Disillusioned
#61
Re: Disillusioned
I'm afraid you're now in a situation that will never offer you a satisfactory outcome, no matter what you think.
Having lived here a while, and obviously been a member of the rat race like so many more of us, you have grown a little tired of American life, and you naturally think of happier times back home, tending to forget why moving here was so attractive in the first place.
Here's my prediction - if you went back to the UK, as soon as you arranged your 200 grand mortgage and moved into your semi-detached shoe box, purchased your 15 grand Barbie car with its 0.9 litre engine, struggled through the traffic to Tesco only to listen to narrow minded people and their foul mouthed offspring telling each other and everyone around them to "F off !!" you would immediately start to feel the pull in the opposite direction.
Keep working, put up with the crap, and focus on making (and saving) lots of money and taking early retirement. You are in the better place, but ultimately if you can't convince yourself of that fact, you'll have to find out the hard way.
Having lived here a while, and obviously been a member of the rat race like so many more of us, you have grown a little tired of American life, and you naturally think of happier times back home, tending to forget why moving here was so attractive in the first place.
Here's my prediction - if you went back to the UK, as soon as you arranged your 200 grand mortgage and moved into your semi-detached shoe box, purchased your 15 grand Barbie car with its 0.9 litre engine, struggled through the traffic to Tesco only to listen to narrow minded people and their foul mouthed offspring telling each other and everyone around them to "F off !!" you would immediately start to feel the pull in the opposite direction.
Keep working, put up with the crap, and focus on making (and saving) lots of money and taking early retirement. You are in the better place, but ultimately if you can't convince yourself of that fact, you'll have to find out the hard way.
Last edited by dunroving; Jul 9th 2010 at 8:47 pm.
#63
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 41,518
Re: Disillusioned
Very good post Rockgurl - I often wonder though, regarding the friend thing, if we are all comparing apples to oranges. Don't know about your upbringing, but I was brought up in England in a small rural community until I was 18 and of course there will never be any friends anywhere to replace those. From 18, the next 12 years were spent in the army - again, a 'place' where you make some very close friendships almost right up there with my childhood friends.
Now I live in the suburban US, I don't have that...but don't really expect to - I reckon its probably the same as in the suburban UK if you move away from your traditional home for work, as so many people do. I think a key difference is the fact that in the UK you can almost always easily "pop home" for the weekend from almost wherever you are; when you are here, you obviously can't, so the cut off effect gets to be cumulative. I am sure people from the US who grew up, say, in a small town in Georgia or somewhere similar probably have the same issues when they move off to the big smoke for a job.
Now I live in the suburban US, I don't have that...but don't really expect to - I reckon its probably the same as in the suburban UK if you move away from your traditional home for work, as so many people do. I think a key difference is the fact that in the UK you can almost always easily "pop home" for the weekend from almost wherever you are; when you are here, you obviously can't, so the cut off effect gets to be cumulative. I am sure people from the US who grew up, say, in a small town in Georgia or somewhere similar probably have the same issues when they move off to the big smoke for a job.
#64
Re: Disillusioned
I would tend to agree with that, though I'm no people person as it is!
I have few 'real' friends here, but I think had I moved to another part of the UK, rather than the US, I would probably still be in the same boat. Just about all my UK friends are friends I made in school when I was 15 or younger. I just don't connect with new people as easily now, haven't done since I left Uni. It's a personal thing I think, rather than geographical.
I know I posted something similar in another thread. How one dimensional am i??
I have few 'real' friends here, but I think had I moved to another part of the UK, rather than the US, I would probably still be in the same boat. Just about all my UK friends are friends I made in school when I was 15 or younger. I just don't connect with new people as easily now, haven't done since I left Uni. It's a personal thing I think, rather than geographical.
I know I posted something similar in another thread. How one dimensional am i??
Last edited by Leslie; Jul 9th 2010 at 10:42 pm.
#65
Re: Disillusioned
Aye up...sight for sore eyes and all that
Though you mentioning CT, there's quite a few new members lately who have joined up in the state, Hartford and the surrounds mostly, but perhaps get a little meet up group posting in the BE meet up section?
Though you mentioning CT, there's quite a few new members lately who have joined up in the state, Hartford and the surrounds mostly, but perhaps get a little meet up group posting in the BE meet up section?
#66
Re: Disillusioned
Another Brit friend and I were discussing this phenomenon - we put it down to a societal difference; in the UK, people are more apt to say up front if they can't make something, whereas here, its almost as if it would be considered rude to blatantly say no from the get go, and a lot of people would rather make phony excuses last minute, even if they had no intention of going in the first place (which to my mind, is ruder than flat out saying you can't make it).
Have to say though, fortunately we do have some friends here who are very reliable to counter balance the rest, so its by no means set in stone, but does seem to happen more in the US.
#67
Re: Disillusioned
Just peeking in to say helloo, good to see (read) you again RG and sorry things aren't so great out east. Always room in Alaska for another British nutter though, they seem to like us up here
Jan
Jan
#68
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: North Charleston,SC. born in Stockport,UK.
Posts: 10,109
Re: Disillusioned
One thing that came to mind last night, about it being harder to make friends here, in the UK we tend to go to the local pub on a regular basis, or walk the kids to school etc...much easier to get chatting to people in those situations, there isn't really any similar situations/places I can think of here that that can happen...maybe hobby groups?
#69
Re: Disillusioned
Here's my prediction - if you went back to the UK, as soon as you arranged your 200 grand mortgage and moved into your semi-detached shoe box, purchased your 15 grand Barbie car with its 0.9 litre engine, struggled through the traffic to Tesco only to listen to narrow minded people and their foul mouthed offspring telling each other and everyone around them to "F off !!" you would immediately start to feel the pull in the opposite direction.
#70
Re: Disillusioned
The older I've become the easier it is for me to make friends. At the moment I have more friends than I had when I was in my thirties. I find that the competitiveness, and lack of confidence to hold my own, that was present for a single person in their thirties and the lifestyle I lived back then, free and easy, jumping from relationship to relationship, didn't make for friendship. Once I hit the big 50 and advanced onward, I find that I have allowed myself to welcome others into my life. I have friends now who I value and respect and not all of them share the same outlook on subjects that are confrontal to some. It doesn't matter that we hold different opinions. Just that we are comfortable in discussing them. We get together for coffee, vacation together, go to movies, dinner in groups, whatever. If they have a problem, it becomes my problem and the reverse if I have one.
#72
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 22,105
Re: Disillusioned
The older I've become the easier it is for me to make friends. At the moment I have more friends than I had when I was in my thirties. I find that the competitiveness, and lack of confidence to hold my own, that was present for a single person in their thirties and the lifestyle I lived back then, free and easy, jumping from relationship to relationship, didn't make for friendship. Once I hit the big 50 and advanced onward, I find that I have allowed myself to welcome others into my life. I have friends now who I value and respect and not all of them share the same outlook on subjects that are confrontal to some. It doesn't matter that we hold different opinions. Just that we are comfortable in discussing them. We get together for coffee, vacation together, go to movies, dinner in groups, whatever. If they have a problem, it becomes my problem and the reverse if I have one.
#73
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 22,105
Re: Disillusioned
Then on the other hand, hardly anyone answers RSVP's for kids birthday parties, but will just show up! That has happened to us so many times when the kids were growing up, pisses me off, especially when it is a pre-booked thing!
One thing that came to mind last night, about it being harder to make friends here, in the UK we tend to go to the local pub on a regular basis, or walk the kids to school etc...much easier to get chatting to people in those situations, there isn't really any similar situations/places I can think of here that that can happen...maybe hobby groups?
One thing that came to mind last night, about it being harder to make friends here, in the UK we tend to go to the local pub on a regular basis, or walk the kids to school etc...much easier to get chatting to people in those situations, there isn't really any similar situations/places I can think of here that that can happen...maybe hobby groups?
I think that can happen anywhere. I truly think friends are luck of the draw. I didn't find any friends or very nice people in our neighborhood in the UK. With exception of my older neighbor who I could pop over to have a cuppa with, I rarely saw people outside. Since we moved to a new neighborhood in the US (by new, all the houses were brand new, everyone was new to the neighborhood) we've found more friendly people. Maybe it was because everyone was new, maybe it had to do with the proximity of the tot park and we all had small children, don't know. I don't think its because this lot were USC and not UKC. I don't think one band of nationals are necessarily nicer then the others.
#74
Re: Disillusioned
Agreed. I think it's more like as you get older, you're less likely to worry what others might think of you and so you end up attracting friends who like you because of who you are, not what you appear.
#75
Re: Disillusioned
FYI- "I love your accent" is really code for "Where the F**k are you from? I have no idea if your accent is English, Welsh, Irish, Scottish, Kiwi, Aussie or Geiko Gekko- but am to ashamed to ask."