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-   -   Confused! (https://britishexpats.com/forum/usa-57/confused-757959/)

tina45 May 11th 2012 4:04 pm

Confused!
 
Hi, I am new to this site. I spent the last 20 years living in California. I moved there to marry my husband and be with him. I had a good job, and made new friends. Until recently, I was happy, and then we got divorced. I stayed on my own for around one year, then started to feel really isolated from my family back home in the UK. I really, really missed my family and although I got to see them nearly every Christmas, I still longed to see them more.
Well to cut a long story short, I took the plunge and decided to move back to the UK, as my Mum and Dad are getting older, and I thought I can see them lots more now. I also have a brother in UK, as well as cousins etc. My family have been so kind and even helped pay for my two dogs to come back with me.
I have been back now for 4 months and feel so unsettled. I don't let onto my family, cause I love them so much and love them and all they have done for me. My dogs have settled in so much better than me! I just miss the lifestyle I had in California, plus the lovely weather etc. I am so confused now and don't know what to do. Even though I have dual citizenship, it would so hard to move back, plus I gave up my job. I just feel so unsettled and wondered if anyone else felt like this. Sometimes I just cry and think "what have I done". I know I sound terribly ungrateful to my parents and sound like a real whiner, but I feel so confused.
Tina :(

Mummy in the foothills May 11th 2012 4:42 pm

Re: Confused!
 
I'd try to remember all the reasons you no longer wanted to stay in california, those things are still there and you'd be minus a job and place to live.
If you crave sunshine do a trip to Spain, cheap to get to and not too far.

dunroving May 11th 2012 5:11 pm

Re: Confused!
 

Originally Posted by tina45 (Post 10054877)
Hi, I am new to this site. I spent the last 20 years living in California. I moved there to marry my husband and be with him. I had a good job, and made new friends. Until recently, I was happy, and then we got divorced. I stayed on my own for around one year, then started to feel really isolated from my family back home in the UK. I really, really missed my family and although I got to see them nearly every Christmas, I still longed to see them more.
Well to cut a long story short, I took the plunge and decided to move back to the UK, as my Mum and Dad are getting older, and I thought I can see them lots more now. I also have a brother in UK, as well as cousins etc. My family have been so kind and even helped pay for my two dogs to come back with me.
I have been back now for 4 months and feel so unsettled. I don't let onto my family, cause I love them so much and love them and all they have done for me. My dogs have settled in so much better than me! I just miss the lifestyle I had in California, plus the lovely weather etc. I am so confused now and don't know what to do. Even though I have dual citizenship, it would so hard to move back, plus I gave up my job. I just feel so unsettled and wondered if anyone else felt like this. Sometimes I just cry and think "what have I done". I know I sound terribly ungrateful to my parents and sound like a real whiner, but I feel so confused.
Tina :(

I'd suggest as a first step talking with your family. What you are experiencing is natural. Trying to hide it from them won't help you and if they are as great as they sound, they will understand. It's not as if you have decided to go back (which you definitely shouldn't at this point), you are just having a tough time adjusting. And you are not being ungrateful - it's possible to be grateful and regretful at the same time, they aren't contradictory.

Also, do a search on this forum for culture shock - just because you have come "home" doesn't mean the culture is familiar. Things have changed and you have changed considerably since you have been away. You'll find lots of posts from people who went through the same thing. I did, and I've been back for almost 6 years. I still look forward to my conference trips back to the States (leaving in a week for Austin and then SF), and crave the much more fulfilling professional and personal life I had over there.

Hawk13 May 11th 2012 6:37 pm

Re: Confused!
 
Been there, done that - on the get divorced and move front.

I went thru a nasty divorce and needed a change of scenery. Moved from Canada to NZ and had things going pretty good but then moved back to Canada due to pressure from my mom and kids (long story and I'd need a stiff drink to explain). Needless to say, I'm back and have been back for almost a year and wish I hadn't come back. Am now contemplating moving back to NZ or Scotland (born there).

So what am I saying. Divorce will kick you in the ass like that and the initial warm fuzzy of moving back has worn off. You'll start remembering all the great things about USA but you need to explore why you really moved back and give it a chance. On the other hand, don't be afraid to change things but make sure you give it some time (an honest go of it). Setting timelines works for me, I keep a journal and write down pros and cons of what/where I'd like to be and put dates to it, keep checking how your feeling and if it keeps coming up that you need to change again, don't be afraid, just do it - you only live once.


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