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Can things get much worse? :( - long post)

Can things get much worse? :( - long post)

Old Jan 12th 2006, 8:27 pm
  #16  
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Default Re: Can things get much worse? :( - long post)

Originally Posted by snowbunny
I have panic disorder with agoraphobia. I started out, 15 years ago, room-bound. From that point I have managed to become, to the outside world, fully-functional.
A kindred spirit, of sorts.

I have suffered from depression since I was about 13, and started suffering from anxiety and panic attacks in 1998. Within a year I was having lots of problems coping with it. My sleep was disrupted by my constant rumination, stomach always felt like it was tied up in knots. I developed a phobia of being a passenger in a car (something I still struggle with today). It was not unusual for me to go for days without bathing, brushing my teeth, getting properly dressed. I cut myself off from people and didn't like to interact with others. I was a mess.

However, strangely enough, also in 1998 I decided to return to college and get a degree in graphic design. My then-husband was very supportive and paid for my tuition and supplies. I wasn't well enough to get a job, even part-time, but school was a completely different story. I never missed class. I never missed an assignment. For the first time in my life, I had a perfect grade point average: 4.0/4.0. I got into the academic honor society. My design work was used to help promote the college's graphic design program. And when I was doing all of this, I was completely calm, functioning and, best of all, HAPPY.

Outwardly it looked like I had everything together. But it was only when I was attending college and classes and working on design assignments that I was my normal self. When I wasn't doing those things, I had a hard time doing anything at all. It ruined my marriage; my husband (my HS sweetheart) and I divorced after 4½ years of marriage and 12 years together when I was only 27 years old. Imagine the shock of our friends and family!

But as you know, feeling trapped and forced into a bad situation makes everything so much worse.
I couldn't have said it better myself. That's why, from practically the moment I decided to resign from my current job, the dark cloud seemed to lift and drift away. For the first time in nearly a year I felt positive about my life and where it was heading. Even with this whole disability BS, I still feel that way.

Sounds as if the person on the other line was making a medical decision overruling your doctor. Her diagnosis that you are high-functioning enough to work is unethical.
I agree. That's why I can't wait to tell my doctors about this. I think they'll be really ticked off to hear the denial reason I was given. At least I HOPE they'll feel this way! I need an advocate in my corner.

Jenney, I have a customer support job and I do know how very stressful it is. The only bright spot is that you don't need to keep a given job to file the I-864 AOS, right? I like my job, but it does scare me that I need to keep it long enough to file the I-864!
Yeah -- I actually took the call center job so I could meet the income requirements for the I-864. I never intended on being there more than a year or so. I just "celebrated" my three-year anniversary, albeit from home. We're applying for Mark's removal of conditions in March, so we're long past the affidavit of support phase. And you're right, that's a relief.

I know that you know that you'll have to appeal and spend more time and stress on what is already a very stressful matter for you. But there are people out here who really do understand what you are going through.
You're right -- I do know that. Just like you know that once your plane lands after your trans-Atlantic flight, you'll feel good and proud of yourself for facing your fears and going through with it. Good luck with that; you'll be ok.

~ Jenney
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Old Jan 12th 2006, 8:31 pm
  #17  
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Default Re: Can things get much worse? :( - long post)

Jenney
Can I just ask, and please don't think that I'm being rude here - if you're married to a Brit and seem to have a lot of stress related issues living in the US why not move to the UK where many people think that life in general is a bit more relaxed ??

Just asking, and good luck with the new job and your claim
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Old Jan 12th 2006, 8:44 pm
  #18  
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Default Re: Can things get much worse? :( - long post)

Originally Posted by BigDavyG
Jenney
Can I just ask, and please don't think that I'm being rude here - if you're married to a Brit and seem to have a lot of stress related issues living in the US why not move to the UK where many people think that life in general is a bit more relaxed ??

Just asking, and good luck with the new job and your claim
Not rude at all, but a valid and thoughtful question.

I would LOVE to live in the UK. LOVE TO. In fact, if I'd had my choice, I would've emigrated to the UK to be with Mark, not the other way around. Unfortunately that wasn't a practical option then and still isn't now.

We are SO much in debt that we can't afford to go away for the weekend, let alone move to another country. God, I can't believe the debt we're in; it's scary. Being on unpaid leave for 4+ months hasn't helped. We have a household full of stuff here (99% of which I brought into the marriage) and we just wouldn't be able to move it all over there, nor would we make enough money from selling everything off in order to move to the UK and start over there.

On top of all that, our dog is almost 11 years old and I don't know that she would do well with the whole doggie immigration thing, or the international flight to England, either. (You can read my horror story of bringing Andie back to the States with me from Chile back in 1997.) If she was younger, maybe... But as an 11-year-old large breed dog (Akita), Andie has already entered the senior citizen phase of her life, and lots of change would probably be detrimental to her. I don't think I could do that to her.

At this point it makes more sense for us to wait it out at least until Mark becomes a USC; he's eligible for naturalization next year. That way we at least have one less thing to worry about: US immigration. Mark would be able to come and go freely between the US and UK if needed.

It has always been a goal of mine for us to live in the UK someday. It's just not something I can accomplish now. But I'll get there, eventually. Somehow I just know that I would feel more "at home" there then I ever have in the States.

~ Jenney
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Old Jan 12th 2006, 8:48 pm
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Default Re: Can things get much worse? :( - long post)

Originally Posted by Jenney & Mark

It has always been a goal of mine for us to live in the UK someday. It's just not something I can accomplish now. But I'll get there, eventually. Somehow I just know that I would feel more "at home" there then I ever have in the States.
I feel this way too, though I always wonder if the agoraphobia would ever make me panic to go back Stateside. Also, I'd miss my doctors and specific medication here....

I do wish people who didn't have agoraphobia or panic disorder could even begin to understand how it can take over your life and your decision making, even if it's completely under control, as is mine, short of shitting myself about making that damned flight! (ROUND-TRIP! alone!)
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Old Jan 12th 2006, 8:51 pm
  #20  
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Default Re: Can things get much worse? :( - long post)

Originally Posted by Jenney & Mark
At this point it makes more sense for us to wait it out at least until Mark becomes a USC; he's eligible for naturalization next year. That way we at least have one less thing to worry about: US immigration. Mark would be able to come and go freely between the US and UK if needed.

It has always been a goal of mine for us to live in the UK someday. It's just not something I can accomplish now. But I'll get there, eventually. Somehow I just know that I would feel more "at home" there then I ever have in the States.

~ Jenney
Cool. Good idea to wait for your OH's naturalization to come through.
As for your debt, well I have no idea who you are in debt too, but if its not friends or family I wouldn't think twice about letting the ******* whistle for it if you do ever decide to make the move.
Sure you can save enough to ship whatever you want including yourselves them just vamoose. It may not be the ideal situation but why let money stand in the way of your happiness.

Good luck with whatever your plans are for the future - I'm sure it'll all work out for you in the end.
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Old Jan 12th 2006, 9:41 pm
  #21  
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Default Re: Can things get much worse? :( - long post)

Originally Posted by snowbunny
I do wish people who didn't have agoraphobia or panic disorder could even begin to understand how it can take over your life and your decision making, even if it's completely under control, as is mine, short of shitting myself about making that damned flight! (ROUND-TRIP! alone!)
I know what you mean. My ex-hubby has never had any problems with depression or anxiety, least of all panic disorder. He didn't even have problems with low self-esteem! And as kind as he was, and as supportive as he tried to be, he just told me repeatedly, "Just make the decision to NOT let it bother you." There was nothing I could say to him to make him understand that I was not CHOOSING that behavior, that it wasn't like a switch I could turn on and off. I WISH it was, but it's not.

I think that's why the Susan's justification for her decision not only upsets me but INSULTS me. I am an intelligent, well-educated, well-spoken person. I happen to take pride in my work and (for good or for bad) am a perfectionist. That does not mean that I can't have such intense anxiety that the only relief I get is when I sleep -- and even that's hard to come by. That also doesn't mean that I can't have panic attacks that cause me to severely hyperventilate and have chest pains and all that. The fact that I can put a comprehensive document together (with A LOT of help, remember) does not mean my condition is made-up or nonexistent.

The irony here is that Susan, apparently, is a nurse. Certainly doesn't have the compassion most nurses have, though; maybe that's why she works for an faceless insurance company instead of with patients in a hospital.

~ Jenney
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Old Jan 12th 2006, 9:44 pm
  #22  
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Default Re: Can things get much worse? :( - long post)

Originally Posted by BigDavyG
Cool. Good idea to wait for your OH's naturalization to come through.
As for your debt, well I have no idea who you are in debt too, but if its not friends or family I wouldn't think twice about letting the ******* whistle for it if you do ever decide to make the move.
Sure you can save enough to ship whatever you want including yourselves them just vamoose. It may not be the ideal situation but why let money stand in the way of your happiness.

Good luck with whatever your plans are for the future - I'm sure it'll all work out for you in the end.

I know what you're saying, but I just couldn't bring myself to skip town and not pay back what I owe. (Several credit card balances, an auto loan and personal loan.) That's just not in my nature. Plus, moving to the UK would not necessarily be a permanent thing; I wouldn't want to ruin my credit by avoiding my financial obligations. That would cause me -- and Mark -- tons of stress that we would prefer to avoid!

Thanks for the encouragement. This'll all work itself out, one way or another.

~ Jenney
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Old Jan 12th 2006, 11:56 pm
  #23  
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Default Re: Can things get much worse? :( - long post)

I was sorry to hear of your plight and the BS that surrounded the filing of the claim. I work for a medium sized law firm and my boss' specialty is car wreck cases and worker's comp claims. It never ceases to amaze me what cases get through and what don't. I would certainly not let the subject drop. If you had not been as thorough they probably would have denied the claim on the grounds of "insufficient information".

What truly amazes me is that many insurance companies rely on the judgment of an RN, yes an RN to go over medical records and then advise whether a claim is to be accepted or denied. I have seen several cases where an orthopaedic surgeon has documented over a long period of time a person's injuries yet an RN at some insurance company seems to feel she is far more qualified to decide whether a person is capable or incapable of working without even seeing the patient. On one case my boss wrote to an RN asking her whether she was certified by the Board of Orthopaedic Surgeons which enabled her to dispute a reputable surgeon's report.

Like all insurance companies whether they are health, life, worker's comp, auto or disability policies they all have certain procedures that have to be followed otherwise they will deny claims. It is worth reading all the small print on any type of policy well in advance so you can be reasonably informed if you ever need to claim. A prime example of this is worker's comp claims. If you do not get approval from the worker's comp carrier to go and see a doctor for a work related injury (they usually specify one or give you a list to choose from) they will not pay for it.

Jenney, good luck. I hope you are able to get something sorted out.
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Old Jan 13th 2006, 1:49 am
  #24  
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Default Re: Can things get much worse? :( - long post)

I used to work for the civil service (disability benefits) in the UK and I can say that on the initial application and even a review we skirted the law in 50/50 cases ....only if they took it to appeal did we fully go into it. I'm sorry -it's just how we were trained and is one of the reasons I got out of it.

So I would say appeal, appeal, appeal. I tell everyone to ask for a review and appeal (not sure the US equivalent)!

I wish you all the best.
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Old Jan 13th 2006, 2:48 am
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Default Re: Can things get much worse? :( - long post)

Originally Posted by Lynne
What truly amazes me is that many insurance companies rely on the judgment of an RN, yes an RN to go over medical records and then advise whether a claim is to be accepted or denied. ... On one case my boss wrote to an RN asking her whether she was certified by the Board of Orthopaedic Surgeons which enabled her to dispute a reputable surgeon's report.
I love what you said in your last sentence! I should ask Dr K to call Susan up and ask her what sort of certification she has to make judgement calls on claims involving mental illness. (I hate that term, but I guess that's what it is, isn't it?)

But because I knew that whoever would be reviewing my case was NOT a specialist, was NOT an expert in panic disorder like Dr K is, I included some additional items for them to consider. I included Dr K's professional credentials from his book. I included a chart explaining the 13 most common symptoms of a panic attack, showed which ones I personally experience, and wrote a small bit about how long my attacks last, how frequently I have them, etc. I also included a few excerpts (2-3 sentences each) from Dr K's book that were in direct relation to my condition.

So I went above and beyond what was actually necessary to include, but I did that conscientiously. It NEVER occured to me that they would see twist that around and decide that my thoroughness was proof that there is nothing actually wrong with me. I'm still quite stunned by it, actually.

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Old Jan 13th 2006, 2:56 am
  #26  
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Default Re: Can things get much worse? :( - long post)

Originally Posted by Jenney & Mark
I love what you said in your last sentence! I should ask Dr K to call Susan up and ask her what sort of certification she has to make judgement calls on claims involving mental illness.
Susan appears to have said implied if you have a mental illness you cannot produce intelligent, logical and quality work. Susan is skating on thin ice in her fanciful notions and misunderstanding of the nature of such illnesses. If you can get it in writing, the sky may fall both on Susan and the company she is representing. Even your oral testimony should be sufficient. Use either state regulatory bodies or mental health action groups to try and dissuade this company from making these despicable acts with those who may be less able to stand up for themselves.
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Old Jan 13th 2006, 9:47 am
  #27  
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Default Re: Can things get much worse? :( - long post)

I say this first as a disclaimer before commenting and that is that you in no way shape in form are similar to these people. Okay?

When a comment is made on normality of behavior, how often has it been said that some of the infamous serial killers, "they" were quiet, kind to their mother types, kept to themselves, etc, etc.......

So,how in hell could that dame say that because you could put one foot in front of the other on this claim, that you were making this up??
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Old Jan 13th 2006, 10:54 am
  #28  
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Default Re: Can things get much worse? :( - long post)

Jenney, I was so sorry to read about your problems. I don't have anything very useful to contribute, but glad that at least Maria seems to be more receptive to your medical evidence than Susan was. Sounds like Susan had made her mind up without really thinking it through - first she told you it was a timeline issue, then a "too thorough to be really disabled" issue. Maybe she had already passed her quota of people she could approve.

Good luck with getting what you need.
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Old Jan 13th 2006, 2:31 pm
  #29  
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Default Re: Can things get much worse? :( - long post)

Originally Posted by snowbunny
My groom is Toontje, a Dutchman, who is a member of this forum.

Jenney, I have a customer support job and I do know how very stressful it is. The only bright spot is that you don't need to keep a given job to file the I-864 AOS, right? I like my job, but it does scare me that I need to keep it long enough to file the I-864!
I just wanted to say, that my hubby changed jobs after we filed the I-864, it didn't seem to make any difference at all. I just bought the new information along with me to my interview & he kept the new stuff for their records, so I really don't think it matters.

All they seem to care is that the money that the USC/sponsor makes puts you over the poverty line, which is pretty easy.
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Old Jan 13th 2006, 4:18 pm
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Default Re: Can things get much worse? :( - long post)

Originally Posted by Partystar
I just wanted to say, that my hubby changed jobs after we filed the I-864, it didn't seem to make any difference at all.
I agree -- I haven't filed the I-864 yet though.
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