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-   -   cold feet (https://britishexpats.com/forum/usa-57/cold-feet-922466/)

Georgieb Feb 26th 2019 12:55 pm

cold feet
 
Hi all,,, soooo we were supposed to be moving to Florida before summer this year, but the process has been delayed a bit and so we should be moving the end of the year (fingers crossed) Anyways there is someone in our lives who continues to be a bit horrid about it all, I have a feeling that its mainly because her other half has always wanted to move but she refuses,, anyway,, I digress, the problem is though I think its starting to sink in with my husband, he is increasingly worried about shootings in schools, being 'alone' wondering if we should just stay here and other what I call normal concerns. However they have mainly cropped up since this other person keeps putting her 2 pennies worth in with the sly digs and comments. Has anyone else had issues with their halves having doubts? How do you deal with this, without upsetting people? ;)

Boiler Feb 26th 2019 1:10 pm

Re: cold feet
 
I am sure many people have doubts, definitely not something for everyone.

sarasota chic Feb 26th 2019 4:37 pm

Re: cold feet
 

Originally Posted by Georgieb (Post 12644202)
Hi all,,, soooo we were supposed to be moving to Florida before summer this year, but the process has been delayed a bit and so we should be moving the end of the year (fingers crossed) Anyways there is someone in our lives who continues to be a bit horrid about it all, I have a feeling that its mainly because her other half has always wanted to move but she refuses,, anyway,, I digress, the problem is though I think its starting to sink in with my husband, he is increasingly worried about shootings in schools, being 'alone' wondering if we should just stay here and other what I call normal concerns. However they have mainly cropped up since this other person keeps putting her 2 pennies worth in with the sly digs and comments. Has anyone else had issues with their halves having doubts? How do you deal with this, without upsetting people? ;)

Before we moved to the USA in 2017 I had a real wobble about moving, luckily we didn’t have any negative input from family apart from the usual shame you’re leaving etc. At the end of the day it’s your life and your decision not anyone else’s, sounds like this other person is jealous of your impending move they just have to suck it up. I can understand your husband and his concerns you can’t live your life in fear of the unknown the same could be said about moving to London with the knife and acid attacks.
its your decision if you don’t go you’ll regret it and if it doesn’t work out you can always come home.

Octang Frye Feb 26th 2019 5:45 pm

Re: cold feet
 
Worried about shootings in schools? The "epidemic" of gun violence? Pfft. It's a myth. Gun violence has been trending down and is at its lowest level in 20 years. The US isn't even in the top 10,
despite what the media would have you believe. Your odds of dying in a school shooting are so infinitesimally small it's not even worth thinking about.
Contrasted with 100,000 deaths per year from doctor's malpractice....

It's normal to get cold feet - to um and err etc. I always get those before a move or a job change etc. If you don't try it, you'll regret it, and become resentful of your spouse. The other woman sounds jealous. Cook a snoot at her and do it. So many people come on this forum and would give their right arm to have the opportunity that is being afforded you. You would really be a fool to not make the most of it.

SanDiegogirl Feb 26th 2019 8:04 pm

Re: cold feet
 
A lot depends under what circumstances you are moving...... going to a new job? or possibly being out of work for a few months after arriving? moving to be near family? no family or other support network?

Most people have doubts along the way as nothing is certain, but some moves are easier than others.

What are your circumstances?

BenK91 Feb 26th 2019 9:23 pm

Re: cold feet
 
A lot of people give off the impression (when they're having cold feet) a move to the US has to be permanent.

Let's say you move and don't like it... You're able to move back at any point.

Psyman Feb 26th 2019 10:21 pm

Re: cold feet
 
Your kids may not get shot at school, but they will almost certainly have to go through active shooter training. This alone makes me want to return to the UK. Not sure how I'm going to explain it to my 5 year old this year when he starts school. These days, schools are so nervous, they go into lock down for all kinds of reasons. My local paper had this article last year about the stress it places on kids.

https://www.registerguard.com/news/2...ety-in-schools

penguinsix Feb 28th 2019 2:24 am

Re: cold feet
 
Looking at the US from the 10,000 foot view of being abroad is quite a bit different than living in the USA 24/7. You get the highlights, and more often the 'low lights' of life in America from the media while overseas. It can be different--much different when you are actually here (both good and bad).

Your chances of even seeing a gun being brandished in anger are incredibly low. Like, well, really really really low. You might find some insight from BBC's correspondent who wrote a decade ago about the actual 'safe' feeling many UK tourists come to discover after spending some time in the USA.

BBC NEWS | Programmes | From Our Own Correspondent | America's 'safety catch'


Why is it then that so many Americans - and foreigners who come here - feel that the place is so, well, safe?

A British man I met in Colorado recently told me he used to live in Kent but he moved to the American state of New Jersey and will not go home because it is, as he put it, "a gentler environment for bringing the kids up."

This is New Jersey. Home of the Sopranos.

Brits arriving in New York, hoping to avoid being slaughtered on day one of their shopping mission to Manhattan are, by day two, beginning to wonder what all the fuss was about. By day three they have had had the scales lifted from their eyes.

I have met incredulous British tourists who have been shocked to the core by the peacefulness of the place, the lack of the violent undercurrent so ubiquitous in British cities, even British market towns.

"It seems so nice here," they quaver.

That said, as mentioned above, you will have kids going through 'ACTIVE SHOOTER' drills in school which sometimes can be scary in their own right. Last month a little girl in a drill scrawled a love you mom note on her arm in case she was shot and didn't get a chance to tell her parents. She was 7. Yeah, it can be kind of messed up.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/...rm/2880566002/

https://cimg9.ibsrv.net/gimg/british...a811678be2.jpg
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Hotscot Feb 28th 2019 2:50 am

Re: cold feet
 
I remember almost 20 years ago having cold feet when I left Scotland, my family, my friends, on a cold wet morning at 5.00 am.
I thought to myself, 6 months and I'll go home again.

Cut to four months later... palm trees, beach, sunshine, dinner overlooking the Pacific in December...thinking..why would I want to go home...

Octang Frye Feb 28th 2019 6:34 pm

Re: cold feet
 

Originally Posted by Hotscot (Post 12645259)
I remember almost 20 years ago having cold feet when I left Scotland, my family, my friends, on a cold wet morning at 5.00 am.
I thought to myself, 6 months and I'll go home again.

Cut to four months later... palm trees, beach, sunshine, dinner overlooking the Pacific in December...thinking..why would I want to go home...

Funny how that works...

Georgieb Mar 1st 2019 11:13 am

Re: cold feet
 
Thank you so much, I really needed to hear this, I have been so worried, I have always been that kind of person to just give anything ago, but it has been hard when someone so close has such a downer on what you want. You have all been so kind, and you are right,, England isn't going anywhere xx

teza Mar 1st 2019 11:13 am

Re: cold feet
 

Originally Posted by Octang Frye (Post 12644386)
Worried about shootings in schools? The "epidemic" of gun violence? Pfft. It's a myth. Gun violence has been trending down and is at its lowest level in 20 years. The US isn't even in the top 10,
despite what the media would have you believe. Your odds of dying in a school shooting are so infinitesimally small it's not even worth thinking about.
Contrasted with 100,000 deaths per year from doctor's malpractice....

It's normal to get cold feet - to um and err etc. I always get those before a move or a job change etc. If you don't try it, you'll regret it, and become resentful of your spouse. The other woman sounds jealous. Cook a snoot at her and do it. So many people come on this forum and would give their right arm to have the opportunity that is being afforded you. You would really be a fool to not make the most of it.

https://edition.cnn.com/2018/05/21/u...rnd/index.html
out of interest, please name the worst 10 countries as all the rest of the world hears is United States

Harveyspecter Mar 1st 2019 1:28 pm

Re: cold feet
 

Originally Posted by Georgieb (Post 12644202)
Hi all,,, soooo we were supposed to be moving to Florida before summer this year, but the process has been delayed a bit and so we should be moving the end of the year (fingers crossed) Anyways there is someone in our lives who continues to be a bit horrid about it all, I have a feeling that its mainly because her other half has always wanted to move but she refuses,, anyway,, I digress, the problem is though I think its starting to sink in with my husband, he is increasingly worried about shootings in schools, being 'alone' wondering if we should just stay here and other what I call normal concerns. However they have mainly cropped up since this other person keeps putting her 2 pennies worth in with the sly digs and comments. Has anyone else had issues with their halves having doubts? How do you deal with this, without upsetting people? ;)

What others have said. Yes it's perfectly normal to feel nervous like you are getting cold feet. It's a huge step! Being alone is what you make of it, you can either embrace being somewhere new and meeting cool new people or lament that you aren't back in your comfort zone. I love it out here and wouldn't ever want to move back to my old life. Only a small handful of people I know own guns out here and the school shooting issue while horrible, is jumped on by the sensationalist media when there are a lot of other things that kill more people. Sure, you go out here and know that potentially you could get caught up in something like that but the odds are so small it's not worth worrying about.

I had animosity from a few family members but once they realised I was happier out here they backed off. It's your life, and don't let other people affect your dreams.


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