Ry8000

My american fiancee & I are getting married later this year in NJ... we're moving to the US from the UK (permanently) so she can be back "home". Since we're not there right now, her mother has taken on role of wedding planner. However, she's really quite opinionated, and stubborn as a mule!!!....

I didn't care initially because it was stuff that didn't bother me (flowers, dresses, favours, food... etc, etc, blah, blah ) However, it soon became interesting when she started trying to choose my groomsmen/best man, then she wanted a rabbai (she & my fiancee are Jewish) without a minister (I'm CofE).... now she's moved on to saying my choice of attire (morning suit) is wrong, and demanding that I wear a boring tux.... not to mention trying to tell me what my Mum can/cannot wear!!!

Where does this stop?... is it normal/acceptable??????

Any advice, or confirmation that I'm not the only one trying to battle with a lunatic inlaw would be appreciated

Tami2

She sounds like a pain in the @ss. My advice would be to get your fiance to talk with her and get her to back down. Even though she is a nut, she will be your monster-in-law for a long time and you don't want to start off with her hating you because YOU wouldn't let her run the show. The bride, her daughter, should try to take as much control of the thing as possible from afar and tell her mother that the wedding is hers and yours and you two will be making the decisions. A Jewish Monster-in-law, good luck boy! You're gonna need it!

wmoore

That's exactly why we buggered off and got married in secret. Bollocks to them, it's your day not hers.

Ry8000

That's suddenly looking appealing! Sadly, my life wouldn't be worth living after that. Fortunately though, my fiancee is supportive... she knows that her mum is a nut case, she's had to deal with it her whole life! :scared:

Maybe I could get her sectioned under some mental health act or something

BritGuyTN

Tell her to mind her own business.

If you let her choose your suit and who your groomsmen are then maybe you should check downstairs and make sure of your gender

Harsh but true

Titchski

Oy Vey! Are you in for some fun :P

My advice would be to get your intended to put her foot down with this as soon as possible. My mother in law is also Jewish - she doesn't interfere too much now, but is still nosey as anything

Mrs Titchski is very stubborn and planned our wedding herself, we were lucky her Mother was 3000 miles away at the time, although when she did come out to "help" I stayed upstairs for the week, as it was quieter :P

Lets see... Americans like to wear tuxedos instead of morning suits. You may be on a loser there. DO NOT let her choose your groomsmen. These are the people who will be planning your stag do, and Americans tend not have much of a clue about them. Also, don't let her go with you when you choose the cake. American companies tend to price by the slice, whatever you choose. You do not want your future MiL embarrassing you by asking repeatedly, "which one is the cheapest?" We made this mistake, and I ended up with a revolving cakestand as well as the cake, just out of spite.

How Jewish is your intended? Is she Jewish, or just Jew-ish? We ended up with a non demoninational lady pastor doing our wedding, it was great, we wrote our own vows and it was a nice to-the-point, short service. The only references to Judaism was me stomping on a glass (more traditional than religious) and a singer singing a song from Fiddler on the Roof. We did have her brother do the hamotzee (sp) bread thing, as he didn't have anything else to do and we didn't want him getting shirty.

Its up to your missus to reign her mother in. The wedding is all about her (your missus, not her mother!), you are just there to make the numbers up and eat as much as possible. As soon as I realised this, I was a whole lot more relaxed

Good Luck!

BritGuyTN

I wore a morning suit and everyone commented that the groomsmen and I looked fantastic - much mor interesting than a 'boring tux'

if you don't put her in her place (that of future monther in law, not ruler of your life) then you are in for big trouble further down the line

if she doens't see this eventually then she is being a selfish bitch

CarlM

Tell her that her advice is not needed, and that nor is her attendance if she doesnt like it!

Ry8000

Me man.... grunt, grunt.... me matcho!!!

In all seriousness though, I admit to being a tad stubborn myself, but only with regards to reasonable things - I wouldn't dream of dominating someone else's life, that's just rude. We're visiting NJ next week so that we can get sort out stuff in prep for our move - we also plan to spend some "quality time" with the wedding planning stuff. Let battle commence!... in the diplomatic sense, of course

BritGuyTN

Stick up for yourself! american women are much more used to being in charge that UK lasses, do not become a doormat

all my friends who have moved here have become completely 'whipped' and the phrase emanating from thier mouth has commonly been

'its just easier to let her get her way'

NO NO NO NO NO

Do not cave in to things like paying all the mortgage and bills while she spends all her money in J Crew and at the hairdressers on highlights

Do not let her pick out all trips and make you spend a disproportionate amount of time at her moms, whose tit she has not really left

Do not let her pressure you into buying a stupid cookiecutter house in a crap location at an inconvenient time and then fill it with shit from walmart

Picking your battles is key and either patner being dominant is bad, but with the couples we know, about 85% of the time the men have become emasculated

Celsius

Ah. You've not heard the Jewish MIL jokes then?

Celsius

Just American women, eh?

Ry8000

There are Jewish MIL jokes? Tell me, tell me, tell me!!!!!!

TruBrit

OMG and an american :scared:

TruBrit

lol here's one to be going on with....what's the difference between a jewish mil and a rottweiler? eventually the rottweiler lets go...

so good luck you're gonna need it