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Dating in NYC

Dating in NYC

Old Apr 18th 2008, 4:22 am
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Default Dating in NYC

Turns out the last two girls I have been dating beleived that the man should pay whenever we went out. I'm not tight, but am totally used to splitting the cost of drinks and meals with my date. In the UK, most girls see it as outdated and even offensive for the man to insist that he always pays.

Are the two girls I dated typical of New York girls?
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Old Apr 18th 2008, 1:45 pm
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Default Re: Dating in NYC

Originally Posted by Bladerunner View Post
Turns out the last two girls I have been dating beleived that the man should pay whenever we went out. I'm not tight, but am totally used to splitting the cost of drinks and meals with my date. In the UK, most girls see it as outdated and even offensive for the man to insist that he always pays.

Are the two girls I dated typical of New York girls?
It wasn't always that way with the women I dated in NY. I do think however that NY women are picky about the guys they date and expect a show of your monetary worth to some extent, and I guess the ones like that would see it as a bad sign if you didn't pay on the first date. I would expect after the first date things to even out though, and certainly wouldn't expect to pay all the time. If I knew that the girl wasn't in as well paid job as me then I would continue to pay but if they didn't at least offer after a couple of dates I probably wouldn't want to continue a long term relationship with them as I would be suspicious of their motives.
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Old Apr 18th 2008, 2:15 pm
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Default Re: Dating in NYC

Originally Posted by Bladerunner View Post
Turns out the last two girls I have been dating beleived that the man should pay whenever we went out. I'm not tight, but am totally used to splitting the cost of drinks and meals with my date. In the UK, most girls see it as outdated and even offensive for the man to insist that he always pays.

Are the two girls I dated typical of New York girls?
You're not in the UK anymore... if you want action in NY, you'll have to behave like a New Yorker. Back in my dating days, it was a pleasant surprise to have her offer to share the cost, but I always was prepared and willing to pay.
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Old Apr 18th 2008, 2:29 pm
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Default Re: Dating in NYC

Its not a NY thing its the country in general, I get a look of total shock from men when I offer to pay my half, from what most have told me, and ladies I know its not all of you, but, most men reckon that the chicks expect it and before they even meet them the questions are "how much do you earn? "What do you drive"? LOL I have american girlfriends who will not date a guy the 2nd time if he does not open his wallet

Last edited by Poppy girl; Apr 18th 2008 at 2:32 pm.
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Old Apr 18th 2008, 3:19 pm
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Default Re: Dating in NYC

They got it right. Here in the US it is customary for the man to pay each and every time. Of course, not all women are like that but the "girls" certainly are. I remember how shocked my American boyfriend was when I offered to pay for dinner one night and another time offered money for the gas and tolls. After the initial shock wore off and we got engaged, we shared the expenses.

If a female invites you for dinner, drinks or a movie, then it is assumed that she will pay the cost. You might be generous and offer to split the cost with her and/or let her pay for the first round and you the second.

But if you are only casually dating, you are stuck with the bill.
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Old Apr 18th 2008, 3:45 pm
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Default Re: Dating in NYC

Originally Posted by Rete View Post
They got it right. Here in the US it is customary for the man to pay each and every time. Of course, not all women are like that but the "girls" certainly are. I remember how shocked my American boyfriend was when I offered to pay for dinner one night and another time offered money for the gas and tolls. After the initial shock wore off and we got engaged, we shared the expenses.

If a female invites you for dinner, drinks or a movie, then it is assumed that she will pay the cost. You might be generous and offer to split the cost with her and/or let her pay for the first round and you the second.

But if you are only casually dating, you are stuck with the bill.
To be fair the first couple of dates are a given. If things are going well then splitting the costs is a fair thing. It all depends on the income discrepancy I think on how often going Dutch occurs.
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Old Apr 18th 2008, 4:08 pm
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Default Re: Dating in NYC

Originally Posted by ugacrew View Post
To be fair the first couple of dates are a given. If things are going well then splitting the costs is a fair thing. It all depends on the income discrepancy I think on how often going Dutch occurs.
I think that a woman should offer even on the 1st date that's my opinion and as for the 2nd well definitely offer,I would hate them to think I was just with them for their money, which makes it difficult for me as I probably earn more then they do..
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Old Apr 18th 2008, 4:16 pm
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Default Re: Dating in NYC

Originally Posted by Poppy girl View Post
I think that a woman should offer even on the 1st date that's my opinion and as for the 2nd well definitely offer,I would hate them to think I was just with them for their money, which makes it difficult for me as I probably earn more then they do..
I think it's a matter of culture more so than not. Some guys actually get offended if you assume that they can't pay on the first date. Some of them think it's a badge of honour that they can pay for a ladies night out. However it does get old quickly and the equity of it has to shift early on. More so now these days than back when my parents were dating.
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Old Apr 18th 2008, 4:18 pm
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Default Re: Dating in NYC

Originally Posted by Poppy girl View Post
I think that a woman should offer even on the 1st date that's my opinion and as for the 2nd well definitely offer,I would hate them to think I was just with them for their money, which makes it difficult for me as I probably earn more then they do..

On the first and second dates, I feel that the person who did the inviting should be the one to pay the expenses. After the second date if you go out again, I would most certainly pay either the entire cost or at least offer to split it. Or if a woman feels uncomfortable doing that then make dinner one night and rent a movie or buy the movie tickets online and let him by the popcorn. Some men might take it as an insult if you offer to pay. At least that is true of my generation.
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Old Apr 18th 2008, 4:45 pm
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Default Re: Dating in NYC

Thanks for the info. Seems I need to revise my expectations... or start dating Brits.
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Old Apr 18th 2008, 4:50 pm
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Default Re: Dating in NYC

Originally Posted by Bladerunner View Post
Thanks for the info. Seems I need to revise my expectations... or start dating Brits.
... or expand your horizons and date non-Americans.
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Old Apr 18th 2008, 5:35 pm
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Default Re: Dating in NYC

Originally Posted by Bladerunner View Post
Turns out the last two girls I have been dating beleived that the man should pay whenever we went out. I'm not tight, but am totally used to splitting the cost of drinks and meals with my date. In the UK, most girls see it as outdated and even offensive for the man to insist that he always pays.
All guys like a woman who offers, and all women like a guy who pays.

I've never let a woman pay for dinner, pretty much ever. Even my 'friends' (i.e. non-romantic) who are women. Guess I'm a bit stubborn.
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Old Apr 18th 2008, 5:42 pm
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Default Re: Dating in NYC

Originally Posted by penguinsix View Post
All guys like a woman who offers, and all women like a guy who pays.

I've never let a woman pay for dinner, pretty much ever. Even my 'friends' (i.e. non-romantic) who are women. Guess I'm a bit stubborn.
Are you still single?
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Old Apr 18th 2008, 5:42 pm
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Default Re: Dating in NYC

Now I know why my husband was in complete shock when I paid for his meal.
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Old Apr 18th 2008, 6:10 pm
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Default Re: Dating in NYC

Originally Posted by ugacrew View Post
I think it's a matter of culture more so than not. Some guys actually get offended if you assume that they can't pay on the first date. Some of them think it's a badge of honour that they can pay for a ladies night out. However it does get old quickly and the equity of it has to shift early on. More so now these days than back when my parents were dating.

Not me, I'm fully liberated. If them paying for the date makes them feel empowered, well then I'm all for that. As long as they don't expect anything from me afterwords, just because you bought me dinner doesn't mean I "owe" you anything!:curse:
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