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Child Support - Life Over?

Child Support - Life Over?

Old Jan 31st 2007, 2:54 pm
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Default Child Support - Life Over?

I'll cut to the chase and hope that nobody will take the chance to hit me with any morality speeches. In a nutshell, I am over in the US on a H1-B visa, and after a brief love affair with a co-worker, I made a very dumb mistake and she is now pregnant.

Unfortunately, her attitude has been very, very poor and potentially detrimental to my future. She has called the pregnancy 'jackpot', claiming that she will be seeking the full 25% child support payment from my salary, plus child health insurance payments - worst of all, after some basic research, it seems that I am not allowed to leave the USA at all in the future as this would be seen as a criminal offence and attempt to "evade payment".

My career goal was only to be here for four years before returning to the UK to start my own business. Am I now trapped? Do I have any rights as a non-US citizen? I feel I have been suckered in by this woman, and I can't afford to have 25% of my salary deducted, not to mention confiscation of my passport.

Any advice for a very desperate man? Thank you all.
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Old Jan 31st 2007, 2:56 pm
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Default Re: Child Support - Life Over?

Lawyer up. Fast.
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Old Jan 31st 2007, 3:05 pm
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Default Re: Child Support - Life Over?

Originally Posted by another bloody yank
Lawyer up. Fast.
I'd love to. I hear all the time people referring to "my lawyer this" and "consulted my lawyer that" as though they were $4.99 teller services. Unfortunately, most lawyers I have approached have asked for $250 consultations and equally extortinate fees.

In short, I can't afford one! What a damn mess.
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Old Jan 31st 2007, 3:08 pm
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Default Re: Child Support - Life Over?

Originally Posted by Nitchwatchdoodle
Any advice for a very desperate man? Thank you all.
Chose from the following:
- Consult a lawyer
- Do a runner
- Invite her round to your house for a 'chat' and leave a skateboard at the top of the stairs
- Stay and pay up
- Stay and quit your job. If you don't have anything you can't pay up.

I think that's pretty much it in a nutshell.
Its a toughie all right, as if she is a complete nutter whether you like it or not she will be bringing up YOUR kid.
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Old Jan 31st 2007, 3:09 pm
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Default Re: Child Support - Life Over?

Originally Posted by Nitchwatchdoodle
I'd love to. I hear all the time people referring to "my lawyer this" and "consulted my lawyer that" as though they were $4.99 teller services. Unfortunately, most lawyers I have approached have asked for $250 consultations and equally extortinate fees.

In short, I can't afford one! What a damn mess.
If you can't afford $250 for a lawyer she's hardly hit much of a jackpot, has she ???
(No offence intended)
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Old Jan 31st 2007, 3:10 pm
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Default Re: Child Support - Life Over?

Lawyer up.

I know you think it is to expensive but you are now in this situation:

Cost of a lawyer vs 25% of your salary for the rest of your life.
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Old Jan 31st 2007, 3:15 pm
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Default Re: Child Support - Life Over?

Originally Posted by Nitchwatchdoodle
In short, I can't afford one!
You can't afford not to.
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Old Jan 31st 2007, 3:16 pm
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Default Re: Child Support - Life Over?

Yes, do get a lawyer. The child is not born yet; there has been no paternity test, etc. I would not speak to your colleague nor would I listen to her.

That said:

1) You were not suckered. You had consensual sex without adequate protection. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

2) You have fathered a child, and you have a responsibility to support that child. The amount and duration that are *recommended* vary state-by-state. These issues are best settled privately and not in court as this will cost you significant amounts of money.

3) Assuming you don't want to remain in regular contact with the child or retain legal rights to decisions regarding the child, and you pay whatever child support you agree to or are court-ordered to pay, you can live anywhere in the world you please. But don't burn your bridges: you may later wish to get to know your child. If paternity is established and you are named on the birth certificate, you can register the birth with the UK government so that the child will have the right to reside in the UK at a later date.

4) The only person I feel sorry for is the child, with a mother who sees it as a "jackpot" and a father who feels "desparate and trapped."

5) I am constantly amazed at both men and women who are in their 20s and 30s and are somehow surprised when a child is conceived. That's what happens when you have sex.

Good luck with your lawyer consultation and any paternity/child support hearings.
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Old Jan 31st 2007, 3:17 pm
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Default Re: Child Support - Life Over?

Originally Posted by Nitchwatchdoodle
- worst of all, after some basic research, it seems that I am not allowed to leave the USA at all in the future as this would be seen as a criminal offence and attempt to "evade payment".
You can leave whenever you want! Might not be a good idea to return to the US , though, as they do arrest warrants for "deadbeat dads".

In fact, if you leave before the birth and refuse to have anything to do with the process, I'd guess she'd pretty well be up the creek without a paddle. Depends whether you want anything to do with your new child or not.
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Old Jan 31st 2007, 3:18 pm
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Default Re: Child Support - Life Over?

Originally Posted by Nitchwatchdoodle
In short, I can't afford one! What a damn mess.
You're here on an H-1B (highly skilled worker) visa and you can't afford a lawyer's consultation fee?

BTW in Texas the usual amount for one child is 20% of your salary. Laws vary state to state and you may reach a settlement that is different. Without a lawyer you are in a very poor position to negotiate or to make sure that all legal avenues are explored.
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Old Jan 31st 2007, 3:22 pm
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Default Re: Child Support - Life Over?

Originally Posted by Nitchwatchdoodle
it seems that I am not allowed to leave the USA at all in the future as this would be seen as a criminal offence and attempt to "evade payment".
That doesn't sound right. You can travel. In fact, many states have arrangements with the UK for joint-enforcement of Child Support (a list is here: http://travel.state.gov/law/info/info_608.html)

I would tell her you are going to seek custody and she should plan on giving you 25% of her wages. Actually, have your lawyer tell her that. That's where the fun begins.

And I second a hell of a lot of what snowbunny said....
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Old Jan 31st 2007, 3:27 pm
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Default Re: Child Support - Life Over?

Originally Posted by BigDavyG
- Stay and quit your job. If you don't have anything you can't pay up.
If he's on an H1B and quits, he'll be here without status and if doesn't leave, will be deported...problem solved

But yeah, lawyer up....check christian charities, you might find a pro bono family lawyer
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Old Jan 31st 2007, 3:30 pm
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Default Re: Child Support - Life Over?

Originally Posted by penguinsix
I would tell her you are going to seek custody and she should plan on giving you 25% of her wages. Actually, have your lawyer tell her that. That's where the fun begins.
I like the sound of that one - fight fire with fire as they say.
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Old Jan 31st 2007, 3:31 pm
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Default Re: Child Support - Life Over?

Originally Posted by BigDavyG
I like the sound of that one - fight fire with fire as they say.
Yes, but beware: if she fights back with fire, the legal costs will be tremendous. Demanding sole custody by one parent if the other does not agree = $$$$$$$$$.
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Old Jan 31st 2007, 3:37 pm
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Default Re: Child Support - Life Over?



You could always get a 'hail mary' by taking her in a hot tub.
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