dlake02

Agreed. People are different all over. However, there are certain values that are apparent in those geographical areas that we call countries, and that is exactly what Colorado Ski Girl has described.

I don't think she said "everyone does X or Y" - she just noted (very clearly, BTW) what those values are that seem to cross "American" society.

There are regional, personal, social variations, but there IS an American psyche, and she has described that very well. With SUCH as strong sense of national identity, it is hardly surprising that there are some common traits.

Personally, she has given me some useful insights to the way that American's behave in certain social situations and maybe helped us to find ways in.

Karrie72

I'm not attacking you, merely stating my gratitude that I don't belong in a social circle where the conversations revolve around money and football, I personally would find that very boring and pointless, but that's just me, call me crazy.
I do have a few American friends that I cherish but they are also not interested in football or status. Thank you for your views though.

Colorado Ski Girl

dlake02 - Will you marry me???

Colorado Ski Girl

Yes - All of the various regions of the US are different. I grew up in the very conservative South, went to college in Florida, lived in Boston during one design-development project, moved to Las Vegas for another engineering project assignment, another project in LA, etc. So I know intimately that we're all different regionally, but overall, we're still unified ultimately with what I have described. And no, we don't talk about money constantly. Football, well maybe, but not constantly about money.
I can almost guarantee that most Americans get goose bumps and the hair raises on their arms when they hear the American National Anthem. Not everyone of course, but most of us, regardless of where we're from, regardless of whether we are black/white/green, and regardless of whether we are Democrats, Republicans, and others.
Why would soomeone say that I disrespected other cultures? The topic was how to make friends here, not how to introduce your culture. Our cultural differences make us all interesting to each other, or at least hopefully.

Bob

I think it's a regional thing.

I've found that being completely the opposite of the case up in Maine and as for down here in MA, varies hugely, folks in this town, nothing like that, but our last town was certainly more like that, but it was more about the hockey than the football.

Ethelred_the_Unready

@ Colorado Ski Girl

Most of us understand the differences and even did so before we came here. We have lived in your Rome as Romans for several years (most of us). We generally assimilate well on paper, we don't try to ram our culture down your throats, fly Union Jacks everywhere and we adhere to your laws....

That aside, I think you can see where some of us are coming from. If seeing life as one big competition works for you, more power to you. I'm not going to tell you anything otherwise as there's nothing wrong with that, so long as "competing" doesn't mean crapping on a few unfortunate souls on the way up.

The work thing has really been the toughest for me and where the differences are among the most pronounces. Ok, so your co-workers are not your friends, nor do I expect them to be, but it's a bit too much of a bitter pill to swallow here. I met quite a few friends working in the UK. It never got in the way of work and on the contrary, it helped us perform better as a team. When you go to the pub every Friday with Jim from Sales and Bob from marketing, you are less likely to throw them under the bus. The way people and companies work here does nothing but encourage backstabbing, fakeness and creates unnecessary stress and tension. Just my 0.02 worth.

Believe it or not, I have tried too, as have others. The accent thing doesn't help much, especially if I were to date, women would most likely be more interested in my credentials rather than anything else. Even dating itself seems so business like here. I'll pass.

Colorado Ski Girl

OOOH. I get it. I love the Boston Bruins. You are so correct in this. Yes, it's definitely regional. Memphis loves basketball, Boston, the Red Sox. Tennessee and Mississippi loves football, etc. But we still love our sports. It's a great conversation starter. I grew up without knowing a thing about hockey. I had to learn very fast in order to find something to talk about with my coworkers, and now find myself actually rooting for the Bruins. I'm looking forward to the hockey season starting, that is, if the hockey lockout ever gets over with.

dlake02

.

ARGH !!!! I am NOT making a judgement. I am saying how I FEEL. I repeat - how this affects MY FEELINGS. I judge for myself and myself alone. I have found it VERY difficult to make friends here because I am constantly wondering what they want out of it.

Oh My. This is the most interesting thing that you've said in any of your posts, IMHO. Without being judgmental.

There is little-to-no mixing between cultures in the Valley. I have entire Engineering groups here that all came from the same part of their origin country, work together, socialise together - some even live in the same house.

IMHO, this is a major fault of an employment-based immigration system - it promotes parallel existence for foreign workers and adds yet-another "class" to the structure.

Ethelred_the_Unready

Isn't it true that many people forge lifelong friendships in college? It makes me feel that someone like me who doesn't even have a degree stands zero chance. The last time I socialised with a group of Americans in Somerville MA, the conversation started off ok, but turned into a 2 hour discussion about college, even though they graduated the best part of 10 years ago!

You must understand that us Brits are a lot more humble generally and don't like to tout our achievements, wealth or success. It's not something that most of us could even try to mimic in order fit in either.

dlake02

How about my son ? He's 11, likes Soccer (which is HUGE here in Cal), blue eyes, and very cute English accent ?

I just hope you like Pokemon and Lego....

Sally Redux

I have found that many have attended a college but have not necessarily graduated.

dlake02

I graduated in the UK 25 years ago and only keep two good friends from Uni. At the time, we just all saw it as another 4 years of eduction we needed to get into our jobs - we have so little in common these days as we've all got different jobs, family, experiences.

We've always made friends where we've lived in the past and kept in touch - we have friends in Germany, France, various parts of England from different postings/assignments. It has never really been a problem, and certainly not as difficult.

When we leave here in due course, given the events of the last 2 years, I'm not sure that there will be anyone we're adding to our New Years card list.

And that really is a great shame and a disappointment.

Colorado Ski Girl

Ethelred_the_Unready - To be honest, you seem like a really great guy to me. Give it more time and a good, honest chance to work.

You can make friends with coworkers if you find common things to talk about. We like to talk about what we have in common, at least at first. Yes, our culture encourages the 'thrown under the bus' syndrome, but it isn't like that everywhere. You just have to be aware of it and don't make yourself a victim. The more you find in common with coworkers, the more likely that they will see you as less of a competitive threat and more of a 'cool dude'. Seriously. And as for women - it may starts with the credentials, as we are a hard-working people and identify strongly with what we do for a living at first, but it is only an icebreaker. It doesn't matter what you do for a living as long as you do it with heart. Then they look at you for your personality and sense of humor. A good sense of humor is more important than any degree or credentials can give you. Looks really isn't that important, not in the long run. And you sound like a nice guy to me. It may seem like a business, but you have to understand American culture. Business first (like at work), then move on to the more interesting things to talk about. Like football. (Just kidding).

My neighbor two doors down is from England and flies his Union Jack in the front of his house. It makes a good conversation starter. He and his wife are lovely people. And they cheer for the local NFL football team. They sometimes have block parties at their house and show the weekly football game on their big screen tv. All of the neighbors will bring some sort of pot luck item to eat so that no one person gets charged for the food.

kimilseung

This all makes a change from "they are all friendly up north, but put ferrets down their trousers' and 'they are all stuck up down south, but have got the blitz spirit'.

As a post or two earlier said, we make our friendships easiest when we are younger and finding our place in the world, when we are finding people we choose, to replace our family.

Isn't it just our age (I am sure we as a group span a few generations, but most of us are not under-graduates or back-packers any more)

Colorado Ski Girl

Sally Redux - You reminded me of something funny. I graduated from college but my dad flunked out of three separate colleges for being a playboy or something like that. And he laughed about it later. He looked like a young Elvis Presley. He was easy going and made friends as easy as could be. He saw the best in people, and to him, everyone was a friend first until proven otherwise. And he was a big sports fan.

College gives you a place to meet people and make friends early in life. Sometimes we can makes friends at work, but it's more difficult. We get so wrapped up in our own lives outside of work. Some people have to rush off from work to take their kids to soccer or band practice. Others have to run off to other things that they do with other people that they know. I ski but some of my coworkers don't. Those that do will all drive to the moutains together and ski or snowboard for the day. Those that golf will golf together. Those with something in comon try to find time to do those things. It doesn't make us instant lifelong friends, but it can grow from there.