10th 2010, 2:59 pm
  #72  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 22,105
AmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by Rete
The older I've become the easier it is for me to make friends. At the moment I have more friends than I had when I was in my thirties. I find that the competitiveness, and lack of confidence to hold my own, that was present for a single person in their thirties and the lifestyle I lived back then, free and easy, jumping from relationship to relationship, didn't make for friendship. Once I hit the big 50 and advanced onward, I find that I have allowed myself to welcome others into my life. I have friends now who I value and respect and not all of them share the same outlook on subjects that are confrontal to some. It doesn't matter that we hold different opinions. Just that we are comfortable in discussing them. We get together for coffee, vacation together, go to movies, dinner in groups, whatever. If they have a problem, it becomes my problem and the reverse if I have one.
Definitely agree, Rete! I definitely feel more at ease around people now then 20 years ago.
AmerLisa is offline  
Old Jul 10th 2010, 3:11 pm
  #73  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 22,105
AmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond reputeAmerLisa has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by Englishtart
Then on the other hand, hardly anyone answers RSVP's for kids birthday parties, but will just show up! That has happened to us so many times when the kids were growing up, pisses me off, especially when it is a pre-booked thing!

One thing that came to mind last night, about it being harder to make friends here, in the UK we tend to go to the local pub on a regular basis, or walk the kids to school etc...much easier to get chatting to people in those situations, there isn't really any similar situations/places I can think of here that that can happen...maybe hobby groups?
Its funny you mention parties and people not responding to invitations. I've had that happen here in the US, but my older daughter has had that happen a few times in the UK as well. The last birthday party she booked for her daughter, she actually put on the invite that if people didn't respond and she went ahead and considered them coming, and if they didn't show up, she wanted the money (that she paid for them) for the cost of whatever she had booked for the party (I think some bouncy castle place).

I think that can happen anywhere. I truly think friends are luck of the draw. I didn't find any friends or very nice people in our neighborhood in the UK. With exception of my older neighbor who I could pop over to have a cuppa with, I rarely saw people outside. Since we moved to a new neighborhood in the US (by new, all the houses were brand new, everyone was new to the neighborhood) we've found more friendly people. Maybe it was because everyone was new, maybe it had to do with the proximity of the tot park and we all had small children, don't know. I don't think its because this lot were USC and not UKC. I don't think one band of nationals are necessarily nicer then the others.
AmerLisa is offline  
Old Jul 10th 2010, 4:39 pm
  #74  
BE Forum Addict
 
Brit3964's Avatar
 
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: South Florida
Posts: 2,068
Brit3964 has a reputation beyond reputeBrit3964 has a reputation beyond reputeBrit3964 has a reputation beyond reputeBrit3964 has a reputation beyond reputeBrit3964 has a reputation beyond reputeBrit3964 has a reputation beyond reputeBrit3964 has a reputation beyond reputeBrit3964 has a reputation beyond reputeBrit3964 has a reputation beyond reputeBrit3964 has a reputation beyond reputeBrit3964 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by Leslie66
I've always heard that as you get older it's harder to make friends. I don't know if it actually is any "harder" for me but rather just that I don't suffer fools lightly anymore.
Agreed. I think it's more like as you get older, you're less likely to worry what others might think of you and so you end up attracting friends who like you because of who you are, not what you appear.
Brit3964 is offline  
Old Jul 10th 2010, 8:12 pm
  #75  
Maño-Americano
 
ironporer's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: In the heart of the Ozarks
Posts: 10,216
ironporer has a reputation beyond reputeironporer has a reputation beyond reputeironporer has a reputation beyond reputeironporer has a reputation beyond reputeironporer has a reputation beyond reputeironporer has a reputation beyond reputeironporer has a reputation beyond reputeironporer has a reputation beyond reputeironporer has a reputation beyond reputeironporer has a reputation beyond reputeironporer has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Disillusioned

Originally Posted by Rockgurl
If one more person says "oh gee, I just love your accent" I'm going to scream! /rant.
I've wondered what became of you and if you still posted here- sorry to hear you are down and hope things work out for the best.

FYI- "I love your accent" is really code for "Where the F**k are you from? I have no idea if your accent is English, Welsh, Irish, Scottish, Kiwi, Aussie or Geiko Gekko- but am to ashamed to ask."
ironporer is offline  

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service -

Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.