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Court/Lawyer tell me I have to choose between adopting my grandson or Foreign Fiance

Court/Lawyer tell me I have to choose between adopting my grandson or Foreign Fiance

Old Jan 17th 2004, 6:19 pm
  #1  
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Unhappy Court/Lawyer tell me I have to choose between adopting my grandson or Foreign Fiance

I really need any advice that is out there, Please. I am so hurt and so torn that I just don't know what to do.

I have raised my grandchild since he was just a baby. I have had custody of him for over a year and a half now under SRS. The courts are telling me that if I bring my Foreign Fiance over then I will not be allowed to adopt my grandson or get Legal Permanent Guardianship because then they would not be able to do a back ground check for security on my Fiance since he is from another country. He has resided in three countries and they said they would need to check all three of these. He is Muslim and originally from Morocco. They have already labeled him as a terrorist and didn't hesitate to tell it to my face.

I told the courts that he has to have official papers and documents to be able to come over in the first place and asked them if this would work. You know what they asked me?????? How will they know if those papers would be official or not?

This is the most recent letter from my lawyer:

"The Assistant County Attorney informs me that if the parents’ rights are terminated, the case goes to Kansas Children’s Service League (KCSL), the state adoption contractor. KCSL will then decide who should adopt Dawson. You would definitely be considered as an adoptive resource, because your grandson lives with you, has made a lot of progress with you, and you are family. There is, however, no guarantee that KCSL would choose you as the adoptive resource. KCSL has a pool of families who want to adopt children, and they can consider persons from this pool as adoptive resources for Dawson.

If not for your impending marriage to your Fiance, I would say that you would probably be chosen as the adoptive resource for Dawson. In the event that KCSL does not choose you as the adoptive resource, you would have to go back in front of the County judge and fight the decision.

Complicating this process is your marriage to your Fiance. KCSL must do a homestudy on all potential adoptive parents, and part of this is a background check. KCSL is required to determine if a potential adoptive parent has a criminal record or is on a child abuse registry. If KCSL cannot access your Fiance's records in Morocco, Russia, Italy and where ever else he has resided, then you could well be rejected as an adoptive resource.

If you decide that what you want to do is to adopt Dawson, then you probably need to call off the marriage to your fiance. You would have to withdraw from the immigration process as well. When your adoption of your grandson is final, you could revisit the matter. Once again, however, if you are still in the immigration process when KCSL does the home study, they may well require that a background check (of their choice) be done on your fiance and if they cannot do it, there is a very good possibility that they may remove you from consideration as an adoptive parent.

I understand that this is a difficult choice, and that it does not seem fair to you that you have to make this choice. The fact remains, however, that Dawson has been abused, and brought into the child in need of care system, and that the system functions this way. If you marry your fiance you may not be able to adopt Dawson."

This makes me soooooo sick to my stomach every time that I read it. If I get Permanent Legal Guardianship in which they are willing to give me in the upcoming court case and I bring my Fiance over, they said they can take My Grandson from me anytime. If I fight for Adoption, in which will also be a veryyyyy lengthy process, I still may not get him if I stay involved with my Fiance.

I have been divorced for over 18 years now. I am 42 and I have raised three children on my own. My youngest one went off to college the same summer that I got my grandson. I had sooo many plans and one was to be with my Fiance. I have waited and sacrificed my life for so long for my children and now the Courts are asking me to do it again when I feel I shouldn't have to.

Please, I don't know what to do. I am hurting soooo deeply being away from my Fiance as it is, but I do love my Grandson so very much.

This makes me soooooo sick to my stomach every time that I read it. If I get Permanent Legal Guardianship in which they are willing to give me in the upcoming court case and I bring my Fiance over, they said they can take My Grandson from me anytime. If I fight for Adoption, in which will also be a veryyyyy lengthy process, I still may not get him if I stay involved with my Fiance.

Please, anyone, I am so overwhelmed. I just don't know what to do and I just don't understand why my lawyer will not support me a little more by getting this information in which is needed to back me up in court. Maybe it is because he is from a free legal service. I don't know, but I really can not afford to pay the pretty fees that other lawyers ask for.

My grandson and My Fiance are the two most important people in my life and if I lost either one, my life would be so incomplete. I love them both so much.

Thanks everyone for your replies and I will take into consideration every thought that is written.
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Old Jan 18th 2004, 4:11 am
  #2  
 
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Red face

What a nightmare.

Personally, I think that blood is thicker than water and your grandson needs you. Both he and yourself would be heartbroken if he were to be taken away from you and placed with a strange family.

It does seem heartless the way that the letter is worded. On the other hand, I can on some level understand where they are coming from. Maybe a red flag has been raised because your fiance has lived in a number of different countries...not just from the potential 'terrorism' angle (although someone from the Middle East with connections with Russia probably alarmed them....Saddam Hussein was known for using Russian expertise for his import/manufacture of weapons). They want to be absolutely sure that your fiance hasn't been involved in criminal activities, especially concerning child pornography - in fact there has been a huge police raid in my State in the past few days with international child porn over the internet, originating in Belorussia.

What the authorities are trying to point out to you is that to do all the necessary checks with Interpol and various embassies is going to take time (and expense). All papers will need to be notarised and checked for authenticity and translated. This will greatly hinder the adoption process. How long is the adoption process likely to take anyway (in a straightforward case?).

How did you meet your fiance? What is his relationship like with your grandson? Has he met him and will he regard him as a step-son? Have you been to your fiance's home and have you met his family? Has he visited you in the USA? Will you become a muslim when you marry and what about your grandson? I also wonder if the Social Services are paranoid and concerned that your grandson could be taken to Morocco on a vacation and then abducted or held 'hostage' there? (Have you ever read the book "Not Without My Daughter" based on a true story by Betty Mahmoody or the film of the book starring Sally Field?) Sadly, Sept 11 changed everything and innocent muslims have been tainted and regarded with suspicion by many in the US.

As you are posting on a British expats board I'm assuming that you are a British citizen, or have dual nationality? If you are an American citizen then perhaps you could contact your Congressman. Perhaps you could do some research online and find a Human Rights organization (almost certainly based in Washington DC or maybe New York city).

I know it's a tough decision but I think in your heart of hearts you know what is in your grandson's best interests... and it is not with a family he has never known. Why not adopt him, and once the adoption process has been completed then you can marry your fiance? If you truly love each other, then your love can and will wait for you.
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