Go Back  British Expats > Living & Moving Abroad > USA
Reload this Page >

Disappointed fiancee

Disappointed fiancee

Old Jun 13th 2001, 6:49 am
  #1  
guest
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Hi All,

I am disappointed with my USC fiancee. It has been 2 months already and he still did not mail our I-129F to the service center. To my knowledge all his requirements are complete already since April. He keeps on postponing with many alibis. I just go with the flow rather than be upset. Would i confront him about this matter and ask why are you beating around the bush?
We didn't have problem so far and we email everyday and we talk by phone once a week. If he is not interested why not say so, so i could have peace of mind. He is already old enough and he is in his 50s already. We will be meeting again this end of July for the second time and i lose the interest already of meeting him again bec of this happening. I read postings how desperate are the petitioners in expediting their case just to be with their love one and here is my fiance who is wasting time. You see what i mean?
HOpe to hear from you guys!
 
Old Jun 13th 2001, 8:17 am
  #2  
Shelley
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Sure sounds like he is not really interested in filing the petition. I understand
just wanting to "go with the flow", but if your intention is finding someone to share
your life with, I would say confront him and find out what is really going on -
before you come to visit him. A lot of things happen between emails and phone calls,
and if you are starting to lose interest because of his behavior now - it might be
time for you to just move on with your life. Take Care. Shelley

    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
 
Old Jun 13th 2001, 11:40 am
  #3  
Alvena Ferreira
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

guest wrote:
    >
    >
    >
    >

This is my personal opinion: I would drop him like a hot potato. He obviously is
playing games with you. Tell this guy to p*ss off and find someone who cares. He
obviously does not.

alvena I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice, this is my personal opinion
and is to be used for the purpose of discussion.
 
Old Jun 13th 2001, 12:06 pm
  #4  
Betastar
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >

Confront him. Don't say you don't have a problem - you DO have a problem. You've
agreed to marry and he's sitting on his arse and not doing what he has to do so you
can be together.

Ask him straight out - What's going on and are you into this marriage idea or not?

Forget excuses. It's time to shit or get off the pot.

Just my 2-cents Betastar
 
Old Jun 13th 2001, 4:08 pm
  #5  
xrodgerx
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

OK .. here are my 2 cents.

1. If this guy says he loves you and yada yada yada .. wants to be with you ,, yada
yada yada.. Then you should dump him. WHY???? Because he says one thing, his
actions are saying another. Even if he DOES love you, and means everything he
says, you should still dump him because this behavior is only a small sample of
what is to come later in your life together.

2. If he's not ready to marry you, but is very much in love, then he should just
bring that onto the table and make his intentions, worries, yada yada yada, clear
to you from the beginning. Again, a sample of what is to come.

3. He may just be a procrastinator who can never seem to get off his duff and do what
needs to be done. (we are back to that sample of what is to come)

I love my fiancee very very much.. (her name is Olga).. I told her from the start
that I will work to do what I have to do in order to bring her to the USA to be with
me. I also told her, I am inexperienced in this process and may make a few mistakes
that may cost us time. Everytime I file something, phone someone, or receive
something, the first thing I do is consult with her so she can add her part ..
(whatever it may be).. The point is.. I say I'm going to do something, I do it.. If
I'm going to delay for some reason, I let her know before I delay so its not a
surprise to her. Olga has come to learn to respect what I say, and take me for my
word because my actions back up my mouth.

When your trying to figure out which restaurant to go eat dinner at, you "go with
the flow". When your trying to plan a party, or a vacation,, you can "go with the
flow" When your planning your life, the flow should be controlled by you.. NOT
someone else.

If I were you, I would drop him. Give him the respect and let him know why.. But also
let him know firmly that you are no longer interested and are pursuing other
relations and that even if he changes his mind right there on the spot, that you
don't want to live with someone who procrastinates. I'm guessing this guy's credit
rating is probably in the trash can.. He's probably the type of person who makes good
money, but is to damn lazy to sit down and pay his bills.

Just my opinion.. My heart goes out to you. When you truly believe in someone, false
hopes and false promises can do allot of damage to ones heart and sole..
 
Old Jun 13th 2001, 4:47 pm
  #6  
Christopher
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

I think that you need to ask what his intentions are before he returns to see you.
Filing at least in my case was the priority.
 
Old Jun 13th 2001, 4:51 pm
  #7  
.
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

    >
    >

    >
    >
    >

My husband is a terrible procrastinator, however when we were doing the filing he got
his side of the paper work without any proding from
me.I agree with the others, if he isn't filing the paper work then he must not be
interested in doing so for some reason. You need to confront him as to what the
problem is. At least then you will know if the problem can be fixed of if your
better off without him. Just my feelings.

Karryl
 
Old Jun 13th 2001, 5:05 pm
  #8  
paulgani
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

I think it's clear that he's not ready for marriage yet. He needs more time. Whether
you choose to give it to him or not is your choice, obviously.

Paulgani

    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
 
Old Jun 13th 2001, 6:06 pm
  #9  
Daisy
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Honey I agree with the others, however I want to offer you my thoughts, it must be
very frustrating and hurtful to not know why he is stalling on this paperwork. To
think that you have found someone you loved with all your heart, someone you were
ready to spend the rest of your life with, not to mention leave your own country must
be very hard to deal with.

Be truthful with him, ask him why....you deserve to know. And I wish you all the
best, it will be alright, it's better knowing in the long run. If you need someone to
talk with I'm an email away.

Daisy

    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
 
Old Jun 13th 2001, 10:23 pm
  #10  
Marilou920
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >

obviously this guys is not interested in marrying your or be with you. I read so much
about people here on the board getting frustrated because of slow process of there
petition. The 2 months is truly a waste. If I were you I'll move on don't count on
him anymore.
    >
    >
    >
    >
 
Old Jun 13th 2001, 10:53 pm
  #11  
georgesgirl35
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

hi, i agree with the others,as well consider its a huge move,your leaving your
home,your country,your friends to be with the man you love and HES the one dragging
HIS feet. As has already been said this whole visa process is a worry and a strain
and you both need to support one another. If he unreliable now whos to say whats
going to happen once you get to the usa. Even if you hassled and pushed him through
the K1 process you then have all the AOS process to get through when you get over
here.. If it was me i would pin him down and question him about his reasoning,but its
not me and i realise it must be hard for you but remember this is your life too think
about yourself and possible consequences. best of luck to you
 
Old Jun 14th 2001, 2:00 am
  #12  
Baird
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

ASK Him! Over and Over again. You will know more from him than from any of us.

Baird

    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
 
Old Jun 14th 2001, 3:30 am
  #13  
guest
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Hi Folks
Thank you so much for all your responses. By reading your advises, at least i am a little relieve of my emotional pain. One important thing...I can't dump him. We both love each other very much. I love him very much. We will be on our 10th month this July of which it will be our second time around to be together bec he is coming to visit me again. (don't you think he is a dedicated fiance). If he is playing games, why would he send me expensive gifts everytime there is an occassion and why did he left behind 1000 dollars for me to use it during my K-1 processing. It's confusing you know.

I just don't know what is his agenda. Maybe he is too busy as an executive of a company. But i think i'll give him enough time maybe. Today, he said not to put any bad thoughts in my mind as far as our relationship is concern.
Also, I confront him about his latest "alibi". He just recently noticed that he don't have a copy of his birth cert. Why for the past two months he did not noticed not having a b-cert? Spooky!

I think i'll just wait and see what would happen after two weeks from now. If nothing really happens and i would hear another alibi (hope no more!) ... then definitely i have to take another road and I would not meet and fetch him at the airport. I don't care if he gets to read this posting. I don't want to fight with him coz he might get heart attack, you know!

It could be that he is getting his act together and buying time and he is just shy to say so... so maybe he is still catching up something. But he is already fully equipped.

Anyway...... thank you guys!

Ms. Disappointed :-)
 
Old Jun 14th 2001, 11:44 am
  #14  
Concierge
 
Rete's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 43,743
Rete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond reputeRete has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Ms Disappointed

Your follow up post says it all. You rather have a wobbly fiancee who is rich and generous than devoted and love struck.

As for a dedicated fiancee, that would have been my husband who drove 350 miles every other weekend for three months to visit me. A fiancee who can only do two weeks in 10 months for a visit (obviously having the wherewithal to finance more trips) is not dedicated but a person who has decided he needs a vacation. (not a slur on fiancees who cannot because of time and money constraints do frequent visits.)

Each of us has to follow what path they choose. The secret is not to whine and complain about it when the path leads to a bog and you start to sink.

Rita
(who has no patience for people who bitch about the lives they created for themselves when reality doesn't meet fantasy)
Rete is offline  
Old Jun 14th 2001, 1:17 pm
  #15  
Forum Regular
 
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 265
pjane1954 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

FWIW, it doesn't sound to me like your fiance is committed. I also think perhaps the gifts and money he's given you are out of guilt. I believe he's playing you along, and you sound insecure enough to put up with it.
If you look at other posts, you'll see that US fiance's spend a lot of time and energy on their petitions, which your fiance sadly does not seem to have done. ...(e.g. your fiance only recently realizing he needs his birth certificate). Also, for an "executive" to make only 2 trips in 10 months, doesn't sound like many trips to me. Perhaps he's already married and waiting for a divorce to be finalized? Regardless, I sincerely think you're better off ending this relationship and moving onward. But that's only my educated opinion. I have a feeling you're young, (but I could be wrong) because an older more experienced woman would not put up with this crap. I wish you luck however you proceed.
pjane1954 is offline  

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information

Copyright © 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.